Is it Real ?

[ambach123]

I spent one week exclusively with a girl, after writing to her for about a month and frequent phone calls. I met her on line. No agency.
Her English is fair, so we talk but with some difficulty.
Very attractive girl of about 30. She wants to have children, and so do I.
I received this letter, which appears to be written with a translator, she has written similar ones since I came back. I think the translator does not always convey what the writer is saying.

To be fair, she did not fall in love until we had met.

After reading through some of the horrible experiences here by others, I am very cautious, and jaded you may say. I even question if RW is the right choice for me. Living a lifetime with a cultural stranger scares me. But apparently it scares her less.

I am confused, if it is real? I don't want to miss it, if it is not real, I don't want to jump into an abyss.

I am thinking for a trip to Russia next month to see her again.

I have removed all the identifying marks.

Here it goes.

Bound by the rules of etiquette when writing a letter. Although in reality very much want to contact you with all the tenderness and love that are languishing in me.

I very much hope that my letter came to you and you understood it correctly. If you have any questions - ask me. "

As I wrote I'm looking for another, namely: care, love and attention. This is something that unfortunately, in Russia, I could not find. I hope that we will be with you. I trust you, and very much hope that you too, trust me.

I understand that you want to be loved and needed someone life. This is normal. Everyone will do even without realizing it.

I can now promise you that will be true until the end of days and I will be caring and loving wife and mother. But most likely you have already heard this from other women.

I will say simply and without pamphlets, lately I have been one, though was a great need to love someone and give their strength for someone decent. In my many accumulated unspent energy that I was ready to explode like a bomb. And so suddenly and surprisingly in my life there you are looking for love and attention. I felt my own need and necessity. Even with language difficulties, different experiences and cultures, and even the distance I can not stop. I want to give you all of me, but if you really want. I would like to develop and grow spiritually for you. I would like to share with you all the joy and sorrow. Is not that love? Of course, I may be wrong and it's something else ... You better know about it.

I love you.

[BC]

After reading through some of the horrible experiences here by others, I am very cautious, and jaded you may say. I even question if RW is the right choice for me. Living a lifetime with a cultural stranger scares me. But apparently it scares her less.

Above all, it takes 110% commitment and one can only speak for him/herself.

Wait until you are ready.

[GoodOlBoy]

I spent one week exclusively with a girl, after writing to her for about a month and frequent phone calls. I met her on line. No agency.
Her English is fair, so we talk but with some difficulty.
Very attractive girl of about 30. She wants to have children, and so do I.
I received this letter, which appears to be written with a translator, she has written similar ones since I came back. I think the translator does not always convey what the writer is saying.

To be fair, she did not fall in love until we had met.

After reading through some of the horrible experiences here by others, I am very cautious, and jaded you may say. I even question if RW is the right choice for me. Living a lifetime with a cultural stranger scares me. But apparently it scares her less.

I am confused, if it is real? I don't want to miss it, if it is not real, I don't want to jump into an abyss.

I am thinking for a trip to Russia next month to see her again.

I have removed all the identifying marks.

Here it goes.

Bound by the rules of etiquette when writing a letter. Although in reality very much want to contact you with all the tenderness and love that are languishing in me.

I very much hope that my letter came to you and you understood it correctly. If you have any questions - ask me. "

As I wrote I'm looking for another, namely: care, love and attention. This is something that unfortunately, in Russia, I could not find. I hope that we will be with you. I trust you, and very much hope that you too, trust me.

I understand that you want to be loved and needed someone life. This is normal. Everyone will do even without realizing it.

I can now promise you that will be true until the end of days and I will be caring and loving wife and mother. But most likely you have already heard this from other women.

I will say simply and without pamphlets, lately I have been one, though was a great need to love someone and give their strength for someone decent. In my many accumulated unspent energy that I was ready to explode like a bomb. And so suddenly and surprisingly in my life there you are looking for love and attention. I felt my own need and necessity. Even with language difficulties, different experiences and cultures, and even the distance I can not stop. I want to give you all of me, but if you really want. I would like to develop and grow spiritually for you. I would like to share with you all the joy and sorrow. Is not that love? Of course, I may be wrong and it's something else ... You better know about it.

I love you.

Ambach123 is in love AGAIN?   


GOB

[Misha]

I even question if RW is the right choice for me. Living a lifetime with a cultural stranger scares me. But apparently it scares her less.

Maybe she has the sense to realize that you don't spend a lifetime with "a cultural stranger" but aim to spend a lifetime with a wife or a husband  Trust me, if you can manage to live a few years, let alone a few decades, with any woman, she won't be a cultural stranger (unless you have a really, really, REALLY bad marriage). She will learn about your culture, and you will learn about her culture. There should be a healthy fusion of the two cultures. You shouldn't be any form of stranger after a few months, and ideally shouldn't be strangers (cultural or otherwise) before getting married. 

[ConnerVT]

Every married person on the planet is married to a cultural stranger.  One is a man, the other is a woman.   

