communication question

[Larry1]

Ok Billy, here he responds:

 "1 week prior to this incident, she had done the same thing, wasting about 70 minutes of my time, after she herself set the time to chat. After this, we both talked and I explained how I could speak with her in the middle of my business day, but, need a set time in order to re-arrange other tasks and errands. So this was the second time in about 1 week that she had behaved in this way. The Skype date that she proposed, was after I had logged off of skype after this second case of non-appearance on chat. I haven't communicated with her since logging off. Note also that she was at home, doesn't have a job that runs into the evening, and it was about 10PM her time when I went to the car to start the chat."

[Gator]

and by the wa- when next time u will lie that u go to woman-dont say her that it is cheaper to go to her country than for another-it is awfull

Huge red flag!  She wants the first meeting to be a holiday at a resort.  And it stuck in her craw when he refused. 

I would wager that she mentioned this in their early conversations.

[Faux Pas]

Ok Billy, here he responds:

 "1 week prior to this incident, she had done the same thing, wasting about 70 minutes of my time, after she herself set the time to chat. After this, we both talked and I explained how I could speak with her in the middle of my business day, but, need a set time in order to re-arrange other tasks and errands. So this was the second time in about 1 week that she had behaved in this way. The Skype date that she proposed, was after I had logged off of skype after this second case of non-appearance on chat. I haven't communicated with her since logging off. Note also that she was at home, doesn't have a job that runs into the evening, and it was about 10PM her time when I went to the car to start the chat."

Is that the truth finally coming out or did I miss that earlier in the thread? I see this as proof that my instinct was correct. Kick that one to da'curb

[LiveFromUkraine]

Yesterday I posted the girl's final messages. I was premature. she sent these messages today:

What happend?maybe u a weak man who quickly dissapeared or u have other woman-i think u used that young trusty women go to u first-as for example ur ex girl who went to another country(Ukraine)to see u-but dont think that other women will do the same,strong man will find the way go to her place-i thought u are serious man and we could be friends but u did like a boy

and by the wa- when next time u will lie that u go to woman-dont say her that it is cheaper to go to her country than for another-it is awfull

Mr and Mrs Bo was right about low class.   

[Larry1]

Huge red flag!  She wants the first meeting to be a holiday at a resort.  And it stuck in her craw when he refused. 

I would wager that she mentioned this in their early conversations.

I understand why you concluded this from her cryptic remark but she was referring to something else. she wasn't asking him to take her on a vacation.

Here is his response:

"Actually Gator's interpretation is mistaken (although I understand that I didn't provide context). She was referring to a case I had told her about, a previous FSUW , where I paid the ticket of a Russian woman to come to Kiev to meet me, because I was worried about how long a Russian visa would take to get. Since the cost of the visa and the ticket was about the same, that Russian woman agreed to a mini-holiday in Kiev. There were time constraints, not money constraints. The girl who wrote that misinterpreted what I said and assumed I was somehow dissing Ukraine as being a cheaper (thus lower-value) country to visit than Russia, apparently."

[southernX]

Ok Billy, here he responds:

 "1 week prior to this incident, she had done the same thing, wasting about 70 minutes of my time, after she herself set the time to chat. After this, we both talked and I explained how I could speak with her in the middle of my business day, but, need a set time in order to re-arrange other tasks and errands. So this was the second time in about 1 week that she had behaved in this way. The Skype date that she proposed, was after I had logged off of skype after this second case of non-appearance on chat. I haven't communicated with her since logging off. Note also that she was at home, doesn't have a job that runs into the evening, and it was about 10PM her time when I went to the car to start the chat."

did we miss this above earlier in the thread ??  or is that a new addition to the story from him that he wants to add in now to confirm he was correct ??

if it is correct then why did he not advise us earlier ??  that puts a different light on it imo and thus he should have acted as per BB advised him , which is what I have done many times back when making contacts/dating in the early stages 

just terminate the contact, offer them good luck & your best wishes  into the future on their success
chalk it up to experience and play on

SX

[BillyB]

Ok Billy, here he responds:

 "1 week prior to this incident, she had done the same thing, wasting about 70 minutes of my time, after she herself set the time to chat. After this, we both talked and I explained how I could speak with her in the middle of my business day, but, need a set time in order to re-arrange other tasks and errands. So this was the second time in about 1 week that she had behaved in this way. The Skype date that she proposed, was after I had logged off of skype after this second case of non-appearance on chat. I haven't communicated with her since logging off. Note also that she was at home, doesn't have a job that runs into the evening, and it was about 10PM her time when I went to the car to start the chat."

