Best of Intentions meet the Worst of Intentions

[Turboguy]

We were not meaning to bust your chops Maxx, we are just enjoying the story.

[Maxx2]

Up till then Gary had been going through Pain! Fear! and Horror! In my conversations with men and some women caught in these situations and as trust develops these people then open up. They tell me what they really went through. Things that they kept hidden. It is hard for a man to admit to fear and horror. Or that he has been hurt. But they do. So I was able to ask Gary some questions that most would never think of asking.  

Question: Did you have trouble sleeping at night?

Answer: Yes, sometimes I would lay awake for hours thinking about what happened. Sometimes I would wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning and I couldn't get back to sleep.

Question: Was your mind racing at that time? Like so many thoughts were coming out at the same time that they "tripped" over themselves in your mind?"

Answer: Yes! this would happen when I would wake up and couldn't get back to sleep.

Question: Were you afraid to answer the door or the phone? What were you feelings when you opened your mail?

Answer: For the first time I kept all my doors locked even when I was there. When I heard a knock I would look out the window first to see who was there. I let the answering machine get the message before picking up. When I went through my mail I was relieved to get bills and not letters from the courthouse. (Note from Maxx: the internet can be feared as well. Look at e-mail message * below * one guy got and you can see why he didn't want to check his messages)

Question: Did you have any irrational plans that you look back at now and wonder why you considered them?

Answer: Yes, I wanted to buy a trailer and get my two kids and move out of the country. Perhaps to South America. Crazy I know, but I had a strong feeling to get away from all of this and leave a country I felt had betrayed me.

Question: Did your feelings for Elena swing wildly?

Answer: Yes at times I hated her and other times I missed her. I would hope she would straighten out and call me. That I would forgive her and we could get together for a second try. Those feelings didn't last long.

Question: Did you suffer any physical changes?

Answer: While she was with me I lost allot of weight, my blood pressure went way up and I felt sick all of the time. After she left I started feeling better but not at first. The people at my business told me that they would be glad when I got back to normal. I was short with everyone. (Note from Maxx: Most men suffer physically or psychologically in some way, blood pressure goes up, heart problems, stroke, suicidal thoughts, racing thoughts, insomnia, vision problems, irrational thoughts or inability to concentrate, paranoia, mistrust of women and anyone in law enforcement or the courts, compultions or phobias, misuse of alchohol or drugs if they where a past problem resurface. Overall not a very pleasant person to be around.)  

When Gary got the diary and his wife's cousin willing to testify on his behalf he felt a great burden lift off of him. "At last this whole thing would be dismissed by the prosecutor and this nightmare would be over!" He thought. Gary soon learned that is not how things work in our justice system....


* Not Gary's wife e-mail but from another to another AM.*

  

"Hi Michael, it nice to see you again for real online, nice try. You like my profile here! I just date doctors and lawyers now. Did your phone #change? YOu very stupid man now. Im sorry I and galina did all thos bad things in court.it is impossible for me to survive in USA, this town is too booring, and with the money you gave me from court and the money you owe me soon is not enough for me to survive. Crule and unhumantraetment!! how dare you. I want more! If you dont give me more money i will again set you up with more abuse charges and this time you will go to jail for sure. If you go to police this time again I will really have your house burned down, and kill you and your family.The garage damge is just the beginning. You know Galina and I can have this done, we have many russian friends who will do this and have. I married you only for a green card as Nina has said. you always knew it.it is your fault you left marriage earlier, saw that lawyer and told me you want divorce. All i wanted was a greencard at two years and I none of this would of happened.money was ok too. You a dirty, ugly man. The dumb jewish judge will always protect me and woman in this country. not like ukraine I did want the house, you got luckyIt is so easy for Galina and I , friends of my at work to set you up again. Just one phone call-one hit in the leg again. I want 10,000 dollars now, even the divorce judge we had told you to give me that. I then will forever leave alone. Also, send me my transcripts. as you know, had to break to get in. sorry i needed wedding pictures for ins. I thank you for not writing Ins, or about the plan for my mother to marry a man here. Mother was correct, men are goats, but they will do anything for sex! my direct e-mail is ****@netzero.com. sorry michael.

Maxx

[prince_alfie]

Wow, that letter from her was just the embodiment of evil in every way. I'm feeling rather depressed after reading it and I pray that Gary's nightmare is gone.

[catzenmouse]

   I hope Gary ends up O.K. and Elena gets deported to Siberia

By saying that shows that you know nothing about Siberia. It is a beautiful place filled with wonderful people, my wife being one of them. Not a cool comment.

Ken

[ConnerVT]

Maybe she'll get deported to Gary, Indiana...   

[Turboguy]

I will take Siberia over Gary Indiana or East St Louis any day. 

I have to agree with you about Siberia.  I have been many places in Siberia and will likely be heading for a few more.  It is beautiful country.  Cold but beautiful.  Really nice people too.

