Correspondence w/gal from Samara

[twyrick]

I never thought I'd actually be on a message forum of this sort, but now I feel like I need as much information as I can get in a timely manner.

A week or two ago, I decided to post a "personals" ad on a U.S. based web site (Lavalife).  I was only paying attention to women living within 50 miles or less from my home, but I was surprised to sign on several days ago and have new email waiting from an attractive 28 year old woman (with photo).  I discovered she lives in Samara, Russia and said she's interested in meeting a man from the United States.

At first, I was a little incredulous...  I asked if she was planning on traveling here, trying to make it clear that I don't have a lot of money myself (divorced a little over a year ago from an ex who cleaned out my house, sold 2 of my cars, and left me with horrible credit).  But she insists that she purposely wrote to me because she found me attractive, and in fact is coming to the U.S. on a travel visa (which she says will be approved on September 9th.).

She's never (at least so far!) asked me for any money or assistance with anything...  and went on to tell me how she met a man in the U.S. around this time last year, but she was greatly offended/hurt because he mis-represented himself as wanting a serious relationship/marriage and was really just trying to have fun with women he met on the net....   But people keep telling her that "all American men aren't the same" and to try again, if it's what she really wants.

She says she works in some type of sales job in Russia, but her family rents a small house near a park.  (She sent me several pictures, and it looks like your typical small ranch-style house in the countryside to me.)

I told her that I'd be happy to meet her at the airport if she comes here, and would let her stay here a while, etc. - but I couldn't really imagine getting married to someone I'd only known for several months (in case that was her "grand plan' for all of this).  That didn't seem to deter her - but her last couple emails she sent within a few hours of each other were more like small "love poems", with no real "substance" as to what she is wanting/expecting out of this....   That is kind of throwing up a "caution flag" in my head, as I think about it more.  Seems a little "odd" to act so "in love" with a guy you haven't even met yet, especially right after he tried to tone the whole thing down and explain that we might only end up as "friends" out of the arrangement.

Is this just something I should expect due to cultural differences, or does this sound more like a scammer firing off some random "love note template" type emails to try to keep my interest?

If she does really show up here and I let her stay, am I at much risk of getting ripped off?  I work from home, so it's not like I'd be leaving her alone in my house for the whole morning/afternoon....  But seeing how my marriage ended, I'm a little paranoid about trusting women right now.

[Bruno]

Twyrick,

What have you to loose... these russian woman will not be able to empty your house like your previous wife... house furniture are to big and heavy for send them in Russia :-)))

The best for you is wait and see... allow her to visit you... only try to think during these meeting with your big head only :-)))

[jb]

twyick,

Forgive me for what I'm about to say, but placing an ad on a personals website is the kiss of death, IMHO.  It is where scammers go to shop for lonely men to take to the cleaners. You didn't tell us how old you are but you said she's 28 and attractive.  Let me guess, she's actually quite good looking and you are very flattered by her attention.

Be very careful with this person, after only a few days/weeks she seems to be falling in love with you, this is a classic tactic of the scammer. The classic scam says that she wants to fly to you, has already got a visa and only needs a little help with a few hundred dollars to make all your dreams come true.

This is pure boolsheet, U.S. B-2 tourist visas are very hard to accquire for the FSU citizen unless they have unbreakable ties to their homeland and have goodly sums of money.  The very fact that she says she wants to move to the USA means she doesn't have unbreakable ties to Russia.  No U.S. Embassy Consular Officer worth his paygrade would issue a visa to such a person.

You are, in all probable cases, not even writing to a woman, it's most likely our old friend "Fat Yuri", who has been running this scam for years.

Do what you wish, but I think you are letting ego be overcome with cajolery, these scammers are very slick.

[Elen]

JB :? You constantly ruin my belive in love with your posts How cruel of you:X

[BC]

Elen, not cruel but realistic.

If she shows up at the airport then he will be happy.
If she doesn't show up he will not be disappointed.

The lower expectations are, the better.

