Age Gap - bull's eye

[I/O]

I/O,

When addressing me (C/B ?).........at least spell my name right..................."Capt B"

Yes SIR....!!!  Cap'n Sir...!!

I/O

[Daveman]

Dan: Yes, it's very refreshing actually.  I understand what you mean.  This is actually my third, though still early, relationship with an FSU lady. The first two ladies were very soft spoken. Not really timid, but not quite like this either.  Funny though, that I'd get such a kick in the pants for this.. because the deal was that after we meet, we'd 'discuss any concerns'.  Seems everyone is exactly correct that a concern can never be revisited (though we never did talk about this mortality topic, it was a new concern for me, but an old one for her under the umbrella of age.. which does gives credibility to I/O's statement that she'll have decided things I'm still thinking about)

Kuna: Oh yeah, I have seen that emotional manipulation.. lol.. I actually think it's kinda sexy, but hey, I'm weird anyway.  I have read other areas where you've posted about your girl.  I think you both are very fortunate.  But from some of those posts I think maybe YOU both need a good horn lockin' sometimes..

I/O: Now, you couldn't possibly think that I'm bright enough to extrapolate THIS from those PM's, now do ya??    But, in retrospect..  I see your point...  I really like that point about equality. 

You know though.  I've been thinking about something here.  I don't want to analyze this to death, but something has been bothering me about this.  Not in a bad way, but in a "something doesn't add up" kind of way.  There's alot of truth about the decision aspect, yes. I've seen it and don't deny it. And I was certainly waffling here.  But, there's something else.  What really surprised me was the tone of her voice and her exact usage of phrasing.  Granted, she spoke in Russian, faster than I could understand. But, I think she was being protective.  She could feel me pulling away over the last couple of days, I know that.  It was like she felt the relationship was being threatened and killed the threat before it could happen.  It was in her voice as well as what she said.  The threat was what she perceived to be a wrong decision she thought I was about to make, and cut it off before it could be made.  I think she was afraid I was about to MAKE a decision.  There is no reason for her to repeat "the decision has already been made", it was like she was stepping on the snake over and over and over again to make sure it is dead.  In my experience, FSU girl's don't repeat themselves like that.  That behavior is simply unusual.  Oh well, if left to my own devices, I'll analyze something until hades hath snowballs.  I've had my 15 minutes of fame in this thread and time to move on.

I am optimistic about this, but remember, we've got a long way to grow. Only time and due diligence will  eventually lead to the answer as to whether either one of us is a keeper in this relationship.  It's good, and growing. It is what it is.

Dave

[I/O]

Dave: Men chase until women catch them.  She saw you had cut a small hole in the net and might escape, she isn't IMO about to let that happen.  Ya got hammered brother.  Get used to it, there is more to come. (But usually in the nicest ways when you think about it)

I/O

[Daveman]

Absolutely got spanked, hammered, with a blitzkrieg that left me sitting and wondering what the heck had just happened.  Pondering the possible immediate "why" of that, really is an exercise in futility.  Probably in the big scheme of things it was nothing more than a notice to relax and just *be*.  Which itself is a lesson life has been trying to teach me for years.  Talk about stubbornness. Sheesh.

[I/O]

Dave:  A couple of clues.  Get used to phrases like this.  Why?  Explain me why you speak that? I don't understand why you thinking that..!!  Why we not do this now? I thinking this not is normal..!! You think I the stupid woman? I not the child..!! You think I bullsheet, I the good woman...!! I the Russian woman, I can sustain all...!! You the good man, I not stupid, I know what is the good man. You not glad?  Why you not glad? You sad? (Me....no I am just thinking) What you thinking....I thinking you sad.

And...........you might just get all of the above and some in about 2 sentences spanning about 1 minute, followed by a direct gaze expecting a complete answer. 

Good luck brother.  'Tis how 'tis.

I/O

[KenC]

Dave,
I have been following your posts here and I can say that I feel your pain!  I struggled with the age issue for many months and even after I was married to my wife.  Of course our gap is larger than your's too.  Our age gap was the only one thing that kept me from completely accepting a wonderful loving relationship for quite some time.  It just didn't seem realistic to me that a young, beautiful, educated woman would be so over the top in love with an old fart like me.  The fact that the age gap is such a concern to you, proves to me that you are not just chasing a young skirt like some here.  It shows that you are a realistic man with realistic concerns.  But you have to consider a few things.