On Conner's side of it, there was a ton of talk in the days of the USSR about people being deported to Siberia as punishment so perhaps there is an excuse for him saying that.  Watching too many old movies, but I like old movies myself.

[Maxx2]

Siberia:
 This reminds me of something my ex-wife Elvira told me. I was driving her from her POE at JFK airport, New York to my home in Minneapolis, Minnesota (She was afraid to fly the remaining 1200 miles). As we were driving along I-90 through Wisconsin (3/17/03) she said, "I don't want to live in Minnesota. It is too much like Sibeer (Siberia). I want to live in a warm State like Florida, California or Las Vegas (It's a State?). I think Las Vegas because I could get a good job in a cass-in-no (casino)". I knew before I got her home I was in trouble. She was very class conscience and Minnesota and Siberia were not cool (no pun intended) places to be from to her. Of course she is an (insert your own word here). Last I heard was she was telling people she was from Chicago. Russians for some reason think Chicago is one of those better places to be from. Perhaps it's all those gangster movies with Chicago apartment and office buildings of the 1930's that look allot like some present day Russian city centers with their brick buildings and dense population.  

I have never been to Siberia unless Ekaterinburg counts (BTW not the ex's home city). I rather liked E-burg. I would like to return there sometime.  

Maxx

[ConnerVT]

On Conner's side of it, there was a ton of talk in the days of the USSR about people being deported to Siberia as punishment so perhaps there is an excuse for him saying that. 

Uhhh, TG, I didn't say it.  Another person did.  I just posted a funny to get a smile out of Ken.

Try to get your facts straight...

[catzenmouse]

Uhhh, TG, I didn't say it.  Another person did.  I just posted a funny to get a smile out of Ken.

Try to get your facts straight...

As a spin off from Sierra Madre/Blazing Saddles "FACTS?!? FACTS?!? WE DON' NEED NO STINKIN' FACTS!!!" 

Ken (not so grumpy as last evening... )

[Phil dAmore]

Gary, Indiana is too good for this hateful, lying, bi*ch.  Send her to Detroit instead.

Maxx.. seriously... all of these tales of horror need to be compiled into one volume.. and should be required reading for anyone undertaking this process.

Bring on the rest of it!

[Maxx2]

Will do Phil. I will continue with this story hopefully tonight.

About this being required reading for the newbie. That can't be done because I am not dictator of the world    But I am trying to do as you suggest and get a bunch of "these tales of horror" together to be hosted on my future GCG website. I would like to get some happy tales in there too.

I heard this one story the other night.

A man married to a RW is upstairs playing a video game or watching sports (I will find out this detail later) with his male friend. His Russian wife did not know about their guest. The guest goes downstairs for a beer/bathroom/some reason when he enters a room he sees the RW laying on the floor. He rushes to her calling her name. Her eyes open in shock. She gets up. Grabs the car keys. Flies out the door. Runs to her car and drives off. Her husband and his friend are thinking "What the heck???". About that time a police cruiser with flashing red lights pulls up into the driveway where only a minute before was the RW and her car. The police officer tells the guys that they had gotten a 911 call by a RW saying her husband was beating her.... The husband says to this day that if his friend hadn't been there he would have been sent to jail and the whole DV nightmare would have started for him. End of story.

Maxx

[Maxx2]

When Alexandra tipped Gary off to there being a diary and what his wife had told her there was allot going on. According to what Alexandra said she did not have the support of her husband. He did not want her to get involved. Also Elena and her women's advocate were putting pressure on her to shut up. According to Alexandra they were threatening lawsuits against her and threatening to have certain member(s) of Alexandra's Russian family deported. But the backlash from all of this was not the reason Alexandra decided to back Gary. It was because of her belief that Elena wanted her dead so she could take away her husband and her home. Why she believed this was something she seen sticking out of Elena's makeup purse. A tuft of blond hair. Nobody in that household has light colored hair. Everyone else's was dark brown or dark red. Only Alexandra had light blond hair. Alexandra checked her hair brush. It had been stripped of hair. Alexandra became afraid, very afraid. "Would God help me if I will not help Gary?", an "innocent man"? she may have thought. It was then that she contacted Gary.

In their long conversation of what was really going on at their households Gary didn't reassure her too much with her Black magic fears. His story about how sick he felt all the time, his high blood pressure and how he lost so much weight while they lived with him. His telling her about Elena's question to him on whether he believed in Black magic and her response "If you don't believe in it it can't hurt you." Well Alexander believed in it and she was REALLY worried.

Gary's house when Elena was living with him had been transformed into some kind fortune receiver. Written on his windows in lipstick were (and on a few still are) messages to the "Higher Powers" asking them for the good things of life. Here is an example.

 

World!!! I love you. This is me. Get to know me and take care of me!!!

