Another statistic

[Brianinaz]

Scott

I PM'd you the number of a translator that will help you. Her name is Elena

[ConnerVT]

Conner, you do have a point, though I don't think the apartment managers would be pleased, and couldn't this be claimed as one form of abuse if I lock her out of "her" home?

Then your only alternative is to move out of the apartment yourself, and leave behind everything that could possibly be considered community property.  Are you ready to do that?

As far as the apartment manager is concerned, don't worry about it.  If they complain (as if they would ever know), tell them the situation, and that you meant to give them a key.  But don't give them a key, as your wife could have them open the apartment for her.

[Brianinaz]

Scott

As far as your assets in Ukraine go don't under estimate the corruption of the legal system there. The judges can pretty much accross the board be bought. Property definetly can be assigned based on who paid the judge.

[SMS60]

Scott

With the protective order she cannot come in contact with you or your residence. If she obeyed the order you would not have to change the locks. Probally unlikely........maybe.

If it worked the way it is designed she is not allowed to come on your property for anything without the risk of being arrested. This works both ways. You cannot violate your own order by contacting her.

I think the judge would sign an order if you explained everything on the form. He would see the potential for problems until the divorce is final.

[ScottinCrimea]

We both signed the lease which runs through next December and there is a pretty stiff penalty if we default on it.  Of course now I'm left holding the bag on the whole thing.  I still worry about the possible claim of abuse if I lock her out.  But then the police were witnesses to her moving all of her personal things out of her own volition so she would have a hard time claiming that I kicked her out or that I wouldn't let her back into a place that she had effectively vacated.  I think ultimately the best thing is to get her served with some orders.

[ECOCKS]

At least take pictures of your most valuable items, stereos, cameras, TV's, furniture, etc.

[Misha]

Scott, I can't give you any advice as I know squat about American laws, but I do understand that this must be extremely difficult for you and I can imagine what you are going through at this time. I am really sorry to hear about this.

[TwoBitBandit]

Conner, you do have a point, though I don't think the apartment managers would be pleased, and couldn't this be claimed as one form of abuse if I lock her out of "her" home?

Have you considered negotiating with your landlord for another unit in the same complex/building where you leave?  He/she may let you "out of" the old lease and into a new lease on a different unit that is entirely in your name.  They're still making money from you in this case.

It largely depends on the legal issues for the landlord.  The landlord will likely take the path that represents the least grief for him.  He doesn't want drama on his property (which moving you would help), but there may be some legal issues or legal risk for the landlord.  I ain't no lawyer...

Right now I'm looking for someone who can provide three way conference calling and Russian translation so I can explain the situation better but I can't seem to find anyone who doesn't require me to set up a time sometime a few days down the road for the call.

Did you try calling Anastassia Ash from this board?  http://www.regaltranslations.com/  If you explain the situation, she may be willing to help you today even though it is Saturday.

[Misha]

As far as our property there, she has some in her name and mine is in her parents' name.  This was done for a variety of reasons. and her parents have always acknowledged that it is mine.

They may have acknowledged it, but legally it is theirs  This is what I have  learned, no matter what relationship you may have had with the in-laws before a divorce, you can invariably expect them to side with their child afterward. You soon to be ex-wife may easily convince her mother that the property in her parent's name is "owed" to her because you did not give her what was fair in a divorce in the United States. Have you prepared for the possibility that her parents will "forget" that the property is yours and will pull out the paperwork demonstrating that it is legally theirs?

[topofthekey]

This really sucks as I've just had the chance to read this nightmare. Anyways no legal advice from me. I just hope you don't end up getting hit with some fake DV claim. This reads like she is going to get more desperate so she could try anything further down the line when she figures out you aren't giving in.

If you have parents or friends I know that is where I would live (even if it means taking a hit on the lease). If you have a free place to stay I'd go for it.

Other than that I'd just like to hear how this all plays out. Maybe once this is all said and done you could maybe rehash earlier parts of the relationship (starting from when you met her). From reading what you wrote I sense you are admitting you ignored some pretty big clues early on. Of course the wild card is that she has an RW friend married to some guy buying her sports cars and boob jobs. But again some of the traits you seem to have noticed about this women early on make me ask why the hell would you get serious with her in the first place?  Not to twist the knife in the wound right now, but maybe someday you can look back.

Because the obvious question to me is how did you end up with her? I can't even begin to list all the ways your RW would not work in a relationship with me. First I haven't had any interest in sports cars since I was a teenager. My only question is how energy efficient is it and how safe is it? As for boob jobs. No way I want a woman getting that done. Once they start doing that it can be a short trip to looking like a plastic doll thats been smashed in the head with a hammer.

