Wedding ideas needed. How to keep both families happy?

[LEGAL]

Kuna where did you get that avatar ?  Nice to see you buddy. Off to court closing arguments today.


LEGAL

[Elen]

Aint that the truth!!!

Truth
But you can only hope ( nothing more) that you would get parents who would REALLY be happy with video tape instead of attending wedding, with grandchildren speaking at another language who would visit Russia 1 per year ( in best case) with money through Western Union  intead of talks face to face and with ending days alone in some rest house  with a nurse ( even well paid) instead of children. Good luck for all of you to find such happy with anything parents

[Kuna]

Truth
But you can only hope ( nothing more) that you would get parents who would REALLY be happy with video tape instead of attending wedding, with grandchildren speaking at another language who would visit Russia 1 per year ( in best case) with money through Western Union  intead of talks face to face and with ending days alone in some rest house  with a nurse ( even well paid) instead of children. Good luck for all of you to find such happy with anything parents

Thanks for your good wishes Elen...   

[Elen]

Thanks for your good wishes Elen...   

You should know Elen better for not to be such sure it was "good" wishes After all I didn't say why I did think those parents could be happy with anything ( may be it's only their the only one chance to get rid off their daughter

[LEGAL]

Also I have a daughter 18 yeas old who spends a lot time in Net. And she fed up:X with western males about 40 years old (wich is close to her father's ages). who constanly knocked in her ISQ . The words she describes such Kasanovas with are no-translated Russian folklore

Elen,

nobody can guarantee where your daughter who spends a lot time in Net will meet a man of her heart and who he will be. Even, you mother, can not  guarantee it. 

Olga.

[MaxxumUSA]

Oh my...  I was looking for some constructive input here...  Guess you all have been busy flaring a tiny bit in my absence.

OK...  keep it up if you like.  Not sure what there is to flame about with this topic.

In any case...  I am sincerely interested in what others have done to at least try to make both sides of the family happy.

ELEN, I get the point that there is nothing as good as actually attending the wedding. 

As for putting her mother in a nursing home, I will post that question when it applies.  Hopefully not soon, her mother is only 10 years older than myself!  (She's 48)  There will be long term plans for visits and care however now is not the time for that.  The matter at hand is the matter at hand.

My point being, Elen, and all else, is what do you think are good ideas that might work.

For instance, I have one idea but I don't know how it will be received.  Here it is:  Me and Elena have a small private legal ceremony (Justice of peace) here in the USA.  But we have two public family oriented receptions where exchange vows in front of family.  If we exchange vows in Russia before we are legally married here in the USA will this be a legal problem?  Heck...  this is sounding better and better to me!  We could have THREE honeymoons!  Hehe

I'm seeking some creative ideas is my point.

Your thoughts?

Legal, the videotaping is a great idea.  Whatever we decide to do we will videotape for all.

Elen, you mentioned something about purchasing rings together.  It has always been my idea that the engagement ring is given by the man without the woman's input.  I believe a man should know his GF good enough to know what she will like.  In my case, this is already done.  I have read about men picking a ring out with his fiancee.  Is this russian tradition?  If so I am breaking it.

Now...  the wedding bands on the other hand I did forsee us shopping together for these.  This is how I planned this.  I will not change these plans however it would be nice to know if I did it wrong so I can prepare myself for questions or comments from her family.

[Elen]

Elen,
nobody can guarantee where your daughter who spends a lot time in Net will meet a man of her heart and who he will be. Even, you mother, can not  guarantee it. 
Olga.

 I think I do have such "a guarantee" because spending a lot of time in Internet she already got an idea that falling in love in internet was not such a fine idea. ( especially with somebody who she couldn't communicate properly with due to language barrier and who was raised in another culture) Also she dose not share an idea that there are no decent males in Russia
And addition to all these ideas what you said has nothing to do with my idea about "happiness" for parents I was speaking about

[Elen]

Oh my...  I was looking for some constructive input here...  Guess you all have been busy ELEN, I get the point that there is nothing as good as actually attending the wedding. 

