Funny things your RW/UW says:

[Kuna]

My wife constantly comes out with little saying, expressions or totally innocent comments that crack me up.

 I'm sure other wives must do it too so I thought this would be a great place to share the quirky things they say:



Example:

Our nephew is on holidays in Oz with us and last night we were driving along talking.  My nephew speaks quite good English but he has been quiet... maybe the conversation moves too quickly for him, maybe it's still the jet lag.

Anyway, we were driving along last night and I made the comment that the nephew was quiet, and as serious as anyone could be my wife spurts out with, "Oh he is just like a dog, he understands us well but he can't speak back".

Maybe it's me...  maybe it was the moment...  maybe it's the beautiful accent and innocence in delivery, but I just cracked up!

Then I realised I'm just a dog too... I understand a bit of Russian but I don't answer back! 


What are the funny things your wife says to you?

[groovlstk]

Once, shortly after she arrived my wife was preoccupied with something nearby while I lounged on the sofa. I cracked my knuckles and distracted her, so she scolded me: "Stop clicking your nickels!" As soon as she said it she realized she mixed up her words and cracked up. We still joke about it to this day

[OlgaH]

Robert and I was driving along the streets. I was reading the signs.

 "Robert, what is "compoosa"?

 "What?"

 "compoosa"

"Can you spell it?"

"c-o-m-p-u-s-a"

"Comp USA"

Reading TV Program

"Robert have you ever seen the movie "now here"?

"What movie?"

"Now here but it is written as one word"

"Show me. Oh, "Nowhere"



 

[ScottinCrimea]

My wife gets confused sometimes and says, "I am exciting" instead of "I am excited".  Since she is correct in either case, I choose not to correct her.

[Vaughn]

I called Elvira, asking "Honey, I'm on my way home - do we need milk?"
She replies, "One minute, I'll watch the refrigerator."

Driving along together she exclaims, "LOOK !!  GOOD VEAL !!"
On the side of the highway, a new building was going up - Good Will Industries....

My friend Richard took his wife along on a business trip. Driving through Daytona Beach, they
passed the Kennel Club - where they race greyhounds. "Do they really race dogs here?"
"Sure do" answered Richard. After a quiet minute passed, she asked "For MEDALS?"

[steviej]

Agreed, Kuna. The FSU ladies say some very charming and funny things. It is not just language. There are so many expressions, little sayings, and many analogies from little "forest animals" for everyday life.

When some kind of food is considered expertly prepared, my wife says, "Ah, this is real delicatessen."

Frequently, she refers to me as "my rooster". LOL

[Kuna]

Frequently, she refers to me as "my rooster". LOL

Stevie,

You reminded me of something...  My Wife often calls me her "Beautiful Boy"... and let me tell you I'm neither beautiful, nor a "boy".   

It sounded so cute when we were in a department store once and I'd gone off looking at "stuff" (not too far away) and I overheard a shop assistant ask if she could help my wife...

The response in a distressed voice, "I've lost my Beautiful Boy".

 


Scott - my wife does the same with boring and bored.  She gets a little frustrated at her English classes and sometimes says, "I hope I am not boring today".

Of course i have to reassure you she could never be boring.




OMG...  one of the funniest things she's ever done was at shopping a short time after arriving.

In the most serious voice, and with a timid look on her face, she asked me why so many foods said they had "No Preservatives".  I cracked up laughing and went on to assure her there is a government guarantee here that whenever you see food marked "No Preservatives", you are guaranteed there will be NO PRESERVATIVES inside.

She continues our joke now sometimes when we shop by cheekily saying, "Look honey, still no preservatives in here".

(for the newbies...  in Russia and Ukraine a "Preservative" is a condom)   



I have to say, I'm not making fun of my wife's English in the slightest. 

Actually, it's interesting that the funny stuff comes from simple misunderstandings or simple misinterpretations. In a different relationship such simple misunderstandings and simple misinterpretations may be causing big problems...  Not for us though - just lots of laughs!

[Jet]

This was a real conundrum for me  . My wife INSISTED I correct her English when she arrived. She wanted to continue her teaching career and I knew it was imperative that she have good language skills, but at the same time, it broke my heart to have to correct those endearing little phrases I loved to hear her utter. Nothing hilarious, but small things like if we were out to eat and she was really enjoying the meal she'd often exclaim (with that child-like innocence in her eyes)
SUCH VONDAFUL! Nearly five years later these phrases are but distant memories, so all you newlywed guys, savor this time, as it may not last as long as you want it to  .

