Why do Russian women prefer Western men?

[Wienerin]

Practical info: This is why registration is so difficult for long term resident expats. The ZHEK (UA) keeps a listing of who lives at each location.  The majority of buildings lack individual meters so they take utility consumption divide by the people living in the building and then multiply by the number registered for the apartment. The more people legitimately living at your apartment, the higher the bill. Basically that's it unless you were accorded some special benefit or status from the past.

Sorry, but it's BS pure and simple. In my daughter's-in-law apt. are registered her daughter and herself, while the daughter doesn't live there, but my son and drandson do. My son and grandson are registered in his apartment, where they do not live, but a tenant does... Their electricity bills reflect only the usage - there are meters for each apartment, while the heating, water, gas and maintenance fees, are stable Until they are raised) and calculated by the square footage.

As long as you're registered as living in this city, you may live anywhere, - so how does the management office know how many people there are in each apartment? If you are not registered in this city - how does the building management pinpoint you for inclusion in their calculations?

All the apartments

[ECOCKS]

BS? I clearly identified my post as Ukraine and you, sir are full of bull*snip* yourself at the very least insofar as registration requirements.

Apartments all over Ukraine are built this way and that's the way I have been told the utility bill gets apportioned.  My info may be incorrect for Russia hence my clear identification about being Ukraine in the post but its defintely not incorrect for Ukraine since I rent one and own two others so clearly know what meters do and don't exist. I will confirm whether apportionment is flatly based upon square footage or the number of registered residents as I was told.

Your statements about residence are defintely incorrect though. The registration with the ZHEK at a specific address including the apartment/flat number is one of the major problems with expats registering in Ukraine.  Obviously you know nothing about residence of locals or natives here. They may have abolished propiska in Russia but people still register at the ZHEK in Ukraine which controls several factors of their life. There is no simply register for the city you live in then go live anywhere else in the city as you refer to, at least legally. As you state your own family splits up their living locations of record. The site of registration controls who can have the ZHEK maintenance do work on a specific apartment, who can change phone service, who can order cable connections, who can file permits for remodeling, where you vote, etc.  It is one of the major ways landlords control their renters. It is extremely common for the landlord to retain their registered address while moving to a different city or to a different apartment in the same city but they remain registered at that specific address. If they have to change their name, vote, renew their passport, whatever, they must return to their assigned area to do so.

Only in the newer construction and the remodeled older buildings where they wanted to preserve the architectural style or hold down costs will you see seperate meters for all utilities. Electricity is the most common meter to be installed first (and has been placed in most buildings) but the building construction makes it practically impossible to meter water usage, heating or gas due to the piping system. Electrical circuits make it far easier to place electrical meters either just inside the doors or where they break off the main electrical chase at the floor access point. The sheer volume of high-density buildings limits the ability of the municpal governments to place a meter at every circuit reset. Electricity is certainly among the higher priorities on a LONG list of high priorities for the ZHEKs to get around to someday.  Both of my older apartments have separate electrical meters but neither has a seperate gas or water meter.  My newest apartment (under construction will have separate electrical and gas but I will have to check if they have the water metered). 

[OlgaH]

Nowadays almost everywhere in Russia people pay for electricity, gas and water according to supply meters reading that are set right in the apartments. http://www.vgservis.ru/
Only heating is calculated by the square footage.

If people don't have supply meters they pay according to the fixed standards per person living in the apartment. If there officially two people  live (registered) in the apartment, the payment will be taken for two people. If a person did not live in the apartment during some time (for example he had business trip to another city or vacation) he can bring official affidavit about his absence for the payment re-calculation. If ЖКХ (housing and communal services) gets know that there actually live more people  in the apartment than officially registered people, an owner of the apartment can face not so pleasant dealing with militia about unregistered individuals.       

[ECOCKS]

That fits what I was told here.