As for the shopping and taking on the credit card debt.I like nice clothes. I buy nice clothes. But I do watch the cost and I actually wear the clothes and get some use out of them (as opposed to just once or twice and then giving it to charity). I expect the same. Go to sales and spend wisely. If you can't afford it with your debit card then don't buy it.

As for the cooking and the cleaning. Here is the deal. No matter how much you the guy make you as a couple can overspend what you have. I don't care if you are some rich athlete or business owner. You can always spend more than you make. So if she wants to work part-time I'd be all for hiring a maid. I'd be all for eating out a few more times as week. But if she feels having a career (which a lot of women actually fought for) is not in her interest, then at the very least she can do something around the house. If she was resentful working part-time because it was "my job", then that would of course piss me off like none other.

So I see all this about your wife that makes me scream not only get far away from her, but also why the heck where you ever around her past a few dates? You saw how see treated her mom at least. What about other red flags in Russia? How can guys avoid having this happen to them? Any tips?

[groovlstk]

Damn. Damn. Damn. I'm truly sorry to hear this news, Scott.  Good luck in putting things to right, neither she nor her daughter deserves a guy like you.

[ambach123]

I am sorry Scott but I have no sympathy for you.

Since I joined this board, you did not have two kind words to say to me, you probably never said two kind words to your wife all her life, and she could not take your mannersism any more. What goes around comes around.

My protests did not mean anything to you, I see that your venom was just not reserved for me, but you used it liberally on your own family.

Other wiseguys here who think it is entertainment to insult others, would get their just desserts in time. Theirs is waiting soon enough.

Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones at others, one of them would hit you.

For the record, not all here show this type of venom, some are actually very nice, I am glad some are weeded out of here by their own wives.

[topofthekey]

For the record, not all here show this type of venom, some are actually very nice, I am glad some are weeded out of here by their own wives.

Ambach I stand her in absolute awe of your genius. Maybe once Scott gets this behind him he can give you his ex wife's number? As for the plastic surgeon, you'll have to find that number on your own. I'm sure there is a Ferrari dealership somewhere near you as well. Maybe after that your wife can join you and your ex-wife on a lovely dinner out. And of course they want you there for all your love, compassion, and all those great qualities I see in you. Nothing to do with you picking up the tab. 

[groovlstk]

I am sorry Scott but I have no sympathy for you.

If there was ever any doubt that you are not a douchebag, you just removed every last inkling of it.

[Ade]

So I see all this about your wife that makes me scream not only get far away from her, but also why the heck where you ever around her past a few dates? You saw how see treated her mom at least. What about other red flags in Russia? How can guys avoid having this happen to them? Any tips?

Keep your eyes open, your feet planted firmly on the ground, and try to remain objective in the face of passion and romance. They say love is blind for a very good reason.

Sorry to hear of your troubles Scott; I was as surprised to read your posts as anyone here.

[Shadow]

Scott, there is not much I can give in terms of advice. Just that you need to be a quick study on the subject now.
That means you will have to check with the Ukrainian law about registering your divorce, and how to work out the division of property.
Make sure her parents understand the situation, but prepare for the worst.
If tax reasons do not disallow, let the US court note the division of property. It might not save you if the ex-family decides to forget about you and throw in the Ukrainian law system, but it will make things more difficult for them.

[ECOCKS]

You darn sure want to be certain that the US divorce process considers the value of your Ukrainian investments and contributions to her family.

[BC]

I am sorry Scott but I have no sympathy for you.

Since I joined this board, you did not have two kind words to say to me, you probably never said two kind words to your wife all her life, and she could not take your mannersism any more. What goes around comes around.

My protests did not mean anything to you, I see that your venom was just not reserved for me, but you used it liberally on your own family.

Other wiseguys here who think it is entertainment to insult others, would get their just desserts in time. Theirs is waiting soon enough.

Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones at others, one of them would hit you.

For the record, not all here show this type of venom, some are actually very nice, I am glad some are weeded out of here by their own wives.

ambach,

Despite the possible, if not probable demise of his relationship, Scott has been where the majority of members may never have the chance to go.  There is much more to an iceberg than what is visible and Scott has seen, even lived below the waterline.  You however are still looking at pictures, attempting to impress, expounding on a subject you know very little about with minimal experience under your belt.

[Mir]

BTW if it is any help I can do a liposuction for her as well as botox.
Only charge will be for the materials and that won't be much (approx £350 for both)
Sure it means a trip to UK but with the dollar riding high vs sterling should not be a problem for you Yanks.

[tim 360]

Scott, I just read your post and I was a bit surprised, though not shocked.  There are some cultural differences that are difficult to surmount in an WM/FSU marriage.  It is almost like we see life through different prisims.  I don't have much advice to give you other than for you to recognize the situation for what it is and not what you may like it to be.  This won't be easy and you will have mood/thought swings--- but it is best to stay calm and think this through dispassionately.  A temper will not be of any help.

