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Author Topic: Trench's Questions and Philosophies  (Read 167634 times)

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Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1450 on: May 18, 2018, 02:37:21 PM »
Trench, it appears you make considerably less than the "average" UK male, and those are "average" salaries. That explains, partly, why you are not attractive to UK females.  You are in your prime earning years.

I don't think your income level, unless you are making double in capital gains, will be sufficient to support an FSUW.  If a UW wanted to live in poverty, she'd stay in Ukraine,  UM offer far more advantages, in similar circumstances, than do you.  One of the "advantages" of WM is you are no longer a hamster on a wheel, living paycheque to paycheque and worrying about every cent spent.

I can earn at least double my wage in capital gains that's why I do it. A lot of this argument has been gone over here before but to restate, UK females are hacking the cr*p out of UK males. They are competing directly with men and it results in a race to the bottom of for almost all to the wage packet. Add to that UK men and women are now swamped with a huge influx of East European workers to compete with and you'll find as a result few UK employers need pay 'good' or even average wages.

Yes you are probably right Boethius, it probably is one of the things that puts UK females of me but I am not alone in that a lot of other UK guys are in the same boat as me. A lot of UK females want to compete with men but want a guy that has the whole set up already, house, good job etc. Some though will get jealous of guys that have the whole set up ad they are competing with them for it. Hence why many UK guys are wary of UK females as you never know if theit intentions are to deprive you of what you have through a sham marriage. It a ludicrous situation, girls go around unable to find the guys they want because they are competing against them for it. My Sister found such when she broke up with her first husband after nine years of marriage in her early-mid thirties - there was a dearth of blokes around that had much financial clout in them at all.

I don't exactly have to live from pay check to pay check but I could not be without a salaried job at the moment or I would not be sale to achieve the independent means I an presently seeking. My plan is that in about a year's time I will be in a lot better place financially. I think most of the UK working population live as a hamster on a wheel, I am looking to get off that wheel which is quite a feat. I own my own property outright so I will BS able to support a FSW so long as she is reasonable in her spending.
No Deal is Ideal, It's a Free Britain we want :)

Offline BdHvA

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1451 on: May 18, 2018, 03:56:14 PM »

I'm still keeping myself pretty flexible as to whether I live there for some time or she comes here as I know some women don't so much wish to leave their hometown. I'm working on gaining income independent of employer so that should help in such a circumstance.


Wouldn't an Essex girl be a better choice for you?

Experierence is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. A. Huxley

Offline DaveNY

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1452 on: May 18, 2018, 04:18:01 PM »
I can see why Trench is insisting that his future wife not work. He's worried that if he married a FSUW she might end up making more than him a few years after she arrives in the UK.

Offline BdHvA

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1453 on: May 18, 2018, 05:33:36 PM »
i think they fail for the same reason everyone fails
it's like chess
some stumble
some are grand masters
play within your means and ability

From J R Capablanca

People who want to improve should take their defeats as lessons, and endeavor to learn what to avoid in the future. You must also have the courage of your convictions. If you think your move is good, make it.

&

A good player is always lucky.


For what it is worth Capablanca was married to a Russian woman.
Experierence is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. A. Huxley

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1454 on: May 18, 2018, 06:00:40 PM »
I can see why Trench is insisting that his future wife not work. He's worried that if he married a FSUW she might end up making more than him a few years after she arrives in the UK.

She probably would.
No Deal is Ideal, It's a Free Britain we want :)

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1455 on: May 18, 2018, 06:14:49 PM »
Just an idea I've just had I'lld like to throw out to you guys. What about putting the suggestion to any future girl about living a year or two in UK then a year or two in Ukraine (or whatever country she is from). Providing of course it's a decent enough area in Ukraine. That way both sides don't have the feeling of being away from family or stuck on another country for too long. Any children will grow up knowing both languages and cultures well. After a few years of doing this one of the country's could be decided upon for a more extended stay. What are your thoughts on this?
No Deal is Ideal, It's a Free Britain we want :)

Offline alex330

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1456 on: May 18, 2018, 06:30:14 PM »
I read that living in a third country is actually the best option. That way you are both challenged together.