The militsia occasionally checks residences, usually if one of the neighbors dropped a dime and complained about noise or something.  I was told by both of my landlords to always say they were still living there but either on vacation, business trips or just "out" if I was asked.  Likewise our tenant in our rental unit is instructed to say we are away and take a message.

Friends in Novosobirsk (sp?) and Magadan have indicated that the buildings are still the same way (with regard to meters and living) although I never bothered to ask either of them about the Russian equivalent of the ZHEK. 

 

[Misha]

Misha, wasn't this you who actively persuaded me that there is a satellite TV in every village and hamlet?

No, I am the one who argued that city folk are not genetically superior to country folk What I wrote was that people in villages can be as smart as those in the city and they have watched pretty much the same television as the city folk. However, at no point did I say they had the same economic opportunities  

Villages that ceased to exist did so quite a time ago.

Not true. I have visited regions with villages that were abandoned more recently (i.e. in the last decade or two). With the declines in populations, as populations aged as the  younger residents left, regional and municipal administrators simply consolidated inhabitants into larger villages and towns, abandoning more distant villages as the last inhabitants died out or left.

There's no "propiska" for the last 13 years or so. Only registration - much similar to the requirement to have your actual place of residence in your driver's license.

Well, try getting decent medical care in Moscow without the proper "registration." It is maybe not called a "propiska" but it effectively does the same thing: if you are not registered in the city where you live, there are a whole range of services that you do not legally have access to in that city...

I know quite a number of 25-40 year-olds, who have 2-3 apartments of their own (and a country cottage too), and not only in Moscow or Kiev or Novosibirsk...

Again, they lucked out and they can live off the money they collect from rent. The others who did not have the good fortune to inherit a plethora of apartments will actually have to work to make a living and pay rent  

[ECOCKS]

Does anyone really believe that meters or the lack thereof influences whether FSUW prefer WM?  

[Mishenka]

No Ed, meters or the lack thereof mean nothing, real women prefer real men. It matters not where they come from. Now, Galina paid the electrician to change her meter so her bill is only half. I want to learn this guy's trick. 

Chivo,
thanks for your interesting comments. Yes Russians in Tashkent are about 8% of the total population in this Muslim country, you did your homework. Another reason Galina wants out! Try living as Russian orthodox in a 90% Muslim country. 

I have friends from various cities all over FSU, North South, East and West. I judge from what I see with my eyes and hear with my ears. I listen to my close friends from the FSU complain about their living conditions and finances, not being paid when they work, sometimes even going home with a box of juice instead of pay for their work day. Good thing bread is cheap, you can still buy Russian brown bread for fifty cents a loaf.  Fresh Uzbek bread is 30 cents a loaf. Gala was being cheated by her boss for 18 months, paying only $300 per month when under contract for $600 (USD) Then the boss wanting sexual favors to get the rest of their pay.  In Pavel's case, they were paying 500 when they owed him 800. 

I don't have time to read much, nor do I believe much of what I read. I see the phone, power and water shut off once or twice a week in Galina's flat and understand this is typical life in the FSU.  About once a week the water is flowing from the tap smelly brown coffee color. Sometimes they go days without clean water. The good news, Galina's gas bill is only $25 a year, 2.00 a month.  Her water bill is $25 each month for hot and cold water. Her phone bill is small, internet access cost $20- 30 per month, sattellite TV cost 30 or so, her home is paid for, it cost only $18,000 when she bought it.  Rent for a 2 bedroom flat in downtown Tashkent is about $300 USD since the crisis. Her food bill is about 300 per month.  I spent the last 12 years with my close friends from cities all over FSU, what do I know? Only what I see, hear feel, and experience with them. I wrote some of their experiences in my posts.

 So, I hit a few nerves, good, at least we pump some life into these message boards. My oldest sister was born in Tashkent, raised mostly by her granny, My grandfather Mikhail was Russian, my father married a Russian woman from Tashkent. I may not experience the same things in life as other do, Thank God for that.  I am reminded everyday that life is what we make it.  Now I just want to navigate this stormy financial crisis so I can bring my girl here ASAP.

