Realities of FSUW

[Misha]

Now and then but very often the girls on the RW forum ask about how much is enough.

What is your answer?

[SANDRO43]

This thread is already some 28 pages long, and it hasn't reached any shared conclusion: not surprising, since its title cointains the plural of a word - reality - which has been discussed for centuries by all manners of profound thinkers - philosophers, theologians, psychologists, scientists, etc. Buddhism goes so far as to maintain that it doesn't exist - it's all माया (maya), i.e. illusion.

Supposing, however, that an outside reality DOES exist, the major problem is how we perceive it: in a no-nonsense discipline like quantum phisics, absolute statements are deemed impossible (Heisenberg's principle of indetermination, only probabilities are acceptable for discussion) and it is considered that the observer influeces the observed phenomena (Schrödinger's cat paradox).

Perception is akin to a tinted glass through which we look outside: our view is inevitably distorted by its colour (our education, culture, etc.) When we see an object - say, a rock - most of us will agree IT'S a rock . However, when we start dealing with human attitudes, feelings, motivations, etc. - particularly those of others - it becomes an epistemological quagmire.

So my bet is that you'll NEVER truly understand the Realities of FSUW, nor will they truly understand the Realities of WM : one can only hope to obtain an 'acceptable' ??? approximation of understanding.

However, this is fun to watch .

[ScottinCrimea]

I will tell you honestly,I think your wife was not smart,Scott. She didnt see the future,she wanted all today and immediately. Only cats are getting born fast. If she would make a plane for you both and would follow it,and would supprt you on the way-all could be much better. But what to do,we now have what we have...

It has to do with two things.  One is the short term mentality that many RW seem to have.  The other is the difference in life experience.  I haved already determined what level of income versus time to enjoy life is comfortable for me.  I've had the experience of making much money but not being able to spend time enjoying it.  She has never had that, so she is still searching for the right combination, thinking at the moment that more money equals more happiness.  The lack of motivation on my part to work harder just to earn more is seen by her as laziness.  At the current rate we were looking at about a year until we could have a very comfortable lifestyle in Ukraine with neither of us having to work at all.  She either jsut couldn't wait or she saw this "comfortable" lifestyle as now inadequate.  My mistake was thinking that we had the same goals and were working as a team to achieve them.

[Doll]

Success is not only defined by finances, and it doesn't mean being wealthy, but if I was a woman in another country looking for a WM I would look to external tokens like financial stability because in the early stages you have nothing else to go on. A man who wants to avoid that should probably pick up and just go live in the FSU for awhile and meet someone initially up close and personal.

See, people! This is a man speaking

[goforit]

I love making breakfast in bed,  :)and giving attention like this.  ;)It was the buy me a new car because my friend has one that I was referring to.

Yes, and it was offered as a warning as to whom you might marry. Wealth is about lifestyle. For some that will mean lots of dollars. For others that will mean a free-wheeling traveling approach to life. For others it will mean working 8-5 every day, earning the average American  income, coming home, kicking off their shoes and turning on ESPN. Not for me but to each his own. For hardly anyone is constant financial struggle envisioned as a part of a lifestyle, whether or not you have a lot of money. So be careful whom you choose, so as you follow your artist lifestyle your choice of a partner doesn't come back to bite you in the butt.

[ScottinCrimea]

Success is not only defined by finances, and it doesn't mean being wealthy, but if I was a woman in another country looking for a WM I would look to external tokens like financial stability because in the early stages you have nothing else to go on. A man who wants to avoid that should probably pick up and just go live in the FSU for awhile and meet someone initially up close and personal.

Been there, done that, it didn't work.  Any other suggestions?

[Wienerin]

By this I only mean material things. Not all the women look for a higher level of life- they have it in Russia (Ukraine, etc.) but those are definitely not seeking for the worse life style.
Overall- yes, love IS important but there IS no love at the point a woman is creating her profile online. She is starting looking for a successfulman.
A successful man is his career, not so? If he is in his 30s, 40's and 50's and is not successful financially then we need to think twice.

And does she write that she's looking for a "financially successful" man? With specifics preferably, and what would be acceptable as signs of success.

I understand that you had to or decided that you have to look at a certain income level (rather above not only the average, but above 75-80% of working people here). But there are many careers, where a definite success wouldn't be at all rewarded to this amount. Teachers, research scientists, engineers, programmers, university professors, etc. won't be affluent. Reasonably well-to-do - yes, rich - no.

As to a guy in his 30s being a financial success - they are few, and I have not heard of any of those rushing for a Russian bride, mostly they are still building their careers (AND financial success )

[Sculpto]

You have it quite backwards.  After a short time she stopped contributing anything toward our future and became resentful that she was working and seeing no immediate gain.  When I continued to focus on the future rather than spending money on a more lavish current lifestyle, she saw me as being inadequate because I wasn't giving her what she wanted now.  The ironic part is that, by leaving me, her current lifestyle will be less, she is now forced to work to support herself, and she has no way to build a future.

