KenC's T/R 10 years late

[KenC]

Being out of shape is not a problem. Had he been fit and trim but wearing a ball cap it would have been hopeless. ;-)

TG,
I actually thought about not posting that particular photo because of the red ski jacket.  It was taken on my trip to Moscow with the terp where comfort was more important than style.  I always wore my black full length cashmere coat while with Lena (and never jeans).
KenC

[KenC]

Some problems, some solutions
Marc Dayton had been squeezing me to make reservations (meaning pay) for a New Year’s party at a restaurant.  The bash was going to be at the same one with the Karaoke.  It was supposed to be a great party and there was going to be many AM/RW couples there.  My dilemma was that Lena had family obligations and I didn’t want to go alone.  I spoke to Marc and asked his advice.  He suggested that I ask Marina to be my date for the party.  His reasons were that Marina had no local family and that I did promise to see her again.  I explained to Marc that I would be up for that idea as long as someone explained to Marina that it was more of a platonic date and for her not to read anything romantic into it.  If she was up to go have some fun, eat some good food and be my casual diner date for the night, great.  Marina was contacted, things were explained and she readily accepted the invitation.  IIRC the (3) tickets (one for a terp) cost me over $200 which was quite a sum of money for Russia at the time.  BTW,  Lena had encouraged me to do this too.

Getting back to being me
The other issue I wanted to correct is that I was sick and tired of being led around like a 12 year old.  Up until now, I almost felt like a rubber ball being bounced around by the terps and Marc.  It was, “You need to do this” or “You have to do that”, that was going to stop immediately.  I was going to do only what KenC chose to do from here on out.  Please keep in mind that I do not think these people had bad intentions, it was just that I was going to take charge of my own destiny.

I need to explain something at this point.   I knew at this point this trip was all about Lena and only her.  I did not spend any time or energy plotting or planning on how to win her heart as I knew it was mine for the taking and I was going to take it for sure.  But there was no panic.  No need to rush.  No need to force things to happen before they were meant to happen.  There was a calm confidence between us of knowing we just needed to go through the steps of getting more familiar with each other.  My only goal now was to show Lena exactly who I was as a man and to spend as much time with her as possible.

As I was scheduled to meet Lena the next evening for dinner, I had a pan in my mind of how to show her who I was.  If we had been back in Michigan, I would have cooked her a wonderful dinner and presented it in a most romantic setting as possible.  That’s the kind of man I am, but how to pull it off here in Russia was another thing altogether especially as I looked around at my dump of a flat!

Cooking was kind of out of the question as the flat was ill fitted for cookware, silverware and dinnerware.  And how was I going to transform this dump into a den of seduction?  I called the office and requested my terp and the driver.  My terp, Olga came over.  She was the one that pulled the bus fiasco with me, so I had a little bit of an attitude with her.  Not that I was mean, but I knew she was not above BSing me to make her life easier.

When she arrived I explained the plan to her.  Of course she didn’t understand what I wanted so I broke it down for her.  I told her that I wanted a romantic dinner at my flat for Lena and I.  I needed food already prepared and ready to be served, I need whatever necessary to transform this dump into as romantic a setting as possible.  She looked at me with a total blank stare.  “Huh?”  I could see I was not going to get any helpful input from her (not that I needed it).  Oh and BTW, call the office and tell them to get someone to clean this flat today.   OK, Olga, I need a nice lace table cloth to cover this ugly table for dinner.  I need candles.  I need food.  I need candy.  I need flowers.  And I need it all by 6 o’clock!

Olga suggested I order a pizza as it was the only prepared food she knew of.  Um, no, that was not what I had in mind.  OK, Olga let’s focus on some of the other things I need.  Where can I buy a table cloth?  She suggested the bazaar.  Ok, let’s go! 

