Once Upon A Time...

[myrddin]

Foreword

Since joining this board in January, I’ve often imagined what my own TR would be like, or indeed if I would ever write one.  I wonder what percentage of members post TRs, or even get boots on the ground. Until that plane actually landed, I had serious doubts about whether I would be one of them.

I can’t say I am totally comfortable with posting. Nonetheless, the biggest regrets in my life are when I did nothing, as opposed to doing something that turned out to be wrong. That was my attitude (most of the time!  ) going into this crazy endeavor.

Once the notion of seeking a mate in the FSU occurred to me, I might have tried this journey on my own. Which I’m sure would have led to predictably tragic results. Almost two years ago, I fell for a Ukrainian scammer who found me on true.com. I never sent any money, but all that saved me from doing so was a concurrent financial crisis.

I expanded my search because frankly, given my experience in America, I had the time. I thought about adding other places such as Thailand, but I decided that even an expanded pursuit should not be too unfocused.

I realized I should do some research about looking for a mate abroad (which for some reason I didn’t do with the scammers before...), and I liked what I learned about FSUW: intelligent, fit, feminine, straightforward and, of course, beautiful.

So a vague idea became a thought, and thought became action, and I found myself on my first trip to Ukraine. The full story is not quite so smooth and easy, and I doubt I can tell the *full* story, but even the Cliff’s Notes version will take some time.

Whatever I did wrong, I did a couple things right:

1) I read every single post here since I joined (and a host of earlier ones)

And

2) I got on that plane.

I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to everyone who has shared his experience on this board, and to the ladies who constantly remind me why I think my match might be from this part of the world. For that alone I’d be happy to share, but I owe a special debt to Taz. Even he can never understand how far I’ve come, no matter what he says.

Taz is the most consistent person I have ever met – he is exactly the same in his posts, emails, on the phone, and in person. He never led us astray, he describes things as precisely as words allow, and he went well out of his way to keep helping us on every step of this journey. And even though he’s not demanding a TR, I can tell he can’t wait to publicly mock me 

[myrddin]

The most important part of a good story is honesty, and the bar here has been set pretty high. I hope to match that honesty, if not the brevity. I wrote every day, ending up with well over 40,000 words (averaging around 3 hours a sleep a night…and sometimes I write fast). And I’m going to have to become a better writer to do this right.

I’ve got a lot to do in addition to condensing that monstrous novella of raw prose into something some poor unfortunate soul might survive reading. It’s still gonna be long-winded, that’s just how I am. My own prose might tend to the purple (though I prefer “contemplative”  ) rather than to the journalistic (or, perhaps, “terse”  ), but I will do my best to match Fact with Truth.

Early on I told myself that, at worst, I would end up with a litany of “not” examples, as in “how not to go about this,” that I could only hope would take the form of amusing anecdotes. I cannot simply laugh at tales like the exploits of JD (whom I would meet), because I see some of my own past in those tales. And sometimes I see too much of myself in the “who shouldn’t attempt this” posts.

Pressing on despite discouragement and obstacles, as with anything important in life, is crucial. I often think that if a guy can’t take some harsh words online, then he’s not ready for RW (not that I know much about RW specifically - until this month I’d only dated one and we were both 17. But my AW ex is Latina, and I know a little about strong, stubborn women. And like I said, I’ve read a lot on this board  )

Taz likes to take on projects, because I’m nothing if not that, but he never once balked at any challenge. His tales of JD spoke of the frustration of watching someone almost deliberately fail to benefit from his generosity. I promised myself from the beginning that if I actually went through with it, I would listen hard to everything he had to say. I have always been able to recognize absolutely spectacular mentors, and even though a whole host of logical arguments could be made against me going at this point, I knew I could not simply let such an opportunity pass.

[myrddin]

If someone who had never been there asked me, two things stand out:

The first is the oft-repeated: GOAFP = Get. On. A. Stinkin’. Plane.