I was speaking abit myself And I'm that person who think there is nothing good in marriage abroad to begin with 

[Elen]

Elen, you mentioned something about purchasing rings together.  It has always been my idea that the engagement ring is given by the man without the woman's input.  I believe a man should know his GF good enough to know what she will like.  In my case, this is already done.  I have read about men picking a ring out with his fiancee.  Is this Russian tradition?  If so I am breaking it.

It was not me who said that. I just told that paying for wedding rings was a must for a man ( well I was taught so) because talks was about exactly that issue.
 Also I personally am in favour of idea about simple wedding ring which I used to count like Russian traditional one ( simple golden ring without ANY decoration)  - it's just a "superstition" if you wish - wedding ring should be smooth like future life in marriage  Also a value of wedding ring should not be in "stones" but in the "meaning" of that ring .  So here there is not really too much sapce for fly of fantasy in picking up wedding rings . But times change ( with a help of advertising from jewellers) and many now pick up western style wedding rings with stones.  ( I was told that women in America used to brag in front of each others whose stone is bigger IOS it truth  ? )
As for engament ring than it's nor Russian tradition so I have not particular idea about them

[LEGAL]

I think I do have such "a guarantee" because spending a lot of time in Internet she already got an idea that falling in love in internet was not such a fine idea. ( especially with somebody who she couldn't communicate properly with due to language barrier and who was raised in another culture) Also she dose not share an idea that there are no decent males in Russia
And addition to all these ideas what you said has nothing to do with my idea about "happiness" for parents I was speaking about

Idea from internet or from mother 

And like you that or not but I AM that your "hypothetical" mother in law whose daughter you would be able to take across the sea only oversteping her (te my) dead body:P:P:P 

It's an advice for Americans as well. As for us we are so-o-o complacent (and always have been) because we have much more little to lose than you - such rich fat Americans

Olga.

[groovlstk]

Maxxum, is this your girl's first marriage? How about yours?

Reason I ask is that my wife had previously been married before I came into the picture so the wedding ceremony was not a big deal to her. Her mom and dad are divorced and mom's remarried, and there's enough enmity between them to this day that putting them together in the same room is out of the question. We talked about having a ceremony in Moscow and another in the US but she was a bit cynical on the idea of another celebration in Russia (outside of her family and very closest friends, she tabbed most other attendees as 'freeloaders' who'd care only about the free vodka and food).

Why not wait to discuss this with her after you've popped the question?

[Elen]

Idea from internet or from mother 
Olga.

  Idea from dealing with foreigners in internt.  From mother she got an idea that love should be at FIRST place in chosing husband And common sence tells her that to fall in love with somebody who you can't communicate with is rather hard thing to do.

PC a qoute about dead body was a joke of course but it did reflex my attitude to this business in general which I always showed when talks started about how happy her" parents would be.  And I can't get myself what I said in second qoute because it was taken out of context and now I have not idea what it was discussion about
 But my ego is smoothed with an idea that you bother yourself with searching what I had said two years ago 

[LEGAL]

  Idea from dealing with foreigners in internt.  From mother she got an idea that love should be at FIRST place in chosing husband And common sence tells her that to fall in love with somebody who you can't communicate with is rather hrd thing to do

I agree with you "that love should be at FIRST place in choosing husband". But why do you think that love can not be between two people who are from different contries?

Olga.

[MaxxumUSA]

Maxxum, is this your girl's first marriage? How about yours?

Reason I ask is that my wife had previously been married before I came into the picture so the wedding ceremony was not a big deal to her. Her mom and dad are divorced and mom's remarried, and there's enough enmity between them to this day that putting them together in the same room is out of the question. We talked about having a ceremony in Moscow and another in the US but she was a bit cynical on the idea of another celebration in Russia (outside of her family and very closest friends, she tabbed most other attendees as 'freeloaders' who'd care only about the free vodka and food).

Why not wait to discuss this with her after you've popped the question?

MMmm...  free vodka and food!  cool!  Oh wait...  Am I the one paying!  LMAO  Just kidding...  I will be VERY happy to pay for whatever we decide.

