It appears you have not registered with our community. To register please click here ...

!!

Welcome to Russian Women Discussion - the most informative site for all things related to serious long-term relationships and marriage to a partner from the Former Soviet Union countries!

Please register (it's free!) to gain full access to the many features and benefits of the site. Welcome!

+-

Author Topic: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?  (Read 11950 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline MarinaSirena

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 57
  • Country: ru
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #25 on: September 10, 2018, 02:28:59 AM »
I plan to make it very clear that its over, and inform her that I canceled the Visa petition, I think that would seal it..

As a Russian Woman, maybe you can advise me on this, She has a very close friend, her best friend, we have written many times on Viber in the past, I was thinking of explaining the situation to her so she can be there for emotional support, What do you think about that?
I cant tell from all russian women.I think its not good idea
As for me i prefer to discuss about my relationship only with my man.
I dont like when someone is beetwen us.Even as a translator)Even the man is my ex
And if she is not very self-confident person (you said that she is selfish, usually its just other side of coin.It looks like its important for her opinion of her enviroment/approval) so it can be more offensive for her !that her friend knows the truth) You will not give her opportunity to make up a fairy story  she wants  :D :D :D

Dont feel guilty anyway!


I wish you a great love and happy marriage)))
Try to be not so fast next time)
Enjoy the time for learning each other.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2018, 06:05:40 AM by MarinaSirena »

Offline Nikolos

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 32
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #26 on: September 10, 2018, 02:46:11 AM »
IF you had style - you'd get on a plane and tell her face to face - with a letter in Russian - that would 'seal it' ..

You need to deal with your previous actions - asking to marry you - ( and now changing your mind )  in a gentlemanly way ... 

You KNOW what you SHOULD do ..don't make excuses

As I noted earlier, I just returned from Moscow and was living in her apartment the entire time I was there, The thought of telling her face to face crossed my mind many times, What prevented me from telling her was that the unpredictability factor, she yells at her mother and has a temper worse than the Greeks, how would she react and what would she do? fear of the unknown, and here I am in a foreign country with all my personal belongings in her apartment.. I think not, I'd rather take the cowardly approach and come home safe in one piece. :)


Offline Nikolos

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 32
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #27 on: September 10, 2018, 02:55:16 AM »

Good luck and please take Billy's advise.

As much as it pains to do it, it's what I'm going to do.

Online msmob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7060
  • Country: ie
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #28 on: September 10, 2018, 03:51:36 AM »
As I noted earlier, I just returned from Moscow and was living in her apartment the entire time I was there, The thought of telling her face to face crossed my mind many times, What prevented me from telling her was that the unpredictability factor, she yells at her mother and has a temper worse than the Greeks, how would she react and what would she do? fear of the unknown, and here I am in a foreign country with all my personal belongings in her apartment.. I think not, I'd rather take the cowardly approach and come home safe in one piece. :)

 :wallbash:

Honestly, GQBlues had your number ... you want 'validation'

Sorry, you won't have it from me - not that it will matter to you... !

You are the sort of guy who might make it harder for all that follow

Please, take time out from FSU W ... you REALLY do not know what you want -

IF there is a next time - might I suggest you find someone with whom you can communicate and with no kids - or grown up



« Last Edit: September 10, 2018, 04:01:37 AM by msmob »

Online Maxx2

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2781
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #29 on: September 10, 2018, 04:38:45 AM »
Not quite Maxx. We aren’t in the same page. There’s no ‘hurting’ on this one.


Maybe he is not affected or hurt by any of this. Then if he doesn't care about this woman, because he is not hurt, why would he need validation? I am trying to figure this out.




Offline pitbull

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1391
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #30 on: September 10, 2018, 05:29:32 AM »


As a Russian Woman, maybe you can advise me on this, She has a very close friend, her best friend, we have written many times on Viber in the past, I was thinking of explaining the situation to her so she can be there for emotional support, What do you think about that?


Don't do this!
Be the person that your dog thinks you are

Offline rwd123

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 229
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #31 on: September 10, 2018, 06:38:36 AM »
I missed when Trench was engaged and had started the steps to arrange for his fiancee to come to the UK .
Very dry.  :D

Offline rwd123

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 229
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #32 on: September 10, 2018, 06:47:15 AM »
IF you had style - you'd get on a plane and tell her face to face - with a letter in Russian - that would 'seal it' ..

You need to deal with your previous actions - asking to marry you - ( and now changing your mind )  in a gentlemanly way ... 