Misha makes a very valid point.  Over time, your home becomes a blend of both cultures (although I believe that Russia might be winning in my house.  But then, I'm outnumbered 2-1).  Here, we take the best of both, and combine them to what works best for us.

BC also is correct.  The best advice is take your time.  It is much easier for everyone involved to develop and explore your relationship before getting married.  Go at the pace that all are comfortable at.

[Simoni]

My advice is to have her letters translated professionally by a human, and not by a machine.  Really, you can't trust what a machine does to human thought and emotion.

PM me, and I can provide some contacts, both in the FSU and here, that can handle this for you guys.

Good luck!

~Si

[ambach123]

She sends me the English version, which I suspect she translates from Russian before sending me. I don't have the original Russian version.

[Simoni]

She emails the russian version to the terp.  He/she translates it into English and then emails it to you.

Works the same as you write her back.  That way, she gets your words in Russian.

[ScottinCrimea]

A classic example of the problems with translation programs is the following:

I will say simply and without pamphlets, lately I have been one, though was a great need to love someone and give their strength for someone decent.

In this case the word один becomes "one" instead of "alone'.  Another classic example that really causes confusion is when the words Я люблю are translated as "I love" instead of "I like".

This is why I agree that, unless you have a pretty good understanding of the Russian language, that you use a live interpreter instead of a translation program.  Better yet, limit your communication to someone who speaks reasonable English.

My impression, based on the letter she sent, is that her English is much less than "fair", but I imagine that there wasn't sufficient time to evaluate her English as the entire week together was probably spent either in bed or in the bathtub.

[ambach123]

This letter from her was in response to my note that she would have to sign a "prenuptial agreement" before we can get married. Such agreement would exclude her from receiving any financial assets in case of a divorce. In those unfortunate circumstances her best option would be to return to her country, essentially with her personal items. She was worried about becoming destitute if someday I fell out of love, I assured her, I would help her out regardless of circumstances, in making sure she returns to her country safely.

Of course it there are children born in USA, it complicates things.

I thought this should be out of the way, early on.

She of course agreed. Though she did not respond to my note for about 24 hours, usually she rsponds within a couple of hours;  so she must have discussed this with her parents or someone else like a lawyer.

Before anyone jumps on the validity of prenupts, if and when I get married it would be in the state of Nevada; for Nevada weddings and divorces are a business, they have enacted laws that make prenupts iron clad, judges have no jurisdiction to interfere.

By the way, she is not poor, she has a decent job, never asked for any money, pays her own way and owns her own flat. I asked " what would you do with the flat"? She said , " I would keep it", so obviously she is not burning bridges.

Now that money and visa have more or less been eliminated as her motives, what would be her motives otherwise?

[BC]

Now that money and visa have more or less been eliminated as her motives, what would be her motives otherwise?

A nice long trip to the States deciding if you are 'right' for her, then a reality check from her prenupt lawyer that will induce a bout of homesickness and use of the return ticket stub.

You've really only hinted so far.. why not just send her a copy of the proposed prenupts so that she can have it translated and avoid the mess.

[ambach123]

How serious she is? The letter speaks for itself.

I did not merely hint, I stated very specifically that she would be barred from receiving any monies from me in case of a divorce. And she must agree to it for us to proceed any further.
That is what prcisely a pre nup says, that is the essence of it.

It would be in English with a Russian translation, I also told her that.

[BC]

Life is like MacDonalds.. You look up, see that mouth watering picture of that burger and order..

Then you get it back to the table, open the box and say huh??  No salad, meat or cheese overlapping that little bun..

That's what happens with relationships too..

It ain't over till it's over IMHO, but your dreams are quite entertaining.

Going to live in Nevada too?

[ambach123]

BC, Nevada is the wedding capital of USA, over one million couples go there to get married every year, that is one of the ways they make their money.

At this time and in future meetings I have to evaluate her devotion. I also know that the first year is a very difficult year. English is not the only thing she has to learn, driving a car is another, food etc. etc.

That is the reason I question my choice of RW.

That said, I am weak at the knees; when a Russian woman looks into my eyes, and says " I love you for always"; I melt like an ice cube in the Gobi desert. AW many say the same, they just don't say it the same way.

[Ade]

I thought that prenups were supposed to protect both partners so sending her home with nothing after 3, 5, whatever years doesn't sound like a fair deal when she will uproot her life to live with you; you basically risk nothing, she risks everything. Surely she will be entitled to half of your joint earnings that are accrued after you are married? After all, a marriage is an equal partnership, right?

[ambach123]

I have no intentions of sending her home, I merely want to weed out, if possible, those that may not be committed to a marriage.

The way pre nup can be drawn is that there is no common marital property; all earnings, prior assets, income on prior assets can be separate property. At the time of divorce, there is nothing to divide.

I don't intend to use the prenup, it would be a sad day when I have to use it.

[Kuna]

Are you real or are you just jerking our chains???

I cannot believe someone would be so inept yet expect to be taken seriously.

There's something very strange about you Ambach - and I hope whoever you meet sees it before it's too late.

