My uncles advice

[pik]

Hi. I need an opinion from a FCU woman's point of view concerning some strange advice that was given me. I was talking to my uncle about my rocky relationship that came to a stormy end for all for the usual reasons, & how I had ended the relationship but now I very much regret it because I have had time to think. He told me that she will probably ignore me now unless I really did something to get her attention such as getting on a plane & just going back to her home again & ask to start over or pop the question.  Sounds to me like a good way to get arrested but would ths be viewed differently by a woman in the FCU? What do you think? Foolish?

[groovlstk]

If you've been to the FSU four times, as your details state, you'll know that the militsya wouldn't bother with such a trifling matter as stalking.

Showing up on a far-away ex's doorstep one day might work in romantic comedies, but unless she still has strong feelings for you then you're chasing the moon.

[William3rd]

How about a huge bouquet of flowers and balloons all saying IM SORRY?

And save the airfare for either after she agrees to let you come back or for a future trip to start over. . . .

[Rvrwind]

First off its FSU, if you can't get that right you are going to have trouble with the rest, believe it. It shows your lack of respect to her & her culture if you can't get something as simple as the region name correct.
As for the rest, welllllll Russian women can be forgiving but they are very strong willed & proud as well. Getting on your hands & knees & begging sure as hell ain't goig to work. They want a man not  some pu$$y whipped soul who thinks he's one. Not saying thats you, just clarifying. To get her to change her mind & accept you back will take much groundwork cunning & a whole lot of Flowers!!! Even then I wouldn't give any guarrantee but you might have a shot. I reckon it will mostly be based on how badly you hurt her & how you treated her on the way out the door & what you willing to change to bring her back. Russian ladies have loooonnnnngggggg memories & never forget a damn thing.
Good luck, your gonna need it!

[jb]

What do you think? Foolish?

Extremely foolish.   Don't  waste your time with this nonsense.  If you need to start over, then start over,,, with another woman and apply all the lessons learned.  Don't be a fool.

[pik]

First off its FSU, if you can't get that right you are going to have trouble with the rest, believe it. It shows your lack of respect to her & her culture if you can't get something as simple as the region name correct.

...and TYPO means having typed too fast & forgetting to edit. Yes I fully understand about the "Former Soviet Union", and thanks for the advice.

Sorry if i gave the impression that groveling & begging was part of it - its definitely not! I just had a change of heart. I ended it because of how she treated me but now I'm willing to forget & start again under certain conditions because I am at fault too.
Well I figured uncles advice was well meaning but naive but my point in all this was that I am curious about how the FSU women see this sort of thing & how they would deal with similar situations. Thanks everyone.

[ecr844]

"Pik,"

Fact of the matter is...whatever else you do DONOT GO THERE WITH A RING IN HAND RIGHT AWAY AFTER THIS.. Just my $.02

[Daveman]

Sorry if i gave the impression that groveling & begging was part of it - its definitely not! I just had a change of heart. I ended it because of how she treated me but now I'm willing to forget & start again under certain conditions because I am at fault too.

Well, 'conditions' are meaningless and don't last.. maybe there's an example somewhere which contradicts that, but it would be an against all odds miracle exception... people are who they are and having specific conditions or
'laying down the law' really doesn't change anything.. if she treated you 'badly' before, she will again when she feels she has you in her clutches...  I think that's pretty much universal.  People don't change much unless it's into a different era of age/life... priorities may change, but character rarely does. 

Only you know... the rest of the story..
Good luck with it anyway
Dave

[William3rd]

If YOU broke it off because of how SHE is treating YOU, why would you ever go back? There isnt going to be a change in the offing, is there? She isnt going to meet any conditions you have. . .

What you smoking, dude?

[BC]

Life has taught me that a book is never as good the second time 'round.

Regardless of reason or fault, learn and move on.

[Gator]

I ended it because of how she treated me but now I'm willing to forget & start again under certain conditions because I am at fault too.

Without more details, this can be interpreted in different ways.   Few, however, would suggest that you should try again with her.

So you want to forget!  That would suggest that what she did was not that bad.  If so, why would she believe that you would not leave her again.  RW seek stability and security, and you seem to offer neither. 

RW are more than willing to forget - as in forget everything including the fact that you were part of her life.  They do not waste energy dwelling on the past; they move on.  It is part of their survivor instinct. 

In summary, you are toast.  Spend your time and energy elsewhere, and hopefully learn from this experience so that you will be a better man.

[I/O]

I think it was Mark Twain who said something like...."Sometimes I sits and wonders and sometimes I just sits".  I think this is one of those threads that prompts me to "Just Sits".

I/O

[groovlstk]

I think it was Mark Twain who said something like...."Sometimes I sits and wonders and sometimes I just sits".  I think this is one of those threads that prompts me to "Just Sits".

I/O

Sounds more like Popeye's vernacular 

[pik]

OK I got it, points taken.

Without more details, this can be interpreted in different ways.   

Precisely, and it was dating, not yet a comittment for marriage.  Just my opinion but people do sometimes break up and get together again while dating.  I am quite able to give stability and security to the right woman but the process of finding the right woman is often a long and ardous process; a trial and error that always involves mistakes yet requires an open mind and flexibilty - more so for international dating. I will not go into details of this relationship here to justify my actions because its too personal and this forum is not meant for that. Like everyone on this list I made my mistakes as well as she but I just thought she was still worth the effort of getting an opinion from another woman of the FSU. I agree the travel advice was a foolish idea.

