Turboguy's K1 Ordeal

[facetrock]

You both sound like teenagers. As an American citizen you have the right to be as stupid and immature as you want. Your fiancee doesnt have that option. You know why? Its because she is not an American citizen. As an American citizen you dont have the right to bring anyone into this country that you please.  Before any CO is gong to let her in the country he is going to be damn sure there is a real relationship between you. IMHO what sunk you is the the 34 year age difference, she didnt know your childrens names, where she is going to live and she hardly speaks English. Tell me one guy you know who's fiancee didnt know the names of his children before they got married.  Bet you cant do it. This CO doesnt give a rats a$$ how much she says she loves you. He wants to know what she really knows about you and in your case with the huge age difference and here not knowing some important facts she failed.

[Erwin]

F,

What is your story?  Why are you here?  Do you have a girl friend/fiancee in Russia?  If so, how old is she?

E

 

[facetrock]

I have a fiancee in Ukraine. She is 25 and I am 45 and yes her age does make me nervous at times.

[Erwin]

F,

Great!  Does she speak any English?

How do you think your fiancee is going to answer the question about your age difference CO might ask her at her K-1 Fiancee Visa interview?  Will she be as nervous as you are?

E

 

 

[facetrock]

She speaks almost fluent English. Her spelling sucks though. With a 20 year age gap they will most likely ask more and harder questions and I dont blame them one bit.  She wont have any trouble answering questions about my life. She will tell  the CO that my age and her age doesnt matter to us. What else is she supposed to say? Its going to be up to her to convince the CO that it is for real. Knowing the names and ages of my children, where she will be living, her near fluent English wont hurt a thing.

[facetrock]

So Erwin, whats your story why are you here.

[Erwin]

F,

I am just lurking here.  The entire FSU scene fascinates me greatly.

One of the things that I think we have learned from Turbo's story is that we can anticipate that CO does and will ask questions and expect your Russian fiancee to know vital information about your family members.  So, prepare your fiancee accordingly.

Best to you and your Ukrainian Fiancee.

Turbo,

Thanks for sharing your story.  I wish you the best and I hope your fiancee will receive the visa soon.

Take care,

E

[Turboguy]

I never said being an American Citizen should allow me to bring anyone into the country I want.   My gal and I have a real relationship.    Lots of the ones who sailed right through had perhaps 100 hours or less of real face to face time together.   Out of the 10 or 12 gals doing a K-1 or K-3 visa I was the only one out front waiting.    I realize many people can't get the vacation time to do that and I am not knocking one week wonders who see their gal for the second time in their life when they get off the plane in the usa visa in hand.   I have been spending a week or two every 6-8 weeks with my gal.  We are for real and deserve to be treated like anyone else.  We were not.   No big deal  I will deal with it and do whatever it takes to get the situation resolved.

My point in all this is that if two people have a real relationship whatever the peramiters of their lives they have a right to happiness.  You know that old thing the right to life, liberty and the persuit of happiness.   Remember that?    Lots of people would critisize your age difference.   I think you have the right too.

[facetrock]

Just remember, you have the right to life, liberty and happiness in America. She doesnt and wont until she gets that visa. You have the right to file a K1 visa. The decision to grant her one is not yours. Thats great that you have a real relationship. But look back on what happened. She was no where near ready to go to that interveiw. Not knowing some basic facts about you is not going to go over well. YOu have to admit that much at least

[Turboguy]

Thanks Erwin,  It is a fascenating scene.  I hope you find your happiness here too.  I appreciate the good wishes.   I spent a lot of time studying the visa process and seeing the results of those before me.  What I saw in the past did not prepare me for what I encountered.   If this would have happened to someone before me I would have been more prepaired.   There was a lot of talk about my situation over at VisaJourney and I think there will be far fewer unprepaired guys in the future.  