 #1 at 29 your RW is not a babe in the woods.  Russians have a different scale of measurement when it comes to age.  A Russian "girl" becomes a "woman" at 25.  To not be married and approaching 30 is almost a catastrophe.  It is just a different scale than you are used to.

#2 Your girl is right.  It is her decision to accept the age difference or not.  Obviously she has and you have yet to.  Either accept it and move forward or not.

BTW, the deciding factor for me was that after having Lena in my life, I just could not fathom her not being in it.  I swallowed hard, and dove in knowing it was a huge risk, but a risk worth taking for the potential rewards.  I have never regretted it.  Good luck.
KenC

[Jazzyclassy]

Dave:  A couple of clues.  Get used to phrases like this.  Why?  Explain me why you speak that? I don't understand why you thinking that..!!  Why we not do this now? I thinking this not is normal..!! You think I the stupid woman? I not the child..!! You think I bullsheet, I the good woman...!! I the Russian woman, I can sustain all...!! You the good man, I not stupid, I know what is the good man. You not glad?  Why you not glad? You sad? (Me....no I am just thinking) What you thinking....I thinking you sad.

And...........you might just get all of the above and some in about 2 sentences spanning about 1 minute, followed by a direct gaze expecting a complete answer. 

Good luck brother.  'Tis how 'tis.

I/O

Oh that made me laugh so much , I realised how we women are sometimes
but women are very emotional they are almost all like that:)

and that is true it is how it is:)

[Daveman]

Ken, you touched on something that really hit home.  She has accepted it, and I still have problems with it.  Even now, after the conversation (read, listening to her...) I still think about it some, not like before, but some.  I guess because although the "issue has already been decided", the underlying reason for my concern will always be present.  It's not a 'disagreement' that can be discussed, a compromise found, and have it go away -- simply "deciding the age issue" doesn't change reality.

It helps me alot to know you still had thoughts about these types of things, even after marriage.  It's time for me to accept that I will probably always "think" about this in some way, but also time get these thoughts *out of the relationship* and accept it the way it is.

Dave

[Daveman]

Dave:  A couple of clues.  Get used to phrases like this.  Why?  Explain me why you speak that? I don't understand why you thinking that..!!  Why we not do this now? I thinking this not is normal..!! You think I the stupid woman? I not the child..!! You think I bullsheet, I the good woman...!! I the Russian woman, I can sustain all...!! You the good man, I not stupid, I know what is the good man. You not glad?  Why you not glad? You sad? (Me....no I am just thinking) What you thinking....I thinking you sad.

And...........you might just get all of the above and some in about 2 sentences spanning about 1 minute, followed by a direct gaze expecting a complete answer. 

Good luck brother.  'Tis how 'tis.

I/O

I/O, I have just now called to cancel her English lessons.    I've seen that gaze! only it was after she spoke something in Russian, waited for 5 seconds (while I was still deciphering what she had said), blurted out something else and gazed at me again.  I'm dreading the day when "ya ni ponimayu" is no longer a sustainable defense!   

[I/O]

Dave:  I am all for pushing people to wait and proceed slowly and again, I would encourage you to do likewise.  Nevertheless, there is certain stages we need to go through in all of this.

I think you are stuck on one stage, "IE The Age Thing".  I don't agree completely with others when the say it is her decision to make. I think you need to get off your dime and make a decision one way or another and move forward either onwards or outwards.

FWIW

I/O

[timothe]

Ha!  This thread became interesting once Dave chimed in with his lady's "decision".

The words "go strong or go home" come to mind. 

I love I/O's characterization of a conversation with an RW.  I've had those conversations with my ladyfriend and they are no fun.

I've recently thought about whether I would be able to "stand up" to my ladyfriend when she gets here and we inevitably have these arguments.  I was raised mostly by my very sweet Catholic mother and I've always been open to other's opinion...not rigid.  I've decided for myself that I am simply going to pick my battles based on what's important to me.  I don't know how that's going to play out, to be honest.  Time will tell.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience, Dave and good luck to you in the training.  (I hope she trains you well   :crackthewhip:)

[Daveman]

Dave:  I am all for pushing people to wait and proceed slowly and again, I would encourage you to do likewise.  Nevertheless, there is certain stages we need to go through in all of this.