Tver’s bazaar is like an open air flea market with the weirdest stuff imaginable for sale.  At least it was strange to me.  People were selling all sorts of dried fish, fur hats, pots and pans, homemade jewelry, knives and God knows what.  A flea market, art show, gun show and home show combination if you know what I mean.  And the people running the tables were from all over the country and from other countries as well.  I bought a couple of mink fur hats from some guys from Afganistan as gifts for friends back home for example.  After some searching, we found a nice lace table cloth that would do the trick.  On to the candle store!

“Wait a second, Olga, while we are stomping around town here is there any place to purchase a fruit basket for Lena’s family?”  Another blank look on Olga’s face “Huh?”  “OK, back in America it is traditional to send friends a basket of fruit during the holiday season.  Got anything like that?”  Another blank stare gave me my answer.  “Okey dokey, where can I buy some premium or exotic fruit?” (Please readers, do not split a gut laughing at my naivety, OK?)  Olga took me to a market with some black bananas and other battered fruit.  This was not quite what I had in mind.  OK, let’s switch to something other than fruit.  We proceeded to gather some hard salami’s, cheeses, bottles of wine, candies and assorted items for my gift basket.  But where to get the basket?  Olga never had a clue as to what I was trying to accomplish, but she did make one good suggestion of trying a florist to find a basket.  It was perfect because the florist could arrange everything in a pleasing presentation, add some floral pieces and wrap it.  We were told it would take an hour or so and I also picked up some flowers for Lena while we were there.

I asked Olga to take me to the restaurant where I had purchased the Baileys, as they had already shown they were open to trade for profit.  Once I got the owner over to our table, I had Olga explain to him what was needed: A full dinner for two, complete with plates, silverware and serving pieces.  All the details were worked out (I knew this guy had his price) except for the delivery of the food to my flat.  I told Olga “That is no problem as I have you available along with the driver from LTP!”  I had no problem with putting them to use other than their intended purposes as my requirements for their services were limited and about to be nonexistent even though I had paid for 24/7.   After the food was handled, I had Olga take me back to the flat with instructions to deliver the holiday basket to Lena’s family.  The plan was coming together nicely IMO.

[Gator]

KenC,

I was sick and tired of being led around like a 12 year old.

Exactly the sentiment of a self-made man.  In the same category is your perservering to accomplish something different even though the terp says "huh".   I recommend anyone taking a trip not to use a guide, working things out on his own even if it wastes some of his time.  And RW admire self-made men.

It is refreshing, Ken, to read how you enjoyed the travel adventure as well as the romance.  I recommend that anyone taking a trip try to just wander around, immerse himself into the local culture, and experience everything.  It adds so much to the total trip.

[KenC]

KenC,

Exactly the sentiment of a self-made man.  In the same category is your perservering to accomplish something different even though the terp says "huh".   I recommend anyone taking a trip not to use a guide, working things out on his own even if it wastes some of his time.  And RW admire self-made men.

It is refreshing, Ken, to read how you enjoyed the travel adventure as well as the romance.  I recommend that anyone taking a trip try to just wander around, immerse himself into the local culture, and experience everything.  It adds so much to the total trip.

Gator,
I always tried to be very respectful to the Russians and their culture and I hope that no Russians are offended by my words here.  By the same token, one has to be true to himself and his own culture too.  When I thought of sending the holiday basket to Lena's parents, it came exactly from my thoughts of what I would do if I was back in America under similar circumstances.  The only difference was that I could run to "Harry & David's" at the mall.

I was never above "sucking up" to a woman's parents back home either BTW!
KenC

[Jet]

This story,and ESPECIALLY this latest segment, brings back so many wonderful memories of my first trip to Russia. The circumstances are different, but there are some amazing parallels. Thanks for taking the time and effort to share this (in spite of some of the early background *noise*)! You might even inspire me to jot down some thoughts on "the London trip" when Lil and I first met, which I've never previously written about 

[KenC]

This story,and ESPECIALLY this latest segment, brings back so many wonderful memories of my first trip to Russia. The circumstances are different, but there are some amazing parallels. Thanks for taking the time and effort to share this (in spite of some of the early background *noise*)! You might even inspire me to jot down some thoughts on "the London trip" when Lil and I first met, which I've never previously written about 