Mishenka

 

[Wienerin]

OK, sorry, - I've got an idea for some reason, that we were speaking about Russia I wouldn't presume to argue about everyday life in Ukraine or in Tashkent... evidently FSU republics are NOT Russia (most were not "Russia" even before the fall of the USSR in many particulars)

As to getting free services for expats or even for non-residents in a city, - is this so different from any other place? Try going to a hospital, say, in Washington where you Chicago insurance doesn't work - you'll be in for a big surprise ... or bring your kid to a public school in a different school district, etc.

and all the real freebies like SSI, Medicaid, etc. are definitely tied to a registered place of residence - even within one and the same city one has to transfer one's benefits/cases if one is moving to a different service area.

Of course the police/militia will come when someone calls them (when they will come and with what results is a different story again ), and of course they'll check the papers of everyone present older than 14 (formerly 16). And yes, they'll be suspicious of people breaking the law - that is without proper registration (especially in Moscow). If the complaint is for a disturbance, and all present are the city residents or if not - have their registration in order, the consequences will be only for the disturbance itself.

Even with the Soviets still in place nothing could be done just for a fact that one has "propiska" in, say, Leningrad at one place, but living in Leningrad in another place - with relatives, in a hostel, etc. I've lived for years with my kids in my brother's apartment, while he lived in my room in our parents' apartment. We didn't hide from anyone, and the utilities were not higher for the 3 of us living in a place where only 1 person had "propiska" - and this were none of us three

As I've already said, my son's involved living situation in no way is reflected in their utilities bills.

PS again I have to note that all of this is true only for a separate-private, not a communal apartment. There the dynamics were and are different.

[Misha]

OK, sorry, - I've got an idea for some reason, that we were speaking about Russia

What exactly are you talking about? Я честно говоря не понимаю если Вы говорите про России. I am talking about people who live and work in Moscow, who are Russian citizens, and cannot get medical services because they are not registered as living in Moscow, while those who were fortunate to inherit and few apartments and were thus registered in Moscow can easily get the same medical services for free.

As to getting free services for expats or even for non-residents in a city, - is this so different from any other place?

Yes, as a resident of a small city in my province, I can move to a larger city and use their medical services without having to register as living in that city.

and all the real freebies like SSI, Medicaid, etc. are definitely tied to a registered place of residence - even within one and the same city one has to transfer one's benefits/cases if one is moving to a different service area.

Yes, but compare the relative ease of establishing residence in the United States versus the hoops and hurdles people have to go through to be registered as living in Moscow or St. Petersburg.

[ECOCKS]

Practical Info: Life as an expat - If you ever go to live in Ukraine you discover that getting a lease with a notary endorsement is close to impossible. Without a real lease, you are unable to register at the ZHEK, if you cannot register at the ZHEK you cannot register at the OVIR.  Welcome to Ukraine. 

The way approximately 90+% of expats deal with this is to do one of two things. Either you get a GF or Ukrainian friend to write you a letter of invitation and officially register at their home location OR you make verbal deals for an apartment and give up on legalising your stay with the OVIR for more than 90 days at a time. While 90 day border runs are legendary among the expat community they have been technically illegal for 2 years but enforcement has been nonexistent. It should be understood that even possession of a valid, 5 year multiple entry visa does not allow you to remain in Ukraine indefinitely. The 90 day border run is still the fallback to restart your 90 day registration clock.

Coming without a visa for longer than 90 days can be accomplished by simply leaving the country in less than 90 days and returning a few hours later. It should be noted the according to the law, expats are only allowed to stay in Ukraine for up to 180 days out of every year. If they ever determine how to track this, you may try to come back in at some and be denied entry.  I believe the law calls for a ban on return of up to 2 years.

I know the meters mean nothing Olga - this thread was hijacked was my basic complaint. Guess we just let the discussion run its own course. This would/could be an interesting topic for those considering more than an adventure trip to the FSU.  I loved my East European experience (aside from stumbling onto my wife) and wish I had started 15 years earlier.

