Kaliningrad no fun 2 be had

[Koluji Ezhik]

I returned from K-grad a few weeks ago, and I have had sometime to get some perspective on my trip. I already posted a tease that my trip was not a positive experience. I regret not listening to some of the seasoned vets on this board. I will give a little background to my situation. I live in a US city with a large Russian community. There are also a lot of students coming on work-study J-1 visas here in the summers. I met a girl about a year ago. Her name was Luda. She had come on one of these summer visas and overstayed. I did not know that she was here illegally when I met her. She had been arrested by Dept of Homelnd Sec, and ordered to leave the country. I knew her for about three months before she left. I spent a lot of time with her. She eventually returned to K-grad. We kept in contact over the next year. We emailed each other, sent text messages, and called each other a few times each month. Both of us have very busy lives. She asked me many times to come visit Kgrad, and see her. I thought we had a pretty strong relationship for the amount of time we knew each other and the distance between us. Eventually I got enough money to make the trip. Things seemed well. I bought my ticket to go in late December, just last month. After I bought my ticket a few things happened that gave me caution. I almost cancelled my trip, because of them. She called and said that she had been in a car accident, and needed a new car. She asked if I could buy a used car, and send it to her in a container, and she would pay me for it. It was so close to my trip, and I had many other things to worry about. I sent her a somewhat harsh letter, and asked how she could ask me to do this so close to my coming there. I told her we could discuss it if I came, but I didn't feel comfortable being asked to do that. She apologized, and said that she was just concerned about me coming, and wanted to have a car for when I came so we could get around. She bought a car in Russia about a week later. She called me about a week before I left, and asked if I could buy her some Ugg boots. She said they were much cheaper in America, and the cost $500 for a pair in Russia. Again I thought, what does she think I am? I am a generous person, but being asked for something like this struck me as inappropriate and weird. It was so close to my trip,that I just shrugged it off, and decided to go anyway. I should have seen these requests as a red flag that she was trying to use me somehow. I guess you call this denial. So I went to Kgrad. It is not the easiest place on Earth to get to. I had to fly NYC to London to Copenhagen to Kgrad. That took 23 hours. I had an 12 hour lay over at Heathrow. I thought that I would just hang out at the the airport like they do on Amazing Race. Not a good idea. This security guy put me out of the airport, and said it was closing in 5 minutes. I had to book a hotel room in London with no reservation, and no idea where I really was. i found an expensive hotel at the air port. I decided to make the best of the night, and ride the tube into town to down a few pints before the pubs closed. It was a Monday so things close about midnight there. I met some cool Londoners, and two guys from Austria, and made a good time of it. I caught the last train out of the city towards Heathrow. Unfortunately it didn't go all the way to the airport. I was told by the man at the train station that Heathrow was about a 50minute walk down the side of the highway, and pointed in the general direction. About an hour later I was someplace near the airport but lost. I cut across a parking lot, and as soon as I emerge from a row of bushes behind an airport warehouse, I am spotted by some cops driving by. It deffinitely looked as if I was up to no good. They questioned me, and by the time I said that I was on my way to Russia, they were liking at me like I was out of my mind, and absolutely doing something illegal. After being searched, and extensively questioned they came around, and wound up giving me a ride to my hotel. I made it to my room and got a precious 3 hours of sleep. After stopping in Denmark I was on to Russia.
The plane started its descent, and I began to see some land. I was eager to see what it would look like, as soon as I looked out the window my heart sank. I thought to myself, oh No! What was I thinking. I could just see brown and grey everything. Some shacks that were crumbling and stitched together with scrap metal. Some really old people walking along side an undriveable dirt road, and some livestock that looked as if they were starving walking in front of the old people. I hoped that the plane would keep going until the scenery was vastly improved. That was about the time that the wheels came into contact with the cracked, and weathered runway. The rusted hulls of aircraft bearing Soviet insignia rotting in a field of tall brown grass beside the runway was a nice touch. The plane stopped, and I got out. I was surprised that you just walk out onto the runway,and then into the international airport. I use that term loosely. Seriously, I have seen Pizza Hut restaurants that are bigger than this airport building. I expected to get taken into a back room and worked over by all of the military, and customs people inside the building. I was wrong though, it actually seemed to me that they were pretty nice, and almost kissing my butt a little. I think this is because they saw I was the last person from the flight, and there was no more luggage to be picked up at the baggage area. Since my two bags got lost I think they were going easy on me. I soon saw my Luda, and here friend Ksu, waiting in the next room. I was happy to see them. We drove from the airport to