She's bored, help!

[Kuna]

... rather than wait for her to develop into a more acceptable life partner.

This is one of the more profound things I've read in here and is worthy of deep thought... 

Sandro,  I really enjoy your posts, I think I need to buy you a beer one day!

Has anyone here read "The Celestine Prophecy"?  It's fiction, but is based on some interesting concepts. 

From memory "Insight 8" discussed the "exchange of energy" between people, and the impact it has on people's development.

I really related to it at the time and am amazed at how things pop up every now and then to remind you of "stuff" you already know.

Kuna

[SANDRO43]

This is one of the more profound things I've read in here and is worthy of deep thought... 

Please DON'T write things like that, you're ruining my public image here .

I think I need to buy you a beer one day!

I was trying to arrange a last beer with JB before the Mayan end of the world on December 21st, 2012 over at http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=3063.msg58266#msg58266. We could make it a threesome .

[Kuna]

We could make it a threesome

A threesome...  you?  jb?  and me?

Ummm... I'll pass thanks... but thank you for the offer!   

[jb]

Sandro,

If you show up in Corpus Christi, I'll buy a lot of beer.  I even know where they sell the good stuff.

[jb]

And Kuna ain't pretty enough to drink with me.

[SANDRO43]

Sandro, If you show up in Corpus Christi, I'll buy a lot of beer.  I even know where they sell the good stuff.

Deal, JB.

And Kuna ain't pretty enough to drink with me.

Didn't imagine you'd consider ME pretty enough . Should I wear high heels or paratrooper boots ?

[jinx13]

Let's see. Moved to a new and exciting city and country. After a few months, she's bored. Finds her a new boyfriend, moves in with him thinking that will stop the boredom and a short time later is still bored. Now the pressure is on you to relieve that boredom. Has a few desires, they get fullfilled very quickly and that doesn't help either. She may have a woman's body but head is still a teenager. Hope you have lots of patience. She's high maintenance and you ain't mom or dad. I think your still young enough to help her grow up. Soon you'll be telling yourself and then telling her how much you do for her and why she doesn't appreciate it. You can flame me now but apologize later and I'll say "yeah, I know". Happy trails.

 Start2, I never said she moved here and was bored after a few months, she has lived here over a year, she just recently moved in with me, to a different city. She was living in San Jose, Ca. had a few friends, including another Ukraine girl. She now lives with me in a city about 1 1/2 hours from San Jose. Yes she still talks with her San Jose friends, but it's much more difficult to see them. She hasn't found a job yet, and she feels lonely when I'm at work, it's as simple as that, so relax man. To call her 'high maintenance' is a total joke, if being lonely without me is a crime, than yeah, go ahead and judge her, but your comments were a little over the top, and no I will not apologize to you later. Not everybody has major relationship problems, I'm NOT asking people to save my relationship, my girlfriend is NOT bored with me.

 I got some good ideas from people that understood the meaning of my original post, and I appreciate it very much. Let's not over analyze the situation, we have a very good relationship, she is just going through some very normal feelings right now, and I am doing my best to help.

 kuna, thanks for your words and concern, I didn't mean to sound like I'm just thinking about myself and business during the holidays, I am worried about her, that's why I started this thread, her happiness is always on my mind, and she does her best to make me happy too, that's what a relationship is all about.

 On a side note, she used 'Skype' for the first time last night and talked with her mother for free using a microphone on my computer, comp to comp is free! She was very happy about that, especially the FREE part 

[jinx13]

 Vaughn,

  She wants a puppy VERY much! This girl loves dogs. The thing is, my house isn't really suited for a dog. My backyard backs up to a golf course, it's fully landscaped, and not a lot of room for a dog to run. Not to mention I have a 16 year old cat that would have a heart attack if some puppy decides to use him as a chew toy. We'll see what happens after the cat dies, maybe a puppy would be nice, but I better not tell her that, she will kill the cat!