Frequently, she refers to me as "my rooster". LOL

Stevie, I think we all get nicknames sooner or later. I recall Donna Pedro used to refer to her husband as "her Hamster" KenC's Lena calls him "her Bear" IIRC.
Me, I'm Liliya's "Hedgehog"
 

[Kuna]

I'm Liliya's "Hedgehog"
 

 

Ohhhhh, that's fantastic Jet....  errrr... I mean Hedgehog!

 


See...  the things they say ARE hilarious!

[msmoby_ru]

Today my wife told me that it was hot in Siberia and that she had gone with her friend to sunbathe .... and now  she is "sun-touched" !



Sometimes, when Russian speakers translate LITERALLY it sounds very funny - it this case I  prefer it to boring "sun-tan".. more more appealing

[Gator]

These are funny. 

Being surrounded 24 hours per day by three Russians in various stages of English fluency, I may be becoming immune. We have our frequent chuckles, yet nothing noteworthy.

Nothing can top an email I received over six years ago from a woman conversant in English.  Evidently, she would use references to select longer words so as to impress men.  Her sentence, "I do not like long, mundane correspondence; I prefer intercourse."

[SANDRO43]

Maybe this thread should be re-entitled FSUW Say The Darndest Things ?

[Jumper]

my wife often says 

"I don't hear it"

if i'm asking if she smells something ..

and there are several others

but thats from the  language deal..

as if you say in russian " i think a smell something"
 would literally translate more like "see" or "hear" than the russian word for smell?
in a different context the russian word for "smell" would fit.



one of my favorites?
very early on in our marriage -(maybe a month)
i once left something on the hallway (shoes or some such horrible no no)

 i arrived home from work with a quite perturbed RW at the door,,waiting to tell me something of utmost importance.(remember her english was quite fluent and we had known each other a couple of years )

 Agee, (aj- remember cryllic has no "jay" and i knew i was in hot water lol as my ACTUAL name was being used )

"a'GEE! we can not live like pork!"
with  hands clenched at her sides and this RW utter determination and stern look to follow..

keep in mind i had no idea of my infraction..(the shoes)  nor was it hinted at..
LOL

so i'm amused ,,i'm not even sure why, as i dont know what the heck she is talking about, but do have an idea what she *means*..
and trying not to just totally bust up laughing.

me- just as seriously concerned about this awful trouble,
and trying to help with all the sincerity i could muster (without falling over laughing..)

"well i understand that,  so ok , if we live like pigs instead of a tasty dish, will that be better then?"

 

my quick wittiness, was not immediately appreciated..
and instead the offending shoes by the door where pointed out..lol

but yeah we had a lot of laughs about that and other similar things..

[deccie]

Ones I noticed:

Says "Don't smile of me" meaning "Don't make fun of me".

Prefers "I listen you" to "I hear you".

Insists there is no English word "movie".

Calls me "her Koala" apparently because she has some idea I sleep too much.... 
(the point that  I frequently get up at 5am and she lays in bed until 10 or 11 having apparently escaped her....)

[mendeleyev]

in Russia and Ukraine a "Preservative" is a condom

Kuna, thought you'd enjoy these photos!

As Kuna said you can use the Cyrillic to see that indeed a condom is a "preservative."  The first is from September 1955, the second is from 1976 and the third was made in March 1983.

Beware:  Russian condoms may not be as safe/effective as Western products.  Many are "knock offs" and very poor quality.

[mendeleyev]

Living in Russia it was probably me making the silly and funny mistakes with my Russian.  Just as the English personal pronouns are hard for them, the gender of Russian pronouns confuse us too.  "On" can be either he or it, "Ah-na" can be she or it, "ah-no" is simply it, and "ah-ne" is they.  She would say "IT is calling you" when she meant HE, etc.

Likewise, I used to get them mixed up in Russian because each noun is assigned a gender and trying to figure out if a bus or a tree or building is a 'he' or 'she' or a neutered 'it' can be a bear at first.  I had her in stitches at times.   

Like many wives, she also wants me to correct her English and can become quite upset when I let it slide.   