Two incidences in one week. No complaints about her being late on the other meetings so it's not all bad and it must of been good enough for him to make a commitment to visit her. There were times my wife and I agreed on a time for a phone chat but for whatever reason I couldn't make it or she couldn't make it or the phone failed to perform. We never had a blowup over missed meetings. Life can be unpredictable.

The last time the woman came to the Skype session, she had to step away from the computer and apologized for being 20 minutes late on her return. Do you really need to know why she had to step away from the computer? Maybe she had to change a tampon and shower or take a dump? Regardless if she didn't have a valid excuse to step away from the computer, he should be a real man and make a quick decision to accept the apology or reject it and tell her goodbye. The 3 days of playing silent treatment is childish.

Will the guy have courage to tell the lady "goodbye" or will he remain silent forever?

Huge red flag!  She wants the first meeting to be a holiday at a resort.  And it stuck in her craw when he refused. 

I would wager that she mentioned this in their early conversations.

It's hard to understand her writing but he gave Larry an explanation. In the same message she said "strong man will find the way go to her place". That means she wants him to visit her in his hometown. It could be that she is family oriented and would let him meet her family and friends.

[Faux Pas]

Ok Billy, here he responds:

 "1 week prior to this incident, she had done the same thing, wasting about 70 minutes of my time, after she herself set the time to chat. After this, we both talked and I explained how I could speak with her in the middle of my business day, but, need a set time in order to re-arrange other tasks and errands. So this was the second time in about 1 week that she had behaved in this way. The Skype date that she proposed, was after I had logged off of skype after this second case of non-appearance on chat. I haven't communicated with her since logging off. Note also that she was at home, doesn't have a job that runs into the evening, and it was about 10PM her time when I went to the car to start the chat."

Just for further clarification, that is bad behavior and bad manners. That's what you can expect from bad people.

Gator and Alex, she would never admit it. I would wager she never saw herself as the offender. She's a bad seed and dude should thank his stars he found out and she could hide her true colors

[BillyB]

dude should thank his stars

And every woman in the world should thank their lucky stars they don't get involved with a guy who has anger management problems that will get them the silent treatment for 3 days and counting over two Skype sessions that didn't go smooth.

One reason my marriage is smooth without drama is because I don't throw a fit over the little stuff. In return I get the "real man" label and lots of loving. One thing I'd recommend to the guy and others who seem to make a mountains out of a mole hills and incapable of accepting apologies is that they take a chill pill.

[Larry1]

And every woman in the world should thank their lucky stars they don't get involved with a guy who has anger management problems that will get them the silent treatment for 3 days and counting over two Skype sessions that didn't go smooth.

I had to laugh at this. The guy is the complete opposite of a guy with anger management problems. He has the most phlegmatic personality of any guy I know. He just concluded that this girl wasn't behaving well toward him and was consequently not someone he wanted to pursue.

[JayH]

I had to laugh at this. The guy is the complete opposite of a guy with anger management problems. He has the most phlegmatic personality of any guy I know. He just concluded that this girl wasn't behaving well toward him and was consequently not someone he wanted to pursue.

I don't agree L--his nose was so far out of joint  is does equal anger. At the very least he was extremely pi...d off over it all.

[BillyB]

The guy is the complete opposite of a guy with anger management problems.

The guy could not accept an apology with class and he wanted revenge by making her pay with the silent treatment. There's no doubt in my mind he wanted to make a statement and make her feel his pain. For three days she tried to reach out to him but he wouldn't respond. I still don't understand why he wanted to post his story here. Did he want people to validate his actions as proper? Seems to me some here think he's entirely right with no faults. Some people think they're helping him by giving him tips to dump the woman when in fact he needs tips to change his attitude and be a real man. I don't expect him to like what I'm saying but if he makes changes, he will increase his chances of success with any lady.