Luda's apartment where she lives with her mother and father. It was small but nice. Kgrad looks like the Germans rolled out in 1947, and nobody has done anything since they left. The roads are more of long rows of potholes than actual roads. Her apartment building looked as if every brick would falls to the ground if you shut the door to hard. Her parents welcomed me like a dignitary. Mama had prepared a huge feast of some of the best food I have ever eaten. Neither her or Papa spoke English at all. After dinner, I went out with Luda to meet some of her friends. We went bowling, and it was a lot of fun. I did notice that she was being somewhat distant with me. I began to feel like there was something not right with her. I slept in her room, and she slept in the living room with her parents. In the morning she left and went to work. Her friend Eugene, came by the apartment, and picked me up for some sight seeing. he spoke a little English and was very friendly. He asked me why I had come to Kgrad from America. I said that I came to see Lucy, of course. He asked if I had a girlfriend in America. I said no that I had been dating Luda,and came to pursue a more serious relationship with her. He didn't understand that point, because he knew that she had a very serious relationship with someone in Kaliningrad. i found that this was a suprise, but at the same time I wasn't that surprised. I was a little more surprised when I found out that it was another girl. It soon became apparent that the reason she had asked me to come was, because her parents, especially her Father were very concerned why she had been spending somuch time with this girl nastya. She had me come to make a show for her parents. They treated me as if I was there to marry their daughter, and that is what Luda wanted them to think. She went to work everyday, and left me trapped in her apartment. I had no internet, and no way to set up an escape plan. When her parents were around she acted like everything was just peachy, and was all over me. When they weren't around she was just oblivious to me. It was like hell. I soon appealed to her friends Ksu, and Eugene to help me. I felt like I was being held hostage. My Russian skill is very poor, and I had not set up a solid back up plan. Ksu gave me an old cell phone, and Eugene gave me a sim card. They saw what was going on with Lucy and me, and felt bad for me. They saw I was a good guy, and the victim in this situation. I was greatly impressed, by their kindness, and efforts to help me. I was able to call my friend Denis. Another friend of mine that Imet in the summer in America. He lives in Moscow. I called him and asked him to help me get out of Kaliningrad. He went online and bought me a plane ticket to Moscow for two days later. I felt much better knowing that I would be out of this situation soon. I did go to Svetlagorsk with Eugene and Ksusha, before my trip to Moscow. The Baltic Sea was nice, and we stayed at a very nice mansion that they had rented. We enjoyed some time in the Sauna, and walked along the beach picking up small pieces of Amber. i can see that it is very lovely in the summer time. It was very grey and foggy,but the air was nice after being in dirty Kaliningrad. The next day I went to Moscow. I must say I had a blast in Moscow. Denis booked me a room at the Beta hotel. I went out on the town with him, and a few of his student friends. It was cool to see Moscow from the perspective of a couple 21 year old guys. We hit up some really cool clubs, and went sight seeing in the daytimes. I went to a Russian banya, and that was a new, and very different experience. I did make contact with an old girl friend from the states. She had returned to Ivanovo from America just about a week before I arrived. She was quick to jump on a bus, and come visit me. She stayed in my hotel room with me for the rest of my trip.It was a real contrast to the way Luda had acted. This girl was willing to take a 7 hour bus ride just to come see me and spend time with me. She didn't want anything from me, just to be with me. If I had not gone to Moscow. I think that I would have returned from Russia hating it completely, and never want to go back. Even though I didn't find the lasting love that I came there looking for, I did see a silver lining to this wonderful country, and people. Denis invited me back to Moscow in the Summer, and said we will go to St. Petersberg, and to the south near his home city. He has assured me if I go to Sochi in the Summer time with him, I will never want to leave. I want to go for sure. I am reevaluating a lot of my perspectives, and feelings about things. I am still dead set on finding a good Russian woman, and I see the consequences of not being alert, and honestly viewing a relationship. I did spend a lot more money, by having to stay in a hotel, and change my travel plans, and I did get my heart shattered. Soon I will pursue another relationship. I know that there are many Russian women here in America, especially in my city, but this might not be the best way to meet a good Russian woman. I think a lot of the ones here, are spoiled a bit by their exposure to the culture here, and the attitude of other Russian people that have been here for a considerable time. Maybe some of you could suggest a good way for me to pursue my quest. I have a few very nice women that I have been speaking to through a website. I guess this is a good start for me. I am still in a bit of a fog from my whole experience. Also I will post some pics from my trip, and you can check them out if you are interested. Thanks all, and next time I will definitely listen. And those of you young bucks out there I suggest you do the same. it could save you mucho dinero, and a broken heart!