[Wienerin]

What exactly are you talking about? Я честно говоря не понимаю если Вы говорите про России. I am talking about people who live and work in Moscow, who are Russian citizens, and cannot get medical services because they are not registered as living in Moscow, while those who were fortunate to inherit and few apartments and were thus registered in Moscow can easily get the same medical services for free.

Me apology was not for you, but for my "BS" to another guy, who was talking about Ukraine all the time, which I didn't realize

Once again - we are talking about FREE (to the extent that these services are provided on the state policies) non-emergency services? Then it's the same in the USA. If you're on a Public Aid program, you have to register as the resident of the city/county you live in - and provide anew all your documentation: how much is there in your bank account, what is your income, rent, utilities... If you have a private insurance - it has it's own coverage, which will not work if the hospital/clinic you applied to is not participating.

If you are undocumented you can apply to a city clinic, but you'll have to pay something - not much but still... $10-15 will usually cover a non-emergency visit or test.

The reason is obvious, - the "free" services are not actually free, somebody has to pay for these. And big cities are more expensive, the cost of living is higher, such cities as Moscow and NY or the state of California give subsidies above the government or state averages. So to get a freebie you actually have to prove you are entitled to this.

If your friends who work and live in Moscow without registration are willing to pay - there wouldn't be any difficulty at all. But yes, Moscow is a special case, and there are lots of complaints that the city acts as if it were a separate country with all other Russians treated as foreigners. But this again is another story.

Yes, as a resident of a small city in my province, I can move to a larger city and use their medical services without having to register as living in that city.

As a resident of a small city or town in Moscovskaya or Leningradskaya oblast'/province you do not have to register in Moscow/St.Petersburg for your medical insurance policy to be valid there. And this - the now established national insurance - is rather new. Under the Soviets you could get sick to your heart's content thousands of miles from your "propiska" - even in a different republic, to get whatever services you needed for free. I've gone to ER in Ukraine and Georgia, to a dentist in Georgia and to get prescription glasses in Belarus - without any question asked or paying a single kopek.

Yes, but compare the relative ease of establishing residence in the United States versus the hoops and hurdles people have to go through to be registered as living in Moscow or St. Petersburg.

Which hoops and hurdles there are now? You rent an apartment legally, your landlord registers you - and it would help if your employer, or university, or whoever gave you a reference that you're indeed employed or a student. If you buy an apartment it's easier still.

And do not forget the centuries old Russian pastime of giving/receiving bribes... Where are the eagle-eyed local militiamen with regards to hundreds of thousands (millions by some accounts) of "migrants" from Middle Asia and Caucasus? Where were they when one Chechen terrorist - with Moscow registration and his own bought and paid for apartment - was receiving other Chechen terrorists who drove in broad view with all their weapons and explosives first to his apartment, then to take a whole theater in Dubrovka hostages? And I even didn't ever hear about any militiaman being punished for this lack of diligence...

Let me tell you something that you obviously do not know, - even under the Soviets there were thousands and tens of thousands of "illegals" or people who obtained the "propiska" illegally (by bribes,marriage fraud, etc.) living in Moscow and to a lesser extent in St.Petersburg.

But again, what all of this has to do with RW preferences?

Someone stated that in him, a foreigner, his Russian bride has found what she was looking for. Well and great, - love doesn't know any borders:) BUT - she didn't look for a foreigner, she looked for a man she could love. It was her preference for this man - irregardless of his being a foreigner or a native.

[OlgaH]

That fits what I was told here.

I don't think there is a big difference between Ukraine and Russian systems of payment for housing and communal services. I have checked Ukranian websites and it is just the same IMO. Ukrainians pay the same way as Russians do 

The militsia occasionally checks residences, usually if one of the neighbors dropped a dime and complained about noise or something. 

