Another statistic

[ECOCKS]

 

Thank goodness for the IGNORE function.

 

[ConnerVT]

Thank goodness for the IGNORE function.

 

I was the only one for awhile...

[Jazzyclassy]

Dear Scott

It is so sad to know about what is happening in your family, i hope it will resolve in a good way for both of you ,it is just extremely unbelievable what you wrote in this thread, as you seemed to have the ideal relations and had  sort of  role model family for quite a while.

I wish you good luck and i hope everything will be fine

[ScottinCrimea]

Mir since you asked, I  have already told you I did not make my fortune by lottery, I know plenty about contract law, I have dealt with all of my life.

Here is the language:

" Filing of any domestic abuse charges would necessitate the wife to leave the marital residence immediately, have no contact with the husband, and marriage would be terminated per the covenants of this agreement, the wife warranties that she has read this clause specifically and understands it."

You already can guess, what the rest of the agreement says; that she has no interest in ANY property, only her own personal belongings, she has to find a place to live, Boston is not an inexpensive place to live. Perfectly legal.

Not rocket science

Ambach, I have a car, my housing is secure and I'm doing just fine.  Sorry to disappoint you.  To suggest that our five years together was a disaster doesn't do it justice.  And if we go along with your theory that I know nothing about RW, we could also say that since you are divorced you are an abysmal failure and you know nothing about women in general (wait, that doesn't work, you've already made that abundantly clear)

I really laughed when I read that paragraph from your pre-nup.  You should have added the sentence "filing of any domestic abuse charges would necessitate the husband going to jail immediately..."  You don't understand that once the charges are filed, she already has accumulated whatever proof she needs.  Avoiding her after the charges are filed won't erase those, and throwing her out of the marital home with only the clothes on her back would only add to the charge.  Also as was noted before, no court is going to accept a contract giving punishment for the reporting of a criminal act.  In fact, any attempt by you to hold this over her head should she consider reporting DV would be in itself a criminal act.

No one and no agreement can terminate a marriage, only a judge.

A pre-nup would have made absolutely no difference in my case as they only become binding once the divorce is final.  A lot of damage can be done before that time, and if you think you can insulate yourself from that, you're in for a big surprise.

You seem to hang on Nevada divorce law, assuming that if you get married there, you can just go and get your divorce there because it is your belief that they adhere to pre nups more rigidly there.  apparently you haven't read the residency requirements for filing for divorce in Nevada.  They are as folows:

Unless the cause of action accrued within the county while the plaintiff and defendant were actually domiciled therein, no court has jurisdiction to grant a divorce unless either the plaintiff or defendant has been resident of the State for a period of not less than 6 weeks preceding the commencement of the action.

So what are you going to do, move to Nevada for six weeks and then file your divorce?

[Mir]

Prenups are accepted provided the conditions thought to be essential are met.
Prenups are invalid if the conditions are not met. For example if either party has not been honest in declaring their financial position the agreement is null and void.
The most important condition is that the agreement should not look to be unfair to either party.
If one of the party decides to challenge the prenup and his/her lawyer can show that it was an unfair agreement the court/judge will through it out

[ECOCKS]

This seems similar to a hijack but I guess a pre-nup discussion on a wife split, now what thread is "sorta" okay as a way to defend against this in the future IF YOU WANT TO.

If you remain an optimistic romantic and are reasonably prudent (ah, now THERE'S the RUB!), pre-nups are an option, not a requirement.

[Shadow]

There will be a war as long as people keep shooting...

[krimster]

Scott,
No doubt I will paraphrase this proverb to you, 'Physician, heal yourself! Whatever we heard was done at RWD, do now for yourself as well.

[ScottinCrimea]

Scott,
No doubt I will paraphrase this proverb to you, 'Physician, heal yourself! Whatever we heard was done at RWD, do now for yourself as well.

krimster, no offense, but was this a dig, or words of encouragement?

[BC]

ambach has absolutely no experience regarding prenuptial agreements with a RW.

So what's there to listen to?..