[Serebro]

I returned from K-grad a few weeks ago, and I have had sometime to get some perspective on my trip. I already posted a tease that my trip was not a positive experience.

Yes, I read that thread of you and I really thought that something extraodinary had happened.

She called and said that she had been in a car accident, and needed a new car. She asked if I could buy a used car, and send it to her in a container, and she would pay me for it. It was so close to my trip, and I had many other things to worry about. I sent her a somewhat harsh letter, and asked how she could ask me to do this so close to my coming there. I told her we could discuss it if I came, but I didn't feel comfortable being asked to do that. She apologized, and said that she was just concerned about me coming, and wanted to have a car for when I came so we could get around. She bought a car in Russia about a week later. She called me about a week before I left, and asked if I could buy her some Ugg boots. She said they were much cheaper in America, and the cost $500 for a pair in Russia. Again I thought, what does she think I am? I am a generous person, but being asked for something like this struck me as inappropriate and weird

I agree that asking for the car wasn't a very good idea, but maybe she'd had an accident not long time ago and her friends or parents made her think about that as I have been to the USA myself and everybody knows that it's easier and much cheaper to buy a car there.Probably she didn't have time enough to know how hard it would be to bring it to Russia.

But I REALLY can't understand your negative emotions about her asking to buy her the boots that were much cheaper in the USA and she would pay for the later?!

Yes, that's not the things to ask the person you have never met in your life, but according to your words you were very close friends and you spent a lot of time together and you weren't an unknown person:

I knew her for about three months before she left. I spent a lot of time with her. She eventually returned to K-grad. We kept in contact over the next year. We emailed each other, sent text messages, and called each other a few times each month

When I went to the US I was asked to buy different things to my friends  that it was easier to buy in the States and they gave money back later, what was the problem?! What attitude of her did you hope to get refusing to buy such  a simple thing for the girl who could become your fiancee...

The comments you made about the city and her house make me imagine the expression you had on your face when you came there.and I guess it wasn't a very happy expression, any RW can easily read it and she was probably a very honest girl who couldn't pretend and jump on you kissing you after all that stream of negativity from your side.

When her parents were around she acted like everything was just peachy, and was all over me

At the same time she had told her parents about you and she didn't want to make them  upset because you 2 looked like you hated each other.

I slept in her room, and she slept in the living room with her parents. In the morning she left and went to work. She went to work everyday, and left me trapped in her apartment. I had no internet, and no way to set up an escape plan

Ezhik, you didn't know that she would not be able to have  a vacation when you were going to come?! You didn't discuss that?! Why not to come when you both have holidays?!!!

Mama had prepared a huge feast of some of the best food I have ever eaten. Neither her or Papa spoke English at all. After dinner, I went out with Luda to meet some of her friends. We went bowling, and it was a lot of fun

they did their best they could, they entertained you as they could

You ignored her asking to buy you boots and you expected her and her parents would leave their job to stay at home and entertain you?!To learn perfect English?!
Or maybe they should have bought a laptop for you and got the high speed internet for you not to get bored?!

Why not to ask her in advance?! why not to think about the things you would do when she is at work?!
If she doesn't have the internet why not to bring your own laptop with a modem?!You could use the phone line and to ask her to leave money for using the phone line  is she needed it?!

You wrote that she went to work every day....why didn't you ask her to go somewhere on the second day?! for example to the internet cafe or somewhere else to enjoy a beautiful city with such a rich history, to take photos, to visit museums?!

He asked if I had a girlfriend in America. I said no that I had been dating Luda,and came to pursue a more serious relationship with her. He didn't understand that point, because he knew that she had a very serious relationship with someone in Kaliningrad. i found that this was a suprise, but at the same time I wasn't that surprised. I was a little more surprised when I found out that it was another girl. It soon became apparent that the reason she had asked me to come was, because her parents, especially her Father were very concerned why she had been spending somuch time with this girl nastya. She had me come to make a show for her parents. They treated me as if I was there to marry their daughter, and that is what Luda wanted them to think

that was a very stupid reason, I think.... it looks like the girl didn't like you and tried to get rid of you using her friends...I am sure it wasn't because of the gf
It would have been much easier to ask a male friend in Kaliningrad to help her...