To answer your questions this is my second marriage and her first marriage.  She is 30 and I am 38 years old.  My first marriage I got orders to go to Desert Storm in 1991, so I had 48 hours to leave.  I married my pregnant GF before I left for war at justice of peace.  So I did not have a big wedding my first marriage.

You are wise in asking me about talking about this with her.  I simply am here asking for ideas.  Of course we will discuss these things together.  I am sure she will have some ideas of her own.  After all, she IS a RW.    I personally don't have any specific requests.  But I think these things will be important to her and her family.

Elen,
Why are you on this board if you are so against these relationships?  I am new here, so please explain.  By the way I feel you have the right to be here regardless of your position.  I'm just not sure of your motivation to be involved here.

[Elen]

I agree with you "that love should be at FIRST place in choosing husband". But why do you think that love can not be between two people who are from different contries?
Olga.

I didn't say THAT about people from different countries ( though different cultures do add troubles into marriage, as well as living in "alen" country)
 I was speaking about people who you couldn't communicate properly at the same language therefore couldnt understand who you were dealing with, couln't spend enough time with, and etc ( in addition an idea of "purposely" searching for love ( like it is in this business) is not that thing wich my mind could hold   )

[LEGAL]

PC a qoute about dead body was a joke of course but it did reflex my attitude to this business in general which I always showed when talks started about how happy her" parents would be.  And I can't get myself what I said in second qoute because it was taken out of context and now I have not idea what it was discussion about
 But my ego is smoothed with an idea that you bother yourself with searching what I had said two years ago 

Yes, Elen,

I read your posts that you wrote two years ago because it is your attitude in general as your jokes. And all your posts and jokes are interconnected. Your attitude is not changed.

Olga.

[LEGAL]

Elen,
Why are you on this board if you are so against these relationships?  I am new here, so please explain.  By the way I feel you have the right to be here regardless of your position.  I'm just not sure of your motivation to be involved here.

Elen,
Why you are here?

Do your think that American guys are so naive that your have chosen this mission :

Back to the point where all this started at - "Belarus is in deeper hole than Ukraine therefore it would be easy to pick up girl there" (interpretation of mine)

Well if you guys want to fool yourselves then I can do little about that. My business is to warn you - Things in White Russia are not such bad for some girls would try to escape at any possible ways from the country. So you should offer them something different from material stuff

Back to 23 y. o girl. In Russia it's ages when students finish their high edication and start to look for job. May be it's a case of your girl who is looking for professional careeer at the West and doesn't dream at all about kids. American "papik" would be very useful for that.

Do you really think that guys on this board  can not see what is wrong and what is right?

Olga.

[Elen]

Yes my attitude is still the same Why would it change after being at such boards for about two years   - time just only proved that I was right from the beginning  

To  Maxxum Well I do have a story how I appeared at such boards But dealing with people in internet taught me very fast not to tell ANYTHING from my personal "story" ANYTING could be twisted and spreaded in pervet manera ( behind your back in addition   )

 So take it just like my entertainment in the Net during my work at computer - i have to spent almost 24 hours sometimes  In former times I used to hang at politic boards. It of course didn't mean that I was going to nominate my person for president.  But I was tired and boring with only politic talks.  
 Here I can get more fun   and train my English with crushing illusions of those foreigners who come here with a strong belief that they know anyting better about Russia than Russians, that every Russian woman would be glad to marry first foreigner she met, that every parents just dream about sending daughter abroad and etc

To Olga

Judging by what those guys posted here  and at other such boards they ARE naive ( in best case)   And are YOU yourself such a "naive" to think all those strories and questions  posted at this board were exactly because guys could see perfectly what's wrong and what's right. If it was so I think there would not be a need in existance of such board

And one more time I don;t see it's like my mission (it's from American "culture" to go  on "missions") but rather like an entertamnet for myself and like not such vane thing for foreigners ( I mean to hear an opinion of that who lives here in Russia CURRENTLY and who is not involved in this business)

---------------

PS BTW Are you going to continue to re post here anythng what I said two years ago  You see it's really hard to understand even by myself what talks were about because all qoutes are taken out of context.

