Are You The One For Me? Negotiable vs. Non-Negotiable Qualities

[Turboguy]

Yep, that is her.  I spotted her updated profile there and since we had just talked about her decided to see if you were interested.   I don't think she is a scammer but I think she is right for anyone who does not have an income of at leat a Million a year, make that disposable income.  I think she can dispose of that much with no difficulty.

[groovlstk]

Funny enough, that girl was one of my backups on my first trip to Moscow last Spring. I believe she owns her own hair salon. I didn't regret blowing her off as when we talked something seemed a little off-kilter. Small world, eh?

[Turboguy]

Yes, It is a small world sometimes.  Yes, she does own her own hair salon.  Same gal. 

[Durk]

      Boar glad to hear we have another motorcycle person in this group. I am on the rice side of
the industry. Growing up on a farm was a great place to learn how to ride and your right about
that girl in the video. Woman like that are usually a blast to date. I really enjoy doing a variety of
activities as a couple. This seems to be a problem in Pittsburgh. I find the gals here to be kind of
boring and really out of touch with living life. This includes only the girls left here as most have left
the region in search of better employment.
      Turbo I really do not know what to say about that photo. She looks like she might be a PIA.
I will bet "University Degree"," Financially Secure",and WELL OFF were in her list of requirements.
I am planning to look at some of the smaller town gals with the hope of finding a girl that does not
require a million dollar wedding dress. I guess when you look at some of the possibilities here like
what happened to Gary, Max, having a GCG ,or becoming a member of the "Mule Team" a $250
evening is minor to say the least. I know my head will be out of the sand from day one!
      Thanks Groov! Think I will not be doing any Moscow dating to early in my search. The old rule of
walk before you run seems to be a must when doing this. I know a couple of gals here that have an
attitude and own a hair salon. Must run in that industry.

[PeeWee]

Yes, It is a small world sometimes.  Yes, she does own her own hair salon.  Same gal. 

Do you know where her money came from for that salon? I ask because I was talking to Lena the other day. I asked her if she had thought about opening her own clinic. She told me that it would be impossible because such money was usually gotten from illegal means. She did not want to be associated with those types of people just for the sake of having her own clinic.

I had originally said that everything was open for discussion. This would be one that was not. If she were planning to borrow money from an illegal source then that my say something about her character.

Peevee

[groovlstk]

            Thanks Groov! Think I will not be doing any Moscow dating to early in my search. The old rule of
walk before you run seems to be a must when doing this. I know a couple of gals here that have an
attitude and own a hair salon. Must run in that industry.

Durk, there seems to be many opinions here about city girls vs. country girls, most are baloney-ridden cliches, if you ask me. The wisest course of action is this: If you're living in a city, date women who are comfortable living in a city. And vice versa. 

[beattledog]

Turboguy

I have seen that woman's profile posted on a site lately

beattledog

[Turboguy]

Yes, she just updated her profile on FreePersonals a day or two ago which brings her to the top of the list. 

I guess it was a funny experience but not exactly a cheap one.  I remember the first date she asked if I had ever eaten in an Eleky Pelky or what ever it is.   That was my former fiancees and my favorite place to eat.  She said she would never eat in such a place.   Then at dinner the first night she asked me why I got the new wine at $ 80.00 a bottle instead of the old wine at $ 400.00 a bottle.  I am probably lucky she was not a heavy drinker.  I would still be washing dishes in Moscow.

[groovlstk]

Yes, she just updated her profile on FreePersonals a day or two ago which brings her to the top of the list. 

I guess it was a funny experience but not exactly a cheap one.  I remember the first date she asked if I had ever eaten in an Eleky Pelky or what ever it is.   That was my former fiancees and my favorite place to eat.  She said she would never eat in such a place.   Then at dinner the first night she asked me why I got the new wine at $ 80.00 a bottle instead of the old wine at $ 400.00 a bottle.  I am probably lucky she was not a heavy drinker.  I would still be washing dishes in Moscow.