For example: there is a building with 100 apartments. 50 apartments have the meters and the owners of apartments pay according to the meters reading, but other 50 apartments don't have the meters and they pay according to the fixed standards for housing and communal services per person officially registered and living in the appartments. The housing and communal services also have their general meters. If the general meters show the exceeding in consumption of water, gas and electricity, the people who don't have the meters will pay for the exceeding. The sum will be divided among them. Do they want to pay for somebody else?

Friends in Novosobirsk (sp?) and Magadan have indicated that the buildings are still the same way (with regard to meters and living) although I never bothered to ask either of them about the Russian equivalent of the ZHEK. 

ZHEK (ЖЭК) is housing exploitation bureau (or office), a cost-accounting organization that serve buildings of its district.  

If you can read Russian you can look about ZhEK here http://slovari.yandex.ru/dict/bse/article/00026/38400.htm


Some information just to get an idea  
"Development of housing and communal service of the Khanty-Mansiysk Autonomous Okrug - Ugra" for 2005-2012
http://www.admhmao.ru/english/sociumE/zkh/frame.htm

Russia: Housing and Communal Services Project
http://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/COUNTRIES/ECAEXT/EXTTECAREGTOPURBMUNGOV/0,,contentMDK:21661908~menuPK:703455~pagePK:34004173~piPK:34003707~theSitePK:703412,00.html

Representatives of 25 Russia's regions discussing housing and communal reform in Krasnoyarsk
http://english.newslab.ru/news/262454


 

[Mishenka]

Again I ask the women from FSU who are married to Western men, do you prefer them? why did you seek them as so many often do? Why are their millions of FSU women and their families happily living in USA?  Why do I hear from so many that they never want to return to the FSU to live. I know the answer to this, but I want to hear from you.

[Wienerin]

I feel this topic is rapidly going nowhere. It cannot be definitely established that RW actually PREFER WM. They - the ones that are actively seeking WM as opposite RM, aren't motivated by their preferences - you'd have to have known intimately a variety of W and R men to get a taste for a certain brand, I think Russians are different, Americans are different, English, German, French, Italians, Chinese, Arabs, etc., etc. are all different not only by the country of origin but in themselves.

So either you (collectively - those who support the idea of this "preference") concede that the women on the specific sites are seeking material gains from marrying a foreigner, or... there is actually no preference: you meet somebody, you fall in love with(or at the very least are strongly attracted to) someone, you weigh pros and contras - and you marry.

My lost big love - my Bulgarian, - was as unlike my circle of friends and acquaintances, my husbands or boyfriends as could be, but we fell in love within 2 days of meeting in a Bulgarian resort, and were committed to marriage (with five 1+ month visits to each other, getting acquainted with our families and friends) for 5 years.

While we didn't marry - through no fault of ours or our relationship, just one of these things in Soviet era, I'm positive we would have been happy even with my coming from StPetersburg to his small and provincial Kazanlyk, learning a new language, taking whatever job I could, etc., etc.

And of course I preferred my "foreigner" to any of RM at that time - since we met, not before

[groovlstk]

Again I ask the women from FSU who are married to Western men, do you prefer them? why did you seek them as so many often do? Why are their millions of FSU women and their families happily living in USA?  Why do I hear from so many that they never want to return to the FSU to live. I know the answer to this, but I want to hear from you.

Why do you need to hear such things? To stroke your ego? Go to any marriage agency website and they'll be happy to tell you how superior American men are to Russian men, plus they'll throw in a few compliments about the US. All for $49.99 per month if you sign up for the Gold Package.

[Diplomacy]

What do you not like about America?  What aspects are areas that could be improved upon? Areas that could make someone from the FSU, feel more at home and comfortable here?

What would you have done differently, if you had a chance to do things differently?  Mistakes, support, activities, location, language, and areas like those.

[Wienerin]

Again I ask the women from FSU who are married to Western men, do you prefer them?