[Bluebell]

I often read American men mentioning they paid all the wedding expenses in Russia. If the wedding customs in Russia are like in Romania, then this is not only a question of being generous, but even expected by the bride's family. The groom pays for everything, for the rings, wedding dresses, reception and other expenses, while the bride's family just shows up with presents  

For a mother nothing can replace attending her own daughter's wedding, but if your fiancee can be in telephone contact (or even video contact if you can arrange that) with her parents all day long on that special day, her family will not feel so excluded from this important event of their life.

[LEGAL]

Here I can get more fun   and train my English with crushing illusions of those foreigners who come here with a strong belief that they know anyting better about Russia than Russians, that every Russian woman would be glad to marry first foreigner she met, that every parents just dream about sending daughter abroad and etc

To Olga

Judging by what those guys posted here  and at other such boards they ARE naive ( in best case)   And are YOU yourself such naive that you belive all those strories and questions  posted at this board were exactly because guys could see perfectly what's wrong and what's right. If it was so I think there would not be a need in existance of such board

OK. You are here for your own fun and for your own fun you star your "scientific debate" with professional American doctor who lives in Russia. Judging the member when he has told his story that is happened with him in Russia on this board you have called him liar for your own fun and training your English.

It is my right to believe stories or not because I'm from Russia and I know the life in Russia and now I can see the life here in America with my own eyes.

Olga.

[LEGAL]

PS BTW Are you going to continue to re post here anythng what I said two years ago  You see it's really hard to understand even by myself what talks were about because all qoutes are taken out of context.

It is all your attitude in general to international marriages and people from other contries.

Olga.

[Elen]

OK. You are here for your own fun and for your own fun you star your "scientific debate" with professional American doctor. Judging the member when he has told his story on this board you have called him liar for your own fun and training your English.

If you have a wish to criticize my posts it's better to do RIGHT in that thread where it was posted

Until those happy for me times when you get at last  such a simple idea about discussions at internet boards I could remind you that I started "scientific debate"  with "professional American doctor" of yours about his "high professional" statement that Russian doctors didn't treat бородавки because it was like they were taught 

 As for "lier" then may be you show where I said exactly THAT.  I with my sclerosis could recall only that I said I had doubts that it was exactly like it was told and asked to tell a story by somebody else who presented at a scene And it DID APPEAR that that first guy who told his variant of story did NOT tell the whole story

It is my right to believe stories or not because I'm from Russia and I know the live in Russia and now I can see the live here in America with my own eyes.
Olga.

<shrug> Believe in what you wish  ( even in that you do know how life in Russia now  even if you live in America ) I can't recall I deprived you of that your right

( BTW point was that one

Judging by what those guys posted here  and at other such boards they ARE naive ( in best case)   And are YOU yourself such a "naive" to think all those strories and questions  posted at this board were exactly because guys could see perfectly what's wrong and what's right. If it was so I think there would not be a need in existance of such board

)

[Elen]

It is all your attitude in general to international marriages and people from other contries.
Olga.

Well few qoutes taken from context is not ALL my attitude. It's not attitude to INTERNATIONAL marriage in general. ( but rather to international marriages through internet and adting agencies)  And it's not for sure my attitude to people from other counties at all.
 

[MaxxumUSA]

Ok...

It was not my intention that this thread be an argument.  But Ok ladies...  if you're really going to fight, let's get some good mud and a little arena.

Got your bikinis ready?  RWD's first mud rastlin' match is in session!   

LMAO

PS  Just having a little fun here since I'm  not getting the advice asked for.   

[LEGAL]

Believe in what you wish  ( even in that you do know how life in Russia now  even if you live in America ) I can't recall I deprived you of that your right

Yes!  I believe and I'm sure that not all guys on this board are so naive as you think 

As for "lier" then may be you show where I said exactly THAT. 

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=3955.45

Olga.