Realities of FSUW

[Doll]

Hate to eat in bed 
Zhena, stuffed krolik in the morning? I don't believe you- no American would make it for breakfast

[Doll]

It's a material world yes, but maybe, just maybe, you don't realize how much of that actually needs to impact on a relationship. It may sound overly romantic in this cynical world but really, if you meet the right person, money matters not one whit; I know it, I've seen it and I've experienced it. I can only think that you haven't yet and I pity you that wake up call.

God bless you heart, SJ! Seriously!
What is it- the right person in terms of international marriages?
Guess what my AM said when I asked him who he was looking for overseas? "The woman who is going to be happy with what I already have" Which is "love me for me"- kinda. Guess what has happened over these 7 years? He got 3 times promoted, doubled his salary and now he says,"Honey, now you can be proud of your husband" See? He was quite high in his career but he had to keep moving for his wife to be proud of him.
Because he understands! And so do the most of AM.

[Misha]

It is not typical for men- would be nice but it not typical.

Why is not typical? Such gestures seem pretty typical to me.

[Doll]

Why is not typical? Such gestures seem pretty typical to me.

I don't know why but it is not typical for men. We wish! 

[Misha]

Because he understands! And so do the most of AM.

Well, your husband found the right woman for himself. I, for one, was not looking for a woman who would be happy with what I had, but a woman who would love me for the man that I was, a woman that would be my partner in life.

[Misha]

I don't know why but it is not typical for men. We wish! 

It is typical IMHO when both men and women marry for love 

[Doll]

It is typical IMHO when both men and women marry for love

Good morning, Misha! Here we go again!
Guess where my poor husband is at the moment? At work! 

[Misha]

Guess where my poor husband is at the moment? At work! 

Good for him. I will be at work in 3 hours.

[Doll]

Well, your husband found the right woman for himself. I, for one, was not looking for a woman who would be happy with what I had, but a woman who would love me for the man that I was, a woman that would be my partner in life.

Sure. It is time, Misha, to say there is no love in Doll's marriage 

[Doll]

Sure. It is time, Misha, to say there is no love in Doll's marriage

Or to say that if there is no "love you" note on the fridge then people got married for something else but not love.

[Misha]

Sure. It is time, Misha, to say there is no love in Doll's marriage 

I am not saying it  :evil:

[ECOCKS]

Interesting to try to assimilate the explosion of posts on this thread....

Doll, Zhena and OlgaH, I would like to thank you for your perspectives and viewpoints throughout the site. While you don't always say what we want to hear, you provide an interesting look at our questions/issues through the eyes of representative FSUW.

Nature versus Nurture? Angels. Demons, Golddiggers or Harlots with Hearts of Gold? Misunderstood, Unsophisticated, Naieve Babes in the international woods? Cultural traits or merely the Venus Syndrome asserting itself? Greedy, Sadistic, Ball-busting, Manipulative B*snip* out for everything they can get?

Even Chicks with Guns (search Youtube to understand the reference), wow!

Whoever mentioned websites with drama was right, Dallas was never this tangled, judgmental or suspenseful......

[ScottinCrimea]

It's been hard to keep up with this thread as it seems to be moving quite fast, but I noted my name was cited so I wanted to interject something.  I married my wife in part because I thought she was not caught up in the material aspect of life.  She lived a VERY simple life and seemed satisfied with it. Boy, did I get a wake up call when we moved to the US!

I make enough to provide for basic necessities and then some, but her idea of "necessities" changed quite dramatically when she came to the US.  She got a job because she wanted to work and because she wanted to speed up the remodel of our property in Ukraine.  The money we have sent to Ukraine would have paid for several new cars, new shoes, whatever.  We also spent thousands to get her daughter here. But her attitude, as she has stated many times, is that I should kiss her ass every day because she works.  She says that she should be entitled to sit at home every day, by the pool, with cocktail in hand, and that, because she works and is doing "my job", that she has no responsibility as a wife, to cook, clean or anything else.  Even sex was an "obligation" that she no longer felt was necessary to provide because she was working and doing "my job".

Understand that there were times when the financial situation was not so rosy but she stayed in the marriage.  Perhaps she saw no other option financially than to stay with me or to (God forbid) get a job that would cover her separate expenses without me.  Maybe she was just biding her time.
 
So I'll leave it open for comments.  Was her motivation love or money?  Is this typical of a RW who marries for material gain rather than for love?  In her mind she gave everything necessary and it was I that was lacking.