You KNOW what you SHOULD do ..don't make excuses
+1

Honorable discharge. Be a gentleman. Actually, be a man. It's really hard to call it quits but it is best for her and for you to tell her face to face.

Sometimes men have to dig ditches in hell holes or go to war. Your task in comparison ain't so bad. So be a man. A good luck! No easy process but you'll be better on the other side.

Online Maxx2

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2781
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #33 on: September 10, 2018, 07:47:09 AM »
+1

Honorable discharge. Be a gentleman. Actually, be a man. It's really hard to call it quits but it is best for her and for you to tell her face to face.

Sometimes men have to dig ditches in hell holes or go to war. Your task in comparison ain't so bad. So be a man. A good luck! No easy process but you'll be better on the other side.


He should tell her but does he have to go back and go through all that trouble and expense?

Offline fathertime

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7441
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #34 on: September 10, 2018, 07:51:46 AM »

He should tell her but does he have to go back and go through all that trouble and expense?
Given the totality of circumstances, I also question this.   If it were a lady from downtown, or up the street it might be a different story, but making a special trip isn't necessary in my opinion.  It could be done in a well thought out letter and/or webcam too if necessary.   
 
While it is beside the point, I wonder if the lady can sense this is coming.  He likely couldn't hide his annoyance with the things he mentioned in his post.  She may sense this is coming, and may even welcome it. 

Fathertime! 
I just happened to be browsing about the internet....

Online msmob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7060
  • Country: ie
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #35 on: September 10, 2018, 08:22:38 AM »

He should tell her but does he have to go back and go through all that trouble and expense?

Maxx

This is not a normal break up - the guy asked a lady to marry him, supported her and started the process to allow her to come to his homeland.. 

'Sure' he can just write an email using google translate....  it will save him time. money and possibly a tongue lashing ...  and those that follow will be trusted even less

Offline MarinaSirena

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 57
  • Country: ru
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #36 on: September 10, 2018, 08:23:07 AM »
*She may sense this is coming, and may even welcome it*

if it was a Russian man )cause of he d never paid for girl that met only a few times/ eat her brain about her child/ never asked her marry him so fast/ probably even asked her *hurry up in her searching for a job ,because of things happen...he needs Octobrist*s wife*
So if things was going this way..So may welcome it!

But they had cute nice story full of sweet illusions and hopes.She will not welcome it))))

I Ask forgiveness for rude stereotypes and some ironic) Sure all the people are different. And i know many wondarful men! every is unique. And our hero is real gentleman!
But be polite and adequate in the same time. The author of this topic doesnt do something awful! He realised that she is not perfect partner for him and just want to prevent big mistake in their lives.
But it cant be pleasent dialog. Anyway it will hurt her.Who really loves beautiful love stories with unhappy end? No one woman)

But as for me i  believe that this diaolog should be face-to-face. Its not fair ask her to change all her life and after that just will send email((((

« Last Edit: September 10, 2018, 08:26:06 AM by MarinaSirena »

Online Maxx2

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2781
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #37 on: September 10, 2018, 08:42:50 AM »

But as for me i  believe that this diaolog should be face-to-face. Its not fair ask her to change all her life and after that just will send email((((


I tend to agree about the face-to-face breakup. It would feel really strange knowing that after going through all the time and effort to do it it will be for a 2-5 minute breakup.

Offline ML

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8901
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #38 on: September 10, 2018, 08:54:59 AM »
Not even addressing the financial costs . . .

Suggesting that someone go to the substantial time and effort to get from USA to Russia and back again, just to tell someone you have decided not to marry them . . . is ludicrous.

This woman (or any woman or man) will likely slam door in the face of anyone who arrives with message they are calling off a wedding.  There could even be worse consequences  involving physical action from the woman or her male friends/relatives, false charges leading to police contact, time in a jail, legal expense of trying to get out of jail, out of country, etc., etc., etc. 

At the very least, the person will think they are facing the most stupid person in the world who would go to the time, effort and expense to make such a trip to tell those words.

Since time immemorial, women have been writing 'Dear John' letters to men.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online msmob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7060
  • Country: ie
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #39 on: September 10, 2018, 08:57:17 AM »

But as for me i  believe that this diaolog should be face-to-face. Its not fair ask her to change all her life and after that just will send email((((

That's TWO FSU ladies.telling Nikolos what he won't want to hear .... 

Online BillyB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11714
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
    • Good Story
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #40 on: September 10, 2018, 09:32:04 AM »

Don't do this!