Found down in Gary's sofa cushion was this Post-it note from Elena pretending to be Gary (?). I can only imagine this used to radiate out some energy on Gary while he sat on it.

   

I, Gary Oldenkamp,
am taking a good
care  of Elena and
Sasha, and do everything
possible for them:
protecting their peace.

Strangest story of all was when Gary told Alexandra about the time lightening struck a tree behind his house. It was at night while everyone was asleep. There was a loud CRACK! and a crashing sound on the roof. Gary, Sasha and Elena went outside to see where the tree had fallen. It had fallen directly over where Elena and Sasha had slept. $3500 in damage and the Russian TV satellite dish was mangled way, way beyond repair. Perhaps the "Higher Powers", the "World!" or God was giving Elena and Sasha a message?

Maxx

[Turboguy]

Cool Maxx,  This is better than a lot of the mystery novels I have read.  To bad the tree was not a little bigger, but then there would not be a story to follow.

[Maxx2]

The best part Turboguy is it's true...

Maxx

[Frank]

This woman is a real nut case.  Sounds a little bit like my wife    

Is it normal for a Ukyrus woman to put crosses in all the windows?  Maybe, this is an orthodox thing?  I'm getting a very strong feeling my story will be here one day.  This is so wierd.

Frank

[Turboguy]

I think if you feel your story will be here some day, then I feel you are right.  I don't know what you are going through, but I am sure we would be happy to lend a sympathetic ear.  Maybe we can give you some good advice before it is too late. 

[prince_alfie]

Wow, Maxx fabulous story! This has more twists and turns than any Utah road I've been on.

As they say, truth is stranger than fiction. That's why I read nonfiction mostly nowadays.

[Oiler]

Too be fair, one has to hear the Russian woman's side of the story. Although I really believe in Gary's side more, I would like to have a balance of opinions before I make a judgment.

The marriage in the 1st place looked pretty unusual and hurried. The woman is out of the guy's league and there was not enough time to know the true nature of Elena.

This is one lesson every guy should learn but unfortunately not every guy reads forums like this or believes everything he has read. Tons of guys are being scammed every day all over the world with these commercial RW sites. There are good women there but the best way to meet them is to be there for at least a year. You may luck out with a woman from a marriage agency but chances are you would not find a suitable match unless you do your due diligence

[snowm]

These two seem to be the ultimate clash of personalities, the laidback trusting passive guy and the overachiever psychotic bitch.
OK she was a pro letter writer, but if they met more than one time in person he must have sensed something...it all comes down to background and personality.
if someones too trusting in this international dating thing, chances are, that something like this or similar is going to come your way.

I don't think she was out of his league, a woman in her mid/late thirties with a teenage daughter, average job/education and with average looks (she has the cute central asian eyes, and nice style in the glamour photos, but she's still average in RW/UW terms) is going to get something like Gary (be he Gary in the USA or Boris in Russia)

[Turboguy]

Oiler you said to be fair we need to hear the gals side of the story.  I think in most situations that is true. In this situation I think we are hearing her side of the story through her diary.

For an AM FSU woman relationship she does not strike me as being out of his league.  When her photo was first shown there were some comments that for what he went through she was not very attractive.   To me for that kind of relationship they were very evenly matched.  Relationships never look the same from inside as they do from outside.

[Maxx2]

Oiler you said to be fair we need to hear the gals side of the story.  I think in most situations that is true. In this situation I think we are hearing her side of the story through her diary.

Yes, and even more so. We are hearing what she really thinks not just what she would tell us to make herself look good. Also looking at it in a legal way she was planning on breaking the law. The law being a marriage must be bona fide or they should divorce and she should return to Russia within 30 days of the divorce becoming final. That comes out all over in the diary, post it notes (many of this is not posted here), letters from friends and so on. It is very clear she is using the guy as her friend called him as "a springboard" and "only two years" then off to Boston or New York to start her new life.

Maxx 

[Louie]

Hey Oiler, what do you mean by this girl is way out if this guys league! I think its the other way around, so he doesn't look like Tom Cruise, that's make him not in her league!

[Turboguy]

That is the understatement of the year Louie.   I don't think the Boston Strangler or John Gacy would be too good for her.   

[Oiler]

Ok, I forgot it was her diary speaking. I don't know either of these people presonally of course an being the Internet a lot of half truths get told. In a proper setting we would be in court to hear the arguments but alas these things do happen and I feel for the guy.

As for my out of league statements, if a guy is average or below average say a "6" and the woman is about a "8" or "9" in physical looks I would say that is a mismatch. Also if age differences are more than 15 years that would not be a good fit imo.

[Turboguy]

To me she was about a 5 on looks at best.  Maybe he won't get confused for Tom Cruise and maybe she is better than he could do in America but for a AM RW combo it struck me as a decent couple looks wise.