I thought I needed to lose more weight first, to learn passable Russian first, to do a thousand things just to have a decent chance. That would all be good, but it turns out to be less important than experiencing the place (and now I’ll never have to worry about motivation again!).

Just seeing the effort these women put in to presenting themselves, never mind the sheer number of beauties ranging from the attractive to the smokin’ hot, could be worth the price of admission (yes, this is the “kid in a candy store” effect, and it’s pretty freakin’ cool).

To have women who, in the US, would not cross the street to spit on me, checking me out from head to toe is worth more.

To have gorgeous, brilliant, charming ladies deeply concerned about how they are made up for me after altering their schedules, is a unique experience.

And to have a Ukrainian lady on my arm, spoiling me rotten with grace and beauty, attending to my needs before I’m even aware of them, is absolutely indescribable. 

See? I’ve already failed as a writer!   

The second thing is: back up your pictures immediately.

I can blame exhaustion or sleeplessness or being drunk on beauty and female attention, but the reason is irrelevant. The fact is simply that, somewhere in the world, there is an Ultra II SD card with irreplaceable pictures of my first two absolutely incredible days in Ukraine.

I should have chained the camera to my wrist or clenched it in a death grip (actually I did that, almost all the time). I should have superglued it to my head. Or backed up the pics every night.  Or at least switched out that SD card.

Nothing could ruin this experience, but I’ll never fully get over losing those pics.  Cameras can be replaced and money can be earned, but those first pictures of your time on the ground...oh yeah, it hurts. Still, the ability to do more than pay lip service to the notion of “learning from my mistakes without dwelling on them” (...too much...), is just one thing I gained on this trip.

And this is not a sad story.  Ukraine is good for my soul.

[myrddin]

Prologue

[from what was written pretty much as it happened, edited for younger and more introspective authors]

  Prehistory of a Journey

Taz Takes On A Project

Day -?:  So, Taz is going to Ukraine and generously offers to guide some newbies. He just wants someone without bad habits and generally decent to split costs with. In a fit of self-congratulatory egoism, I decide I possess these qualities. The plan is to spend just a few days in P, and then on to explore Crimea.

As for meetings, I’ve already built profiles and contacted ladies, and I see some potential (mostly due to the exquisitely helpful and marvelously patient AnastassiaAsh), but I can’t say it’s going great.

I start on this journey as if I am really going to see it through all the way. Honestly, I’m not fully committed to it, but I am pretty sure I am over thinking things at this point.  It’s what I do. As exciting as it is to consider, it is unreal to imagine *actually* setting foot in my grandfather’s homeland anytime soon.

[myrddin]

The Booking

Day -?:  I am in Michigan City, Indiana, for D’s Whiskey Brothers’ performance, since the agent for the casino is an old friend of his who booked his band – with RFB for members and guests.

I am told gambling is a bad habit to RW, so this is probably one of my last excursions into the realm of applied probability. It’s a shame, since I’ve honed my techniques and am doing well (except at craps, where the dice are very, very cruel tonight). I’m up a few hundred on a stake of only 300. If I win enough to finance the trip, or even the ticket, it’s a sign-

Taz just called. He found a good deal on the ticket. It’s time to put up or shut up, and I wish I had some time at home to reflect on whether I can actually do this trip or not.

[3 hours later]
I spent a lot of time outside on the phone in the cold wind and on that tiny, ancient, lonely console they call internet here (where there’s no cell reception). 
Anyway, it’s done. 

Holy crap, I’m really going.

[myrddin]

The Search Begins

Day -?: Taz sent agency links [for those interested, PM me for more info]. It’s not a backup plan anymore, since even with coaching I’ve got just one phone number. But I am very excited about seeing Crimea.

Takes awhile to go through all the profiles, but I am not going to half-a$$ it. I stick to all my deal breakers for the search: no kids, non-smoker, age 25-30 (same as in the US), not taller than me. Can’t search on English ability, which is tough – I know maybe 10 words in Russian and at least half the time can’t remember 8 of them!