I felt like I was being held hostage. My Russian skill is very poor, and I had not set up a solid back up plan. Ksu gave me an old cell phone, and Eugene gave me a sim card. They saw what was going on with Lucy and me, and felt bad for me. They saw I was a good guy, and the victim in this situation

you didn't even have a cell-phone?!You didn't learn Russian, you didn't take a phrase book?!


Ezhik?!

Do you really think that you have to blame someone for the situation that happened to you?!Why did you call that a nightmare?!Most guys here would be happy to have the situation like you did-you didn't have to pay for the hotel, they met you as their best friend, fed you, went to play bowling with you, what did you do?!
You complained about her not being happy to see your unhappy face and avoiding her asking to buy the boots she wanted to have and was ready to pay for and used her friends to escape....
yuck...

[I/O]

yuck...

Serebro, IMO that is the best thing you have said during your time here on RWD.

I/O

[Serebro]

Serebro, IMO that is the best thing you have said during your time here on RWD.

I/O

well, I am sure I have said many other good things, including your thread(I am kidding )but I agree it was one of the best one.

[Serebro]

Ezhik, I have a question,

I soon saw my Luda, and here friend Ksu, waiting in the next room. I was happy to see them. We drove from the airport to Luda's apartment where she lives with her mother and father.

when you came you went to her apartment in her new car?!

[Koluji Ezhik]

wrong! i did buy the boots, asked her to please repay $200. she said she had no money. lie. i brought many other gifts for each of them. i loved her parents & food. i learned manyRussia words and phrases. I just didnt want 2 tell them their kid is gay & a liar. she promised 2 have 7 days off work. thats why i came then. she lost her job 4 stealing. she got a new one a week before i came & told me nothing about it. i brought phrase book & lap top. she wouldnt leave key for apt door or get me internet card.

[Serebro]

wrong! i did buy the boots, asked her to please repay $200. she said she had no money. lie. i brought many other gifts for each of them. i loved her parents & food. i learned manyRussia words and phrases. I just didnt want 2 tell them their kid is gay & a liar. she promised 2 have 7 days off work. thats why i came then. she lost her job 4 stealing. she got a new one a week before i came & told me nothing about it. i brought phrase book & lap top. she wouldnt leave key for apt door or get me internet card.

Ezhik, in your first message you told nothing about her losing her job, stealing, finding a new one one week before you  came(WHY?there's no logic)she could have waited one week to spend it with you, or her main purpose was to spoil your trip?!Why to invite you then?!
Those were very important things to tell about, they were much worse than asking  for the boots, why didn't you tell that she didn't want to give money for the boots back?!
You told nothing about that, why not?! Now , when you got a bad post from me you can say EVERYTHING and accuse her of anything, of murder, shoplifting, terrorism and other crimes...

Why didn't you use your laptop for the internet then if you brought it?!the internet card?!!!!!!!!!!I used them 4 years ago last time and why didn't you ask her to go to the local shop to buy you one if you needed it?!Or a modem?! You saved a lot of money on the hotel, why not to buy a modem for yourself?!After the speed internet got more popular they are really cheap.Many cell phones have a modem inside, you could use a portable PC...why do I have to teach an american guy
Why didn't you use your cell phone?!
Why didn't you ask for the key?!

[Koluji Ezhik]

you make so many wrong assumptions. i did ride in car her dad bought. she asked me to pay for everything. gas, bowling, going to club, buying groceries, ect. i do admit not bringing fone was a mistake. My fault for trusting a girl that told me she loved me, & i was her best friend & hero everytime we spoke for year. it all had so much to do with her gf. her friends all told me since she met Nastya, she started lying, stealing, & doing drugs. They knew Luda 17 years & said in past 3 months she turned bad.

[Koluji Ezhik]

only thing you are teaching me is how ignorant you are. i said that i asked her to get me internet card. i asked her like 2O times. the whole reason she ask me 2 come was 2 make her Dad think she had a Bf and was not gay. and she got free boots as a bonus. she knew i wanted 2 leave. i begd her 2 let me go. thats why she kept me from internet & key. me leaving would make her parents think there was a problem& ruin her plan of using me 2 trick them. duh?? a hotel would have been cheaper 4 me by far.