How about a huge bouquet of flowers and balloons all saying IM SORRY?
And save the airfare for either after she agrees to let you come back or for a future trip to start over. . . .

If YOU broke it off because of how SHE is treating YOU, why would you ever go back? There isnt going to be a change in the offing, is there? She isnt going to meet any conditions you have. . .
What you smoking, dude?

I am not clear on this, it is ok to ask her to forgive me my "sins" but I cannot forgive hers?
I thank you all for giving me much to think about.

[Lily]

  I just thought she was still worth the effort of getting an opinion from another woman of the FSU. 

I wish I could give an opinion, but I can't. It depends on her personality. Women are darn complicated creatures  She is the only one who can give you an answer.

[Wist]

 I have some experience at this & I see nothing unusual about dating a RW/UW woman & breaking up then getting back together again - it happens all the time no matter the nationality. I have done it too on several occasions over the years & one of them was my ex fiancee. Another wrote to me 1 year after breaking up just to say hello. Sorry Gator but we must be careful about generalizing the women of the FSU. As Lily so excellently put it: "Women are darn complicated creatures"

[acrzybear]

I have some experience at this & I see nothing unusual about dating a RW/UW woman & breaking up then getting back together again - it happens all the time no matter the nationality. I have done it too on several occasions over the years & one of them was my ex fiancee. Another wrote to me 1 year after breaking up just to say hello. Sorry Gator but we must be careful about generalizing the women of the FSU. As Lily so excellently put it: "Women are darn complicated creatures"

Wist
From your statement you appear to have one hell of a track record!!  If I saw you on the train, I'd get off since I have no intention of being another derailment statistic on CNN.

[Wist]

Well its a womans' prerogative to change their minds and this is of course over a dozen trips stretched over a period of several years with breaks in between. Sure I screwed up but you'll never hear me say I'm perfect either nor will you ever hear me put down a fellow member of the list for having tried and failed. But at least I'm out there trying my best and taking risks how ever long it takes and that is far more important than sitting behind computers glibly putting other people down for their mistakes as some people like to do on lists such as this and others I have seen - without knowing all the facts.

[Blues Fairy]

Wow, how many people here advise "the hell with her". 

I think your uncle has lots of common sense.  Love is a leap of faith - you won't win your woman back by being wary and cautious.  Sure it's more reasonable to wait until you extort some kind of assurance from her - but not exactly gentlemanlike.  In her place, I would appreciate a brave man who is not afraid of making the first step. 

[Gator]

Blues Fairy wrote,

Wow, how many people here advise "the hell with her".

 

My advice is not "the hell with her", and instead "the hell with them." 

Pik is probably a good man, and his ex-girlfriend is probably a good woman.  However, based on the few clues Pik has revealed, he and his former girlfriend were not good together. 

I have personal experience with revisiting relationships with RW after breaking up with them.  Did it with two different RW.  One revisit was a waste of time as the same problems surfaced again in a short time.   The other... it could lead to marriage.  However, the circumstances surrounding my successful revisit are unique, very unique, and much has changed in the 20 months of separation.  And it occurred through prolonged contact, not some melodramatic initiative such as camping out with flowers at her door.

[ScottinCrimea]

So how would you handle it if she was an AW instead of a RW?  We have very limited information here so it's very difficult to offer advice other than to state the differences between AW and RW.  One very obvious difference is that a RW needs assurances of commitment and stability more than the average AW, especially since she is giving up her homeland, family and friends to be with you.  You have already shown her that you can't give her that, and I think she will think twice before committing herself again.

[Hub]

I said goodbye to 2 FSU women.  We had spent a quite a bit of time together but hadn't got to real serious stage yet.  Later, I thought it would be sort of nice to re-establish contact to be just friends.  They would have none of it.

I said goodbye to a third FSU woman.  We had gotten pretty serious.  She asked if we could continue to correspond once in a while.  I said sure.  Now we are tight again.

There are no rules here.

[Serebro]

It reminds me of a story.....

[Serebro]

Hi. I need an opinion from a FCU woman's point of view concerning some strange advice that was given me. I was talking to my uncle about my rocky relationship that came to a stormy end for all for the usual reasons, & how I had ended the relationship but now I very much regret it because I have had time to think. He told me that she will probably ignore me now unless I really did something to get her attention such as getting on a plane & just going back to her home again & ask to start over or pop the question.  Sounds to me like a good way to get arrested but would ths be viewed differently by a woman in the FCU? What do you think? Foolish?

Of course it's foolish, you have forgotten about getting on your knees. 

[Dar]

 Pik, if u feel u want her back, if u think she is the one and ur life won't be complete without her, if u r ready to work hard (relations and especially family life r always hard work), then  show some action!
I agreed with Blues Fairy, ur lady will certainly appreciate this. Who knows, she might also think the same,but does not sure that u do, so let her know!
First of all u've got some time to "cool off",now that you've considered everything and made a decision . If she loves u she will understand and forgive. My advise is before u buy a ticket and jump on the plane, surprise her with smth romantic....send her a CD with romantic ballads and a sincere letter, create a sentimental Powerpoint presentation with all of ur pics, flowers etc. Then.... you can show up at her place with an invitation for a short holiday for example.  It will refresh your relationship and give it a new start.
I  believe, u will be fine!
Always remember: even if she rejects all of that, you will know that you did everything possible and more!
Good luck!