I try to give each profile a chance but watch for any red/orange flags. Don’t put too much stock in a pic, but there has to be a certain level of attraction. I must have a severely messed up American mindset, since I find myself wondering if that’s somehow shallow. Still, what woman would want a man who didn’t desire her physically? It’s not the most important thing, but it is not unimportant! In any case, there are very few that I pass up for physical reasons.

About 160 profiles to start. I push to get through them all, maybe making hasty decisions, but I refuse to invest too much effort in someone I’ll likely never meet anyway, and I am determined to look at them all. This time I’m almost thankful the “essays” are short, even if it means it’s hard to distinguish something special about an individual. Nevertheless, a few stand out.... And if there’s nothing to make me hesitate, I put her on the list.

I use some of the intro AnastassiaAsh helped me with and the best pics of myself I could find (blech, I’ve always had a hate/strong hate relationship with cameras). I sort the list by English ability (high to low, culled manually from the profiles – I prioritize by English ability but I don’t eliminate based on it), then age (low to high) and sent it back with my own mini-profile.

33 names.  Is that enough to get any positive responses?

[dneid]

Hey, myrddin,
Man, keep it coming dude.  I am so enjoying this TR!!!  You already have me waiting for the next few installments.  I enjoy your writing style a great deal.  I can not wait to read more!!!

And you hooked with Taz!  Man, I may need to figure out a way to coax him letting me tag along on one of his future trips.  I can imagine you were able to get a leg up with him along as a mentor!  BTW, how is he healing up?  I haven't seen much from him lately and I was getting a little concerned.  I am glad to hear he is healthy enough for a trip.

[myrddin]

Thanks, Dale!  That's much appreciated.  I greatly enjoyed your report and I'm impressed you did it all by yourself!

I'll doing my best, but we all are working hard to plan and finance that next trip. Plus I don't think any of us have quite as much time for the board as we did a few weeks ago   

Taz is recovering.  Alas, he took a spill on Memorial Day and his typing speed will be dramatically reduced for a time.  I've offered to get him some kind of protective "bear suit"    His attitude is the most amazing thing (and something I'm trying to cultivate in myself) - nothing fazes him, so I have no doubt he'll be back to normal soon.

[myrddin]

The Rising Tide

Day -5: Growing feelings of excitement and fear constantly expand in the pit of my stomach. They’re not going away anytime soon. In fact, sometimes the excitement is drowned out by something too much like terror. What the hell am I doing? What was I thinking? Is it just fear that makes me think I will not be coming back from this trip or is that some kind of premonition?

I consider bailing completely, cutting losses, I’d be out the ticket and some deposits. It’s not good, but right now it sounds like maybe a better plan than spending even more money to make an utter fool of myself.

A little terror never hurt anyone. Except for those heart attacks. Most of the guys on the boards managed to survive their visits.... What was I thinking? Did I decide all this or did it just happen?

I have nothing to fear but making a fool of myself. And since that is familiar territory, I need to stop worrying and try to enjoy the ride. How often do I tell myself that?

[myrddin]

Think About the Future

Day -4: At least I should get some stories out of all this! Falling flat on my face is still better than doing nothing.

I should feel some comfort in the fact that much of Taz’s advice is stuff I am fully aware of. It’s just that I can’t get it from my cortex to my instincts. How long have I spent trying to change those thought patterns?

Day -3: I spent time just sitting and imagining what could possibly happen. If I cover all the possibilities in my head, I can say that, in some way, I predicted it. I can see: no women wanting to meet or a few lukewarm meetings, or two or three meetings all canceled at the last minute, or being trapped by a pro dater, or a breakdown where I commit every classic error ever made in forward and reverse order and end up causing some sort of international incident. Or just maybe even something going halfway decently with one lady I can trick into liking me, and perhaps even growing through correspondence later, but I don’t think about that much.

