Realities of FSUW

[groovlstk]

We haven't misunderstood anything guys.  Her point is very clear.

I disagree, I think a lot is being lost in translation.

These type of threads are always very contentious but there's a lot to learn.

[Gator]

I do not know if it is because my wife has culled out the bad, yet the AM-RW couples whom I have met all seem like normal people...

I asked her about the "bad" whom she may have avoided, namely RW gold diggers and AM losers.  She cut me short and responded, "What gold diggers!  You can't find gold in America.  If you want to be rich, you marry men from Saudi Arabia, not America.  We did not come her to get rich."

There you have it.

[Misha]

I wonder how much of what you are saying is likewise being misinterpreted by the men here.

Please. Do you think Zhenya is the first such women that I have met  :evil: They will say the same things in Russian so there is nothing being misinterpreted. Some RW do marry "по расчёту" and of course they will "normalize" such behavior trying to argue that all RW do it.

[Sculpto]

 If you want to be rich, you marry men from Saudi Arabia, not America.  We did not come her to get rich."

Now that is some real truth Gator.. one of the red flags I had with the crash and burn girl in Kherson two years ago was that she was obsessed with the idea of travelling to the UAE.  I sent her some info about women's rights issues in conservative muslim countries and her response was.. "but they very rich"...

[JR]

Blah, I give up. You completely misunderstood my post, you inferred the exact opposite of what I was trying to convey   

I wonder how much of what you are saying is likewise being misinterpreted by the men here.

I think quite a lot. It is not just the difference in words, but also the meaning assigned to the words. Add to that cultural differences and you will frequently run into this very same problem in your own relations with a Russian woman.
My Ex could have married a very wealthy Man in Germany whom her father knew well and had frequent business dealings with. In fact her father was pushing her to do so. She married me instead, after coming to America at my instance but on her father's dime so she could see what she was getting into. She didn't want to come to America, she came here because she loved me. She lost status and privilege by marrying me. Did she like nice things? Yes. Was she influenced by her surroundings? Yes. Did she leave me because she did not have everything she wanted? No.
I remember one time about two years into our marriage she had wanted something but we were saving for a house and things were tight. I don't remember what it was but it cost a couple hundred bucks and I decided to surprise her with it. When I gave it to her she lit up with joy, then she got a quizzical look on her face and asked me how we could afford it. I jokingly told her I sold my blood to get it. All the joy left her face and tears streamed down her cheeks as she said, " I no need this, I no need this." She wasn't referring to the gift, she was refferring her perception of what I had done to obtain her happiness. She didn't want me to suffer to give her things.
I think one of the main problems intercultural/ different language unions suffer from is not being able to place yourself in the other person's point of view. An American can never understand what it is like to be a Russian. Their history is vastly different from ours. They are a product of the experiences of their lives and national psyche. Ours (Americans) is so different that we simply cannot  relate on many levels.
This to me is the greatest challenge of being with a Russian woman: to understand her relationship to the world. They do not see things the way we do. Neither one is more right or wrong. They are just different.
I read many men here not relating well to the FSU women on this board. I suggest we learn to listen to them more and try to correct them less. If you want to succeed with a Russian woman in your future, learn from the ones that are here...

[Misha]

They are a product of the experiences of their lives and national psyche. Ours (Americans) is so different that we simply cannot  relate on many levels.

Sorry, but I don't buy this. Yes, there are some cultural difference, but there are a great many similarities. Many RW, for example, fall in love with men and some women actually fall in love with men that aren't rich. I know this is a shocking concept 

[Sculpto]

I suggest we learn to listen to them more and try to correct them less. If you want to succeed with a Russian woman in your future, learn from the ones that are here...

what if she is the one trying to do all the correcting?

[Zhena]

Yes, it's quite possible that we're at odds over nothing. Still, any woman that claims that the respect for their man is based on his money is not a woman I can respect; of course, I could have misunderstood that comment of hers.

I hear constantly here this: my fiancee/wife is not like this(of course ),and I am not interested in the womn who looking how much I have Well,I bet that many women are not interested in you too. Or she has to love you just because you have so beautiful eyes Same as the fat ugly woman wants to be loved for who she is despite of her ugliness-but will she get much attention? No,she will get the same desperate ugly fat man. So you,guys,continue to think ure very smart and know everything because your wife is this and that. No use to argue with deaf.
My whole point was-if somebody didint get-that you have to show your love and appreciation-and by giving her the material things she likes,too. And actually it doesnt depend much from how much you have. It depends on how much you are willing to give.