Offline DaveNY

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1457 on: May 18, 2018, 06:36:42 PM »
I read that living in a third country is actually the best option. That way you are both challenged together.

I've heard lots of Brits like moving to Australia because the weather's so much better. Maybe Perth or the Gold Coast of Queensland?

Offline alex330

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1458 on: May 18, 2018, 06:53:52 PM »
I've heard lots of Brits like moving to Australia because the weather's so much better. Maybe Perth or the Gold Coast of Queensland?


Up to Trench, but experts suggest a a place where both parties are challenged culturally. Somewhere where they both need to learn a new language is suggested. But that is not always possible with employment of course.


In the end it does not matter if you find the right person. She will follow you anywhere.

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1459 on: May 18, 2018, 06:55:48 PM »
I read that living in a third country is actually the best option. That way you are both challenged together.

I put that idea to the last girl I was with but she eventually became dismissive on the basis that I already had a place I owned in the UK so it wold be easier for her to come to me and for me to stay in the UK. I think the idea of a third country can be a good idea as you state though I think from experience of the last girl the may think something dodgy is going on and it can heighten distrust in her perhaps.
No Deal is Ideal, It's a Free Britain we want :)

Offline alex330

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1460 on: May 18, 2018, 07:10:26 PM »
I put that idea to the last girl I was with but she eventually became dismissive on the basis that I already had a place I owned in the UK so it wold be easier for her to come to me and for me to stay in the UK. I think the idea of a third country can be a good idea as you state though I think from experience of the last girl the may think something dodgy is going on and it can heighten distrust in her perhaps.

It's a very adventurous and romantic idea if you can find a woman open to it. Many women want security though, so can be a difficult suggestion. And some may expect to stay in Four Seasons type accommodations versus a $400 house in Thailand or Latin America, so you need to be very clear from the onset :)



Offline Sting23

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1461 on: May 18, 2018, 07:11:35 PM »
dude worry about finding a girl first before you conjure up all these "grand" ideas.  I doubt you could survive a few months in a foreign country where you don't speak the language.  you better learn how to say "where's the loo" in Russian.

Offline BdHvA

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1462 on: May 18, 2018, 07:31:31 PM »
Up to Trench, but experts suggest a a place where both parties are challenged culturally.

I suspect Trench has enough challenges. Lets not add to his burden.
Experierence is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. A. Huxley

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1463 on: May 18, 2018, 07:32:01 PM »
It makes no sense to me that a third country in which neither party has any roots would provide more security/stability to a marriage.  Not all careers are easily transferable, adapting to one culture is difficult enough, and moving, even within one's own city, is one of the top three most stressful things for individuals.  Add children to that mix, and I can't see it being a net plus to a relationship.

Moving back and forth between countries is a stupid idea, unless the couple is retired.
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline alex330

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1464 on: May 18, 2018, 07:37:57 PM »
It makes no sense to me that a third country in which neither party has any roots would provide more security/stability to a marriage.  Not all careers are easily transferable, adapting to one culture is difficult enough, and moving, even within one's own city, is one of the top three most stressful things for individuals.  Add children to that mix, and I can't see it being a net plus to a relationship.

Moving back and forth between countries is a stupid idea, unless the couple is retired.

It's pretty common for people to move around or live overseas with the internet nowadays.

Agreed that kids ads a level of difficulty, but my parents did it with 9 kids in tow when I was a child. It was challenging but very fulfilling. And things are much easier these days.

I will try to find the study on the third country. It may have even been a book, I don't recall.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1465 on: May 18, 2018, 07:41:53 PM »
I can earn at least double my wage in capital gains that's why I do it. A lot of this argument has been gone over here before but to restate, UK females are hacking the cr*p out of UK males. They are competing directly with men and it results in a race to the bottom of for almost all to the wage packet. Add to that UK men and women are now swamped with a huge influx of East European workers to compete with and you'll find as a result few UK employers need pay 'good' or even average wages.