Very briefly, I consider the outlandish notion of one lady standing out early and spending most of my time with her. It feels pretty far-fetched, perhaps some of that lingering negativity that both Taz and I have been trying to scrub from my thoughts. But I suppose it’s not impossible.

I keep trying to think of the least expected outcome, whatever that might be, because that’s what will happen.

[AnastassiaAsh]

As for meetings, I’ve already built profiles and contacted ladies, and I see some potential (mostly due to the exquisitely helpful and marvelously patient AnastassiaAsh)....

Myrddin, thank you so much for these exquisite words!  I didn't know you were planning to go there so fast and with Taz too, that's great! I am really glad for you.  I can't wait for other details about what actually happened there.
Taz is like Moses leading his people our of 'slavery' into 'freedom'.   

[myrddin]

You're welcome.  I'll get to that review someday!

(If Taz ever decides to charge for his services, he could name his price.  But I don't want to encourage people to raise prices just because they're worth it  )

I actually felt a bit guilty, because I didn't tell anyone I was going except my immediate family.  But I was getting worked up enough as it was....

[myrddin]

My Real Plan

Day -2: I wish I could stop annoying Taz. Hell, I annoy myself. At least I’m committed to going. I can be unfettered in my excitement about visiting Crimea, which is my main focus now.

I thought things would go better on the websites (it didn’t seem hard to get that one number, but I must not have started with a big enough pool). I will continue to do what I can so I don’t disappoint Taz (who still sounds like he expects I’ll have some meetings), but I already know this is just a vacation. And that’s okay.

I wonder about Taz and Lana.  For some reason, I’ve got a strong feeling things will go well. I hope that he gets some kind of karmic re-payment for his efforts, however I muck it up.

[myrddin]

WTF Was I Thinking?!

Day -1:  Almost there!

Taz called me at work today and told me to sit down: 8 women from the agency in P. 8! Apparently this is a phenomenal rate of success, enough that he’s taunting other people with it (jokingly). I’ve never met that many women in two months, much less two days. I understand some guys meet 10 in a day, but most of my wild daydreams involved someday visiting 1, with maybe a couple backup candidates.

While it’s exciting, something in me is rebelling – it doesn’t feel right. Maybe it’s just the illusions that AA and Taz have worked on my profile or something.

I’ve been thinking about what to do with no meetings. How I’d be fine with that. How maybe a life of doing whatever I want without worrying about anyone else might not be so bad. There’s even a positive way to spin it – I will not settle. A life alone is better than compromising for something less than what I want.

Still, I was ready for nothing at all, maybe one or two nervous meetings. I was not ready for this. And these aren’t merely attractive women, they range from very attractive to downright gorgeous. How can I not be intimidated? I filtered for personality characteristics as much as possible from the short profiles, so I might be facing more than physical beauty. I can tell Taz is excited for me. I’m actually kinda terrified. Excited, worried about screwing up.

I said, “Man, I am so not ready. It’s gonna be great!” but I only feel that last part for a second. I could never be ready. If the right woman for me is among these meetings I’d be in for something very special…. It’s what I want but I’m all nerves and worry right now. I need to be myself, but my relaxed, confident self. Which, outside of academia, has always been tough.
 
I wish I had some idea what to expect, what would happen. But everyone wishes, and no one does. No one can. That’s supposed to be the exciting part. I’ll be thrilled if any of them actually show up. I have said success is in trying, but until I meet a woman in person I have not actually tried. And if it’s disastrous, if I make a fool of myself (and I probably will), at least I’ll have story fodder.

I really am not ready, and I don’t know if I have enough time to psyche myself up. We leave tomorrow night.

That is about all I can be sure of at this point.