I though I had things really well documented.   I had all my boarding passes from all my trips.  I had 4 photos from each of my trips.  Photos in snow.  Photos on boats, photos with bright sun and grean leaves.  Photos in Moscow, Photos in N. Novgorod.  I thought I had proof of an ongoing relationship where I showed 2650 messages to each other.   I had receipts for flowers, I had all kind of things.   I probably had the best preparation of anyone they had had in a long time.  Oh well, that is life.

[facetrock]

You were probably the most well prepared guy that I have ever seen with documents. The problem was that she was not prepared and couldnt answer some very simple questions about your life. Thats what sunk your ship. You were prepared but she wasnt.

[Turboguy]

Let me correct one other thing.  Ludas English vocabulary is somewhere around 8-10,000 words.   She does not get a lot of practice speaking but she can write up a storm.   She was able to conduct the interview in English.  She would have prefered Russian but was told she would not get the visa if she did not conduct it in English.   I have one Russian gal who is a good friend who arrived in the usa knowing how to say one thing.  "I am hungry".   English is not a requirement of a visa.   If you deported all the people who speak Spanish and know almost no English you would have a lot of people going.  I am not for deporting anyone.  I just think the same rules should be applied to everyone.     

[Turboguy]

You were probably the most well prepared guy that I have ever seen with documents. The problem was that she was not prepared and couldnt answer some very simple questions about your life. Thats what sunk your ship. You were prepared but she wasnt.

I think you are about right on that.  That is the first thing you have said that I agree with.  I must be getting tired or something.  

It may have been my fault.   She kept saying she was nervous and I kept reassuring her that it was easy and she would do fine.   Perhaps I should have pushed a little harder to be prepared and then the advice to not grill her and spend a lot of time going over possible questions so she would be relaxed kept going through my mind and that was a big mistake.    Actually when they asked her the names of my kids she could have said anything because it was not in the data they had.   The address thing was a bit my fault too because I use 4 different addresses.  If I would have just had one she may have known it.

[corncrowe]

You were probably the most well prepared guy that I have ever seen with documents. The problem was that she was not prepared and couldnt answer some very simple questions about your life. Thats what sunk your ship. You were prepared but she wasnt.

Turbo,

I resisted the urge or desire to comment on this thread, but I must say that not knowing enough about "you", "your" immediate family, and quite possibly the age difference killed this deal.

I met, knew, and dated several women in the FSU.  They all knew my childrens name, age, and could tell any CO quite a bit about them.  I recently met an older "36" yo woman in Kiev who wanted to know my childrens names, how I was a father to them, what we did together, etc.  Most all women I ever met who were interested in me, wanted to know about my family.

Even Galina knew my mother, brothers names, sister, etc.  So, I think you might want to reconsider any woman who isn't even remotely interested in knowing your family.

Even complete strangers will sometimes show more interest...

Jon

[KenC]

Turbo,

I have to compliment you.  You have been so tolerant here while people take their shots at you.  Much more than I would.  When you have such a large age difference, they are bound to be very very suspect and look for reason to deny the visa.  If you took the age thing out of the equation, it probably would have been another rubber stamp job.  I am not here to judge your decision to marry such a young woman, as I am almost as guilty as you.  It is such a shame though, that with all your time together and how well you two must know each other, that you were denied when couples that hardly know each other's names are approved with no hassles.  It just shows what is really important in some people's minds. 

We have put up with crap like this for over 6 years now and it never sits well with me.  Just this week, Lena had a mechanic ask her if she was still with me.  Now do you think he would have asked that question, if she was 10 years older?  We will continue to amaze people by staying happy long after our sixth aniversary next week.  Best of luck to you.

KenC

(married a Russian hottie 25 years younger and still loving life!)

[corncrowe]

Turbo,

I have to compliment you.  You have been so tolerant here while people take their shots at you.  Much more than I would.  When you have such a large age difference, they are bound to be very very suspect and look for reason to deny the visa.  If you took the age thing out of the equation, it probably would have been another rubber stamp job.  I am not here to judge your decision to marry such a young woman, as I am almost as guilty as you.  It is such a shame though, that with all your time together and how well you two must know each other, that you were denied when couples that hardly know each other's names are approved with no hassles.  It just shows what is really important in some people's minds. 