My bet is that there will be some 'emergency'.. like had her wallet stolen in line at the embassy, is far away from home and a western union office so convenient across the street.

twyick, you're putting your life back together and that's good. Unless she shows up at your door in a wedding dress and suitcase full of greenbacks forget RW's for a while.

[jb]

Elen,

Do you really need me to explain the facts of life to you? :cool:

[Michelangelo]

dear twyrick,

the advice you have received thus far, that says proceed with caution, is on target.

28 year old girls simply do not travel to the US.  They can't...

But you can play along for a while and see what happens.

A friend of mine had a letter like this.   After a few weeks, he sent her money for the airline ticket and cash to travel with.

He went to LAX to pick her up and was very sad when the flight attendents marked the end of the unloading, but NO girl....

He went home and checked his email.  Seems like she "fainted" at the Moscow airport and someone took her bag and passport....and money.

That's only one example, but it is the reason conventiional wisdom says
"beware!'

Good luck to you.

[twyrick]

Thanks for the replies and comments.
I am 34 years old myself, so her being 28 doesn't seem too far "off the mark".

But yes, I was fully expecting I might suddenly receive one of those emails telling me of some "emergency" or "change of plans" that would require money from me - and there's no way I'm going to fall for that.

I have primary custody of a 3 year old daughter from my marriage, so I wouldn't have hundreds of dollars just lying around to mail off to a person I've never even met yet!  If I had the money, it'd go for babysitting expenses, groceries, gasoline, etc.

As for the idea that I'm not even writing to a woman at all - could be?  I will say, the English is pretty "broken" though.  I can muddle through it and figure out most of what's being said in the emails, but I see a lot of mis-use of English words.  (EG.  She says such things as "Let me tell you about my attitudes." when she really means "Let me explain my feelings.")

In the last email she sent (before the little love poem type things), she did ask for my phone number, so she could call me.  I guess there is no harm in giving that out.  Will be interesting to see if someone really calls.

[jb]

Fat Yuri has lots of co-conspiritors, like wolves, they travel in packs.  even if a young woman calls you, I'd still be very careful.

You seem to say you are strapped for cash.  Is there some reason you couldn't get on a plane to visit her in Samara?  Can you not afford a couple of thousand dollars for a two week vacation to an exotic place like Samara, RU?

Let me give you another hint,,, bringing a non-citizen into the USA "legally" is very costly.  You will ultimately shell out many dollars in fees and filings before you are done, as the citizenship process is about 7 years long in the doing.  This is not a game for someone living paycheck-to-paycheck.

I don't mean to tell you it can't be done,,, but it's very hard to do it on a beans and bacon budget.

[Elen]

Elen,
Do you really need me to explain the facts of life to you?

NOPE! I prefer to live in my world of illusions :? 

 

PS BTW Girl is realy suspect but what about the boy?? What'is it for you [user=447]twyrick[/user] in that "game" if you are not going to marry  in the foreseeable future

[Photo Guy]

She may or may not be a scammer. The alleged ability to come to the US, is a red flag. She may be a fat Yuri or not. Ask her many questions and see if she is evasive. Like -what are the details of her visa? Ask her for snapshots from home. Play the game, for the fun of it, and keep alarms about money scams in the back of your mind. Ask her why she chose your ad. You may have better luck, if YOU choose the woman, rather than vice versa, otherwise you are bait for a shark. Don't send her money before you've met. (there are exceptions)

[itstime]

Don't listen to those sad tired old men who are stuck in their cynical ways.

They are lying or else they are stone stupid.

It definitely is possible for 28 year old women to get business visas to the USA and many have done it. The requirement for a B2 visa is, roughly speaking, a bona fide business reason for the visa, and evidence that you are highly likely to return to Russia before the term of the visa is up. Lots of women can and do qualify for such visas, especially women who are engaged in sales or buying/selling business and who have a history of visas to other European countries.

On message boards like this I have read more than one account of men who had women visit them in the USA. It does happen.

Now there is a grain of truth in the scammer accusations, but it is only a grain. Scammers do set up their victims in a similar way and then run into a last minute problem that requires money from you or they can't get on the plane. As long as you don't send money, you should do just fine. As was pointed out, any woman who can get a business visa is unlikely to run short of money at the last minute.