By using a prenup to screen women you're playing games.  What you don't yt realise is that these women have had to grind out every success they have against people even more monsterous than you.  If you think your gameplaying will protect you I have a message for you... You're wrong.

You're right about one thing... the first year is very hard - and I don't think you're up to proving the type of emotional support needed for most girls to get through without severe emotional pain.


Ambach, when you first came in here I thought you were a bit of a goose...  then I gave you the benefit of the doubt.  Based on everything I've learned about you up to now I've again changed my position... you're just inept.

You're not cut out for this type of relationship... move on!

[BC]

Yeah, lots of choices in Nevada.. http://www.gothicweddings.com/gothicwedding.htm

Mind sharing a draft of your proposed agreement?

That is the reason I question my choice of RW.

You're not ready - period.. Has nothing to do with whether or not you're a nice or good guy, but rather that your approach does not show the slightest of qualities necessary for marriage.  Doubt, fear and distrust are no basis for a relationship of any kind.  No amount of 'puppy love' can overcome your hurdles.  Don't even think about the "L" word as a real factor to weigh in to the argument..  Love grows and at the most you are now looking at a microscopic quantity on the tip of a pin, of questionable qualities in a very infertile environment.

JIMHO

[Ade]

I have no intentions of sending her home, I merely want to weed out, if possible, those that may not be committed to a marriage.

The way pre nup can be drawn is that there is no common marital property; all earnings, prior assets, income on prior assets can be separate property. At the time of divorce, there is nothing to divide.

I don't intend to use the prenup, it would be a sad day when I have to use it.

Sheit happens and no matter how in love you may be at the time of marriage, in 10 years, it can be an entirely different story, so saying you won't use the prenup is an empty statement.

I find it extremely unfair to uproot someone from another country and then apply the prenup rules you would to a local woman. On the face of it the "all earnings, prior assets, etc" sounds fair, and would be in an equal partnership where both parties are from the same country and have the same earning potential. However, this is not the case with a foreign immigrant and it can take many years before she will be anywhere near her potential of her home or of a native woman. If she's a professional she may even have to recertify just to get her career on track again. And what if you have kids and she stays home to raise them; does that count for nothing?

Like I said, the risks for her are enormous and you risk nothing. You should at least have it in writing that if the divorce is amicable (ie not related to infidelity, etc.) then she should walk away with X% of the earnings accrued after marriage.

[ambach123]

BC, here is a link, a very recent book and CD.

http://www.amazon.com/Prenuptial-Agreements-Write-Lasting-Contract/dp/1413307159/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234619799&sr=8-1

You are correct, that this may not be my cup of tea, the hurdles are enormous, I will meet with her next month in St. Petersburg and decide what to do next.

I have pictures of us together, any body language experts, I would send the photos, you can see, PM me your email address.

SJ, your point is well taken, if the divorce is amicable, I should help her out. I will remember that, thanks. I disagree that I risk nothing, I have bring her here, go through some very difficult years in her assimilation etc.

Kuna, we have mutual cotempt for each other, so put me on your ignore list and move on.

[BC]

SeriouslyJaded,

Not to worry.. Ambach has only touched the prenupt surface, his and her individual situation will have to be reflected in any agreement.  Under the circumstances I think these will be both complex and costly to resolve.  Whether or not he they can walk in to a Nevada lawyers office before hitting the wedding chapel is highly doubtful.  I question even whether a lawyer will even take it on.

I highly doubt he has even seen a lawyer at this point.  The simple fact that he wants to have them done in Nevada but probably resides elsewhere and that she will already be well into her K1 stage with her future dependent on whether or not she signs is probably enough alone to have them overturned if needed. What he describes is neither fair nor equitable.

Prenupts aside, Ambach is looking for a women that will somehow be less complex to manage than his peers..  He is in for a rude awakening.

[BC]

BC, here is a link, a very recent book and CD.

http://www.amazon.com/Prenuptial-Agreements-Write-Lasting-Contract/dp/1413307159/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234619799&sr=8-1

From Mail Order Bride to Mail Order Prenupts... you really gotta be kidding my friend..

Go see a lawyer first, then tell us about it.  He'll set you straight. Until then any further discussions of the subject are moot.

[ambach123]

BC, I was married before to AW with a prenup; it was upheld. So I know something about it.

Secondly the law requires that she be given a copy of the prenup 30 days before the wedding; which will be done.

My new prenup will be about the same as the previous one, actually I would use that as a draft. I do agree that the circumstances for her would be somewhat different and should be accounted for.

[BC]

My new prenup will be about the same as the previous one, actually I would use that as a draft. I do agree that the circumstances for her would be somewhat different and should be accounted for.

Care to post it with personal information deleted?

[ambach123]

BC, mine for the most part, it is very personal, I would rather not post it on a public forum.

The book I gave you link to, has some general guidelines and sample prenups for each state. I see nothing wrong in using them.

All of this is not very complicated, relatively cut and dried, why all the fuss?