[calcowboy1]

Jinxx, why would you want to wait until after Christmas to address the problem.  Why do so many people not want to address the problems or even worse mask them with silly bandaids like "Buy a puppy"

Jinxx, I believe what you say, it is a simple problem, and there really is no sense over analzing it, she is bored and has no direction in life right now.  Hell, I am 34, married to a wonderful lady from Russia, own my own business, have employees and there are times when I feel lost and have no direction.  It may take a little while and sometimes my wife gives me a boot in the right direction (j/k, however, she did come up with a great idea to set up an office in London, UK....damn British Pounds are quite juicy). 

All I am saying is do not wait to address the problem.  You do not have to solve it overnight, however, just start talking about ideas.  Next time you are together talk about her future, instead of anything else.

Cheers!!! and good luck
Calcowboy

[jj]

jinx13'

Possibly taking some education courses (business etc) on line until regular classes start would stimulate her interest and give her self satisfaction of accomplishing something and applying towards a goal or in helping you in  your business later. jj


PS- My trip to Volgograd and  Volzhsky went well.  Now have nice relationship with my gal from there and her 19 year old daughter.  Thanks for your prior input  before my trip!  Russian food was great too!

[Mir]

A letter from a gentleman in England married to an FSU lady (names etc. have been omitted):

Satellites, marriage breakdowns and poo.

Russian TV:

NO! I've decided against it! Fuck 'em.

Ever since MILaw came here -- three and a half years ago; my wife's English has progressed no further than intermediate+ and this whole bloody household is like living in a bad Russian Restaurant.

I'm not a happy man at all. I would absolutely BEG anybody who is being ingenious, romantic, super-horny or just plain desperate - NOT even to consider an Anglo-Russki marriage.

It is a romantic ideal with one minor flaw: - it's bollocks.

All I here is Russian - morning 'til night. HOW do women get through 11,200 (apparently) words a day? What are they talking about - Nitrogen?

If I could turn the clock back!

Saying that - here's the dichotomy; my wife has given me the best thing I have ever had and will ever have - a little boy who LOVES his Papa.

If he wasn't here - we would have split up ages ago. The cultural differences are just too much.

I am not talking dirty flats and dirty ol' men either. My family came to a privileged environment in Cambridge.

My step-daughter had 4 years of private education and is now a western snob with delusions of grandeur.

I haven't slept with my wife for one and a half years, my MILaw is invaluable but sides with my wife consistently against me (for existing).

There's no cohesion in this simya (family). Etta strachnea. [Am on a Russian Course and loving it - goodness it's hard!]

My wife and I do NOT ''love'' each other - we tolerate our HUGE cultural abyss to let Daniel Robert Anthony [Robert Anthony after Robert Plant - Led Zep!]

No, I'm not drinking.

Christ - I am one unhappy man.

Sorry to unload

[jb]

I've tried to stay away from the *meat and potatoes* of this thread, I was trying to avoid getting back to the doom and gloom.  However, I see some things here that don't quite pass the sniff test for me.  jinx has stated that he "rescued" this very young girl from the clutches of a nut case.  jinx was careful to point out that she is just a girlfriend, not a bona fide fiancee.  She didn't come to him via the usual route, i.e., with the goal of a marriage/family oriented relationship at the heart of it.  She was in a poor situation and needed to trade up, and out.  With that in mind I wonder if she subconsciously views any of this current relationship as permanent.  "Stepping Stones" is what comes to my mind.  She may, incidentally, have another trade up in her system before she finds herself.  She's very young, just 21, without even her education finished yet.  In short, she hasn't yet figured out what she want to be when she grows up.  At the worst of it, when she does "wake up", you may find you are no longer at the center of her new universe, or even a necessary part of her life.

jinx, you wouldn't have started the thread if she weren't doing at least some whining about being bored and unhappy. Part time jobs and puppies are little more than band-aids, and the relief they give will be transitory.  I'm only guessing, but I think we are talking about a girl who has no clear life direction in her mind.  No man, IMHO, should invest time, effort, and his life's blood into a relationship with a girl who isn't ready to throw herself wholeheartedly into making the relationship a total success.  Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but all of your posts are excuses for her boredom, and you shouldn't be accepting any blame for that.  You can probably talk her into marriage, but I would probably have walked a wide circle around her and went on with my life.  Sandro's comment about a shallow and empty vessel very well described my own assessment.

jinx, you can move heaven and earth for someone, but you can't make them happy.  Only they can do that.

