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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 279220 times)

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Offline tfcrew

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2825 on: March 30, 2019, 02:24:04 PM »
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."
 One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year".
 Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
 "I think so," replied the other. "I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"

Online msmob

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« Reply #2826 on: March 31, 2019, 08:00:32 AM »
Now that IS funny..))

Does it say anything about those who like hunting for sport ? ;)
No to Brexit, Yes to a People's Vote on Brexit, THEN a General Election

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« Reply #2827 on: March 31, 2019, 01:44:39 PM »
Now that IS funny..))

Does it say anything about those who like hunting for sport ? ;)

Eats meat but thinks he's better than hunters







« Last Edit: March 31, 2019, 01:51:27 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online 2tallbill

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2828 on: March 31, 2019, 01:51:06 PM »









FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online msmob

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2829 on: March 31, 2019, 05:07:17 PM »
Eats meat but thinks he's better than hunters ]

Pathetic...   

That's it ? Your attempt to condone hunting for sport ?

Newsflash, Beel ..   Sometime ago I figured out where meat comes from ...     

There's ways and ways ..   Stun and kill - not shoot, miss, maim and - perhaps - eventually kill



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Offline tfcrew

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2830 on: March 31, 2019, 05:17:39 PM »





 



Online 2tallbill

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« Reply #2831 on: March 31, 2019, 05:38:55 PM »
Pathetic...   

My mistake, I should have said EXTREME HYPOCRISY and ignorant
and narcissistic, who is happy to get into fights in a humor thread
because this is all about you. 


Do you know what they do to boy cows? They gather them when they are
young and traumatically separate them from their mothers. They send them
down a chute where at the end they are squeezed and bent over to the side.

Then they slice a cut along their scrotum, then they reach in with their fingers
and pull each testicle out, force a tag through the skin in their ears and then
they burn them through their hair and hide permanently scaring them. 

Then they pack these cows into pens and they basically live in their own sh!t
while they are fattened up for slaughter. I could go on and on about the way
they are packed into trucks, about how they are lined up and killed one after
another and you could educate yourself about what they go through or you
can sit judging others as if you knew what you were talking about.

Now go ahead and post about how you know ranchers and blah, blah, blah
and how you have any clue at all and about how you are better and more
important than people who hunt and not a narcissist.

Let's make a couple pages of a humor thread that you participate in while
admitting that you don't tell jokes all about you and your specialness. 

« Last Edit: March 31, 2019, 05:51:06 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline tfcrew

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2832 on: March 31, 2019, 08:58:19 PM »



 


Online jone

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2833 on: March 31, 2019, 09:46:40 PM »
My mistake, I should have said EXTREME HYPOCRISY and ignorant
and narcissistic, who is happy to get into fights in a humor thread
because this is all about you. 


Do you know what they do to boy cows? They gather them when they are
young and traumatically separate them from their mothers. They send them
down a chute where at the end they are squeezed and bent over to the side.

Then they slice a cut along their scrotum, then they reach in with their fingers
and pull each testicle out, force a tag through the skin in their ears and then
they burn them through their hair and hide permanently scaring them. 

Then they pack these cows into pens and they basically live in their own sh!t
while they are fattened up for slaughter. I could go on and on about the way
they are packed into trucks, about how they are lined up and killed one after
another and you could educate yourself about what they go through or you
can sit judging others as if you knew what you were talking about.

Now go ahead and post about how you know ranchers and blah, blah, blah
and how you have any clue at all and about how you are better and more
important than people who hunt and not a narcissist.

Let's make a couple pages of a humor thread that you participate in while
admitting that you don't tell jokes all about you and your specialness.

Bill,

That has got to be one of the funniest posts on this humor thread.   Thanks for that.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Online msmob

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2834 on: April 01, 2019, 02:51:08 AM »
Isn!t it strange that some folk do not get the one's 'humour' can actually be offensive to another.

I make no 'apologies' for raising my viewpoint but if the subsequent comments 'offend' you, Beel... feel free to sk a kind mod to make a new thread !

I humbly apologise for causing offence..

Cluebat... that was me being ironic..



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Online 2tallbill

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2835 on: April 01, 2019, 03:43:26 PM »
Bill,

That has got to be one of the funniest posts on this humor thread.   Thanks for that.

Anytime Jone,

I am glad to have found your funny bone.
Note: I did make at least 500+ posts in this thread that were intended
to be humorous.

I humbly apologise for causing offence..

Cluebat... that was me being ironic..

Thank you for that
« Last Edit: April 01, 2019, 03:45:05 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline tfcrew

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2836 on: April 01, 2019, 04:59:44 PM »
Quote from: msmob on Today at 02:51:08 AM -------------------I humbly apologise for causing offence..
************************************************************************
Thank you for that
OK I get it--April Fools.. Right?
 

Online 2tallbill

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« Reply #2837 on: April 05, 2019, 12:57:10 PM »
Quote from: msmob on Today at 02:51:08 AM -------------------I humbly apologise for causing offence..
************************************************************************OK I get it--April Fools.. Right?
 

I'm going to put jokes and things that I find humorous in this
thread moving forward. 