It's not "women" and "men" or "them" - it's one woman, one man, and yes, she did prefer him over all the rest - Western or Russian or whatever country-nation-ethnicity he belongs to... I'm being charitable and do not with to go into the questions of meal-tickets, plane tickets and GC

why did you seek them as so many often do?

look above... and nobody has yet proved about "so many"

Why are their millions of FSU women and their families happily living in USA?

 
There are not even "millions" of RW living in the USA, - the latest numbers for people who speak Russian at home (or consider Russian their mother-tongue, which is roughly the same) is a little above 2.5 mln in toto - including grannies and grampas, kids, and men of course. Most of the women are happily married to the same RM they came over with as a family. Many RM AND RW in the US either seek Russian or at least Russian-speaking FSU partners or go to their native places to look for a husband/wife.

Also do not forget that many (I'd think the most, given the numbers of Jewish immigration to the USA starting in the late 60s) of the FSU women - even when formally "Russian", i.e. from the RF, or Russian-speaking from Ukraine, Belarus, etc, - are Jewish, and that's a different story again.

Nowhere there's a statistical support to the strange notion that Russian brides come every year to the US in the tens of thousands, nor, of course to the even more weird way of thinking that these "millions of FSU women" came over as K-1.  

Why do I hear from so many that they never want to return to the FSU to live.

because for the overwhelmingly large part they came to the US - for freedom, escape from persecution, to study and|or work and yes, for economic reasons too. Again, I do not wish to go into the question whom do the "Russian" women who come here as K1 brides (all of 4-5 thos of them annually, according to the INS census) really marry - their men or America. It's their problem. Some of them wouldn't even marry and go back, about a half of those who did marry would be divorced within the first 2-3 years.

[Wienerin]

What do you not like about America?  What aspects are areas that could be improved upon? Areas that could make someone from the FSU, feel more at home and comfortable here?

What would you have done differently, if you had a chance to do things differently?  Mistakes, support, activities, location, language, and areas like those.

There are things that I don't like about America - but these dislikes I share with other Americans. I have no idea why should the US strive to make comfortable somebody who came here from a very different culture on their own free will. Though she, America has done a lot for immigrant brides - with the special research, special law like VAWA, consulting centers, hot lines, etc.

When a read hate-filled posts on RW fora, I do not (well, almost - I'm human after all, and America IS my country) voice my disgust or disagreement any longer. Useless. There is a large Russian brides population (on the fora at least - I'd say a majority, sorry) who'd like America to be everything that Russia was to them: language, food, culture, movies, TV, friends and family, societal standing, etc., etc. - only with American laws, freedoms, ecology, comforts, affluence, opportunities, etc. and their husbands, of course, if they loved them in the first place.

So who has to change?

[pitbull]

Again I ask the women from FSU who are married to Western men, do you prefer them? why did you seek them as so many often do? Why are their millions of FSU women and their families happily living in USA?  Why do I hear from so many that they never want to return to the FSU to live. I know the answer to this, but I want to hear from you.

Mishenka,

The logic of your question is rather flawed, read what Wienerin wrote, and I agree with her. I am an FSU woman married to an American  - because I preferred this one man to ALL other men - Russian, American, German, French etc. It doesn't mean I prefer ALL WM to ALL RM, such broad generalizations are just silly. At the end of the say it comes down to the personality of a particular man and woman in a relationship and really has nothing or very little to do with where they were born and raised.

Regarding the "actively seeking" part, I was doing quite a lot of online dating when I met my future WM husband - signed for Russian and international dating sites. I had very specific preferences as to what I want in a man, one of them was to share at least one language on a very high level. Therefore all those who spoke Russian and/or English as their native language could have been potential candidates. I happened to fall in love with a WM.

Hope this answers your question  

[Misha]

And of course I preferred my "foreigner" to any of RM at that time - since we met, not before

Well said. I personally would not want a woman who preferred all Canadian men, just my wife who prefers me to all men 

[JR]

Hmmmm, gonna stick my toe in the water to see how hot it is....

The question is: "Why do Russian women prefer Western men?"