Jet,
I am so glad you are enjoying the report.  You know 20/20 hindsite is always the clearest.  More guys (like you) with successful marraiges should step up and tell how they did things.  Their methods are proven successful and there is no conjecture.
KenC

[Photo Guy]

Good trip report, Ken. Lots of insight, and without any slicing and dicing.
An entertaining writing style on par with Groovlstk's.
Your story shows an imperfect vulnerable side of you, and then
an important shift into 'take charge' mode. Your self-portrayal
is quite human, very different from the ultimate steely authority figure.
I think many of us can relate to your experiences. (One minor thing- I wish
you'd use headings like 'Day 1' etc. to make it easier to keep track of the time line.)
I'm looking forward to the rest of the story/report. So far, so good!

..I'm also looking forward to Jet's trip report with complete reminiscences. 

[dneid]

Hey, Jet,
I agree with photoguy... looking forward to your trip report as well.  So, get to work  .  I have read many of your posts and I would love to read about your successful search.

[KenC]

Soul searching
I don’t know how much my Russian heritage had to do with this, but my time in Russia was a very emotionally touching time for me.  After I decided not to meet any other RW, I had tons of free time.  I remember that I read Mitch Album’s “Tuesdays with Morrie” during that trip, a wonderfully emotional book about the true meaning of life and the proper priorities in one’s life.  Man, in looking back at this now, did I ever set myself up for a self evaluation.  And that is exactly what my trip to Russia truly about, reevaluating my life and determining just what was important to me.

It is as though being in Russia had somehow removed my protective exterior and exposed my basic emotional self for what I was.  Maybe I was getting in touch with my Russian soul that we hear so much about?  I don’t know, but I spent a lot of time thinking.  Thinking about my Grandparents and great Grandparents and their move to America from Russia.  Thinking about what was truly important to me.  And for the first time thinking about where this relationship with Lena could possibly lead.

I remember thinking that Lena needed to have all the information about me that was possible so that there would not be any surprises for her.  Not that I had ever misled her in any way, but so that she had all the facts in front of her before she got in too deep with me.  I had this overwhelming desire to make sure she knew every important detail about my past.

As I had a lot of time before she arrived for dinner, I started making a list.  I listed important information regarding my childhood, my relationship with my parents, Grandparents, my children and my previous marriage.  Lena and I had never really got too deep into my past marriage in our phone conversations, but now was the time to share everything with her.  It was a long list, but all the points were important and I still have it to this day.

Our romantic dinner in my flat
Everything was coming together like clockwork.  Olga had brought the food with everything necessary to serve and eat it.  I covered a small low table with the new lace table cloth in the living room.  I didn’t want to eat in the kitchen.  This is kind of ironic because Lena’s family eats their dinners this way too.  (Maybe it is a Russian thing?) I had candles, flowers and candy in place.  I set the table as nicely as possible.  I had brought a portable CD player with a miniature set of speakers.  This would do well for some nice background music.  This was as good as it was going to get, I thought to myself.

When Lena arrived, I do believe she was knocked out by my efforts.  She sipped her Martini drink and enjoyed the dinner and most importantly enjoyed the company. I explained to her that this would be how I would entertain a lady back home, except that I would do the cooking too.  She loved the idea.

*********Disclaimer*********
Sorry to those that may have thought this report would be a “kiss & tell” story with some titillating details.  However there really are no “titillating details” as early on this trip I decided that I would not cloud my mind or Lena’s with any attempts at sex.  I didn’t announce it, but I think Lena understood it without saying it.  She did make a joke to me on her first visit to my flat.  She pointed to “the rack” (my bed) and told me “no sex before marriage.”  I laughed and rolled my eyes and thought “OK, you said it, you’re a good girl, now let’s move on.”  I just felt that there would be plenty of time to explore that side of things, just not now.