[Serebro]

Ezhik, you came here and you made wrong conclusions from what men told you.

Your situation was very different from most of the others...


Most men who gave you advices didn't meet their women in the US when they were on students' programmes and they didn't have an opportinity to go out together for more than 3 months' time before they decided to make their first trip to theie ladies.
Most of those men didn't even know what their women actually looked like when they were going to Russia and they didn't even know if those women were real....
they had been scammed, used, etc..

Your situation was totally different.
You met the girl who was very dynamic, active to be able to go to the USA and it's not very easy to do in Russia(it's easier in Ukraine though), she paid a lot of money for the programme, she was quite independent and your story was more like the story of any dating story you could have with any AW.You spent a lot of time together, you had time to know that you were not only real but what you were like,personality,  your temper, hobbies, etc.. some people get married after that.. but she goes to Russia and you are still in contact with each other....she considers you to be a very close person, almost  a relative, she invites you to come almost as her bf... you are going to come and at this time you visit RWD and.....


 --go back to the stage of the man who goes to Russia to see the girl he has never met before....

she considers you to be almost a relative she can ask of anything and tell everything

you consider her to be a stranger and you see red flags anywhere and get very suspicious.

So she doesn't understand why you are so cold and helpless and negative.What did you expect to get from her, what kind of attitude?!
that would have been really suspicious if she jumped on you after all your behavior of a "stranger" she has never met before, I would have thought that it was fake and she was using you trying to come back to the USA.
your asking for the money was probably another proof of that...

maybe she would have been going to give it back, but she bought a new car.. maybe she was going to give it back at the end of your trip... but $200..
Ezhik, some guys come and spend this money for one night at a hotel, the others go with their girls somewhere on their first trip and spend much more money on them, in some cities the taxi from the aiport and back cost $150 both sides...when my bf came to me at the end of December(I had never seen him before) I spent more money than you did on the thing that I knew he would definitely like.... and I've never regretted .. but you visited the girl who considered you to be almost her bf and you asked for such a small thing after  that big meeting you got from her and her family?!

at the same time:

i found an expensive hotel at the air port. I decided to make the best of the night, and ride the tube into town to down a few pints before the pubs closed

[Serebro]

you make so many wrong assumptions. i did ride in car her dad bought. she asked me to pay for everything. gas, bowling, going to club, buying groceries, ect.

oh, really?!
I didn't know she was supposed to pay for your room and board and for the entertainment...
I see that you were on the tour "pay for the tickets:the rest is included"I thought you were going to have a date....

I am sorry , guy, but you look miserable...

now more and more bad details are appearing, now it looks like she brought her friends who turned out to be her enemies just for them to tell you how bad she was...

her friends all told me since she met Nastya, she started lying, stealing, & doing drugs. They knew Luda 17 years & said in past 3 months she turned bad

wow, now she is getting a drug addict and a thief....
it's really strange that such a smart and active girl turns into a low class withing 3 month's time after meeting a lesbian friend...
you told that she bought a new car one week later after she asked you about buying one for her... why did you use the car her father'd bought?!

she knew i wanted 2 leave. i begd her 2 let me go. thats why she kept me from internet & key. me

poor boy...
did she tie you?!

[acrzybear]

Serebro

There you go confusing the issues with facts 

[Serebro]

only thing you are teaching me is how ignorant you are. i said that i asked her to get me internet card. i asked her like 2O times.

I don't remember the place in your story where you wrote that you you begged her to buy the internet card "like 20 times", so why  am I ignorant?!
Do you expect me to read your thoughts?!

[I/O]

I am still dead set on finding a good Russian woman

Lets avoid some of the BS static for a moment and zone in on something you can get out of this.  Being dead set on finding a Russian woman is at least in part where you need to think again.

Anyone can do that if they stick at it long enough, some take more than 10 years. It requires no skill or ability to find "A Russian Woman" if you persist. What you need to consider is WHY you specifically want a Russian woman.

I'm not doubting your story that this doll is a "Dyke with issues" however, you were warned and you took the risk. Your call, bad call, too bad, life goes on.