I'll hazard the answer. "They don't."

All women (and I'm using generalities here because they do work for these kinds of questions) prefer a man who:
A. Can and will support a family.
B. Is not a drunk.
C. Is caring.
D. Is faithful.
E. Is respectful of women
F. Is devoted to her and family
G. Doesn't beat her on a regular basis. (or at all)
H. Etc. Etc. Etc.

It is somehow perceived that Western Men exhibit some of most of these traits in greater quanties than Eastern Men. That is why you don't see women lining up to marry men from most Middle Eastern countries where the man is applauded by his neighbors for beating his wife because she burned his dinner and women are generally treated like baggage. NOTE: Please don't try to tell me I am wrong. This story was related to me by a Jordanian friend in regards to his first wife. He was married to an American woman (his second wife) for all of three months and told me he divorced her because he couldn't beat her. End of story. (AGAIN, THESE ARE GENERALITIES. NOT ALL MIDDLE EASTERN MEN ARE THIS WAY). There are drunk, disrespectful American men who believe beating a women is a good thing to do so we are not perfect. It is all about perceptions.

So if a woman found the perfect man for herself in Iran, she would marry him right? But would she begin her search there or in a place where she perceives she has the best chances of fullfilling most of her shopping list? There is nothing new or unique about this. Nor is it limited to RM/UM. All women are this way. If they can't find what they want/need where they are and aren't willing to settle, they look somewhere else. The same goes for men. And if you have something to sell, there will be buyers.

[SMS60]

Hmmmm, gonna stick my toe in the water to see how hot it is....

The question is: "Why do Russian women prefer Western men?"

I'll hazard the answer. "They don't."

All women (and I'm using generalities here because they do work for these kinds of questions) prefer a man who:
A. Can and will support a family.
B. Is not a drunk.
C. Is caring.
D. Is faithful.
E. Is respectful of women
F. Is devoted to her and family
G. Doesn't beat her on a regular basis. (or at all)
H. Etc. Etc. Etc.

It is somehow perceived that Western Men exhibit some of most of these traits in greater quanties than Eastern Men. That is why you don't see women lining up to marry men from most Middle Eastern countries where the man is applauded by his neighbors for beating his wife because she burned his dinner and women are generally treated like baggage. NOTE: Please don't try to tell me I am wrong. This story was related to me by a Jordanian friend in regards to his first wife. He was married to an American woman (his second wife) for all of three months and told me he divorced her because he couldn't beat her. End of story. (AGAIN, THESE ARE GENERALITIES. NOT ALL MIDDLE EASTERN MEN ARE THIS WAY). There are drunk, disrespectful American men who believe beating a women is a good thing to do so we are not perfect. It is all about perceptions.

So if a woman found the perfect man for herself in Iran, she would marry him right? But would she begin her search there or in a place where she perceives she has the best chances of fullfilling most of her shopping list? This is nothing new or unique about this. Nor is it limited to RM/UM. All women are this way. If they can't find what they want/need where they are, they look somewhere else. The same goes for men. And if you have something to sell, there will be buyers.

    

[JR]

SMS60, you're going to give yourself a headache doing that! Do you want some Tylenol?

[SMS60]

SMS60, you're going to give yourself a headache doing that! Do you want some Tylenol?

I always get a headache when I log onto this site.

I think what you are trying to say is not being conveyed with your presentation. ( I have the problem also ). I became confused reading.

Your BPD ex might have "gaslighted" you a few to many times.

[JR]

Someone once told me, "Joey, stop making sense." So I did. You're welcome.

I try to cram too much into a small amount of time. The thoughts are clear and precise in my head but I get tired of writing. And then in the middle of my perfect thought another one comes along and wants center stage. I am telling you it is not easy being perfect.

Hmm, let me put it this way: If a person wants a steak they go the butcher shop, not the bakery. If the best butcher shop is in America and you can afford it, you go there to buy your steaks.

Now I'm hungry...thanks a lot SMS