[Zhena]

Sorry, but I don't buy this. Yes, there are some cultural difference, but there are a great many similarities. Many RW, for example, fall in love with men and some women actually fall in love with men that aren't rich. I know this is a shocking concept 

yes,and they adore their husbands even  if they have to get the clothes in the second hand,and dont ask much to eat either :rolleyes2:what a miracle women! 

[GoodOlBoy]

Hello everyone, i wasn't gonna post anything but some ridiculous and some funny posts here just made me register.
What i don't understand is why so many people make generalizations like "All FSU people cheat and lie and its their cultural habit"? I have met so many lying foreign guys, and i don't go around slandering their entire nationality as liars and deceits. So what makes you think if your wife/gf/smb u talked to was a huge liar, and so were their friends (people tend to attract similar as themselves people as their friends, just because they can relate to each other better), that their entire nation is just liars?  And while you go around badmouthing russian women, have you ever taken a look in the mirror or around you? I spent 3 years on one popular dating website, guess what, very many guys begin telling about their house/cars/job and money very early on, trying to impress, i guess when they do find the girl that gets impressed by that, they date/marry her, then they realize she's only after the money, then they come complain on forums? Then why do you use money trying to impress women, if you don't like being liked for your money, i don't understand. If all you meet is liars and golddiggers, then perhaps you should look very closely at how YOU behave, what YOU emphasize when picking a partner, and what methods YOU use to attract a woman. That requires some degree of honesty to yourself though. You know the funny part about all those guys who would show off their money was that nearly all of them complained how all the women around them are such golddiggers and how there isn't a single decent woman and how they are tired of such women and just want to meet someone who likes them for who they are.

Actually the money/greencard paranoia in guys on such websites is quite funny. 1 time i wrote to this HANDSOME guy who happened to be 20 years older, the only reason i wrote to him was because he was extremely very very attractive, and he looked like 10 years younger than he was. The response i got from him was that he isn't interested, because in a couple years, when i get my green card, i'll dump him for a richer and better looking guy. Very funny.

Also, somebody said that with everything else being equal, a woman will prefer somebody with more money as their husband, i have a question there too, whatever happened to love? Normal woman will pick the one she loves, that's all. Although some women maybe would pick money over love, but i think that would be a very tiny, inferior and insecure minority. The ones you are talking about look for money and money only, otherwise she would base her choice on who she clicks with and falls in love with, not the one with more money. I used to be somewhat shallow too, caring about guys income and all, but then i simply fell in love, and i don't care that my fiance barely makes enough to provide food and shelter, i just love him and wanna be with him, and don't mind being poor for a few years until i finish my education or he gets a promotion.

This is a great post ALOE.

Please go to the introduction section and tell RWD more about yourself !!


GOB

[Zhena]

what if she is the one trying to do all the correcting?

no,sculpto,i have to give you the priority-ypu know everything about the RW and can teach me. My notebook is open:I am ready to write down

[Misha]

It depends on how much you are willing to give.

I have another one of those odd marriages where my wife and I are partners. Everything that I have is hers and we decide on major purchases together.

[Sculpto]

One thing i know for sure is it is useless to argue with a Russian woman.  The man will always lose, no matter if he is right or not.

[Faux Pas]

I think quite a lot. It is not just the difference in words, but also the meaning assigned to the words. Add to that cultural differences and you will frequently run into this very same problem in your own relations with a Russian woman.

I think one of the main problems intercultural/language unions suffer from is not being able to place yourself in the other person's point of view. An American can never understand what it is like to be a Russian. Their history is vastly different from ours. They are a product of the experiences of their lives and national psyche. Ours (Americans) is so different that we simply cannot  relate on many levels.
This to me is the greatest challenge of being with a Russian woman: to understand her relationship to the world. They do not see things the way we do. Neither one is more right or wrong. They are just different.
I read many men here not relating well to the FSU women on this board. I suggest we learn to listen to them more and try to correct them less. If you want to succeed with a Russian woman in your future, learn from the ones that are here...

Very profound and I agree. I don't see these guys and Zhena communicating on the same level. In fact I see them as both right but they think they are at odds. Women is general love new bright shiny things and to get presents. I've never known a women that didn't. I will always give them as well, as long as they are gifts and not requirements.

[Gator]

An American can never understand what it is like to be a Russian.....Ours (Americans) is so different that we simply cannot  relate on many levels.

