Realities of FSUW

[Doll]

If she doesn't love you after 2-3 years, i could question whether she loved you or "wanted to love you" a vast difference in the end but hard to figure out in the beginning.

Well... it is not that easy. Read KenC thread- they have been married for 10 years.
I am sure his wife loved him.

[Zhena]

So where did you meet her,Sculpto?
I see you as a person of art,and dont blame actually-they are usually like that. But your girl,she is different,I garantee you.
Let me tell you the story of one man who was paranoid of golddiggers and so he met one woman right on the street while she was giving the advertisement posters to the pedestrians. So he invited her to the cup of coffee. I dont know how they communicate,she knew some very little english though. So he visited her one time more and started a fiancee visa for her. WQhat he liked: she was active,didnt wear any makeup,didnt look for a foreign man. He was confident that she is what he looked for. She agreed to come in the usa. What he didnt know: she lived with the boyfriend at that time,who was lazy and didnt show any desire to work,so she had to earn the money for living. Oh yes,she was very much a survivor and wasnt scared of any job. In his proposal she immediately saw the opportunity to come in the usa and earn the money to buy the flat back in ukraine. But...nothing more. No,she didnt plan to stay for long with that guy who made her the visa. But of course he didnt know that. Ok,so she came in some little town in NJ. Nothing around,the forest. She doesnt drive yet. Sfter the first weeks she became to be depressed. Nothing going as she planned. Plus she finds out that she is pregnant-but she cant tell from whom-this guy or her ukrainian ex-boyfriend. This guy marrying her after some doubts. The marriage turns difficult. He thought she will be very modest in her desires cos she didnt have anything in ukraine-but she wants this and that,and he is annoyed. She wants to try the things she never had before. Him-he even doesnt understand why she needs a face cream. They arguing constantly. She saves some money from buying the groceries and buys what she wants,also tries to send to ukraine to her poor relatives. She gets disgusted with her husband. He is still suspicious of whos the baby she s carrying. Just before the labor,they having an argument,she calls police and kicks him out of the house. He lives in the hotel,shes going to the public hospital and giving a birth. He requires DNA-the baby is not his. Its his luck cos now he can annul a marriage.
She still lives and in the usa,works a sa stripper in new york,cos she doesnt have any diploma here yet so she cant get a normal payed job. She applied for her second GC herself.
He made some more trips to ukraine,and then askas her to return. She made a list what he should do for her. he agreed-she still thinks.

[Faux Pas]

Its only a problem if you can not go without the drink. My father used to drink a glass of Whisky or Cognac every evening before sleeping. After going with that habit for over a year, he decided to break it to see if he could still be without. No problem for him.

With alcohol there are psychological addictions and physical addictions and then there are those who have both. Those who consume large amounts on a regular basis are more likely develop physical addictions as opposed to those who drink small quantities. Although both are addicted, psychological need can be a difficult as physical need.

[Sculpto]

Face it, America remains puritanical regarding alcohol consumption.

How many places in the world is daily alcohol consumption an ingrained part of the culture and yet people live happy healthy productive lives?

When I was in France my xGFs family definitely consumed plenty of alcohol.. apertif before dinner, wine with dinner, digestif after dinner.. night cap before sleeping.  Her family was and is healthy physically and emotionally.  The only one in that family that had mental problems was my GF, and she did not drink every day.. or even once a week.. go figure..

If "A" is happy with a beer or a small amount of whiskey/vodka or a little baileys why would i want to take that away from her.  That WOULD be controlling.

Besides.. if I don't have a little herb every day I can get crabby.. it helps me sleep.  That is why it is legal medicine in Califas.  and I don't mind a glass of wine with dinner.. I just don't do it alone.

Also, for the record.. the woman I lived with for 5 years did have a serious alcohol problem.  Ultimately it was a significant contributing factor to me ending that relationship.  I know the signs of someone with a problem.  If anyone here thinks that I did not discuss that with "A", in depth and detail, they would be very mistaken.  We have an agreement in principle on what is an acceptable and healthy level of consumption and from what i saw both times I was there with her she is well within those boundaries.  WE got drunk together once.. we sipped liquer almost every evening after dinner.  it was nice.  