We have put up with crap like this for over 6 years now and it never sits well with me.  Just this week, Lena had a mechanic ask her if she was still with me.  Now do you think he would have asked that question, if she was 10 years older?  We will continue to amaze people by staying happy long after our sixth aniversary next week.  Best of luck to you.

KenC

(married a Russian hottie 25 years younger and still loving life!)

That's all fine and good, but not knowing or caring to know someone's children is odd, to me.

Here's a blurb from a woman in Kiev:

Скажите мне ,если это возможно.А где мама Megan and Ryan?

Did you notice how she inquired about my children?  This woman is sincere and truely interested in knowing about my family, me, and how I am as a father.  I think it's important in any relationship "in any country" for the woman to show a little interest in the children I brought into this world.

I don't doubt Turbo has the best intentions.  I don't believe for a minute that he's grabbing at straws, but it's the woman whom I doubt.  I question her motives and lack of interest in knowing "everything" about his children.

Why?  Duh, maybe because someday she will have his children.  Don't you think she'd want to know if he is a good daddy?  Don't you think that if she was really interested in his abilities as a father that she would ask some basic questions about his children?

What did I miss here????

Jon

[Turboguy]

Thank you for your support Ken.  I did not go looking for a relationship with that much age difference.   I had a range of women I was willing to consider from 21 to 45 but really was looking for someone in their 30's as my top choice.   I fell in love with Luda before I even saw a photo of her or knew how old she was.   Some people think it is bad that she did not know my kids names.   I did not know her age when we got engaged.  It did not matter to me.  The first I knew her age was when she returned the visa forms to me.   I have to admit that I guessed her to be virtually exactly the age she was but I did not know for sure. 

I have had a lot of times that things in my life were not easy.   I will just do whatever I have to.    If I have to move to Russia and dig ditches for a living to be with her I will do that.  Truthfully I am getting tired of not being with her all the time and if this looks like it is going to drag on then I am going to fight the battle from Russia.  I just think it is a bit of a shame because I should not have to do that.

Thanks again for the support. 

[Turboguy]

What did you miss Corncrowe,  Well perhaps the fact that my kids are adults and I am done with the raising part.   Of course you never get done as a parent.   And actaully both my kids work in my business and I probably consider my son to be my best friend as well as my son.   

It is interesting how so many times people seem to take some little fact like a question that probably should have been asked or a kiss that probably should have been given and build the great wall of china out of it.   If I had not persued a relationship with Luda there was a gal from Ukraine that I would probably have built a relationship with and she never asked thier names either.   I have had a lot of women ask.  Usually the ones with kids were the ones that asked but I never analized that to any extent.   Humm the gal from Ukraine was 6 years younger than Luda. 

[corncrowe]

What did you miss Corncrowe,  Well perhaps the fact that my kids are adults and I am done with the raising part.   Of course you never get done as a parent.   And actaully both my kids work in my business and I probably consider my son to be my best friend as well as my son.   

It is interesting how so many times people seem to take some little fact like a question that probably should have been asked or a kiss that probably should have been given and build the great wall of china out of it.   If I had not persued a relationship with Luda there was a gal from Ukraine that I would probably have built a relationship with and she never asked thier names either.   I have had a lot of women ask.  Usually the ones with kids were the ones that asked but I never analized that to any extent.   Humm the gal from Ukraine was 6 years younger than Luda. 

Turbo,

As I stated from the beginning, I did not want to make judgement calls as to your relationship with Luda.  So, saying that, what I missed is the part where Luda took an active interest in your children. 

Sorry to point this out, but I think it's natural for any woman you are "engaged" in a relationship to be somewhat curious to know more about them. 

Ok, so you've decided two children are enough.  But what happens when it's her turn to decide whether or not to have children?  Will her past interest in your children inspire your confidence as to her maternal instincts?  Come'on Turbo, I'm not trying to insult you but just what does Luda know of your personal life?

