TR: Barnaul/Tver, Russia

[ConnerVT]

CaptB, I have to ask. What is it with all the periods/ellipses?

Don't agitate CaptB's dots!

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7iN3cLrc7c[/youtube]

[CaptB]

G'day Kuna,

Congratulations on your marriage......and a baby already! Times flies. I've been posting
since 2000 on the RWG.....and now RWD. You get busy and other things (like your marriage) become a priority. Lots of opinions here......lots for newbies to sift through.
Same old argume.....er.....discussions......raging on. Age difference...wovo.....wmvm....agency.....no agency.....long correspondence.....short correspondence.......gives me a headache sometimes. So.....you take a break. Every now and then you find someone to pull asside.....and can use a little help. Made a lot of friends in this endeavor.....even attended a few AM/RW weddings.....was even best man at one in Moscow. Met many in person. Even the bad stuff......was a possitive experience....overall.


Capt B

[UTRO]

Misha.....and others,

My Analogy using "hit the bars" seemed to bring small (-) comment. What was missed....right after the word "bars" was (other places). I am not a drinker....and shortly after after my divorce realized the chance of finding someone there....was remote. Pool, karoke, socializing.....yes......."partner location".....no. As to "other places".......grocery store, laundromat, library, art exhibit, hiking, biking, hang-gliding,
boating, lecture, concert, bookstore, introduction by friends and family, pow wow, mall, UP 200 Dogsled Race, university, college, PTO..........and many more. This is my personal list (with a few dozen ommisions). My original point was......many spend an awful lot of time at this endeavor......right in their own back-yard.......and not finding that special person.

20 trips in the greater scheme of things......insignificant. Jerry seems to know what he is looking for. No "back slapping" here. For those who have spent a significant amount of "years".......even looking in their own backyard......BUT.....think that looking overseas should be some sort of "shortcut"............its not. Yes......you can find someone in a short time......get engaged......K-1......and voila......she is here......in the US (OR OTHER  )...........will get back to you in a few years and see how things are going. Maybe you will still be on your honeymoon.......or watching "Birthday Girl".......and thinking...."what a lucky chap" (no I am not from the UK......just sounded better  )

Some folks here seem to imply that because of the "higher financial ivestment"....it just "should" happen in a shorter time. I Jerry's case......he seems to have the finances.....so they really don't enter into the equation. I am not a rich person.....but finances were never in "my" equation......either. Lots of good folks here are happily married after many trips.......most somewhere in the middle.......and even a few "successful (ie happily married) one-week wonders. I know its a shock to newbies........but there is no guantee........in "what" category you will ultimately find yourself in. Hopefully you will never let finances.....or number of trips.....cloud your judgement.

Good luck Jerry.....and all


Capt B

Hmmmm, this Thread could now easily full circle back to the topic and logic of...... 'those who get engaged during their first trip and meeting'     Different Strokes for Different Folks.
I love Birthday Girl! I'll get back to ya in a couple of years Capt B 

[ambach123]

There are many people here who got engaged in their first trips and eventually married.

I believe Anastassia here was married within seven days of first meeting her husband; you read it right, she was actually married within seven days of first meeting, and is very happily married.

There are countless others who did find their spouses after short courtships and are happily married.

I am all for keeping an open mind, and willing to listen to opposite point of view, but there is no credible evidence presented that proves that many trips to FSU, or a long courtship period increases the chances of survival of the marriage.

Conversely in USA, those couples who live together before  marriage and have long courtships have a higher divorce rates than those who don't.

Why?

Marriage is all about commitment, either you have it or you don't, many trips or long courtships don't change that, conversely as data shows in USA, those with long courtships are less committed to marriages.

[Misha]

Marriage is all about commitment, either you have it or you don't, many trips or long courtships don't change that, conversely as data shows in USA, they are less committed to marriages.

Less committed? Compared to whom exactly? Definitely not Russia as the divorce rates are now even higher there.

[Daveman]

There are many people here who got engaged in their first trips and eventually married.

I believe Anastassia here was married within seven days of first meeting her husband; you read it right, she was actually married within seven days of first meeting, and is very happily married.

There are countless others who did find their spouses after short courtships and are happily married.

I am all for keeping an open mind, and willing to listen to opposite point of view, but there is no credible evidence presented that proves that many trips to FSU, or a long courtship period increases the chances of survival of the marriage.

Conversely in USA, those couples who live together before  marriage and have long courtships have a higher divorce rates than those who don't.

Why?

Marriage is all about commitment, either you have it or you don't, many trips or long courtships don't change that, conversely as data shows in USA, those with long courtships are less committed to marriages.