Really guys (and I'm one of ya..) Lets simply stop talking to a rock.

If I want to discuss such I have an open ear to those that do have experience that is relevant.

[krimster]

Scott,
   Many years ago, I tried to warn you, a fire was coming and you would be consumed.  You labeled me a deceiver, have you even seen the fire, you asked?  No, I replied I have not.  See, you said, you don't know what you're talking about.  Well Scott, it would now appear that I DID know.

Knowing is ALL.

Forget all that you read here so far on RWD, it is trivial and insignificant.  You have been given one last chance, one last opportunity to destroy yourself in order to recreate yourself.  That is the ONLY thing that is important, the rest must be ignored or it will distract you.  You have allowed yourself to place too high a value on comfort, to reject the idea and being intolerant of your own exertions, to the point that it makes you exert yourself even more.  What other proof do you need of your failed "philosophy"?

I told you once, that all opposites are interrelated.  Leisure is the result of work.  You have taken it to mean that the future is simply the result of the past.  It is a subtle mistake on your part.  The future is always the result of the PRESENT.  It is what you do today and not yesterday that determines your fate.  The Chinese have a proverb "wai wu wai" which means "nothing for nothing", three small characters that completely summarizes how you have tried to live your life.

I say this without malice towards you.  While we were in Ukraine, I detected a glimmer of possibility in you, but you allowed yourself to become lost in the pursuit of nothingness, and I could not find in Ukraine the things I was searching for, so I left, vini, vidi, vamanos!

I will only know that you have healed yourself when you no longer have the need or even the time to post here, until then you are still ill....

Do not cast the fault at Ella's feet, were you not behind the wheel, driving your own life?  Do not follow the same path when you know ahead of time where it will lead to...

This is the advice given to you by me, the lowly descendant of Ukrainian Witches who saw more in their sleep than the whole village did in a century. 

[2tallbill]

Scott, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I
was very surprised and I just read the whole mess. I am
glad to see that most everyone is trying to give you good
advice.

Here is my advice if you want it.

I would call a friend / relative (witness) over to your apartment
immediately. I know that changing the locks seems to create a
conflict for you, but I would do it anyway right now with your
friend there.

Then the second the locks were changed I would get the hell out of
there and stay with friends / family (witnesses) so that you can't
be accused of a DV situation between now and Monday.

Apartment managers have seen divorces before so I wouldn't
worry too much about it in the short term. I would rent a car
and forget about the van especially before talking to an attorney.

Calling your Mother in law, getting the van back, and getting accused
of locking her out are things that you shouldn't be worried about in
the short term. They all pale into comparison to what a false DV charge
would do to you. She could be headed back to the apartment right this
minute with a black eye and her daughter (her witness)

I hope for the best
Udachi!

Bill

[acrzybear]

" Filing of any domestic abuse charges would necessitate the wife to leave the marital residence immediately, have no contact with the husband, and marriage would be terminated per the covenants of this agreement, the wife warranties that she has read this clause specifically and understands it."

what the rest of the agreement says; that she has no interest in ANY property, only her own personal belongings, she has to find a place to live, Boston is not an inexpensive place to live. Perfectly legal.

Not rocket science

I damn near spit my coffee out when I read this!! I don't have your alleged wealth (which you seem hell bent on telling everyone about) but I do know criminal law and I will enlighten you about something-your prenup is not worth the paper you wipe your butt with in a domestic violence situation.

 Here is how things would go-she would call 911 some of my fellow compadres in blue would show up and if there was any evidence (in some states allegations are enough) that she was physically abused, you would be given your very own set of silver bracelets and as you went on about how they can't do this to you, you're a very important man and that you will have their badges because you have a prenup that your  wife has to leave, not you.
You will be placed in the back of the car like a common criminal, transported, booked and given a stay away order before you posted bond. All this will be happening as your wife is sleeping in your house and I might also mention that the Officer(s) that arrested you will have a good time telling their fellow Officers about the important douchebag they arrested.