I agree with Pitbull. Don't bring her friend into this. Don't bring anybody she knows into this. Your breakup with her after 2 years of being in a relationship and now engaged with a visa interview coming up is humiliating. Let her tell the story to her friends and family the way she wants.

Suggesting that someone go to the substantial time and effort to get from USA to Russia and back again, just to tell someone you have decided not to marry them . . . is ludicrous.

This woman (or any woman or man) will likely slam door in the face of anyone who arrives with message they are calling off a wedding.  There could even be worse consequences  involving physical action from the woman or her male friends/relatives, false charges leading to police contact, time in a jail, legal expense of trying to get out of jail, out of country, etc., etc., etc. 


Agree with ML. Nikolos is already back home. Nothing good can come from a face to face meeting now. Only bad. Giving her some financial support before she finds a job is proof enough Nikolos is being a gentleman. She'd prefer the money he would've spent on the trip to see her anyway.

In the FSU, when a person breaks up with you, it's abrupt and quick. Being sensitive and compassionate to the person that is getting dumped rarely happens. I don't feel sorry for Nikolos's finacee. She failed to make him happy and/or failed to prove she's wife material after two years of knowing him.
There are people that will pass info about you and your family. Do not share info about yourself or share photos as they can search for you on the internet and distribute what they found since they are allowed to participate here.

Online Maxx2

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2781
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #41 on: September 10, 2018, 09:33:08 AM »
Not even addressing the financial costs . . .

Suggesting that someone go to the substantial time and effort to get from USA to Russia and back again, just to tell someone you have decided not to marry them . . . is ludicrous.

This woman (or any woman or man) will likely slam door in the face of anyone who arrives with message they are calling off a wedding.  There could even be worse consequences  involving physical action from the woman or her male friends/relatives, false charges leading to police contact, time in a jail, legal expense of trying to get out of jail, out of country, etc., etc., etc. 

At the very least, the person will think they are facing the most stupid person in the world who would go to the time, effort and expense to make such a trip to tell those words.

Since time immemorial, women have been writing 'Dear John' letters to men.


You are only using logic ML.


Think if the shoe was on the other foot? A RW/UW decides she isn't interested in the man. She wants to call it off. So she gets a visa because she can as she has traveled to the US before. Then she travels to him letting him know she wants to meet with him when she gets there. They have dinner at a nice restaurant with lots of people around. She does this for her safety of course. She tells him. She has a taxi waiting for her outside to take her to the airport. 9-1-1 is on her speed dial. Off she goes and 24 hours later, after a few layovers, her plane touches down at SVO2.   :popcorn: 

Online Nightwish

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 459
  • Country: se
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Committed > 1 year
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #42 on: September 10, 2018, 10:05:35 AM »
Break up, move on - but take a long break figuring out what the hell you really want first.

What speaks against you is that you didn't man up and do it face to face while you where there, it could have been done the last day on your way to the airport and that would have taken care of everything.

Doing it with a "dear john" letter - now-  is really the cowards way out.

I can understand the logistic part now is a pain, but you REALLY should have taken care of this when you were already there and you had these feelings, Russia is full of hotels.
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Online GQBlues

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8310
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #43 on: September 10, 2018, 10:10:33 AM »
This thread shouldn't have to take this long...Instead of concentrating on the (obvious) consequence of an obvious stupid beginning...

Quote
Corresponded with a Woman from Moscow for 20 months now, I visited her in June of 2017, she spoke no English, but we managed communicating despite the language barrier, 2 weeks into the trip, I asked her to Marry me, she accepted...


...it should've stopped from the first paragraph.

Everything since this point is academic. It has NOTHING whatsoever to do whether he should tell her face-to-face, or just walk away. The OP didn't have the balls to end it because he feared facing her wrath. IMHO, it had long confirmed to me that the character of the OP is equal to when a marriage proposal was easily departed for the sheer purposes of getting laid.

Unfortunately, as it always the case in the MOB, it is heavily populated by socially inept WMs making life changing decisions on the fly. That's all this is at best. At worst, he's nothing but an opportunistic sex touring gringo because, well, he can. In the process of such stupidity, WMs would love nothing but find alliances with how 'wrong and evil' these FSUWs can be for sheer validation and justification of their inept actions/intent...

We lay witness to these instances countless times.

It's the MOB.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2018, 10:14:26 AM by GQBlues »
~Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people~ Gator :P

Online Maxx2

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2781
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #44 on: September 10, 2018, 10:20:04 AM »


It may have dawned on him he should call it off after he got back. Somethings take a while to sink in. This is especially true of hard choices. So much time and money was invested.