[dneid]

Hey, myrddin,
Man, I can so relate to what you were feeling the day or two before you left.  My last night here in the US I was so freaked out!!!  Man, what the hell am I doing?  Am I out of my mind?  I must be getting neurotic doing this!  Come on, there must be a few good women to found here in the good old USA.  What the hell am I thinking?
Keep the posts coming.  I am so enjoying this TR.  I hope Taz will post one as well.  And congrats for getting your arse in a plane seat and going to see for yourself the magic of Ukraine.  Eye opening, isn't it?

[Jet]

myrddin,
Fantastic story so far. I like your writing style A LOT 
I was also impressed by the way you were able to articulate that special blend of overwhelming excitement and sheer terror one goes through in the hours leading up to getting on that plane for the first time. Good job!

[2tallbill]

I can remember the feeling of going to the FSU the first time.
Although I traveled to other countries it was different. I think
on my first night sleeping after being awake (I don't sleep on planes)
so long and that is when I started thinking what am I doing here.

I woke up and couldn't remember where I was whether I was still dreaming
or what.

Nice TR keep it coming,


Bill

[mendeleyev]

Excellent report.  Yes, you are a great writer!  Keep it coming!


PS...glad to know I'm not the only one who has learned to carry multiple small digital cards, and change them out of the camera every night before recharging the battery.  Its a tough lesson to learn and I'm feeling the pain with you!   

[myrddin]

It means a lot to me to know people are enjoying this, especially some I consider the Old Guard.  It feels a bit like a young comedian in the Tonight Show's heyday getting the nod from Johnny.   

(BTW, I now have two cameras, and I'll likely be getting a camera phone before the next trip.)

[myrddin]

It Begins

Day 0: Planes and Automobiles

   Usually I get to the airport early and wait, as if that somehow reduces my stress, but I have to push the timing back because Taz is going through Chicago specifically to meet up with me and he has to come from Terminal 3 to Terminal 5. So I wait until I can’t stand it anymore (a whole 20 minutes later than I’d usually leave...) and have my mom drop me off at O’Hare. It’s only a 25 minute ride, but it’s clear my nerves are inherited (and it’s her father who comes from the place!).
        Taz has some luggage problems, so we’ll need to use my scooter bag to repack some, meaning I can’t check in until he gets here.
   Finally a call, Taz has landed a bit early but still needs a gate. I stand in line waving people ahead of me until I’m the only one standing there. At least I’m used to being awkward. Security is slow. How long before I have to check in and go through if Taz doesn’t make it in time?
   Another call, he’s on the way but timing is pretty tight now. I do a horrible job of describing to him where he needs to go, but finally I see him approaching. This is my first time meeting someone from the board in real life, but there’s only time for a brief greeting and I don’t have time for reflection. We repack and I check in.
   While I’m waiting a woman is arguing about a $150 charge for extra carry-on baggage, she’s being obnoxious and the desk is being hard-a$$ed about it. Taz leaves for the checkpoint (he pushed the baggage limits himself and there’s no need to draw this attendant’s attention). But he’s left alone and security is relatively quick now that it’s almost time to board.
   We reach the gate and Taz is talking to Swisskid on the phone until SK is starting to board his plane. I’m trying to remember just one thing Taz has told me - which should be easier than it is because there’s a lot! Not much time to talk so far, then our flight is boarding and Taz goes on early since he’s got status.  My parents call and I tell them I met Taz and all is fine. I hear someone laugh when I tell them he’s already on the plane and I just have to wait for them to start boarding plebes like me.
   The lady with the $150 charge is at the gate arguing with another attendant, who insists that she did not pay it before. I’m thinking about receipts and how nothing goes as planned in the FSU as I’m herded past.
        Next time I turn on my phone I’ll be nowhere near North America.

        On the plane we talk some. Taz has so much good advice that I cannot possibly remember more than a tenth of it. It’s coming a kilometer a minute and as it immediately falls out of my head, I’m worried it’s pulling out old stuff, too. A lot of it I do know, but I have not been able to live it.
        We both try to get some sleep.