I myself ran into an unbelievable woman (literally unbelievable) under some unbelievable circumstances (literally unbelievable) just over a month ago and I spent an incredible and UNBELIEVABLE week with her in Ukraine. I know that the unbelievable can happen and does happen. As Bruno said, think with your big head, but don't be afraid to let the little head have some fun if your girl seems willing. Russian women are definitely NOT puritans. Even religious women can be passionate and any woman whose goal is to find a husband is also looking for a man who she likes to have sex with.

Where people go wrong is when they try to give money instead of getting to work with the little head. Scammers are after cash. Genuine girls want to play with your little head and see him jump for joy!

 

[jb]

Don't send her money before you've met. (there are exceptions)

I disagree, there are no exceptions to this hard and fast rule.  If you wouldn't send money to an AM girl you haven't met living in the next State, why should you be expected to send money to a Russian girl living half way around the globe?  She's been getting along nicely before you started e-mailing, she doesn't need your money now, if she's for real.

This is insanity at work.

[Bruno]

Wonderfull ... the alarm before any fire...

She have never ask money and Rick don't wish send her money... in 4 days, she have is visa and is coming to USA...

All have too make Rick is waiting and see... she ask money for some emergency, bye-bye... she is at airport, let see...

Without know something of these woman, everybody think that she is a scammer... What is the risk to wait a few day for see what happen...

The only risk you have is to meet a visa whore... she don't wish your money, she wish a green card... this risk is more big that these about scammer and more difficult to detect...


Edit : not all... all except itstime

[jb]

Don't listen to those sad tired old men who are stuck in their cynical ways.

They are lying or else they are stone stupid.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

twrick said:

and in fact is coming to the U.S. on a travel visa (which she says will be approved on September 9th.).

The bird not quite in hand yet, and may prove to be more elusive than you might imagine.  I expect there will be a problem with getting the visa from a friend's second cousin who happens to work in a Travel Agency and knows all about bribing US Embassy Consular Officers for visas, but with a little help of a few hundred dollars all will be sorted out.

He said nothing about a business visa, she said "travel visa" which is very vague to my way of thinking.

And finally:

I myself ran into an unbelievable woman (literally unbelievable) under some unbelievable circumstances (literally unbelievable) just over a month ago and I spent an incredible and UNBELIEVABLE week with her in Ukraine. I know that the unbelievable can happen and does happen. As Bruno said, think with your big head, but don't be afraid to let the little head have some fun if your girl seems willing. Russian women are definitely NOT puritans. Even religious women can be passionate and any woman whose goal is to find a husband is also looking for a man who she likes to have sex with.

"itstime", if you really believe that "ex-nun in heat" theory, you are among the biggest fools of them all.

[Elen]

As Bruno said, think with your big head, but don't be afraid to let the little head have some fun if your girl seems willing. Russian women are definitely NOT puritans. Even religious women can be passionate and any woman whose goal is to find a husband is also looking for a man who she likes to have sex with.

and for that fun with a boy who has not money to go to Ukraina girl would come across an ocean and through barriers of visas to the USA:D

Ah! I like such stories. It's much more better than those ones which  JB:X scares me with

[itstime]

jb,

I sent money to a Russian girl that I had never met. I wanted to telephone her but she had no home telephone, only a mobile phone. In Russia, unlike the Ukraine, people must pay a very high fee to receive a mobile phone call. I verified all of this on the web and I sent her $100 by Western Union to cover her phone costs. She didn't want to accept the money but I talked her into it by telling her that I was not giving her this money, I was giving it to the mobile phone company, but I needed her help to do this.

Later, when I visited her I saw that she had no phone and her parents had no phone either. So I gave them the mobile that I had to buy in Russia when my cellphone company roaming didn't work. The second time I visited her in Russia, roaming worked fine after I complained.

The key to this whole thing is THINKING WITH THE BIG HEAD! As they say, trust but verify. Well, I trusted this girl but I did verify the situation BEFORE sending the money. And in the grand scheme of things, $100 is not much money. For me it is about a month of lunchtime sandwiches.