**************************
I have to say that this dinner was by far the turning point in our relationship.  We turned the corner from it being a “possibility” to it being a “reality”.  We laughed, we cried, we hugged and kissed, but that was the night I served my heart up on a platter for Lena.  And she took it with pleasure.

[Gator]

KenC,

Third date wonder!

Yes, you were toast, but long before that night.  As Lena said it started with your first phone calls,

I

knew I loved you after 3 or 4 calls."  "Huh?"  I replied "But Sweetie, we didn't talk about love until much much later."  To which Lena replied, "Just because you don't say it doesn't mean you don't feel it!  Oh, and you loved me too, I could tell,  But I needed to let you figure that out yourself"

Ken, something made you get on a plane and I don’t think it was to see the land of your ancestors.  Admit it, you did not arrive in Tver with a sense of detachment.  Meeting other young and pretty women was a distraction and your heart was not in it. I commend you for recognizing that, especially knowing that Lena was unavailable much of the time.  Why not!  Lena had everything a man could want, and why do anything to screw up this perhaps once in a lifetime opportunity.

Time away from other women allowed you to focus on your past and your future.  Reading a philosophical book helped too.   Everything was falling in place.  You were ready.  Serving up your heart on the third date goes against all guidelines.  Yet, when those precious feelings hit you, what can a man do? 

You do realize that your image as a crusty and cranky OMB is taking a severe beating with this report.  I can not wait until OWW reads this.

[KenC]

OK Gator,
Let us get a few things straight here.  I don't criticsize people for being emotional or having some very strong feelings early on in a relationship.  What I do find unacceptable is for people to make life changing decisions (like getting engaged) based on such a small amount of knowledge and information.

Lena and I had strong feelings for each other before I even came to Russia but we choose not to label it with any words of commitment (like love).  There just had to be time together to formulate such thoughts, let alone pronounce them.  After our romantic dinner in my flat, I let my guard down completely with Lena.  I opened the door for anything and everything with her.  No more pretending that we were "just friends."  Things between us were as good or better than I could have ever imagined, but I still had a wait and see attitude.  I would let nature take it's course.

Also due entirely on the fact that we had such a great age disparity, I was resolved to give this relationship every change to fail based on it's own merits.  This is quite the opposite of most of the one week wonders who look for any reason (no matter how insignificant) that their relationship might work.
KenC

[timothe]

Wow!!  Just Wow!! 

I read Tuesdays with Morrie on my last trip to the Ukraine and the book had the exact same result on me!!  I could relate completely to your state of mind on your dinner date.  (including the sex part, I felt the same as you in that I didn't want sex to be the memorable part of our relations)

Great book...great story!!!  I look forward to reading the rest of the story.

[Gator]

KenC,

I am just having some fun with you.  No way am I critical.  How could I be critical, considering that you have been happily married for 9 years?

You just come across in this true story as much more romantic and warm than you do in your typical RWD posts.

At the conclusion of your story, I have a question related to this.  I will await until the end because you may very well address it before then.

More, more, more....

[catzenmouse]

You just come across in this true story as much more romantic and warm than you do in your typical RWD posts.

Silly Gator! I guess you missed this:

but that was the night I served my heart up on a platter for Lena.  And she took it with pleasure.

KenC doesn't have a heart now and as such is the "heartless OMB" that we know and love! 

Quite an enjoyable story Ken. Brings back many memories of my first trip as well.

[KenC]

Gator,
I take your comments in the spirit of which they were intended.  (And rather enjoy them)  I cannot help that you and others never knew what a charming devil I am in real life!  (But Lena sure does! )

And I am also very happy to report that the romance has not faded one bit over the years.  This morning my sweetie was greeted by a new orchid plant (her favorite)  And  then she spotted the topaz necklace hanging from it's branches with of course the appropriate love note tellling her it was to match her beautiful eyes........
KenC

[myrddin]

Ken's supposed to be a crusty old B?!  I must be losin' it because I didn't realize that.  Sorry, Ken 

Anyway, I'm just enjoying the ride - this is classic:

To which Lena replied, "Just because you don't say it doesn't mean you don't feel it!  Oh, and you loved me too, I could tell,  But I needed to let you figure that out yourself"  I give up! 
KenC

And this is even better:

Yeah, being with a Russan woman will shorten your life span, but you will also completely enjoy what little life you have left!
 