Yes you are probably right Boethius, it probably is one of the things that puts UK females of me but I am not alone in that a lot of other UK guys are in the same boat as me. A lot of UK females want to compete with men but want a guy that has the whole set up already, house, good job etc. Some though will get jealous of guys that have the whole set up ad they are competing with them for it. Hence why many UK guys are wary of UK females as you never know if theit intentions are to deprive you of what you have through a sham marriage. It a ludicrous situation, girls go around unable to find the guys they want because they are competing against them for it. My Sister found such when she broke up with her first husband after nine years of marriage in her early-mid thirties - there was a dearth of blokes around that had much financial clout in them at all.

I don't exactly have to live from pay check to pay check but I could not be without a salaried job at the moment or I would not be sale to achieve the independent means I an presently seeking. My plan is that in about a year's time I will be in a lot better place financially. I think most of the UK working population live as a hamster on a wheel, I am looking to get off that wheel which is quite a feat. I own my own property outright so I will BS able to support a FSW so long as she is reasonable in her spending.


This is just an excuse on your part.  The overwhelming majority of UK women marry, and have children with, British men. 


The point of not having assets by your late thirties/early forties suggests someone irresponsible.  That is why it would be viewed suspiciously by women.
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1466 on: May 18, 2018, 07:45:08 PM »
It's pretty common for people to move around or live overseas with the internet nowadays.

Agreed that kids ads a level of difficulty, but my parents did it with 9 kids in tow when I was a child. It was challenging but very fulfilling. And things are much easier these days.

I will try to find the study on the third country. It may have even been a book, I don't recall.


Depends on the occupation, and the host country. Moving to Australia, for example, is not particularly easy.  Nor to the UK, nor France, nor Germany, nor Canada, nor even the US, unless you can prove you will employ Americans.


The only people I know who move overseas are businessmen (own businesses or in big corporations), or those teaching English, the latter of which typically is not enough to sustain a lifelong lifestyle for a family.
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline alex330

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1467 on: May 18, 2018, 07:58:02 PM »
Depends on the occupation, and the host country. Moving to Australia, for example, is not particularly easy.  Nor to the UK, nor France, nor Germany, nor Canada, nor even the US, unless you can prove you will employ Americans.

The only people I know who move overseas are businessmen (own businesses or in big corporations), or those teaching English, the latter of which typically is not enough to sustain a lifelong lifestyle for a family.


There are exceptions and yes, some countries are easier than others but anyone with half a brain can move almost anywhere on the planet and survive. It may not be your ideal job but you can work in restaurants, guide tours, work online, bartend, work construction, teach yoga, realtor, wash boats, etc.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1468 on: May 18, 2018, 08:20:14 PM »
Why, if youíre educated and have a good job where you live, would you want to move somewhere else to work at menial labour at probably a quarter or less than you could earn in your own country?

Have you noticed how the overwhelming majority of FSUW who divorce their WM husbands, donít return to the FSU?
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Online BillyB

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1469 on: May 18, 2018, 08:36:48 PM »
Just an idea I've just had I'lld like to throw out to you guys. What about putting the suggestion to any future girl about living a year or two in UK then a year or two in Ukraine (or whatever country she is from). Providing of course it's a decent enough area in Ukraine. That way both sides don't have the feeling of being away from family or stuck on another country for too long. Any children will grow up knowing both languages and cultures well. After a few years of doing this one of the country's could be decided upon for a more extended stay. What are your thoughts on this?

I wouldn't do it. These type of ideas won't help you catch a woman. If you're a winner, you will always have plenty of female attention. If you're a loser, you will have a lot of breakups, be lonely for years, decades, or maybe the rest of your life. Winning is a lot more fun than losing. Figure out how to be a winner. Before changing where you want to live, change yourself....unless you feel you're already winning in life.
There are people that will pass info about you and your family. Do not share info about yourself or share photos as they can search for you on the internet and distribute what they found since they are allowed to participate here.