The way I read the story of her friends and family is they are pretty normal Russian people who put themsleves out for you and will be very kind when they see someone under the gun. I can't quite take in that this doll wanted to get you there to prove her normality to her parents. That is a bit too long of a bow for me to draw out of this.

I got the clear impression from your previous thread/posts here that you were pushing yourself onto someone who didn't really want you. Sure, if she is an odd ball and that would come as no surprise to me as there is many out there, I've no doubt her parents would have been pleased to meet a possible suitor. I've seen exactly that sort of thing before. Just because a kid is nuts, it doesn't stop parents from loving that kid and it doesn't stop parents hoping for the best for that kid.

The kid sounds to me like a spoiled type who has lost the plot and gone right off the rails, this is not unheard of in any country. Further, not unheard of when one has been abroad for an exciting and exteded time then goes home and simply can't settle down.

IMO, the lessons for you here include (But are not limited to) choosing much more carefully, getting being "Dead set" out of your mind, needing to develop more confidence to "Tick and flick" the wasters, understanding your own worth and simply enjoying the moment without being lost in getting a result.

FWIW, there seems to be something magnetic about bad girl types in much the same way as there is about bad guy types. So many people are attracted to them and seem to dream they can help fix their problems. Let 'em get 'emselves fixed before you waste time with them. Aim for a little better quality and you might find a better result.

BTW I was somewhat amused at your reaction to the opening scenes in or around K-grad. You still a lot of eye openers in front of you yet and you didn't start at exactly the most progressive end of the FSU.

I/O 

[acrzybear]

  Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't he post in another thread that her father was a a high ranking military (I think he said retired, not sure) person?

  Also didn't someone mention that Kaliningrad was off of the normal beaten path and it would be unusual for a "high ranking" military person to be there?

  I am also curious how she was able to afford her trip to the United States if she and her parents live in the following situation: "apartment building looked as if every brick would falls to the ground if you shut the door to hard."

 I also find it interesting that he did not follow up on "the old girl friend from the states" and "was willing to take a 7 hour bus ride just to come see me and spend time with me. She didn't want anything from me, just to be with me"

  That sounds to me like a girl interested in a relationship (especially if she was an old girlfriend)

  I am getting the impression that we are not getting all of the facts-only the ones that make him look like a victim- but I could be wrong (but I doubt it)

[Serebro]

  Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't he post in another thread that her father was a a high ranking military (I think he said retired, not sure) person?

  Also didn't someone mention that Kaliningrad was off of the normal beaten path and it would be unusual for a "high ranking" military person to be there?

  I am also curious how she was able to afford her trip to the United States if she and her parents live in the following situation: "apartment building looked as if every brick would falls to the ground if you shut the door to hard."

 I also find it interesting that he did not follow up on "the old girl friend from the states" and "was willing to take a 7 hour bus ride just to come see me and spend time with me. She didn't want anything from me, just to be with me"

  That sounds to me like a girl interested in a relationship (especially if she was an old girlfriend)

  I am getting the impression that we are not getting all of the facts-only the ones that make him look like a victim- but I could be wrong (but I doubt it)

No, Kaliningrad  and its district is separated from the rest of Russia, but it has its army forces belonging to Russia, too...

The person doesn't have to be very rich to go to the USA. But the person MUST be adventurous and very active.I have heard of those programs J-1, I know many people who went on work and travel program-where you spend a little more than $1000 and you will cover the expenses by working in the USA.
Middle class students normally go on "work and travel"-which is on summer holidays-they work part time and then they travel... but most students work on 2-3 low paid jobs, come home, pay for their college and buy cars and even apartments(in small towns).Those students who are richer go to the USA to study.
I have many friends who have tried both programs, they are ready to work and they can count money and they know what they want from life, so the image described by Ezhik sounds stupid.

A smart, hard working girl couldn't give up in 3 months' time and lose any hopes, become a drug addict, a liar, a criminal and  and what else Ezhik says...

Does anyone pay attention to his words that that girl had been asking him to come for a long time before he managed to collect money but according to Ezhik's words the only reason she needed him to come from America was to hide the fact that she has a gf(it would have been easier to invite a male neighbour and hug with him in front of her parents) who she met in October, 2007....so what had been  the reason of her inviting Ezhik before she met Nastya?!