[jb]

FWIW, the above letter posted by Mir sounds like it's from from a "Law & Order" episode, located in Brighton Beach.  I hate to hear about another man's unhappiness, but it sounds like someone is married to a beautiful, but classless woman, he found on the web somewhere.  Happens all the time.

[jinx13]

jb,

  Thanks for the well thought out post, but there is no doom and gloom here, really. I think I have learned something about posting in this forum, don't ask for advice unless you have a 'real' problem. Nataly and I are doing fine, I was just asking for some basic ideas, which I got...online classes, sell e-bay, help me evaluate my competition in business, etc.  all great stuff, which is all I was looking for. She is working a part time job now, she has an interview with a school (teachers aide) on Tuesday, things are getting better for her.

 I resent some of the comments made here, like she is an empty vessel, shallow, or a teenager in an adult body, etc. Sorry, but it's rediculous to make comments about someone you have never met, and based on information I gave that she is bored while I'm at work. She is in a new city, without friends nearby, is it that difficult to understand? Nataly is a very intelligent girl, it's completely normal for her to be lonely the first month here (not in the U.S., in a new city and house) It takes time to get established, make new friends, and have a life seperate from mine. I am just trying to help in the meantime.

 I am a little different than most guys here in that I was not searching for a wife, I like Russian women, am  very attracted to them, but want to have a more normal courtship before getting married again. I want to date, live together, and see if we are meant to be in the long term. Nataly and I have moved to that next step (living together) and so far it's going very well, we are happier than we were apart, it's nice to share a bed, eating together, watching TV, sharing a daily life and becoming even closer. I am happy, and she is too. I don't need to "talk her into marriage"  she wants to marry me, I am the one that wants to take my time, it's the curse of the divorced man, we don't want to make the same mistake twice 

 After saying all that, I would like to say one more thing, let's stick to the topic at hand, and refrain from giving relationship advice when none was asked for, and also don't make deragatory comments about my girlfriend that you know nothing about. Thanks ,  David

[jb]

I didn't make a derogatory remark about your girlfriend.  Please don't send another PM using the tone you did. 

I don't know your age, only that you have a "rescued" 21 y.o. girl  in your home who is bored and making you unhappy in the process  Feeling less than adequate to meet her needs.  This is basic "Relationships 101".  I rather doubt you will ever be able to make her totally happy in a one-on-one relationship.  She seems to need more than you have to offer.

Good luck to you, Sir, you are going to need it.

[ScottinCrimea]

Considering some of the comments that were thrown out, I think David responded like a true gentleman.  I think you can learn something from him, JB.  Please, let's keep the personal attacks out of this forum.

[jb]

Scott,
You didn't see the PM he sent.  Nothing gentlemanly about that one.

[William3rd]

soooo- uhhh. Is there an immigration shoe that is going to drop here or is this all there is to it? How did this paragon of virtue get here?

[Turboguy]

I believe his first post said Green Card Lottery, William.

[jinx13]

I didn't make a derogatory remark about your girlfriend.  Please don't send another PM using the tone you did. 

I don't know your age, only that you have a "rescued" 21 y.o. girl  in your home who is bored and making you unhappy in the process  Feeling less than adequate to meet her needs.  This is basic "Relationships 101".  I rather doubt you will ever be able to make her totally happy in a one-on-one relationship.  She seems to need more than you have to offer.