[remiel6]

who is to say what successful is? I do not need a spouse harping on me to make more money. Money is not the only measure of success in ones life. Some of the best parents I ever met had no money at all. Some of the worst I have ever met gave their children everything. I don't need a wife to make me feel worse about myself, I am an artist after all and am pretty darn good at beating myself up   help in this department is not wanted, or required. Like Misha said, I want a partner. I want someone who is happy with me and my making breakfast in bed, at least the best I can. It is funny you seem to talk a lot about money, yet when you talk about marriages you all seem to say you did not marry for it. A marriage should not be judged by how much money is in the bank account, but by how much they love each other, are they faithful, did they raise good children, not children who make lots of money but children who treat other people well and treat them with respect. If money is important to a person, that is okay, but my advice is, do not ask of others to deliver to you that which you can not or are unwilling to deliver to yourself. If you try and I see you care, I will try harder so you have to work less. If I see you are not trying, why should I?

[Doll]

you don't always say what we want to hear,

We're sorry! 

[Doll]

If money is important to a person, that is okay, but my advice is, do not ask of others to deliver to you that which you can not or are unwilling to deliver to yourself. If you try and I see you care, I will try harder so you have to work less. If I see you are not trying, why should I?

Try what?

[remiel6]

Try what? :to get the things that are important to you, and finding someone to get them for you to me is not trying.

[Doll]

Some of the best parents I ever met had no money at all. Some of the worst I have ever met gave their children everything.    

So what is the tendency? I don't get your point.

[Doll]

Try what? :to get the things that are important to you, and finding someone to get them for you to me is not trying.

I do need it translated. " I will try my best if I see you're trying your best in things that are important to you" I got lost! 
What is "to get them for you to me is not trying"?

[Doll]

Though I do get it, of course. What is wrong in finding someone who  will do things for you that you can't get? Just reminding- we are talking of RW marrying WM.

[Doll]

who is to say what successful is

Ask women- both AW and RW (FSUW)

[remiel6]

and if I do? I will get as many different replies as people I ask. The reason I make the comment is there are a lot of things I have done in my life, films I have made, music, stage shows, etc... all these things cost me money, my money, and allowed me to travel the world. Some people look at me and say wow he is doing things he wants to do and has seen the world, he is successful, others look at my bank account and my apartment say he doesn't own a home and have children he is not successful. Right now I look rather smart for not buying a house I was looking at two years ago and deciding to go to law school instead. I am better off financially for not doing the same thing that made me a failure a few years ago. That is why I made the comment, who is to say what successful is. I spent a good part of my life helping people out who were suicidal. There are a lot of people alive today because I stayed up help them, yet by many standards I am a failure. To others I decide to go to law school and that alone now makes me successful, to yet others I finish and get a good job then I will be successful. To me to be successful is wake up in the morning and look myself in the mirror and be happy with who looks back.

[ECOCKS]

Maybe she lov ed you in her own way, but her own way ultimately didn't match up with your long-term view?

[Ade]

God bless you heart, SJ! Seriously!
What is it- the right person in terms of international marriages?
Guess what my AM said when I asked him who he was looking for overseas? "The woman who is going to be happy with what I already have" Which is "love me for me"- kinda. Guess what has happened over these 7 years? He got 3 times promoted, doubled his salary and now he says,"Honey, now you can be proud of your husband" See? He was quite high in his career but he had to keep moving for his wife to be proud of him.
Because he understands! And so do the most of AM.

Doll, my first marriage was with a Norwegian, I was just starting out and recently graduated. Sure, I wasn't poor by a long shot by then but far from a "success". That first marriage was as much an international marriage as the one I plan this coming summer and yet money didn't enter the equation - it was just not a factor. Of course there have been other relationships too but I guess those would be dismissed as they weren't "international" in the same sense.

I can fully understand what you are getting at though when you say that women look for a successful man; who wants to deliberately put themselves into financial straits before they even know a guy, right? But, you and I know that there are women out there that are just mercenary and their main consideration is money.

Let me ask you something; if your man were demoted or fired instead of being promoted, would you have left him?  Do you love him or do you love what he can provide?

[Ade]

To me to be successful is wake up in the morning and look myself in the mirror and be happy with who looks back.

I would agree with this; if someone is happy with their lot, they are as close to real success as it's possible to get.