There is another thing that I need to debunk here. That is the issue of COST of K1 visa process. At this point he should not worry about this. If he and she do fall in love and she does want to move to the USA (versus him moving to Russia) then there is more than one way to solve the problem. She could just plain immigrate to the USA. If she has money and skills, this is possible and the fact that she gets business visas indicates that she has both. Secondly, who says that the MAN HAS TO PAY for everything? If these people are going to be a couple, then they will find a way to pay the money that needs to be paid. Maybe she will pay some of it herself.

Russian women are traditional and like their men to behave like gentlemen in public, but they are also strong-willed, determined and hard workers. It is not unusual for a well-educated Russian woman to have greater earning power than her American husband.

 

[twyrick]

Elen, what's in it for me if I don't "intend to marry"?   First of all, I never said I refused to get re-married.  It's always a possibility, with the right person.  But I feel like making a life-long commitment to a marriage is a *big* decision that changes many things about how I live my daily life.

I have a bit of a "romantic side", but not enough of one to completely ignore logic and jump into a marriage too quickly.

My goal for meeting an attractive and interested Russian woman?  No different than my goal would be for meeting an attractive and interested American woman....     Start out as friends and enjoy our time spent together, and see where it leads.

What I *wouldn't* want is some woman pressuring me about marriage because her 90-day visa is almost up!

BTW, she did voluntarily send me a number of photos (probably about 7 or 8 so far), including ones of (supposedly) her inside her house in different rooms.  I think she looks a bit too young to really be 28 though - which is another "red flag".  But as others have mentioned too, Russian women tend to look fairly attractive overall.  It's not impossible. ( My ex looked much younger than her real age of 30, too.)

In fact, I'll post one of her photos here.  (Hey, maybe someone else can identify it and say "Yep - that's a scam buddy!  Avoid her!")

[jb]

Elen,

I'll bet you also believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny,  and the Tooth Fairy.

[itstime]

As Bruno said, think with your big head, but don't be afraid to let the little head have some fun if your girl seems willing. Russian women are definitely NOT puritans. Even religious women can be passionate and any woman whose goal is to find a husband is also looking for a man who she likes to have sex with.

and for that fun with a boy who has not money to go to Ukraina girl would come across an ocean and through barriers of visas to the USA:D

Ah! I like such stories. It's much more better than those ones which  JB:X scares me with
[/quote]
Elena, you know it's true. Russian women are very romantic and if she believes she has found her prince across the ocean, then she will do everything to be with him.

 

 

[Michelangelo]

Wonderfull ... the alarm before any fire...

True  But he is asking for advice, and all indications are he should not get his hopes up.  Let's see how this turns out  

I hope she does come.  If she does, I'll be begging twyrick for info on what kind of visa she came on and how I can arrange one for my girl (s)  

[jb]

Oh, fer God's sake,, just Google search her full name and see if it pops up on a scammer site.  That will tell you everything.

[Bruno]

and for that fun with a boy who has not money to go to Ukraina girl would come across an ocean and through barriers of visas to the USA:D

Ah! I like such stories. It's much more better than those ones which  JB:X scares me with

Elen, with him or not, she have already plan the trip to USA...

Maybe it will be more cheap for her with him... no hotel and food to pay during her stay... a speciality from FSU woman here in Europa, it is the "sex holiday"...

FSU woman visit European man, she say that she love him, she meet him, stay 1 or 2 week for free, visit a lot of thing, make some chamber sport at night... return to FSU and you don't listen anymore about her...

Free holiday in exchange of a little sex... not realy a scam but woman who make this exist too...

 

[jb]

The more he writes, the more I believe in the Tooth Fairy

[Bruno]

Oh, fer God's sake,, just Google search her full name and see if it pops up on a scammer site. That will tell you everything.

It is new... now, JB trust the scam list on the internet... so much woman are listed because they have no will continue a relation with a sex maniac... or simple because the war between mariage agency... or because someone have stolen her data and photo...

Until these scam list are not independent from agency, ask real evidence... i don't believe them...