Scott.. of course she has a variety of ways to build a future, just none that are clear to you or probably her at this point and all of which will be difficult.  

But you bring up a very interesting point that is in some ways contradictory to what Zhena and Doll are saying.  

You were planning for the future and she wanted immediate gratification.  Now that is a very very serious problem for anyone in any relationship.  

So, I ask both Zhena and Doll to comment on this idea of live in the moment and immediate gratification versus planning and saving for the future.

[Doll]

Well, I was being kind. I could have said something less kind such as: "You must be in your fifties by now"  Sorry, could not resist the jab  :evil:

So? Are we competing in sparkling youth? One more time- I have a 29 y.o son, his 27 y.o wife and a high school younger son. My husband is 57, very successful.
Money doesn't hurt.Actually this thread inspired me (Zhena, you owe my husband  - we went out today to Home Depot but ULTA was on our way back so I got my Chanel-хаха 
Misha, go with peace 

[Zhena]

yes,Scott,you re right here. i just wonder why you couldnt sit and discuss that. probably you didnt realise where the problem is on that moment...

[Sculpto]

Been there, done that, it didn't work.  Any other suggestions?

How about asking specifically what expectations are?  Maybe putting them on paper for future reference??

[Misha]

So my bet is that you'll NEVER truly understand the Realities of FSUW, nor will they truly understand the Realities of WM : one can only hope to obtain an 'acceptable' ??? approximation of understanding.

Can any FSUW really understand the full Realities of FSUW either? Can a woman living in St. Petersburg truly understand the realities of women living in the Chukchi Peninsula?

[goforit]

Whoever mentioned websites with drama was right, Dallas was never this tangled, judgmental or suspenseful......

Never had a "peterfile" show up either (AFAIK), which is where I made the reference about the drama of this site

[Doll]

What is your answer?

I don't answer these questions

[Zhena]

Dolka,actually your husband owes me,you know why?
You bought your Chanel-you re happy-you re in the better mood-you re ready to make him happy. The link is simple

[Doll]

And does she write that she's looking for a "financially successful" man? With specifics preferably, and what would be acceptable as signs of success.

They all do-RW write they are looking for a man who will provide!

[Misha]

I don't answer these questions

Or you only answer them on the Russian women forums?  

[ScottinCrimea]

How about asking specifically what expectations are?  Maybe putting them on paper for future reference??

That is one of the very strong recommendations I gave in another thread.  I think looking back that these goals were more my own than hers and I took her silence as agreement.  She hinted at times that she had other ideas but I ignored these or see them now only in hindsight.  Her frustrations, rather than being expressed specifically, came out in other aggressive ways such as belittling me or refusing to care for me or our home because in her mind I wasn't caring for her.

[Sculpto]

Dolka,actually your husband owes me,you know why?
You bought your Chanel-you re happy-you re in the better mood-you re ready to make him happy. The link is simple

Ugh.. you are actually making SF feminazi hairy armpit patchuli scented barefoot hippie chicks sound almost acceptable.  The link is simple

[Doll]

Dolka,actually your husband owes me,you know why?
You bought your Chanel-you re happy-you re in the better mood-you re ready to make him happy. The link is simple

ok, he owes you and we're going to share  
Actually I was going to buy it myself but I got this idea from you today  
He didn't say a word- just this ,"There is definitely no recession in ULTA"

[Zhena]

Ugh.. you are actually making SF feminazi hairy armpit patchuli scented barefoot hippie chicks sound almost acceptable.  The link is simple

Sculpto-what are you smokin,dude?

[Doll]

Or you only answer them on the Russian women forums?  

??????????????????
I d-o n-o-t answer this question on RW forums, though I will answer you personally - 200+ is nice  

[Sculpto]

That is one of the very strong recommendations I gave in another thread.  I think looking back that these goals were more my own than hers and I took her silence as agreement.  She hinted at times that she had other ideas but I ignored these or see them now only in hindsight.  Her frustrations, rather than being expressed specifically, came out in other aggressive ways such as belittling me or refusing to care for me or our home because in her mind I wasn't caring for her.

That is EXACTLY why I sat down with "A" and put so many things on paper.  It wasn't just me writing.  She made her lists too.  That way there is at least a point of reference.. it doesn't mean things can't or won't change, on the contrary.. but at least there is a very clear starting point for expectations.

[Zhena]

ok, he owes you and we're going to share  
Actually I was going to buy it myself but I got this idea from you today  
He didn't say a word- just this ,"There is definitely no recession in ULTA"

:angel:

[Doll]

No, Misha, I've changed my mind- a better choice is 250K