Offline alex330

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1470 on: May 18, 2018, 09:07:57 PM »
Why, if youíre educated and have a good job where you live, would you want to move somewhere else to work at menial labour at probably a quarter or less than you could earn in your own country?

Have you noticed how the overwhelming majority of FSUW who divorce their WM husbands, donít return to the FSU?


Not saying I would do it at my age and skillset, but for a younger couple or a couple who wants to travel why not? Not everyone wants to wear a suit to work every day. And from the numbers being tossed around in here they would be better off doing menial labor in a tropical location tbh.


Many FSUW that divorce (and we know a bunch recently - many from Russian husbands) do stay here, but we also know quite a few that have returned back to Ukraine actually. I have discussed those cases int he past. Life was better in Ukraine.

Offline Jumper

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1471 on: May 18, 2018, 11:40:10 PM »
This thread seems to miss a staggering fact.
The majority of the world makes far far far less than TC,
Yet they are more than likely married and have families/ children.
Reading here youd think it impossible lol and that only captains of industry have a slim chance at true* lasting  relationships.How odd that seems given the reality of the world.


If marriage/companionship is founded on a transaction of a standard of living,then it's just thst,a transaction. Yes it was common in the past and likely still today  a role in  marriages  at least in part in such, but how big of part is the crux isnt it?

It certainly doesnt mean individuals want to marry and live a life of poverty,
but to think he *must* offer  a standard of living above the average UK ,that he seems capable of is unsettling.
What he can offer is security,a better future opptunity for their children ,himself as a good husband and father.
If that isn't enough (and I've said all along those are the traits he needs to concentrate on)
then he hasn't found the right person for him.
And yes, the right UK woman would be just fine with that well. The a enrage UK women meets and marrys the average UK guy daily, and he had no more or less assets than TC.
There are UK women interested in men with the same or less assets and salary than TC.
They marry them all the time,they have families.
Money is not the real underlying issue.
To imply otherwise seems folly,for TC to think otherwise is equal folly.




Quote from: DaveNY
Trenchcoat you may think that women don't need expensive things however my wife is employed and earns a very good living. She could support herself and our kids easily without my help. Your idea that you should be your family's sole financial support and your future wife should stay at home and not work is crazy. You seem to have no idea how a modern relationship works.



While I agree TC seems to have poor underlying reasons for holding those views,
most of the long term cross cultural couples we know, with children, are that exact family dynamic.
By choice.(choice of both spouses)
The man is the families sole financial.support,  the wife is the homemaker with the  children,a role that frankly should not be underrated, nor looked at as *less than* the most important of careers.

Yes most of them, are like my wife and can have gainful employment fairly easily,but they do not need to and value the role they have in the family .
While my old fashioned view  that it's the most important role maybe outdated,
I doubt the average fsu women would be put out by this family dynamic.
They can always work  at any point if they so choose.
I agree TCs insistence of them  working if they want *extras* ,yet not wanting them to work,and why he feels that way ,would put them off.

Perhaps my solidly blue collar background has me looking at this a bit differently,
But at no point in my life ,regardless good or not good income,did women's interest really vary drastically.
Granted they were from the same economic social level in general.
« Last Edit: May 19, 2018, 07:28:17 AM by Jumper »
.

Offline Davo2

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1472 on: May 19, 2018, 12:10:22 AM »
Maybe if your next attempt fails you should look elsewhere.  One of the guys I work with is getting married to woman from the Philippines. She's a wonderful girl who doesn't exhibit any of the red flags you have problems with.
I also have a face book friend from there, who is looking for a foreign husband. We chat regularly ( as friends ). She's 32, very intelligent, brilliant English skills, attractive and a great conversationalist. She has a government office job and a successful online clothing shop.