[JayH]

The guy could not accept an apology with class and he wanted revenge by making her pay with the silent treatment. There's no doubt in my mind he wanted to make a statement and make her feel his pain. For three days she tried to reach out to him but he wouldn't respond. I still don't understand why he wanted to post his story here. Did he want people to validate his actions as proper? Seems to me some here think he's entirely right with no faults. Some people think they're helping him by giving him tips to dump the woman when in fact he needs tips to change his attitude and be a real man. I don't expect him to like what I'm saying but if he makes changes, he will increase his chances of success with any lady.

 

[Larry1]

The guy could not accept an apology with class and he wanted revenge by making her pay with the silent treatment. There's no doubt in my mind he wanted to make a statement and make her feel his pain. For three days she tried to reach out to him but he wouldn't respond. I still don't understand why he wanted to post his story here. Did he want people to validate his actions as proper? Seems to me some here think he's entirely right with no faults. Some people think they're helping him by giving him tips to dump the woman when in fact he needs tips to change his attitude and be a real man. I don't expect him to like what I'm saying but if he makes changes, he will increase his chances of success with any lady.

I suggested that he post the story because I thought guys in the search would be more interested in a thread about an incident in a fsuw search than they would be about yet more posts on american politics.  A longtime member suggested that he would be flamed, a prediction that turned out to be prescient.  My suggestion then was to do it anonymously.

[alex330]

Why do you think she made the first mistake?

I obviously do not know all the details and we don't know her side of the story, but I would not be interested after being blown off twice. It shows a lack of respect and interest.

I want to pursue a woman who is interested in me. I want one who stays up all night just to talk to me for a few minutes. I want a woman who is reliable. Especially in an international relationship.

Being late I understand, my wife is hours late every time we show up. Heck, dinner is usually over by the time we arrive. But let the person know you are running behind. 

[Boethius]

I don't think the time difference is such a big deal.  However, from her side, she is expecting him to drop everything based on her timetable.  There is no consideration for his time, or understanding, but rather, insults.  Why should he apologize because he wasn't waiting around 24/7 to speak to her?

[JayH]

  Why should he apologize because he wasn't waiting around 24/7 to speak to her?

Because he is being incredibly petty/
It was not so much about apologising-- but finishing contact over it.

[Boethius]

Why?  Because she is too stupid to realize he can't see her requests to talk when he is offline, and then, within 45 minutes, decides to insult him?  Really, how hard is it to note he is "offline"?  Or that there is a time difference in their communication, and he may be working?  She was rude and entitled.  Why should anyone be expected to indulge that, particularly with someone who is a virtual stranger?

[BillyB]

Why?  Because she is too stupid to realize he can't see her requests to talk when he is offline, and then, within 45 minutes, decides to insult him?  Really, how hard is it to note he is "offline"?

You're at the point of this debate of making things up. Just because he doesn't want to talk doesn't mean he turned off Skype. I'm not an expert in Skype but he probably got it turned on in his phone and can type a message or two while back in his office. In two separate messages she asked "Are you here?" In another message she asked "I'm ready to talk". There's no reason for her to waste her time typing if he's physically at the phone/computer if he's offline. When she was late for the last meeting, he should have left her a message. "I have to go back to work. Talk to you later." At least she had the common courtesy to tell the guy she's leaving the computer and will return.

  A longtime member suggested that he would be flamed, a prediction that turned out to be prescient. 

If there was no hint of him doing anything wrong, nobody would suggest he get flamed. If he's a better person after it, then he wins. Everybody here is as anonymous as they want to or maybe he wanted to give us the silent treatment too?

In two weeks of communication I see nothing that will want me to visit or dismiss the girl. Because she was late a week ago and it bothered him, that means they only had one week of solid communication he liked before telling her he was going to visit. What was it that he liked about her so much to make that commitment or did he make the commitment after the first time she was late?

[Steamer]

If there was no hint of him doing anything wrong, nobody would suggest he get flamed.

Unless he should have a contrary opinion.

[Jumper]

You're at the point of this debate of making things up

lol Well so are you?
You have your view so are arranging  * things * around it.
We are all likely guilty of that.
Since I saw the girls comments from the man in chat maybe I have more context
to get my negative impression of her.