Talk to your landlord and I am sure he will agree (for whatever reason) to Ok a re-keying of your door at your expense.  Maybe your keys were stolen and you feel more secure with the lock re-keyed.  Or maybe tell him the truth.

Don't think for a second your wife will not get a lawyer.  There are plenty of womens groups who will aid her.

Get yourself a good lawyer in your state NOW.

It does seem evident your wife had this planned for some time, although she may not have planned well.  She will definitely find out the benefits of charging you with DV and you MUST protect yourself from that happening.  A restraining order will do nicely and don't you violate it by contacting her.  If she can nail DV on you--things will get much worse for you very fast.

Good luck, Tim360

[tim 360]

ambach,

Despite the possible, if not probable demise of his relationship, Scott has been where the majority of members may never have the chance to go.  There is much more to an iceberg than what is visible and Scott has seen, even lived below the waterline.  You however are still looking at pictures, attempting to impress, expounding on a subject you know very little about with minimal experience under your belt.

Spot On, BC

[ScottinCrimea]

TBB  That is an option.  I'll be speaking with the apartment managers today.

Misha. I'm fully prepared to give up my property in Ukraine if it comes to that, because quite honestly when I had it put in their name I was aware of that risk and accepted it.  But I also feel strongly that taking it from me would go so entirely against who my MIL is as a person that I can't even imagine it, and when it's all said and done, what my MIL decides is the final word.

As I was writing this I had the call placed with the interpreter to Ella's mother.  She was worried because Ella hasn't answered her calls. I tried to explain the reasons for the latest go-round and what had led up to the break up, but I soon realized that since Ella is the only one of us she has seen for the last two years, all she has heard is Ella's version of things.  I tried to correct some of that, but she was too upset to really pay attention. She did acknowledge, though, that it wasn't her place to make any judgements.  She basically said we're two adults and we need to work it out ourselves.  She said we've broken up before and we'll break up a hundred times more before we're finished.

As for the apartment, all she would say is that it's in her name but she doesn't want it and it's up to us to decide what to do with it, the same as everything else.  As I expected, when asked specifically about it, there was no hint that it might not be mine.

Now TOTK, You make some very good points and ask some good questions.  I really don't have the time right now to go into it, and I'm thinking it would be better if there was soe more self reflection before I answered, so hold those thoughts for awhile, please.

[Turboguy]

Scott, I can't say you have ever had too many kind words for me either but I have always felt you were a good guy with a lot of knowledge and I feel very bad for the things you have gone though and I wish you the best.  I am truly sorry to hear about this and rather shocked as well.   I think some people tend to keep their problems to themselves.  I am sure most never had a clue to what was really going on in your marriage and it saddens me that you have faced so many challenges and difficulties in your desire to build a good and happy life with your wife.  It certainly seems like you were willing to sacrifice your own happiness to make a happy life for your wife and daughter.

I also admire you for telling us about this.  I will agree that some just disappear when things like this happen and that is their choice and their right but I think it can be a learning experience for others and maybe help others either avoid some of the same problems or to prepare themselves when the see the same signs you did.  Thanks for sharing your story.

I don't have a lot of advice to give you.  I would suggest having a long talk with your landlord and seeing if there is any way he can help.   If he would let you move to another unit it might be better and changing the locks might be the second best thing.   You mentioned that you would be seeing a lawyer, ask him about your options and hopefully he can give you some good suggestions.

Just be careful.  I think there are a lot of wonderful FSU women but I think the ones who get greedy and vindictive can be about as tough to deal with as any women you could find and she seems like she might be in that group.  

I will second the suggestion of talking with Anastasia to see if she can interpret for you.  She is a really good person who might be able to help even on a short notice.

Once again, I am sorry to hear about this and I wish you the best.

[kryten41]

Scott,
You've probably thought of this already, but if you have any joint accounts (anything--checking, savings, IRAs, ANYTHING), you need to act immediately to keep her from emptying these accounts.  Also, immediately cancel all credit cards, video rental cards, even library cards that are in both your names.  Be aware also that being in a community property state doesn't necessarily mean the assets get divided equally; generally it means that there is separate property (property owned by either of you prior to the marriage), which will go to the person who originally owned it(subject to claims of the community for increase in value or use of community property to improve it), and there is community property which the judge is free to divide as he deems appropriate.  Debts incurred during the marriage are generally also subject to being allocated between the two of you as the judge deems appropriate.  I have no specific knowledge of the law in your state, but this information is generally true of community property states.

[ambach123]

Every time I have mentioned  a pre nup everybody here has poohed poohed it like a chorus of the demented choir. You wonder what planet these wiseguys live on?

I can't say any better than what Donald Trump said.

" Any man who who gets married without a pre nup is completely and absolutely stupid".

The advise is the same for Donald Trump or Joe Schmoe.