 
« Last Edit: May 19, 2018, 12:21:47 AM by Davo2 »

Offline DaveNY

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1473 on: May 19, 2018, 01:06:18 AM »


While I agree TC seems to have poor underlying reasons for holding those views,
most of the long term cross cultural couples we know, with children, are that exact family dynamic.
By choice.(choice of both spouses)
The man is the families sole financial.support,  the wife is the homemaker with the  children,a role that frankly should not be underrated, nor looked at as *less than* the most important of careers.

Yes most of them, are like my wife and can have gainful employment fairly easily,but they do not need to and value the role they have in the family .
While my old fashioned view  that it's the most important role maybe outdated,
I doubt the average fsu women would be put out by this family dynamic.
They can always work  at any point if they so choose.
I agree TCs insistence of them  working if they want *extras* ,yet not wanting them to work,and why he feels that way ,would put them off.

Perhaps my solidly blue collar background has me looking at this a bit differently,
But at no point in my life ,regardless good or not good income,did women's interest really vary drastically.
Granted they were from the same economic social level in general.

Jumper I agree with your comments up to a point. My point to TC is that he admits he doesn't earn a great deal and if he also has to support a wife who doesn't work what happens to her and their future kids later in life if he dies or is unable to work. She's left with no public or private pension because she didn't work.

Even more importantly she has a very limited skill set to earn a living because she didn't get an education in the UK. Just working part time as a cashier at Tesco when she's in her 50s isn't going to bring in much. Not enough to survive, especially if they have kids and he's hurt.

Any new immigrant to a country needs skills, an education, for that country. My wife did a Msc in NY because we knew her Bsc from Russia wouldn't give an employer any confidence to hire her. If TC marries a FSUW that woman needs some type of UK education and job experience. This will make her future far more secure than coming to the UK and never getting a local education and/or local work experience.


Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #1474 on: May 19, 2018, 01:24:48 AM »
Jumper, throughout TC's posts is a paranoia about being used as a mule, a casual misogyny, excuses about the faults of UK women, and a list of traits his wife needs - no desire for education (as he doesn't wish to fund it), must be willing to work in a menial job, must be willing to dress sexy to give him an instant erection, must be willing to cook and clean, must bear children shortly after marriage so that she is "tied" to him while working in a dead end job which will fund her clothing budget.  So, other than the potential lack of alcohol abuse an FSUM offers, what, exactly, is the big advantage to an FSUW in marrying TC?  At least with an FSUM, even if she is poor, she is in her own country, surrounded by family, living in a culture she understands and where she will not be viewed as a foreign interloper.  If things go sour in her FSU marriage, she has her family around her.  Sorry, but most FSUW are not marrying foreigners solely out of love.  They either desire a Western lifestyle, or Western values for themselves or their children.  Were it not so, over 50% of these marriages would not fail.

I'd also ask, if a male suitor came calling on your daughter, and exhibited the traits listed in my first run on sentence, would you, as a parent, think, "Wow, this is a marriage that will stand the test of time.  I would really like to see my daughter married to a man who makes a less than average wage, expects my daughter to work, but only in something menial so he can control her, and will discourage further education."  I understand people have different expectations and desires in life, but, is this realistic?  Is it fair?

I may sound "hard" on TC, and I don't wish him ill will (nor do I for anyone), but his own mindset and the limitations of his expectations will defeat him.  If he had a far different mentality, his lack of money probably would be less of an issue.
« Last Edit: May 19, 2018, 02:02:20 AM by Boethius »
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

 

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Re: Dating sites of Russian Women only in US by Grumpy
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Re: Did I Screw Up? by krimster2
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Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by msmob
Today at 01:38:46 PM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by msmob
Today at 01:35:46 PM

Re: My new life in the Republic of Georgia by Maxx2
Today at 01:27:38 PM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by Trenchcoat
Today at 01:01:00 PM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by Trenchcoat
Today at 12:59:51 PM

Re: FOR HISTORY BUFFS by Grumpy
Today at 12:25:32 PM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by msmob
Today at 12:20:53 PM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by msmob
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