Man, if I remember correctly, this girl told me that most of the foreign men she met wanted her to be a traditional wife (i.e., scullery maid) and she was very adamant about having her own career and being considered an equal in any relationship. Sounded reasonable to me... but I can't imagine that she lives such a wealthy lifestyle that she considers Elkie Palkie to be beneath her. Sounds like she needs an Alphonse to bring things back into perspective

[KenC]

Before we were married, Lena and I spent a wonderful week in Moscow.  Please keep in mind that this was 8 years ago now, but Moscow was still a pricey destination.  We stayed at a brand new Marriott near the Arbat.  We were "living large" with not much concern for expenses which is easy for anyone to accept.  No one is going to have difficulty eating in the best restaurants and going to the most exclusive clubs, that is no test of character at all.

Toward the end of my trip, I checked the hotel charges and was more than a little shocked by the 27% tax that I had not counted on.  I don't use credit cards, only debit cards, so I had an unexpected cash flow situation.  LOL.  After calling home and putting some money transfers into motion, I had to inform Lena that we needed to seriously down shift our activities.  She didn't blink and eye and grasped the situation completely.  That evening we dined at Patio Pizza that had a great all you can eat salad bar for about 5 bucks.  We had just as much fun enjoying each other on a "budget" as we did before.  Lena's transition from "high on the hog" to watching every penny spent, was seamless.  That told me quite a bit about her character.
KenC

[David1963]

I was reading through here, very interesting topic, and some of the responses seemed a big vague; Brains, looks, cultured etc. 

I know this is just a list and looks for one person could be different for another.  The thing that people seem to not understand is that there are things they want in a woman and there are things they need.  For example, who doesn't want an attractive woman but really, how important is that to what you really need in a relationship verses other qualities.

I think the problem is that many people put what they want in front of what they need.  To put it another way, people tend to put what they want in the non-negotiable qualities and what they need as negotiable.

For me I would like a beautiful woman, but I know that I have needs that are more important.  A non-negotiable list should be short, maybe 3 or 4 items.  The more you have the longer it will take to find what you are looking for.  I think that is the big reason many of us are here, the list is to long.

I had 4 items on my list and item #1 is why I was looking abroad.

1) Location - She had to be willing to live within a few miles of where I am so that I could see my son everyday.
2) Relationship dynamics - Me as the lead but able to work together on decisions.  This seemed more prevalent in other cultures.
3) Sex - We had to be compatible there.
4) Non-smoker.

What most people listed, brains and looks were not on my list.  Obviously I would not be interested in a fat or very ugly woman but I also knew that I would end up with a fairly attractive woman because I was not interested in a large age gap and am a decent looking guy myself.

I think a lot of this is not understood by people who have not had much experience in realtionships, ie only 1 long term marriage, many short term dating experiences or not many dating experiences. 

[groovlstk]

I think the problem is that many people put what they want in front of what they need.  To put it another way, people tend to put what they want in the non-negotiable qualities and what they need as negotiable.

Nice post, David.

I think the most common example of this is guys thinking with their little head and making beauty/sex the only non-negotiable item and relegating everything else, no matter how preposterous, to negotiable.

[BC]

Interesting want/need concept David.

I guess since we met by chance, the equivalent would be practical factors that impressed me most about her..

So I guess in the non-negotiable department at the top of my list would have been:

She could cook
She wanted another child
Is a good mother
Willing to relocate

[catzenmouse]

So I guess in the non-negotiable department at the top of my list would have been:

She could cook
She wanted another child
Is a good mother
Willing to relocate

And don't forget the most important one for all of us: She is willing to put up with us! 

Ken

[BC]

And don't forget the most important one for all of us: She is willing to put up with us! 

Ken

Yes Ken.. when I proposed I asked why she wanted to marry me.. she replied 'because you are so clever'

Now when I ask why she married me she replies 'because I was so stupid'

I often wonder who is right.. 

[Turboguy]

Good post David.  I think the reality of it is when we meet someone who is the right person a lot of our lists are the furtherest thing from our minds. 

It is interesting to see how different people look at their needs and I agree with David that what is critical to one in inconsequential to another.  Like bc's Must be able to cook.   I would be as happy one way or the other.  She knows how to cook, we eat Borscht.   She doesn't know how to cook we eat vegetable soup or something else American.   Brains, well enough to find her way to the bathroom would be nice.  A little more would be a plus.  Cultured, heck, I would probably have to start using a spittoon instead of the floor, that wouldn't be good, (kidding on that one guys)

Right on Ken.  That is the one absolute requirement.

BC, Maybe that is the reason people become one week wonders.  They want to snag their trophy before she gets smart and realizes what is really snagging her.