And btw.. getting good and drunk with your fiance is IMHO not a bad idea.  Things not seen tend to rise to the surface when someones inhibitions are relaxed.  That is why I wanted to get drunk with her and see how she was.  Would she become moody or aggresive or sad or would she remain happy and fun.  She was more drunk than me and she stayed happy and fun.  All good from my point of view.

[remiel6]

actually if the herb your speaking of is the herb I am thinking of, it is not legal. A state can't pass a law in violation of a national law. The supreme court already ruled on this.
second. about the 2-3 years, this isn't a chemistry experiment where you get the same results everytimes. They are people and I said 2-3 not ten. Heck my longest relationship only lasted 5 years so to me to make it ten with someone would feel like an accomplishment no matter what the outcome. Sometimes people grow apart. I know know Kens story so I can't comment.

[Doll]

Speaking of which -stripper. Zhena reminded me another story.A young RW , top model meets the Manhattan attorney (he was in Russia and met her "in the street"). The dated for a year or so , the man being just Manhattan attorney - spent a lot on her.
It doen't matter but he was 54 , she was 26 a that time. So finally he brings her to the States on K-1 (or K-3) visa and then the difficult part started- he cut the expenses on her ("this is a fair price and this is not") which she was not accustomed at all! They had fights, he was firm. It ended up in her working a stripper in some night club and getting her own money (very decent!). Then came an ugly divorce.

[Doll]

They are people and I said 2-3 not ten. Heck my longest relationship only lasted 5 years so to me to make it ten with someone would feel like an accomplishment no matter what the outcome. Sometimes people grow apart. I know know Kens story so I can't comment.

10 is not much. Now when we've been together for 7 years I hate to think how little is probably left. So 3 years from now which will make it 10 there will be just the begging of something new- my younger will be at college, more time for each other so.... so life is good 

[remiel6]

I'm sure a person should never quote from billy joel but I can't resist

"Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you"

Its hard to buy a girl everything and lavish gifts on her then be mad when she thinks thats the way it is and spends money like she always has.

[remiel6]

congrats on the seven happy years and I hope you have many many more 

[Sculpto]

Zhena,
I met her on yahoo chat system.  We talked for over a year before I went to meet her.

I understand your point in the story.  I had fears about that kind of scenario for a long time and took measures to verify things before I went to see her.

I am not going to get into the specifics of how I verified her before i went to meet her, but, if anyone really wants to know they can send a pm and I will explain it.

She is in Uni at Tomsk State which from what i can tell from my research is an excellent institution.  She is on scholarship and does not pay to attend.  She insisted on being able to continue with her education which means going back to Tomsk twice a year for exams.  I am not against that for two reasons.  First, I can not afford to send her to a Uni of equal quality.  She might be able to get into Stanford but who knows if they would pony up a full scholarship for a foreign student.  Second, if she makes her return trips she is a lot less likely to get to a level of homesickness that could cause problems for our marriage.  

Sure I will be lonely without her, but, if my new enterprise is successful I should be able to go with her.  I would enjoy that a lot to be able to visit Siberia on a consistent basis.  I would probably try to establish some kind of volunteer situation for myself or just do art and visit nature and maybe try and buy an old wood house and restore it.  So, in the overall picture I do not see any negatives to this plan.  I committed to paying for her travel for two years and expect her to figure out things well enough here in the US to be able to at least make a substantial contribution to her travel expenses after that.  She wants to work, is more than capable of working and plans to work, so, again, no negative.  

Despite all the negativity I get about this relationship on this site I have done my best to "trust but verify" on almost everything with her.  The fact of the matter is we have made it through some very difficult points.. 15 months of correspondence.. her getting hit over the head last December, the cancer illness and death of her Father and her rather extreme "testing" of me during my last trip.  She would have to be one hell of an actress to fool me for that long.

her language about the relationship is consistent with her actions.  The reactions of her friends are consistent with her words and actions.  If she is trying to fool me either her friends are in on it or they are being fooled as well.  That would also go for her Mother and Sister.  so, I feel that she is not only sincere but committed to buildng a life together.

Now, I am not about to say that I am completely free of doubts.  I still have some and I am pretty sure with a trip to Tomsk with her this summer those doubts will be resolved one way or the other.  If a time comes when there is some red flag so big that I need to let her go I will.  I am an expert at breaking up and if it should come to that I will be sad for a while but I will get over it and recover very fast.  