 I run into guys like you all the time and I always find it amusing how my (or my Officers) job(s) are threatened.

Ok Scott I return your thread over back to you.

[catzenmouse]

Scott,

 Very sorry to hear about this situation. Of all the folks around here I can't think of anyone who has gone to greater lengths to live on both sides of the fence. I hope this ends up well for both of you in the long run.

 I'll also second Groov's description from a couple of page back of Mr. Know-It-All (AKA ambach). Dude, you have your head shoved so far up your "I'm so wealthy, look at me" butt that you cannot see how pathetic you really are. You've been pegged as a train wreck loser by many here from the start and your nonsense in this thread only seals the door on those observations.

[Thomcat]

Scott,

Sorry to hear about your situation. The friend of hers had some familiarity to it. Could you give some information on where she might live or her home country and how long she has been in the US. I may know this woman?

Thomcat

[kryten41]

Prenups have already been discussed to death:
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=71.msg512#msg512

[ECOCKS]

Well, so much for Scott, his situation, possibly avoiding this for others or anything constructive. A moderator to keep this on track would have helped. 

Best of luck Scott, hope you get into defensive mode and settle in for the process.

Stay safe and don't do anything stupid.  Getting a friend to hang out with so that you are not in any compromising situations is a sound idea by the way.

[felix8787]

Sorry for the 

So let me get this straight. You (Amblaa ) want to marry a RW with a prenupt that says you get absolutely nada, just the clothes on your back and a plane ticket home. And yet you expect a judge to look at this prenupt and say this is fair and to agree to this??? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....ok ok, I'm just some lowly commoner from the other side of the street, who by your standards probably don't know squat? Right? But yet somehow my lowly noneducated brain can somehow figure out how to send a text....

Ok back on topic:
I don't have any advice for you, only my sympathy for you. Keep safe and hopefully when I get back months from now, I hope to read that everything is alright over where your at.

felix8787

[Mod3]

Some cleaning up done.

To keep us mods from having to break up our card games:
- stay away from personal attacks
- if you do not like a person's posts, ignore them (use the button)
- do not get too far off topic

A post by someone you have prior discussion with should not be a reason to vent your personal opinions about the poster, especially if it is not cnnected to the topic.

[Brianinaz]

  Sorry Scott I just had to make a comment here. I never tried the ignore button before. That's a pretty cool function

[Daveman]

Hey Scott,
I'm really looking forward to your thoughts on the situation, the warning signs, prior and leading up to the problems.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I remember comments in the past which I thought were a little questionable as to her overall character in general, such as taking money from you for a taxi, then pocketing it and riding a marshrutka (or maybe walking, I can't exactly remember now), being an example which comes to mind.  At that time, you were saying that this is simply an FSU mindset and typical behavior. Do you still believe this is true?  Has your opinion of character vs culture changed at all over this?  What are some tips you can give us at to these differences?

Again, not trying to insult you or your wife, but just trying to get this thread back on target with the true wealth of information it can bring to those of us who can greatly use it.

Dave

[Gator]

Scott,

You always impressed me as intelligent, level-headed and kind.  It shocks me that you and your wife have separated, especially after spending so much time together.

Telling your story is not only a learning experience, I think it will help to keep your head straight during a very emotional time.

Your postings over the years suggest that your life has taken the road less traveled, and contrary to the implication made by your old nemesis, I doubt that it explains the reason for separation.

Regarding your new nemesis, everyone can see that he is an idiot and mean spirited.  Just ignore him as many others are doing.

From what I know about the situation and you, I believe you will come out of this as well as anyone could expect.  Good luck!

[Maxx2]

Sorry Scott that this is happening to you.

Some good advice was given by 2tallBill and crzybear (a cop who knows) on the preceeding page.

In regard to the stuff around the house. As my attorney explained to me that possession was nine tenths of the law. That is what is your possession and something she can't take away easily will not usually be argued over in court or in negotiations. Nobody wants to use an attorney at their costs to argue over furnature and electronics. Best to take anything of value or sentimental value out of the house and off to a secure location. Also if you have any guns I would urge you to speak to an attorney about having them held temporarally by a gun dealer under contract. The owning of a gun at the time you are in is a easy way to have a judge issue a restraining order. Judges just do not want to take a chance by not issuing one when the accused has in his possession a firearm.