This board becomes misandrist on account of all the alpha males here. A former poster pointed that out to me.

Online msmob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7060
  • Country: ie
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #45 on: September 10, 2018, 10:25:44 AM »
What certain posters just don't get is the guy asked her to marry him, has kicked off immigration processes and had the chance to 'sort out the mess' - before he left

Nikolos could call - tell his fiance that he regrets leaving under a cloud and get the last shag he's going to get from a FSU W for a long while - but when the pots and  pans fly - he'll thank me as he'll save on the 1 k month - x 3  'It'll make me feel good about myself' money ... 

He could even hang around and meet his next venture.... on a VM trip ...

 

Offline rwd123

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 229
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #46 on: September 10, 2018, 08:14:01 PM »
The way in which one responds to adversity says a lot about their character - and can build or diminish it.

IMO if he is unwilling to face the wrath and discomfort of a break-up in person then he'll never have a healthy relationship and can forget future FSUW - or all women. So it is as much about him as it is about her.

Flights are not that expensive. Travel on a long weekend, then time is not really an issue. I don't think a VM trip is a good idea as he doesn't seem ready to meet another woman. Better off visiting ladies of the night if he wants a shag. However, if he's got a bunch of make-up kits and wants to hit the villages, then...  ;)

Offline MarinaSirena

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 57
  • Country: ru
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #47 on: September 10, 2018, 10:31:58 PM »

You are only using logic ML.


Think if the shoe was on the other foot? A RW/UW decides she isn't interested in the man. She wants to call it off. So she gets a visa because she can as she has traveled to the US before. Then she travels to him letting him know she wants to meet with him when she gets there. They have dinner at a nice restaurant with lots of people around. She does this for her safety of course. She tells him. She has a taxi waiting for her outside to take her to the airport. 9-1-1 is on her speed dial. Off she goes and 24 hours later, after a few layovers, her plane touches down at SVO2.   :popcorn:

I like this virsion)
But I would add some Mysterious Russian soul to this story)) After she tells him. She has a taxi waiting for her outside to take her to * nobody knows where..*.She stays at the darkness little cosy cafe, reads her favorite book by (probably) Max Fray, drinks some coffee (or vodka), thinks about how many moments they had, enjoys her sorrow, looks up through the window from time to time with some tears and smile on her face, deletes his number from her phone and after that goes to airport)))) :D

Online msmob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7060
  • Country: ie
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #48 on: September 10, 2018, 10:41:56 PM »
I don't think a VM trip is a good idea

Tongue was planted very firmly in cheek

Offline rwd123

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 229
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: > 10
Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #49 on: September 10, 2018, 10:44:06 PM »
I like this virsion)
But I would add some Mysterious Russian soul to this story)) After she tells him. She has a taxi waiting for her outside to take her to * nobody knows where..*.She stays at the darkness little cosy cafe, reads her favorite book by (probably) Max Fray, drinks some coffee (or vodka), thinks about how many moments they had, enjoys her sorrow, looks up through the window from time to time with some tears and smile on her face, deletes his number from her phone and after that goes to airport)))) :D
Maybe you should write a screenplay Marina...





... but I am guessing you are too young to know these. So create your own story.

 

+-RWD Stats

Members
Total Members: 9967
Latest: Frrrrrrt
New This Month: 2
New This Week: 0
New Today: 0
Stats
Total Posts: 489592
Total Topics: 19389
Most Online Today: 1297
Most Online Ever: 2480
(November 01, 2018, 05:22:05 PM)
Users Online
Members: 29
Guests: 1254
Total: 1283

+-Recent Posts

Re: boating in Russia - good, bad, ugly? by jone
Today at 11:56:51 AM

Re: boating in Russia - good, bad, ugly? by msmob
Today at 11:51:55 AM

Re: boating in Russia - good, bad, ugly? by jone
Today at 11:39:12 AM

Re: boating in Russia - good, bad, ugly? by krimster2
Today at 08:53:10 AM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by msmob
Today at 08:05:38 AM

Re: boating in Russia - good, bad, ugly? by msmob
Today at 06:52:18 AM

Re: boating in Russia - good, bad, ugly? by krimster2
Today at 06:28:41 AM

Re: boating in Russia - good, bad, ugly? by JayH
Today at 05:19:04 AM

Re: Blah, Blah, Blah Part XXXI by Maxx2
Today at 05:04:13 AM

Re: boating in Russia - good, bad, ugly? by msmob
Today at 04:53:49 AM

Powered by EzPortal

create account