I have a lot of friends in the USA:both Russians and Americans and if I had invited someone who I was considered to be my bf and planned to have long lasting relationships and if he acted like Ezhik did I would have probably get rid of him as soon as possible, I think I would have talked with him seriously, that's all. So I applaud the girl who made that plan including her friends's help. I wouldn't have even thought of that...
but I agree that Ezhik drinking beer in pubs in an unknown city of an unknown country one night before he meets his gf, spends money on an expensive hotel isn't worth such a smart girl.

it's funny to say now, that the same things can look completely different when you look at them in Russia and in the USA..
if I hadn't been to the USA I would have left the guy I met in December on the first day I met him at the aiport I think.. maybe I wouldn't have left him but I would have made  a bad conclusion ...what I saw  was really terrible from the Russian point of view.
the only thing that made me smile was my rich imagination that brought me from my native city to an ordinary American town...

the girl evidently didn't have such rich imagination.

[Serebro]

Btw, when I was in the USA I met a girl who was from Kaliningrad, she was 3 years younger than me... when Ezhik started his story in December I was curious if that was the same girl.. but no, her name was Irina...we corresponded for a couple of years after I came home and she came back to Kaliningrad and I know that she went to the USA again.
When she lived in Kaliningrad she travelled abroad quite often, it was easier to do for people living in that area...she told me different stories that had happened with her when she had been to Denmark and to Germany on different students' programms like working in camps and so on, I was curious that it was so easy for her to travel as she was from a middle-class family.She was a very smart girl, spoke 2 foreign languages and was a student of a good university.

[Koluji Ezhik]

is it the general policy on this site that you should rush to judgement, make ridiculous assumptions, and insults based on what a person says? or if a person is trying to relate deeply emotinal, and complex personal experiences & u dont understand them, then you just rip them or say its a lie? excuse me for not relating every detail. excuse me if the events in my life didnt go exatcly as what u say they should have. yeah i came on here and made up a story where i was stupid, &made mistakes just 2 b cool?

[BillyB]

Koluji, it takes a big man to admit his mistakes and I'm not a very big man but you are for having the balls to come back and state the results of your failed trip. Please continue with your story as it would be a good learning experience for others.

[Serebro]

is it the general policy on this site that you should rush to judgement, make ridiculous assumptions, and insults based on what a person says?

how exactly I insulted you?!
on the opposite,you called me ignorant because I asked you about something you hadn't mentioned in your head post.
you wanted an honest opinion, I gave you my honest opinion.
I have seen many students like your girl myself and I lived in the US myself and I just put the story like I was your girl and gave you my honest view and opinion of the story.

If I were the girl my behavior would be the same, well, maybe I tried to have vacations by the time you came and I would have discussed that beforehand.

I would probably not ask you to buy me such expensive in your opinion things like a car or boots.
Well, as I have already told you, I have many friends in the US, so it would be normal for us to ask that type of things:both for them and for me, if they need something from Russia or I needed something from the US..., I don't know, maybe that was the same for your girl, ... I don't see any scam there, she didn't consider you to be an unknown man.If you say she didn't give the money for the boots, well, there could be many reasons, maybe she wasn't ready to give it back at the very moment when you asked for it and you misunderstood that, maybe she was shocked that you asked for it back..

In Russia men always pay....when RM have relationship with their girls they are supposed to pay for almost everything.It's normal. It's getting different in big cities or among very young people-students who don't have enough money:neither boys, nor girls, but on the whole the rule"man pays"works. So I can't see any scam in your paying for bowling, or for the grocery....

If you wrote that to an ordinary RW like a sign of something extraoninary from your side she would think that you are greedy.

Ezhik, I have been visiting your thread since yesterday and I have been posting here not because I want to hurt your feelings or insult you, I am trying to say you that I can see nothing bad in her actions or her attitude towards you.

But instead of learning you try to persuade yourself that you met a scammer with a lot of red flags...


let me say this again:
-if you had met her through the agency, you have never seen each other before or met once/twice... and she asks you about buying a car it's not normal, it's a HUGE red flag.
-here I can't see any special red flags.she considered you to be a friend she can ask of anything.The car you could use in the US for $3,000 would cost $10,000 in Russia.she wanted a new car, so she asked you if that was possible to buy it and bring it to Russia. If that had been a professional scam she would have asked about the car long before you came, not when there was not enough of time for buying and bringing it.


you found this website and applied many different situations to your story which was totally different from most of the stories here.(btw, I remember there was one young guy like you here, I don't remember his name, he had met a RW who had been in the US on holidays and then she came back to Russia and she was going to go to Russia, he put his photo in his jeans and a T-shirt and older members told him that he should have changed his clothing style, the guy got hurt and escaped).
I agree the girl isn't for you, you are not for her, but it looks like you should learn how to act in order not to hurt many RW feelings with your stranger's behavior
good luck.