So, on the balance there is a lot more positive than negative so I keep going forward.

[Doll]

Its hard to buy a girl everything and lavish gifts on her then be mad when she thinks thats the way it is and spends money like she always has.

This is what marriage is about- I am NOT talking of money here (for Gator's record  )

[Doll]

congrats on the seven happy years and I hope you have many many more 

[Sculpto]

actually if the herb your speaking of is the herb I am thinking of, it is not legal. A state can't pass a law in violation of a national law. The supreme court already ruled on this.

and yet there are medical marijuana dispensaries all over San Francisco and the rest of California and Doctors that prescribe it to patients that need it.  The Obama administration has lowered the LE priority of enforcing the fed law to the degree of tacit legalization on the federal level.  Most likely in the next elections the state of Califa will legalize for recreational use and tax it at $50 an ounce.  Other states will follow the leader and the federal laws will change.  Don't be surprised if the same happens with cocaine over the next few years/dacades.  In Mexico they have legalized in TJ and other "special" areas.  Colombia and Bolivia have also legalized.  Peru and Ecuador can not be far behind.  European laws are already quite tolerant in most countries.

It is pretty hard to make an easy to grow plant illegal and stop people from growing and consuming it.  In fact, it is immpossible and really stupid as a matter of legal policy.

In reality green bud is far less harmful than alcohol. 

[Zhena]

I am believe that the girl is honest right now,but really,she doesnt imagine what it will take. I really wish only the best to the people.
Twice a year-is much. Here in the US,the job she will be able to egt without diploma,will be little-paid. For the tickets it will be enough maybe,but how will she travel often and keep her job here?
Then,is the degree she is getiing there,convertible? Can she confirm that in the US?
She wont get any decent job without diploma and forget about the self-employment without that also. Doesnt matter how enthusiastic she is. This is not FSU.

[Sculpto]

I am believe that the girl is honest right now,but really,she doesnt imagine what it will take. I really wish only the best to the people.
Twice a year-is much. Here in the US,the job she will be able to egt without diploma,will be little-paid. For the tickets it will be enough maybe,but how will she travel often and keep her job here?
Then,is the degree she is getiing there,convertible? Can she confirm that in the US?
She wont get any decent job without diploma and forget about the self-employment without that also. Doesnt matter how enthusiastic she is. This is not FSU.

Zhena,
I don't know where you live, but I live in San Francisco.  Where I am sitting right now is a building full of artist studios.  Also to be found in this building are inventors, an artisan bakery, an internet radio station and other oddball self employed creative people.  Walk ten blocks in any direction from here and you will find more of the same.  This district has the highest concentration of artists, musicians, start up internet companies etc of any place in the country if not the world. There is a reason the economy here has not been nearly as hard hit as it has elsewhere in the country and that is simply because a lot of people here are do it yourselfers and makers and creators. 

"A" is studying journalism, is excellent with the computer and understands the complexities of the current situation in print media here in the USA.  She also understands there are a large variety of ways a journalist/writer can make a living here.  She has indicated she is flexible enough to try and adapt to the realities that exist and be creative in how she goes about making money.  I have connections in film and TV production.  There are three or four Russian language weekly newspapers and one cable access Russian language TV station.  She has started newspapers on her own in the past and could do it again.  If there is one thing I am not worried about with this girl is her ability to earn money using her creativity. 

As far as her becoming a stripper or worse.. well.. she would have to be really desperate to do something like that based on her commentaries regarding porn and the sex industry.  She bragged about exposing and forcing the closure of two porn studios in Siberia.  Some of you will remember I posted a thread a while back on the topic of the sex trade and porn.. where do you think I got the idea and the information?

[kievstar]

Shadow, you are correct, if you can stop not a problem.  Scultpo, I am not accusing anybody of being alcoholic.  

Scultpo, I like the herb but only once a year.  So the last time I smoked herb I was in Yalta mountains.  Ex decided her and her friends were going to visit a couple of retired KGB / military men.  They must have been important at sometime in life as they had a mansion in the mountains over looking Yalta.  They also owned a ton of land.  Anyways the women were sent to go get the meat for the barbecue.  That left me with two old men in their 50's.  What did we do next.  Smoked the herb for two hours straight until the girls got back.  They actually got lost so we were able to smoke a lot.  Than the girls wanted to smoke the herb (I found out later this is why the girls visit these guys).