KenC

[KenC]

myriddin,
You mean you didn't get the memo?  That I am an incorrigible, mean OMB with no friends and despised by all?
 
KenC

[Jet]

That I am an incorrigible, mean OMB with no friends and despised by all?
 
KenC

You forgot "hard headed" 

[myrddin]

No, I didn't.  Hmmmm.  Dan, where's my Official RWD Scorecard Guide to OMBs?   

[KenC]

New Year Party
As I previously explained, this event was to take place at the restaurant where Lena had sung Karaoke to me before.  I believe that I met Marina and Yelena (the terp) at the restaurant.  Marina was an attractive woman but had no English skills at all.  It really didn’t matter though because this was very much a platonic date if there ever was one.

The restaurant went all out for the party.  There were great Christmas decorations everywhere.  We were seated at a long table for 18 to 20 people.  Most were AM/RW couples from LTP with a few terps thrown in.  I have to admit that I had never met any of the American guys before.  I have no idea where they had been hiding out, but I never ran into them at the office.  They seemed like a good bunch of guys and most of them were all ga ga about their chosen RW.  I think I was the only guy there without stars in my eyes.
The restaurant put out a lavish spread of food and the Champaign flowed freely.  I could see my terp, Yelena, was here to party her butt off and was drinking like a fish.  There were some funny conflicts in culture though.  When the food was first served, the American guys assumed that what was there was the entire dinner.  Instead of picking at the food for hours, as Russians tend to do, we loaded up our plates and ate it at once.  Little did any of us know that the food served was just the first course of many!  By the time the main entrees were served, the Americans were too full to even taste them!  :selfharm:

It was a very good time.  Lots of drinking, eating, good conversations and some dancing.  I did give Marina a twirl or two on the dance floor.  Then at midnight everyone took their seats and a TV was rolled out.  I guess it is tradition to listen to a New Year speech at that time.  So much for any ball drop in Times Square.  So we sat and watched Boris Yeltsin address his nation.  It was very strange to me and the rest of the Americans.  Once the speech was completed, their version of Saint Nicholas made his entrance and the party resumed.

Later in the evening or morning such as it was, the cocky investment banker from San Diego showed up.  He was drunk on his azz and making a big disturbance.  He was loud and very obnoxious.  It seems that he had somehow found out he was totally duped by his fiancee.”  It seems that the private driver his girl had arranged for him was really her Russian boyfriend!  I don’t know how he eventually found out, but he had to feel like the biggest azzhole in the world.  Even as obnoxious as this guys was, I felt sorry for him.  Nobody deserves to be deceived like that.

All in all it was a pleasant and interesting night.  I am sure Marina had a good time and we parted with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Meeting the Mom :hairraising:

My holiday basket gift had worked exactly as I had hoped.  Lena’s parents had at first been perplexed by the gift but when Lena explained my tradition, they felt it necessary to reciprocate with a dinner invitation to me.  In the back of my mind, I had the thought that if I did not meet Lena’s parents on this trip, I would not have accomplished as much as I hoped.  Bingo!  The basket had done the trick!

I arrived at Lena’s parents flat with only my rental flat as my image of what a flat should be.  Wow, did I have the wrong impression!  Their flat was beautiful.  Nice wood bookshelves along one wall in the living room.  They were not only stylish but of high quality.  The furniture was top notch and the home was decorated in a very pleasing manner.  Of course the place was spotless without a thing out of its place.  With the exception of Lena’s bedroom this flat was about the same size as my rental.  We would consider this a typical one bedroom apartment.  The sofa opened up into a bed so as to facilitate the use of the room as a second bedroom during the night.  Not too untypical from what I understand.  I was very impressed with their flat.