JR,
Prior to this statement you had made some excellent points.  However, I find this statement misleading.  If an AM and RW can communicate, respect their differences, have aligned goals, and are committed to the relationship, a fulfilling realtionship is possible.  If not, the result will be the same as if she were an AW, and I have known many AW with whom I could not relate effectively.    

I will admit that communication with a RW is sometimes elusive, and the differences great, making the task that much more difficult.

I read many men here not relating well to the FSU women on this board. I suggest we learn to listen to them more and try to correct them less. If you want to succeed with a Russian woman in your future, learn from the ones that are here...

Very important point for the unmarried men.  However, for this married guy, there is only one RW whose point of view is dear to my heart.  

[Vaughn]

And actually it doesntdepend much from how much you have. It depends on how much you are willing to give.

As both sides counter to and fro, I thought it prudent to highlight Zhena's staement, and embolden key words,
lest they be lost in the exchange.

Willing to give. It's a remarkable point. How much are we willing to give, how far are we willing to go, what difficulties
are we willing to endure - to preserve the love we profess to have and enjoy? I really see posters here countering
with extremes - when, historically it's been fruitless to impose one's value system - and its self-perceived superiority,
on others who protectively embrace their own.

However, for this married guy, there is only one RW whose point of view is dear to my heart.  

Now there's a truth I can relate to - I happen to be very bullish about my wife's interest.

One thing i know for sure is it is useless to argue with a Russian woman. 

Ah, but Sculpto - you never had the pleasure of meeting my Sicilian-American first wife, LOL

[JR]

Sorry, but I don't buy this. Yes, there are some cultural difference, but there are a great many similarities. Many RW, for example, fall in love with men and some women actually fall in love with men that aren't rich. I know this is a shocking concept 

Your simularity is silly, Hehe, Haha, Hooooo...that is me laughing in response What you just stated occurs all over the world, everyday. There are FAR more men/women in this world who are not rich than those who are. Their culture and environment is very different from ours.

[JR]

what if she is the one trying to do all the correcting?

Then you are not a team, she owns you. That is not healthy

[Misha]

Willing to give. It's a remarkable point. How much are we willing to give, how far are we willing to go, what difficulties
are we willing to endure - to preserve the love we profess to have and enjoy?

Okay, to be simplistic, I will say that there are two different types of RW who marry WM:

1. Those who marry for love;
2. Those who marry for money

[There are those who marry for a green card, but that is another story.]

If the woman married for love, she will be looking for reassurance that you love her, if she married for money, she will look at how much you are spending   It ain't that complicated  :evil:

[Misha]

Their culture and environment is very different from ours.

Well, IMHO, men get a very skewed understanding of Russian culture as they often [but not always] tend to meet women that are not your average RW dating and marrying in Russia.

[JR]

JR,
Prior to this statement you had made some excellent points. however, I find this statement misleading.  If an AM and RW can communicate, respect their differences, have aligned goals, and are committed to the relationship, a fulfilling relationship is possible.  If not, the result will be the same as if she were an AW, and I have known many AW with whom I could not relate effectively.    

I am not talking about being able to communicate. Language can do that, that is why I am so adamant about not getting involved with anyone who doesn't speak English, what kind of relationship can you have?
I am talking about understanding why my Ex-wife always refused to walk in front of my hotel. I had to meet her in the Metro station. She explained it to me but I could only understand it at the surface level. I had not lived the experiences which led her to believe that her picture would be taken and there would be trouble for her family. As an American I cannot fathom that. I can go along with it but to be driven by that kind of fear, no I cannot walk in her shoes.

[Sculpto]

Then you are not a team, she owns you. That is not healthy

I wasnt referring to anyone in particular.. just a counterpoint to your comment.. good answer though

[JR]

I wasnt referring to anyone in particular.. just a counterpoint to your comment.. good answer though

I understood your generalization. My response was in kind. Just a generalization.

BTW "A" OWNS U !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Misha]

my Ex-wife always refused to walk in front of my hotel. I had to meet her in the Metro station

Sorry, thousands, nay millions of Russians have walked in front of hotels. One must be careful not to generalize the idiosyncrasies of individuals to an entire culture.

[JR]

If an AM and RW can communicate, respect their differences, have aligned goals, and are committed to the relationship, a fulfilling realtionship is possible.  If not, the result will be the same as if she were an AW, and I have known many AW with whom I could not relate effectively.    

Agreed!