In our courting days at her home for dinner on a Saturday or Sunday when asking if she could serve another helping of a dish she'd say something like "May I add some potatoes to you, please?"

She also had a problem with anything ending in "es" as plural.  I've heard phrases like, "put off your shoes'es please." 

For awhile she struggled with mixing phrases like "take off" or "put on."  One time she told me that I needed to "take off" my clothes so we could go pick up our youngest daughter at the train station.  I did, and appeared in the hallway just as she instructed.  Realizing her error she had a great laugh but quickly told me to "take them back on."

[Ooooops]

Like many wives, she also wants me to correct her English and can become quite upset when I let it slide.   

What sounds cute to the loving husband might sound ...  err... not so cute to a stranger.   That's why I always ask my husband to correct me if I make mistakes in pronunciation or grammar.   Having native speaker by your side is the best language school possible.   

Few things are still hard for me to say, though...   Sheet and shit is the best and most embarrassing example.   

[Jet]

Having native speaker by your side is the best language school possible.   

Hasn't helped my Russian as much as I'd hoped it would 

Few things are still hard for me to say, though...   Sheet and *snip* is the best and most embarrassing example.   

Lil still has a bit of trouble recognizing the difference between the sounds in beer and bear 

[Ooooops]

Hasn't helped my Russian as much as I'd hoped it would 

Living in the country of that language also helps.    

[msmoby_ru]

What sounds cute to the loving husband might sound ...  err... not so cute to a stranger.   That's why I always ask my husband to correct me if I make mistakes in pronunciation or grammar.   Having native speaker by your side is the best language school possible.   

Few things are still hard for me to say, though...   Sheet and *snip* is the best and most embarrassing example.   

Mendeleyev's example re "taking off" clothes - thanks for reminding me of that one...

Oooops, thanks for this classic example re Sheet and Sh*t ..  My Russian speaking friends spend hours trying to get this right, and it is so frustrating for them

My wife now just says help me to "change the bed " or hold this... never using the SHEET word..

I've tried to help by pointing out that SH*T ( when spoken as an expletive) sounds like SSHH with a IT sound on the end, and that SHEET is the sound of the your famous soup or she ( as in her) with a "T" sound on the end - a softer "T".. does that help ? .. or that the British English way ?

[SANDRO43]

I've tried to help by pointing out that SH*T ( when spoken as an expletive) sounds like SSHH with a IT sound on the end, and that SHEET is the sound of the your famous soup or she ( as in her) with a "T" sound on the end - a softer "T".. does that help ? .. or that the British English way ?

I'd say the difference is in the pronunciation length of the I, long on the bed and very short ... on the toilet .

As in BEET/BIT, CHEAT/CHIT, FEET/FIT, PEAT/PIT, SEAT/SIT, SLEET/SLIT.

[Blues Fairy]

Having native speaker by your side is the best language school possible.   

Especially when disagreements start and you have to really dig in your heels. 

[msmoby_ru]

I'd say the difference is in the pronunciation length of the I, long on the bed and very short ... on the toilet .

As in BEET/BIT, CHEAT/CHIT, FEET/FIT, PEAT/PIT, SEAT/SIT, SLEET/SLIT.

Great tip, and very memorable, Sandro... Thanks, mate

[Ooooops]

Especially when disagreements start and you have to really dig in your heels. 

Then it doesn't matter anymore long EE it is or short I - body language will fill in the gaps.   

[groovlstk]

This may be a bit off topic but it's still funny

A few months back my wife and I were shopping for patio furniture in a local hardware store. My wife saw a set she liked and set off to find a salesperson while I tested the lounge chair out There was a guy standing near the register, probably a contracter, but (to me) he obviously wasn't a salesperson. My wife approached him and they talked briefly, I could see the guy pointing towards a register on the other side of the store. At the same time I could hear my wife's voice rising and I recognized the stance she assumes when she's chewing someone out. After a minute or two she suddenly stalked off, leaving the poor guy staring after her with a stunned, bewildered expression. I immediately figured that she mistook the poor guy for a salesman and wrongly assumed he was trying to pass the buck, but I had no time to intervene (and even if I had time, this was just too much fun to watch!). When she returned she was exhasperated, "no workers want to help anyone in American stores!"

I explained to her that the guy she'd just scolded was not a salesperson, but a fellow shopper. She turned borcht beet red and immediately went to apologize but the poor guy had already fled!