Scott, you and others here say that much can be learned from the telling of your story. I believe that this is true. With that in mind I made a documentary film on this subject (false charges of abuse to get a green card). It was shown at the Heritage Foundation on October 1st at their VAWA reform conference.

In the begining of the film I show an brief clip of an interview with a RW immigration attorney who has processed hundreds of I-360 abuse petitions mostly for those in the Russian community. She says,

"It is a very big issue. For lots of immigrant women there is just one way, who got divorced, who left their husbands without any provocation, their only way to get this green card is to get this husband arrrested, to get a order of protection. Then they can get a green card by themselves...... There are lots of cases like that."

   

Then I followed that wit a taped conversation of a RW admiiting to the accused husband about her RW cousin.

"I bet you didn't know what they did behind you back though about that and why you wound up in a jail ..... cause she told me in details ..... how they did that." 

Then it goes into the story of one such accused fellow as told by his first ex-wife, their son, their attorney and the wife of his wife's boyfriend. Detective's video footage, an e-mail that wasn't meant to have been discovered is mixed into the story.

If you are interested I can send you a DVD of it. Send me a PM of your address and I will put one in the mail for you on Monday. I believe Gator got a copy of it. I know Legal and Olga did.




   

[Gator]

At that time, you were saying that this is simply an FSU mindset and typical behavior. Do you still believe this is true?  Has your opinion of character vs culture changed at all over this? 

Yesterday, Scott on page 1 presented detailed examples of his wife's mentality about money.  That and similar stories have been told over and over by several men who know RW.  Issues about budgeting, who spends what on whom, sense of satisfaction with what you have rather than what you do not have, etc. can become huge problems.

Is this attitude common among all RW?  I would never suggest such, yet I think it can become a point of conflict between Western men and RW. 

I have encountered this attitude somewhat with both of the two RW I got to know very well.  It seemed to be part of their nature based on culture and survivor history.  Also, I have seen hints of it when dating other RW who were on their best behavior.  At best, it is nothing more than a focus on the short-term.  At worst, it could be deep-seated selfishness.   Midway between the two extremes is the attitude that a man's generosity is the most important measure of his value as a future husband.  

During the dating phase, it is important to note the degree to which this attitude is manifested.   Some men will be more tolerant, spending enough to keep a RW quite, albeit for brief period.   Nevertheless, if a RW makes you feel as if you are greedy when you sincerely think that you have been generous, it is time to question the value of continuing the relationship.  It is imperative that she exhibit some degree of appreciation.  A sense of entitlement is frightening.

If you wish to keep the relationship, a man needs to work with his RW and observe if she changes her "selfish" attitude to that of a partnership mentality.  If a RW does not embrace a goal of partnership, I would suggest that a man end the realtionship because I doubt that it will improve.

One would think that if the man disclosed his income and listed mandatory expenses, two reasonable people could work together to decide how to spend the rest.  That requires budgeting which is not natural to some people.

I wonder how many men are willing to work as partners.  Scott certainly seemed reasonable.  He makes it clear that he was spending nothing on himself, and he was not asking his wife to share her income.  I thought that admirable, yet it went unappreciated.

[acrzybear]

  Scott did everything the "correct" way, he spent extended time (living) in her native country, he knew her family quit well and he did the 1001 other things that are recommended in this endeavor and still things did not work out.  There are folks on this board that will give their "advice" and tell Scott how he should have done things differently, but the bottom line is that Scott did what he thought would make the relationship work. 

 Unfortunately this goes to show that even though you spend years with a person, their cultural background and past behavior can rear its' ugly head and there is not a damn thing you can to do fix it. 

 I only know Scott through his long time postings here, but he strikes me as a reasonable guy.  Things will eventually get better