[Phil dAmore]

Yes please, continue the story.. only this time with paragraph breaks!!  I got out of breath reading the OP.

[Lit_1nce]

Well, I had to read it all again (agree tough with no paragraphs)

As to mistakes... hmm, two people thought they liked each other better than they did.. explored it, didn't work out.. Is that a mistake ? .. could have gone another way.. Who did what when dealing with money, I don't suspect that is the primary reason for this not working out.. I think it's a leap based on limited information, to suggest that.

The whole gay thing.. I have to agree, that it just doesn't make sense.. as was suggested, much easier to find a local boy to fool the parents... Although Serebro suggested it was in ingenious plan on her part, What would have happened if he had spilled the beans to the parents that she was gay and he was leaving ? .. She would have some explaining to do. (unless she had told them she was going to do this.. which seems unlikely)

As to being held "captive", that might partly be due to guilt of having him travel so far.. I know if things were reversed, I would have a sense of responsibility for my visitors well being.. perhaps she was worried for him on his own.. And of course him fleeing probably doesn't look to good to the parents either, who it seems wanted to be good hosts.

[BC]

Actually the gay thing was a good idea under the circumstances.. a local boy would have been found out quickly.. besides he would desire a 'real' gf or?..  This way he wouldn't be around and the fantasy affair could continue.  It would seem strange for the parents that she not go out with the girls..

If we're talking both parties early 20's here all this is probably par for the course.

[Turboguy]

I have had women ask me to buy them $ 400.00 boots after 30 minutes together on a first meeting so the boots thing does not suprise me.  I did not hang around for a second meeting to know what they would ask for next.

If I recall your story correctly she had overstayed her visa here so you knew going in that she was not the most honest woman.  I am not so sure she did much changing.

I have had other guys say they felt trapped and isolated on a first trip to Russia on a WOVO.   I think a small part of that was culture shock.

I won't pick on you.  You had a very disappointing trip and I am sure your expectations were high.  I have been there.  It does sound like quite an adventure and I am sure a learning experience.   I do think it was in at least part a problem where you arrived tired and a little shocked by what you saw and maybe a little concerned by the car and boots thing and that it did show in your face and some of the problem was a mutual disappointment and some may have been not knowing the culture and what is common there, but I was not there and we are hearing one side of the story. 

I can agree with those who said that the guy is expected to pay for things like the groceries, and bowling.  That is pretty normal there.   You had an adventure.  You learned that she is not the woman for you and you may have made some good progress in learning what it takes to find a good RW.  You have a lot more to talk about and a much more memorable trip that many who take a cruise for a vacation. 

[Jumper]

Ezhik-

sorry it turned out poorly,
you posted your story here before and were warned to be prepared for a eye opening, ,
but it doesnt take the sting out i'm sure!
Coming back here ,and sharing it, took a lot of guts,and you are helping others by posting it.



BC- she was on a US student visa, he met here in the states for 3 months
during her unautrhorized over stay, she was picked up by immigratiion for it,.,
 and she returned home, and he is not in his 20's..
more like late 30's?or 40?



Serebro-
I think his story can be viewed many ways?
While i agree it can be as you describe..
only Ezhik and this girl actually know.

he came here with an original story, was warned that this particular RW,
 and her story, did not appear normal and likely not true, and would lead him to heartache.
unforuntantly it seems it did.
All the circumstances seem really strange, from both sides.


serebro said:

if I hadn't been to the USA I would have left the guy I met in December on the first day I met him at the aiport I think.. maybe I wouldn't have left him but I would have made  a bad conclusion ...what I saw  was really terrible from the Russian point of view.
the only thing that made me smile was my rich imagination that brought me from my native city to an ordinary American town...

I think that is a very important point, that is often overlooked.

Seriously  ,if you care to do so, it would likely be  a huge help to the western men here if you explianed examples of that in another thread?
I think some guys would be shocked at what they find insignificant cultural behaviours , to a RW never living in the west,might be something to completely write  them off over.

*shrugs*