Ambach123, this logic seems to indicate that it just don't matter... go with the flow.. throw common sense out the window.  Yeah, there are some who have married quickly and remain happy.  While I have yet to see statistics on this, I would bet my two left nuts that this group is in the minority of successful relationships/marriages attaining the milestone of 5 years.

There are statistics involving shotgun weddings in the US, and IIRC, the divorce rate was more than double those of more normal courtship periods.

There are simply too many variables in this venture to rely on infatuation rather than allowing the time necessary for the growth of love, bonds, and twaining of hearst, bodies, and minds.  Perhaps some are fortunate to shotgun their way to happiness, but in my mind, they really are far more lucky than savvy. 

Jerry: Thanks for the detailed info.. and good luck with the future.

Dave

[Daveman]

Just another quick thought...

Jerry has a month of vacation each year... since 2004... so that would give him..... approximately 150 days total for travel.... break that down over say, 22 trips.. and we see that each trip must be of a shorter duration... It takes me three days just to get my mind straight after the long flights and time change.  If I only had about 7 I'd be alseep for the first half mentally.

Heck I have a month ... more days .... on the ground over there .... and I'm not even engaged yet.. ..so I'll happily join the group .... of psychological misfits .... who didn't find the right lady quickly. (sorry CaptB, had to join in the fun.. your comments are always ones which I pay close attention as well)

Dave

[groovlstk]

There are countless others who did find their spouses after short courtships and are happily married.

I am all for keeping an open mind, and willing to listen to opposite point of view, but there is no credible evidence presented that proves that many trips to FSU, or a long courtship period increases the chances of survival of the marriage.

Yet another heap of self-serving lies.

May I quote Dan's first sentence after the divorce question of the Cross-Cultural Marriage Survey?

From the results in the table, it looks like those marriages with a courtship less than 4 months, suffered a substantially higher rate of divorce than those with more than 4 months of courtship.

On the one hand, Ambach has repeatedly stated that it takes a wealthy guy to be successful at this and those w/out $50k in the bank should just stay home. Wishful thinking from someone who could benefit from zero competition. Yet despite all his claimed wealth, he's dead-set on marrying ASAP to limit his travel expenses. 

[GoodOlBoy]

Just another quick thought...

Jerry has a month of vacation each year... since 2004... so that would give him..... approximately 150 days total for travel.... break that down over say, 22 trips.. and we see that each trip must be of a shorter duration...

I was going to let this part of the "FUZZY MATH" go after yesterday....But......I am glad you brought it up Daveman.

150 days of vacation time and 22 trips comes out to about 7 day's (actually less) per trip...correct?

3 of those days you are in the "air". 2 day's over to Moscow (because you lose a day) and 1 day back. For a total of 3 days traveling. Now if you go into Siberia, you have to add ANOTHER day to this equation.

So, your total time "in country", on the ground is either 3 or 4 days.

Also, if this person decides to stay a week or two weeks on one trip...well I think you can do the math. 

Does this sound strange to anybody else, except me? 


GOB



BTW... I did say 4+ years in my original post. I did not know which month in 2004 the "travels" started until yesterday. So, I was accurate, because last time I checked the calendar it is January, not March. 

[groovlstk]

I was going to let this part of the "FUZZY MATH" go....But......I am glad you brought it up Daveman.

150 days of vacation time and 22 trips comes out to about 7 day's per trip...correct?

3 of those days you are in the "air". 2 day's over to Moscow (because you lose a day) and 1 day back. Total of 3 days traveling. Now if you go into Siberia, you have to add ANOTHER day to this equation.

So, your total time "in country", on the ground is either 3 or 4 days.

Does this sound strange to anybody else, except me?


GOB

BTW... I did say 4+ years in my original post. I did not know which month in 2004 the "travels" started until yesterday. So, I was accurate, because last time I checked the calendar it is January, not March. 

I have 4 weeks of vacation plus a few personal days. During my search I always combined holidays like Memorial Day, July 4th, etc. and was able to turn what would have been 5 days in-country to 9 or 10 days. I even flew out for long weekends (wasn't as bad as I thought!) sometimes. It's possible Jerry did the same.

[Misha]

I even flew out for long weekends (wasn't as bad as I thought!) sometimes.

There are advantages to living in New York and having dated a woman from Moscow if I am not mistaken. It is not that far and you can likely get good deals on flights.

[GoodOlBoy]

I have 4 weeks of vacation plus a few personal days. During my search I always combined holidays like Memorial Day, July 4th, etc. and was able to turn what would have been 5 days in-country to 9 or 10 days. I even flew out for long weekends (wasn't as bad as I thought!) sometimes. It's possible Jerry did the same.

You know what....Lately the simplest explanations to some problems I have been thinking about...well  

Thanks Groovlstk.