The men than took me back into the barn as they wanted to box.  I figured two things were going to happen - deliverance or they were just going to shoot me as we went back to the barn.  We did end up boxing with with gloves and head gear.  The one guy said he was almost an Olympic hero but I think the reefer was talking for him.  I gave both of them a good beat down as I used to train at Kronk gym in Detroit famous for boxers.  Also, have arms of a man more than 2 meters tall.  

Food was ready so it was time to eat.  Than trouble started.  The biggest bottle of red label came up.  Seemed to be 1 meter high (at least 2 litres).  We drank like fish.  Than the men took me back to the barn as they told the women to cleanup and make some desert.  This time to smoke the good stuff in the barn.  Women can never have the good stuff they told me.  With my limited Russian skills I found out they smoke the reefer to slow cancer and live in Yalta as the air is good for health.  So the reefer in the barn is the very strong stuff for medical.  They said I was a good AM and not a normal AM f...k

Next thing I know they asked me if I ever go Nazi hunting.  I figured it was a joke but they seemed serious. So what the hell they grabbed some guns and we went into the woods looking for Nazi's.  Thankfully no one was in the woods at night.  We ended up getting lost in the woods and by the time we got back the women were pissed.  I was so drunk and high I had to sneak off every 10 minutes to get sick.  Got the evil eye from the ex.  She knew no man pisses every 10 minutes. I found out next day the other two guys were getting sick as well.  One of them when he and one of the girls went into the bedroom.  This caused the party to stop and a lot of yelling.  Women do not like men getting sick during the deed.  I was ready for bed so glad the girls were pissed and we could go.

On the way home to Sevastopol they had to stop the car about every 5 minutes for me.  The girl driving does not smoke and drinks little.  She also is a worker in Anastiaweb agency in Crimea.  Long story short was interesting day.  I have smoked the herb about 20 times in life and every one of those times has a very unusual story.

Scultpo, beer is not healthy for me.  Belgium beer made me gain 30 pounds and look like a fat bastard and I had to lose that weight in 2 weeks before marriage.

[Doll]

I had to lose that weight in 2 weeks before marriage.

HOW? Please share!
(Enough of herb talks!)

[kievstar]

Doll, South beach diet and a ton of core exercises lost the weight.  South beach works well for me.

[Sculpto]

Shadow, you are correct, if you can stop not a problem.  Scultpo, I am not accusing anybody of being alcoholic.  

Scultpo, I like the herb but only once a year.  So the last time I smoked herb I was in Yalta mountains.  Ex decided her and her friends were going to visit a couple of retired KGB / military men.  They must have been important at sometime in life as they had a mansion in the mountains over looking Yalta.  They also owned a ton of land.  Anyways the women were sent to go get the meat for the barbecue.  That left me with two old men in their 50's.  What did we do next.  Smoked the herb for two hours straight until the girls got back.  They actually got lost so we were able to smoke a lot.  Than the girls wanted to smoke the herb (I found out later this is why the girls visit these guys).

The men than took me back into the barn as they wanted to box.  I figured two things were going to happen - deliverance or they were just going to shoot me as we went back to the barn.  We did end up boxing with with gloves and head gear.  The one guy said he was almost an Olympic hero but I think the reefer was talking for him.  I gave both of them a good beat down as I used to train at Kronk gym in Detroit famous for boxers.  Also, have arms of a man more than 2 meters tall.  

Food was ready so it was time to eat.  Than trouble started.  The biggest bottle of red label came up.  Seemed to be 1 meter high (at least 2 litres).  We drank like fish.  Than the men took me back to the barn as they told the women to cleanup and make some desert.  This time to smoke the good stuff in the barn.  Women can never have the good stuff they told me.  With my limited Russian skills I found out they smoke the reefer to slow cancer and live in Yalta as the air is good for health.  So the reefer in the barn is the very strong stuff for medical.  They said I was a good AM and not a normal AM f...k

Next thing I know they asked me if I ever go Nazi hunting.  I figured it was a joke but they seemed serious. So what the hell they grabbed some guns and we went into the woods looking for Nazi's.  Thankfully no one was in the woods at night.  We ended up getting lost in the woods and by the time we got back the women were pissed.  I was so drunk and high I had to sneak off every 10 minutes to get sick.  Got the evil eye from the ex.  She knew no man pisses every 10 minutes. I found out next day the other two guys were getting sick as well.  One of them when he and one of the girls went into the bedroom.  This caused the party to stop and a lot of yelling.  Women do not like men getting sick during the deed.  I was ready for bed so glad the girls were pissed and we could go.