I think you are stuck on one stage, "IE The Age Thing".  I don't agree completely with others when the say it is her decision to make. I think you need to get off your dime and make a decision one way or another and move forward either onwards or outwards.

FWIW

I/O

I/O,
Of course I agree. I have made the decision to go for it with her.  I just mention that I still think about it a little, but I'm not going to let it screw with my mind and therefore our relationship anymore.  I've come to terms with it in my way, but, I can honestly that my bullheaded request for 'no advice' was *very* stupid.  If Scott and Dan had not chimed in, I'd probably still be in a stupid state of wankdom.  Next time I say "no advice", somebody bring out the freakin' clue bat.

timothe: lol... I've ordered a thicker 'dinosaur skin' for my training process.  I can certainly lock horns with the best of 'em, but first I have to know a horn lockin' is coming my way!  I was expecting tenderness and got hit with a dose of Russian Reality.  I got a horn in the ass when I wasn't looking!!  It's cool, I'll be ready for it next time.   

P.S.  Funny though, when i mentioned that i was going to discuss this with her... I can't believe you experienced gentlemen didn't know this was coming.  You HAD to.  A simple "Dave, this may not be a tender discussion like you THINK it will" would have been enough.  I hereby sentence all of you to  "Life" with three Russian women and only one kitchen!! 

Dave

[I/O]

I love I/O's characterization of a conversation with an RW.  I've had those conversations with my ladyfriend and they are no fun.

I've recently thought about whether I would be able to "stand up" to my ladyfriend when she gets here and we inevitably have these arguments. 

Those conversations are not arguements.  That's normal for us.  If you can't handle that as normal conversation you have a snowflakes chance in hell of surviving this pursuit past the first two or three visits.

From what I can gather from the married guys, it doesn't change greatly at any later stage.  Seems to me, you get used to it or get out.

I/O

[SANDRO43]

I got a horn in the ass when I wasn't looking!! 

You should consider enrolling in an Escuela de Tauromaquia, then .

[viking]

Dave:  A couple of clues.  Get used to phrases like this.  Why?  Explain me why you speak that? I don't understand why you thinking that..!!  Why we not do this now? I thinking this not is normal..!! You think I the stupid woman? I not the child..!! You think I bullsheet, I the good woman...!! I the Russian woman, I can sustain all...!! You the good man, I not stupid, I know what is the good man. You not glad?  Why you not glad? You sad? (Me....no I am just thinking) What you thinking....I thinking you sad.

And...........you might just get all of the above and some in about 2 sentences spanning about 1 minute, followed by a direct gaze expecting a complete answer. 

Good luck brother.  'Tis how 'tis.

I/O

Right on!!  During my first 2 years in meeting RWs, I got hit with this and responded like a typical AM talking to a typical AW. I simply did not have my skill set up to speed. To say I got hammered would be an understatement. This last trip, knowing a least a bit more than before, resulted in a much better understanding between my lady of choice and myself.

She -  I the Russian woman.
Me - Yes, yes you are, very much so and that is what I like about you. Now, about dinner.
She  - you wish to eat now?
Me - Da
She- I wish Japanese
Me - I pick this resturant
She - Good
Me - Good
End of conversation, for the moment.

[ScottinCrimea]

Dave, I think all of us experienced guys knew it was coming, but we're experience enough to know it would have been no good to tell you and also to know when to enjoy the fireworks from a distance.

I think now maybe it's time for "Russian women 102".  The two most important Russian words you must learn if you want to be successful with a Russian wmoan are, "Da Doragaya".  My wife says when she hears those words she has an orgasm.  

[jb]

The two most important Russian words you must learn if you want to be successful with a Russian wmoan are, "Da Doragaya".

Absolutely correct,,, it helps if you can keep a straight face and sound sincere when you say it.

[LEGAL]

 The two most important Russian words you must learn if you want to be successful with a Russian wmoan are, "Da Doragaya".  

http://www.meighan.net/alexander/Chapter1.htm     

Olga.

[IAmZon]

Well, just got back from Spring Break:)  Never thought I would say that again!

You can't go back in time.  But you don't have to.  It's not better or worse the second time around - just different.  You must be more of an observer in some ways; you can be more of a particpant in others.

I think it is important to stay true to yourself, and be mindful of the league question.  Only then you can permit yourself the freedom to fully enjoy.