Good luck to you, Sir, you are going to need it.

 Yes, I sent JB a PM because I am a gentleman and don't like to get into nasty debates in a public forum. I used the F word in the context of "you don't know what the F*** you are talking about JB"   so I guess that was not gentleman like, but I thought his post warranted such a response.

Sandro's comment about a shallow and empty vessel very well described my own assessment.

 That's not deragatory JB? I don't recall Sandro saying anything of the sort. How can I not be offended by that comment? Especially when it's such bull. You base your opinion's and criticisms on the little picture you created in your mind about my life and relationship with my girlfriend, that is completely not true. I never rescued her, she is here on her own terms, I am her boyfriend, we have a great relationship, it's not so complicated as you make it out to be. How did such an simple request for ideas to help with a very small problem turn into this? Go back and look at the responses from KenC, Vaughn, BillyB, JJ, etc.  This is helpful advice. Even Kuna and calcowboy1 although they were a bit off topic, I understood they were just trying to help, there is no need to attack me or the inteligence of my girlfriend here.

 JB, I know your an old timer here, and think maybe you know it all, and sometimes you are right on the money, but many other times you are just rude, and way off the mark. You should have stuck with your original gut feeling and just not made any comment at all.

[jb]

jinx13,

I remind you that this is an open forum.  You are the one who opened this thread and asked for advice and comments.  If you don't like what you get, ignore it.  Attacking me will not make your problems go away.  Of which, BTW, I suspect there are many.

[jinx13]

 JB,

 Yep, it's an open forum, but that doesn't mean I'm going to take insults to my girlfriend lightly. I've made comments here too that I have backed off from, or realized it wasn't the time or place, but I can admit when I am wrong and don't resort to personal attacks. I called you rude because you were rude, a fact, not an attack.

 Maybe your original post was meant to help (although I don't see how) but the way you write like you know our whole story, how I rescued the poor girl, and soon she will "upgrade" what the hell are you talking about? Do what you want in your fantasy world, I'm living in reality. We don't have "many problems" if we did I would be seeking advice, we are a happy couple, we laugh, we enjoy each others company, we are very much in love. I am just not jumping into marriage again, and she understands that.

 You don't know me, you don't know my girlfriend, and you don't know my life, so don't pass judgements like you do, that's all I'm saying.

[William3rd]

Thanks, turboguy. . . . . with all this live fire going overhead I must have missed it in all the excitement. 

[jb]

jinx13

I reserve the right to pass judgements based on the facts presented, and based on what I know of the entire process.  If that's too hard for you to understand, then please, do yourself and others a favor and don't start any more threads.  It's real simple.

Do I need to recap the events you have listed as to how she came to live with you?  Well okay, I will anyway.

She came to the USA and started life here with an controlling nut case older guy who wanted a "slave", a "nut case" who was looking for a housekeeper, a bed partner, perfect woman, etc.,,, do you remember posting that thread?  I do.  I have never really understood how her original visa got issued and I don't think you've explained that part fully.  Since the last time I looked there was no Visa Lottery for Russians, hasn't been for many years, so I'm not sure I believe that story either.  I think there are things you are not sharing with the board,,, like her immigration status.  In fact I think you've sugarcoated a lot of facts in your posts.

Since you posted that thread about the older "nut job" going to and back to the FSU looking for his "dream" girl, I suspect she was such a candidate and arrived here on a K-1 and has overstayed her visa and is prolly living with you out of status.  Hardly a bragging point. 

Of course, all of this is pure speculation and I'm more than willing to hear the real story about how she got here, but please don't think you can BS me into believing she's here on a Visa Lottery.

[William3rd]

Hey- cut the boy some slack. . . he is protecting his girlfriend.
Dont know whether she is worth it or not since I dont know him or here.

If anything, she has been less than candid with him all along and that is not his fault. I see a little over reaction, which is pretty common among the White Knights.

Cant we all just get along?