He was at work, she knew he was at work,and that he had to take a specific
segment of time to talk to her.
He had let her set the time, then she again flaked.
 This scenario had been gone once  prior, no big deal,
but  it's clear he had gone over this, and why he couldn't wait past the scheduled times
 they had previously agreed on.

She shows up considerably later, and anyone with half a brain would understand he had simply returned to work. The time stamps show when she replied,and how.
Instead of scheduling a new time, she insulted him about not still being there.

 I do absolutely agree men shouldn't over react or get bent over trifles,
it's just a beginning cross cultural communication over several time zones.
but in my opinion you are over white knighting this one, and twisting what went down , all over a girl that while she may have apologized in one sentence, she also insulted him before he would have had reasonable time to get back to her to set up another chat.
 She's the one that was late, why would she expect him to still be on skype?
even if logged in (which i am certain he was not) he may not be able to be at his
PC at all moments in the work place, or if at it, he may be working with a collegue on some other work relateed window qnd not be answering Skype.
 So why did she jump to to the conclusion he was ignoring her from simply not being there  an hour after the time they had arranged when she knew with certainty he was working and had limited time.
  You act like they never went over this previously,  when it's clear that they did, so her reaction, 45 minutes later was weird and rude out of the blue. She had zero reason to be insulting,and choose to be.

Yes he could have typed a note to her - I had to return to work -
before signing off or leaving the PC..etc.

 So yes I would have gotten back to her, likely in a polite way,
 but it would certainly have been to move on politely.


Billy, I spoke with my wife from work often, when time allowed , or while also doing other stuff, but she was well aware I was at work, and might drop chat for a call or whatever reason at any moment and might not be back in any reasonably time, or ever, that day.
I dint always have time to tell why, or even poka/poka.
That was from day one, not two weeks into chatting.

 I never once had her insult me over anything like that, and certainly not  because she was late,  and i wasn't there to fit her schedule that was unknown and not prearranged.
 As far as late, she was never late to any date or scheduled event.

While you do have a point,maybe a couple,
 you are also making excuses for this girl -
and I mean девушка with its implied tone and meaning there   

He could have handled the closing  better, i'm not trying to make excuses for him either,
but I certainly would not have continued with her regardless.
Nor would I want to date people she hangs out with, birds of a feather.

 To me, she just comes across as the stereotypical hypercritical, high maintenance (emotionally) immature FSUW that enjoys a bit of daily drama, and is proud of it.

My guess is if he continued he would find out how deep that ran.
If she continued with him, she'd be more apt to just go further
as shes shown in the continuing insults.
 Most  FSUW I know , if they truly were being treated childishly by a man they dint know,and have never met, (your implication and perhaps true) simply wouldn't respond at all.
 So right or *wronged* she is still replying insultingly, and showing a characteristic that it's doubtful he would want in a partner.
 
 

[ML]

I didn't always have time to tell why, or even poka/poka.

I doubt you could poka/poka since you were on a phone/skype line.

But you could say or not say:  Paka  pronounced pahka.

[Jumper]

I doubt you could poka/poka since you were on a phone/skype line.

But you could say or not say:  Paka  pronounced pahka.

 We did use skype, but other things as well, often it was vid chat, where you see /can't hear , and can only type. In any case, ifone of my employees , or a customer ,came in my office and needed immediate assistance with something..
since she knew I was working , and my plan would be to return at some point,
no  I wouldn't necessarily say goodbye, in anyway you'd want to transliterate it into latin characters.
 You are assuming a bit of the situation. If in Skype, she could see or hear someone come to my office and understood if I addressed them ,their concerns,
 and got up to go assist them and do my job.
 She dint expect me to say *Hey wait a minute ,I need to tell this woman  on the internet good bye.*

and for what its worth , many RW transliterate it poka,
since it's so close Пока.
 I've never happened to see phaka or paka used , although perhaps is and phonetically more accurate

Regardless she'd understand ,if not then i'd use  Cyrillic for known words as it isn't that difficult even for those of us from the uneducated, unwashed, masses.

[BillyB]

lol Well so are you?
You have your view so are arranging  * things * around it.