Udachi!

Bill






« Last Edit: April 05, 2019, 01:02:09 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline ML

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2838 on: April 08, 2019, 09:59:15 AM »
Redneck gal has several older brothers.

So, upon getting confirmation that she is pregnant, she says:

"How do I know it's mine?"
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online 2tallbill

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« Reply #2839 on: April 08, 2019, 10:36:42 AM »
Redneck gal has several older brothers.

So, upon getting confirmation that she is pregnant, she says:

"How do I know it's mine?"

Her boyfriend broke up with her, but said
"hey we can still be cousins"


Redneck word of the day is "Twerk"

I could watch football all day, but I've got to get twerk.

« Last Edit: April 08, 2019, 10:53:46 AM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online Gator

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2840 on: April 08, 2019, 10:47:50 AM »
On his Wedding Day, a West Virginia guy says goodbye to his parents as he drives away for his honeymoon,

Late that night the father is awakened by the noise of someone entering the house.  It's his son, without his new bride. 

"What happened, son?"

"Dad, she is a virgin."

"Good thinking, son.  If she is not good enough for her family, she is not good enough for ours."

True story
.
.
.
.
.
Maybe

Online 2tallbill

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« Reply #2841 on: April 21, 2019, 12:37:31 PM »
Next time that you feel like an idiot, just remember
Kim Kardashian played poker with mirrored sunglasses.




« Last Edit: April 21, 2019, 12:39:11 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online 2tallbill

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2842 on: April 21, 2019, 12:41:51 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online krimster2

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2843 on: April 21, 2019, 12:53:55 PM »
maybe she's copying Thorpe!!!!

http://www.engadget.com/2013/09/18/edward-thorp-father-of-wearable-computing/

I counted cards in Reno back in 1980, was sometimes successful, especially if dealer doesn't reshuffle the deck
which they wouldn't automatically do back then....

also "counted" slots by hanging back and watching people play and mentally counting coins in and out on each machine in a row
if players left after a lot of coins in on a particular machine, I'd jump on that machine before someone else did
hit several mid-sized jackpots!!  talk about getting attention from the ladies!!!
read what a "Poisson Distribution" is
Reno slots have Nevada Gaming Commission mandated payout of not less than 91%
my game was over when security caught me and put me on a list and I wasn't allowed into any casinos in Reno any more
house makes the rules so the house always wins



« Last Edit: April 21, 2019, 01:06:28 PM by krimster2 »

Offline ML

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« Reply #2844 on: April 21, 2019, 05:57:57 PM »

I counted cards in Reno back in 1980, was sometimes successful, especially if dealer doesn't reshuffle the deck
which they wouldn't automatically do back then....

Multiple decks used now.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online krimster2

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« Reply #2845 on: April 21, 2019, 06:58:19 PM »
fortunately, what I did was not illegal under Nevada state law, so I could not be prosecuted
but it did earn me a trip to the back room for interrogation
I cooperated fully, and explained my system which under ideal conditions gave me a 4 point advantage in Black Jack , at the time I believe my card strategy was unique
I didn’t really have enough to bet back then to really hurt the casino, they actually expressed appreciation that I gave them a detailed explanation and walked them through it including the math
still, the end result was that I was banned, couldn’t even eat at the Friday Seafood Buffet any more...

The essence of my system, is that every card with a value of 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, or 7 is going to count as +1 and the aces and 10s count as -1. There are 24 of the former and 20 of the latter, so if you counted through an entire deck you’d have a total of +4 when you finished.

When the count is positive, you’ll increase the size of your bets. When it’s negative, you’ll lower your bet to the minimum. The higher the count, the more you bet.  gets more complex with multiple decks, but all this is “easy-peasy” for someone like me with Asperger’s

this system gave me a small edge, so it means you need to play a lot to actually make some $$$
meanwhile casino likes to ply you with free alcohol served by gorgeous hostesses to distract you
1980 was the last time I did this....



Online 2tallbill

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« Reply #2846 on: April 21, 2019, 10:29:57 PM »
fortunately, what I did was not illegal under Nevada state law, so I could not be prosecuted

Counting cards is still not illegal. Very few people can do it these days.
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline ML

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2847 on: April 22, 2019, 09:32:25 PM »
Whether you golf or not, these are AWESOME shoes!

Nike now markets Green Shoes,  first seen at the 2019 Masters Tournament.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online krimster2

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« Reply #2848 on: April 22, 2019, 09:37:28 PM »
last year in Amsterdam there were people walking around wearing only body paint, male and female
no one but me batted an eyelash
love that place

"Counting cards is still not illegal. Very few people can do it these days. "

continuous shuffle machines SHOULD have ended counting
I never went back to the tables after I was banned, so I don't know this field anymore
although security was professionally courteous
they were also very intimidating
totally miss the Friday Sea Food buffets though...

« Last Edit: April 22, 2019, 10:07:50 PM by krimster2 »

Online 2tallbill

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« Reply #2849 on: April 23, 2019, 10:56:20 AM »
first seen at the 2019 Masters Tournament.

Who is marketing the shorts?



FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

 

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