[myrddin]

...   Awake too much, and I’m thinking too much and writing a lot. Pages and pages of stuff and I haven’t even had a single meeting yet! I don’t want to count the hours of travel and all the things I might normally be worked up about: schedules, rental cars, luggage, passport lines, meeting JD, meeting Swisskid, trying to absorb Taz’s last hour advice. All I can really worry about is the meetings.

[myrddin]

...      Still on plane, several hours in. Ahead: Amsterdam, Kiev, O & P.  Potentially 9 dates (how many women have I met in the last year?). Just now (!) I began to think about how many people wrote on the board about how the ladies were sweet and put them at ease. Right now, for this moment, I am convinced the UW will surprise me w/how easy it will be to be around them.
   Which could be crazy. As much as flying 8,300 km for a date?
   Perhaps the feeling that they will make it easy is a defense mechanism. Perhaps I just imagined those posts in some nerve-induced hallucination. I don’t know if it should be only exciting (it is definitely that, though me being me it is also severely nerve-wracking).
   Hours of travel down and more to go. Life could be a whole lot worse. Success is trying, failure is doing nothing.
   BTW, I think it is now Friday, May 2, 2008. My life could change a lot in the next few days. Whatever else it is, it’ll be one hell of a ride.
   I’m starting to believe that.

[Kuna]

I'm excited...  GO MYRDDIN GO!

Seriously...  best of luck with the meetings.  Enjoying the TR.

Kuna

[myrddin]

Too Smooth So Far

   In Amsterdam we need boarding passes for the next flight. The schedule is tight and we are supposed to meet JD, who should have met Swisskid on his flight from the US. It’s good to distract myself by hurrying through the airport, where I pretend my German helps me understand some of the Dutch signs, and we find JD’s flight. He’s one of the last people off the plane, and of course is exactly as Taz describes: basically a good guy but with some issues. JD seems even more tired than I am. I hope I won’t make his mistakes. Maybe mine will be new.
   But there’s a problem: JD has not met Swisskid. We have to run to the next gate, but first back to the KLM desk to see if SK made the flight (no info). Taz is scrambling to find out what happened to SK while we wait in the security line at the gate.
   Line is slow. I hear a lot of Russian (or possibly Ukrainian), but if anyone is saying “спасибо” or “хорошо” I can’t catch it, and that’s about the limit of my vocabulary at the moment.
   Our seats are scattered about the plane so no more advice. Just me and my nerves and my notebook. The plane is delayed while two guys who felt the need to finish their bottle of vodka in the security line can be (involuntarily) disembarked. There’s not much commentary from other passengers about that.

[myrddin]

...   Left to my own dubious devices for the time being, I wonder what happened to SK (who should be somewhere on this plane now, though no one's seen him anywhere). And how it will affect us. Until that, things were going “too smoothly” and I was waiting for the unexpected and quickly changing plans. I’m still a bit curious how I’ll deal with that. Don’t know if this counts since we’re not in FSU yet, but it’s not good....
   Nerves up, hope down. I’m pretty sure a lot of people on this plane are Ukrainian, including the ladies. Can I interest one? Do I deserve to? Gotta assume yes, at least for now. See what happens.
   I don’t know if it’s preconceptions or imagination or what, and even if a lot of these ladies are Ukrainian, it’s not a huge sample. But it really does seem like there is a difference between the women on this flight and many of the women I see on flights in the US. Every woman here looks like she is putting a lot of effort into her presentation.
   I could swear I’ve caught some looking at me. When I look back, they’re the ones who pretend they’re looking at something else. Probably just ego.
   Primary feelings at this moment – this trip is LONG. And hours in the car after we land....
   Only slept a few hours on the first flight.  Maybe some here, maybe some in the car.
        Gulp, and I am supposed to call Lady Z [from the flirt website] when I’m in Kiev.