My previous girlfriends knew my home telephone number and called.  They knew most everything about my personal life that if you asked "what's his favorite chocolate" well guess what?  She would most likely know this answer.

I think you and only you can decide where and how your relationship will go.  Nobody on this site can say age, gender, or national origin is a factor to "your happiness".  But this also goes to say that it is you who must live with this woman and hopefully when she meets your children it will be a pleasant experience.

Good luck,

Jon

[Turboguy]

Jon,

Thanks for the wishes of good luck.   I appreciate that.  Jon, I am not a one week wonder who got engaged to the first FSU woman he met.   I have been going to that part of the world looking for the right gal for a dozen years.    I have probably written 1000 gals and met 100+.  

I have seen red flags.   Like Irina,  the gal I thought might end up being my fiancee after my first EC social in 2001.   The end of the second day she says to me "I would never ask a man for money but if he did not offer to help me out I would know that he was not serious about me"  Of course then when we talked about having a second meeting in Egypt and she said.  Oh that sounds wonderful but you must send me the money for my ticket in cash.  If I do not buy my ticket here they will not give me an exit visa to leave to meet you.   Humm. 

Or like the first gal I met in '93 or so.  I spent a week sleeping 3 feet from her and did not get a kiss or hold hands or have my arm around her.    The last night she asked me what I thought.   She looked like she was going to fall through the floor when I said I was not sure she even liked me because of the lack of affection.   She tried to make up for it a little the last night but it was a little late for me. 

Luda is a strange girl in some ways.   I have made that comment before.  I am  happy to accept her just the way she is.  I know I am going to have my hands full at times.  Maybe it is why I love her and not something I love her in spite of.   The bottom line on everything is that we seem to fit together pretty well.  Do I think it would be more normal to ask my kid's names.   Sure.   Am I going to dump her over it and hunt for another dozen years for a gal who will ask their names.   Heck no.   It is not that big a deal to me.  If it was I would have made sure I led the conversation into it. 

How do I think Luda will get along with my kids.  I think they will do fine.   Luda is a very personable, interesting person.  Besides that both my kids work for me and make more working for me than they would elsewhere so they have some economic advantage to getting along with Luda. 

Luda is very honest with me about my money.  I can always remember the time when we had been running all over the place in a cab and she was dropping me off and the cab was going to take her home.   I asked how much the cab would be and she said she did not know.   I handed her 500 roubles and she handed it back and said it was too much to give her 200.   She has paid for her own train to meet me.  She paid for the apartments on my last two trips,  humm maybe the third one too.   She is very attentive to me, very romantic very considerate and watches over me like a hawkl to make sure I have no problems.   We like the same things we want the same kind of life.   The biggest difference I can find is she likes pets and I don't.

Perhaps it is a bad sign that she didn't ask my kids name.   She has asked a lot of questions about my mother but never asked her name either.   The bottom line is that red flag, yellow flag or green flag, I couln't care less.   If you want to waste your time talking about it more go right ahead.   

[corncrowe]

Turbo,

I wish you the best, as usual!  Hopefully the problems with CO will not hinder yours and Luda's happiness together.

Best,

Jon

[Turboguy]

Thank you Jon.   I have no idea what it will take to overcome the problems.   Whatever it is I will be there fighting until we are together.  

[facetrock]

Your kidding right? You really didnt know how old she was til you did the K1 visa?

[Elen]

Скажите мне ,если это возможно.А где мама Megan and Ryan?

Did you notice how she inquired about my children? 

ha-ha-ha Yeah , Children  I'll translate you if you can't see what's there between lines in such questions;)

She is "unquired" about your ex  How far from you is your ex wife (in all meanings - distancely and "Emotionally" ) to meddle in your future life

 

[facetrock]

Elen, you are absolutely right. Why do you think this girl never asked TurboGuy what his childrens names were. I would really like to know why TurboGuy never asked how old she was. I mean any normal man that was going to get married to a girl would like to know how old she is. Wouldnt you wake up some morning and say " Hey I wonder how old my fiancee is" This is really a strange relationship.