Lena’s Mom, Olga, had prepared a very tasty dish of chicken and potatoes cooked in individual crocks which the dish was served in.  There were a few different salads and of course a plate of sliced salami and cheeses from my gift basket.  All this was served on the low table in the living room.  Their table was quite nice though and it had wings that lifted up to provide a much larger serving/eating area.  The flowers and candy that I brought as gifts were also prominently displayed on the table.

Unfortunately, Lena’s Dad had to work that evening so I did not get to meet him on that trip.  I knew that Olga was really the head of the family so she was key to anything I would plan in the future.  Not that Lena was incapable of her own decisions, or unwilling to go toe to toe with her Mom, but it would be better for all if we were on the same page.  For the record, Olga never ever tried to discourage Lena regarding me in any way shape or form and has always been very positive about me.

Olga is only 3 or 4 years older than I.  She is a classy and powerful woman.  She has always maintained a high position in the local government, a position of power and great responsibility.  She has always been a high wage earner by Tver standards.  For those of you that don’t know, the local government is really the deciding body of the government for many things that we think to be a Federal government responsibility.  The power base seemed to be at the local levels, not at the federal level.  (At least it was at this time, it may be changing now.)

Anyway, on to the dinner.  So I have the company of these two intelligent, strong willed and sophisticated women for dinner.  I am prepared to be grilled on just about everything under the sun.  (Lena was acting as interpreter)  So what did I get?  I get two women so nervous and tongue tied that they cannot see straight!  It was hilarious.  I should be the one that was nervous and both of them are basket cases!  Lena is talking to me in Russian and English to her Mom.  This was not going the way I had planned.  (OK Ken, take control of this situation and make it good.)  I stand up and motion for both ladies to relax.  I make a joke about them taking a deep breath and a shot of vodka to calm their frayed nerves.  I tell Olga that is me that is supposed to be under inspection and nervous, not her!  We all laugh, have a shot or two and everything smooths out for the rest of the evening.  By the end of the very enjoyable evening, I knew I had won Olga over, if there was ever the need to do so.  (I still had the knack)

[dneid]

You forgot "hard headed" 

Jet, I nearly spit out my tea reading your comment with laughter.  I am looking so forward to reading your TR and Ken comments.  You two seem to really enjoy each other.  Please get to work on your TR as well.

[KenC]

Lena and I were looking through some old photos last night when she pulled this one out.  She told me that it was one of the photos I had sent to her prior to our meeting.  Not only was she pleased with my looks but she said "And it was taken in the kitchen and I hoped it was a sign that you knew how to cook!"  Too funny.
KenC

[Gator]

Lena should have examined your kitchen photo closely. 

The cookbooks are angled at 45º.  Who stacks books that way?  Are those public library markings at the base of each book? 

Too clean, especially for a bachelor.  What is the story with the foil wrapped items? 

[KenC]

Lena should have examined your kitchen photo closely. 

The cookbooks are angled at 45º.  Who stacks books that way?  Are those public library markings at the base of each book? 

Too clean, especially for a bachelor.  What is the story with the foil wrapped items? 

Gator,
Your old eyes just might be failing you now.  I did then and still have quite a collection of cookbooks and know my way around the kitchen quite well, thank you.  My places were always clean, neat and well decorated even as a bachelor.  I have no clue what was in the foil however.
KenC

[dneid]

Well, I see a couple of classic cookbooks there.  I see a fairly neat kitchen.  And no bandages on the fingers.  Ken, Benihana's is hiring.  Big sidebar here.... does anyone remember the old comedy series SOAP from the late 70s?  The scene with Billy Crystal and his girlfriend at the Japanese place is still one of the funniest I have ever seen.

Back to the topic.  Test time.... what is your favorite recipe to prepare?  Would you either send it to me or post it here (hey, I enjoy cooking as well)?  You on that topic (maybe I should start a new thread), how about a few Ukrainian recipes?  I can not find a good Ukrainian restaurant here in Austin.  I am really wanting to try a few dishes before I head over.