GOB

[AnastassiaAsh]

Av8or1, have you tried this approach? - Correspond with many, narrow down to let's say two very good potential women and visit them. Correspond and talk on the phone for 2-3-4 months, know her very well, as much as you can, before your trip. You should try to do your homework at home, especially when you don't have too many vocation days to waste a year. Don't have to turn into a 'writer' either... Skype is a blessing...

Frankly, i am also very surprised that you haven't succeeded yet with such attractiveness and all!  What is your criteria exactly? Do you mind sharing that? I had a very strict criteria that narrowed it down to only few. Have you tried EM and Cuteonly?

[Simoni]

I have 4 weeks of vacation plus a few personal days. During my search I always combined holidays like Memorial Day, July 4th, etc. and was able to turn what would have been 5 days in-country to 9 or 10 days. I even flew out for long weekends (wasn't as bad as I thought!) sometimes. It's possible Jerry did the same.

Likewise, I did a lot of work in Germany and Italy during those days of dating, and some of my 20 plus trips were simply a short plane flight away.  I even found a non-stop from Frankfurt to Dnipropetrovsk, which allowed me to have weekend trips.

[GoodOlBoy]

Av8or1, have you tried this approach? - Correspond with many, narrow down to let's say two very good potential women and visit them. Correspond and talk on the phone for 2-3-4 months, know her very well, as much as you can, before your trip. You should try to do your homework at home, especially when you don't have too many vocation days to waste a year. Don't have to turn into a 'writer' either... Skype is a blessing...

Frankly, i am also very surprised that you haven't succeeded yet with such attractiveness and all!  What is your criteria exactly? Do you mind sharing that? I had a very strict criteria that narrowed it down to only few. Have you tried EM and Cuteonly?

Better yet AA, why don't you fix'em up with one of your girlfriends from the Motherland? 


GOB

[AnastassiaAsh]

Only one or two know English, but nobody wants to leave the country and do so much work to be successful in this. It's not for them.

Honestly, I have never fixed anyone with anyone. It's not my job. The best is if both keep looking and find each other and I am here to help on their way. And I think I can still help Av8or1 in this process. 

[Simoni]

Jerry does not need "fixing."  He is fine. 

There is nothing wrong with taking ones time and not pushing "love."  Enjoy the process, Jerry.

[TwoBitBandit]

Jerry does not need "fixing."  He is fine. 

I think that Anastassia means "fixing" in the sense of "introducing two friends," not in the sense of repairing somthing broken.

[Misha]

There is nothing wrong with taking ones time and not pushing "love."  Enjoy the process, Jerry.

I have to confess that I hated the process I hate dating and uncertainty. While some may miss the "thrill" of dating and will pine for the thrill of the "first kiss" I like the fictional Chandler on Friends was happy to end the process  

[catzenmouse]

Hey Jerry,

 Good to see you're still getting back on that horse. Enjoyed your thoughts and your continued good attitude. Don't lower your goal and keep at it and you'll find exactly what you're looking for. Who cares how many trips it takes. Is this a race? (I can think of one member in particular who would love to jump up and down shouting "I won! I won!" (right Groov?))

 Until we can find a way to keep keyboards away from "mental midgets" we'll continue to see some of the nonsense that's been posted in this (and other) thread(s). Nothing to worry about as you've got your head screwed on straight.

Best of luck!
Ken

[groovlstk]

I have to confess that I hated the process I hate dating and uncertainty. While some may miss the "thrill" of dating and will pine for the thrill of the "first kiss" I like the fictional Chandler on Friends was happy to end the process  

I'm with you, Misha. I remember when I was contributing TRs here some of the veterans would wax nostalgic about how fun it was to be dating many beautiful women. For me it was more like work, too much uncertainty and too much distance. And after watching about 3 minutes of Shot at Love (any more and I'd have puked) I was doubly thankful not to have to wade into that pool again.

[GoodOlBoy]

..... Until we can find a way to keep keyboards away from "mental midgets" we'll continue to see some of the nonsense that's been posted in this (and other) thread(s).........

WOW.... BOW TO THE MASTER!!



GOB


more like......masturbat&r  

[Misha]

Until we can find a way to keep keyboards away from "mental midgets" we'll continue to see some of the nonsense that's been posted in this (and other) thread(s). Nothing to worry about as you've got your head screwed on straight.

Well, should we have a committee to define what is nonsense and not or do you prefer to nominate yourself and the keeper of the truth and the defender of the truth from the "mental midgets" 

[SMS60]

I kept my keyboard. I'm working on a " mental post" for a different section of the forum.

[GoodOlBoy]

MASTER Catzenmouse......The "Mental Midgets" are upset, whadda' we do now?  :noidea:


GOB






OH, there is a girl in the front of the mob that thinks you're "number one"........well not exactly.