I'm not an expert on Skype but obviously one can type messages through it and see if a person is online or offline. I do have experience with Mamba and one can see if the person is online or offline. If the person is offline, the person on the other end doesn't type "Are you here?" numerous times. I have stepped away from the computer without turning Mamba off and come back to find messages asking "Are you here?"

Is Skype anything like Mamba where you can tell if the person read your messages? If so, she can tell he read her messages and didn't respond. Silent treatment. He has to read them otherwise he wouldn't be able to post them here. What in the world is he doing reading her messages anyway? If he dumped her days ago, he shouldn't revisit her messages that are piling up. It seems he doesn't want to let her go but make sure she gets payback. My single life was so busy that something like this wouldn't stick with me for more than a minute. Continue to talk with a lady as if nothing happened or severe ties completely by saying goodbye and move on. The guy here doesn't want her to know what he's thinking.

He had let her set the time, then she again flaked.
 

She didn't flake. She showed up for the meeting but had to step away and gave an estimated 10 minutes she'd return. Does he want a guarantee in writing? I've been on the phone with my wife and when an important call is coming in, I'd tell her I'd call her back in a few minutes. Sometimes I won't call back for hours. NEVER has she been mad at me for not calling back at the estimated time. I can see some here people think it's grounds for divorce.

We did use skype, but other things as well, often it was vid chat, where you see /can't hear , and can only type. In any case, ifone of my employees , or a customer ,came in my office and needed immediate assistance with something..
since she knew I was working , and my plan would be to return at some point,
no  I wouldn't necessarily say goodbye,

But you returned and she didn't get mad at you for disappearing unexpectedly without saying a word and punish you with 3 days and counting worth of silent treatment. Big difference between your situation and the guy in question here on how things were handled. You got happily married. This guy will have a hard time keeping friends with his way of handling things.

[Jumper]

If so

  regarding skype.

Since we can make up what happened , and you're choosing one direction,  lol  I'll play devils advocate.

Whether he left skype on his lap top , or turned it off, isn't significant,
as both are addressed by her words not his.

 She did not come back in any reasonable time to expect him to still be waiting or able to *chat* during his work day.
 She did indeed know he was working,so we shouldn't pretend otherwise?   She absolutely knew he was working,
then  asked if he was there, when he dint respond,  instead of naturally assuming he was  working, she decides to take offense and insult him.
Great !! so let's make excuses for her, over him being unavailable to reply at the very moment she decides to return. 

Trust me I completely understand someone could have dropped by to visit her, or called ,and she had to go, and the time went longer than she planned. That's no big deal AT ALL. I wouldn't even bat an eye at that.
  How she handled it immediately upon her return is the issue, as she starts off apologetic, but quickly turns to insulting if he doesn't reply. Why would she expect an immediate reply when she knows he is working and they had discussed this prior.
 You keep skipping right past that, and its a key thing.
 You also keep painting him as offended initially, you nor I know that.
Sure he might have been,but not replying immediately on her return sure isn't showing that.

  What IF (see what you did there ,can be done in reverse?)
He simply got called back into work (since he was in his car not to disturb other employees or the workplace) on something important? Wasn't offended at all.  It is a possibility after all

She comes back on, he isn't looking at the skype window or may not even have it on.Incredibly possible.In fact likely.
 So instead of her assuming the most simple and logical answer, that he is indeed back working as why he isn't responding instantly, she goes into  offense mode and insults him.

Now you could be correct that why he dint reply was he was offended, just over her tardiness, but the facts are she did not wait to find out.
 
If anyone was being easily offended in this case it is obvious she is, regardless if he took first offense which is only an assumption *IF* you give  the scenario an unknown circumstance.
Her's was clear and unreasonable.
 
Afterwards sure he may have been offended by her insults,
and his actions seem to speak to that.

You act like he seriously mishandled this, yet there is no proof he was even offended initially, plenty that she took offense easily.

  While the silent treatment isn't worth bothering with, and seems a bit immature, her words without waiting for clarification , already put her as an easily offended FSUW .
Sure he could choose to deal with it, I sure wouldn't,
and women instinctively know that and generally respect that , the ones that don't, no problem, don't go away mad girl, just go away, that simple.
 I'm easy going and quite reasonable, unless given good  reason to not be. Her getting offended before I even had a chance to respond during my work day? yeah that would put her in the don't go away mad girl pile.