On the way home to Sevastopol they had to stop the car about every 5 minutes for me.  The girl driving does not smoke and drinks little.  She also is a worker in Anastiaweb agency in Crimea.  Long story short was interesting day.  I have smoked the herb about 20 times in life and every one of those times has a very unusual story.

Scultpo, beer is not healthy for me.  Belgium beer made me gain 30 pounds and look like a fat bastard and I had to lose that weight in 2 weeks before marriage.

Funny story Kiev.  I have smoked weed more years than I didn't.  I have never been a big drinker.  I get buzzed from one beer, but, I can drink vodka or tequilla all night.  One glass of wine and i am fine, two glasses and I am falling asleep.  But, if I have been drinking hard stuff I am dead the next day, sometimes two.  A shot is fine but drinking enough to actually get drunk has serious consequences.  I never drink and smoke together, that is a recipe for disaster.  Nowadays I smoke basically in three different scenarios.. when I am in the art studio.. sometimes to sleep and a little bit socially.  I used to smoke from morning till night but at a certain point years ago that stopped making sense.

Getting weed in Ukraine was easy.  My friend the actress met me at the airport in Odessa, we went to the apartment and ten minutes later met up with some Ukrainian Rastas in the center of Odessa and went back to the apartment to smoke.  The quality was very low grade.  Here we wouldn't even smoke it but use it to make green butter to cook with.  I was told most of the weed comes from Crimea and it is grown in between the grapes.  Hey you all remember the famous Elnara of the HRB site.. she is a HUGE pot head. 

Funny thing when I was in Donetsk hanging around the Nigerians I was surprised when they told me they didn't smoke.  I learned later that they did in fact but assumed I didn't and didn't want to offend me.  I laughed and said "if you only knew".  I have also come to understand that all kinds of drug use is not only common in the FSU but on the level typical here in the US, maybe even more.  Meaning.. tons of people get high on all kinds of stuff.. coke, E and weed is the most common but there is a lot more heroin use than one might expect from how people look on the street.  Apparently there are a lot of "functional junkies" over there.  Something to keep in mind when your agency fiance that "doesn't smoke or drink" tells you she never did drugs.  At Kazantip offically there are no drugs consumed, but.. I think we all know better.. go in any nightclub playing any variation of techno music and there will be E and other stuff available...

Isn't Antwerp almost as famous for weed as Amsterdam?

[Zhena]

Sculpto-I with the good luck to your girl with her career opportunities here. genuinely. I hope that will work.

[BC]

Isn't Antwerp almost as famous for weed as Amsterdam?

Really?  Been there quite a few times and haven't even been offered anything....

Surely to be had, but a 'coffee shop' not sighted yet in A'dam and don't think I missed much..

[Sculpto]

Sculpto-I with the good luck to your girl with her career opportunities here. genuinely. I hope that will work.

Thanks Zhena.. me too.  I am not 100% sure it will work, but, sure enough to take the risk.  So is she. 

[Sculpto]

Really?  Been there quite a few times and haven't even been offered anything....

Surely to be had, but a 'coffee shop' not sighted yet in A'dam and don't think I missed much..

I spent a few weeks hanging out with some people from Antwerp once when I was in Mexico.  We smoked a lot and they told me there is a huge home grown culture in all of Belgium but especially in Antwerp. 

As to Amsterdam.. one of the advantages of having the coffee shop system is it minimizes street dealing.  Same thing happened here in SF once the dispensaries opened.  All the street weed dealers disappeared.

[kievstar]

Do not know much about Antwerp. I had bad experience with tequila at Michigan State University (El toro tequila).  To this day gold tequila makes me sick.  But I do like the worm.  I do like how the Ukraine girls in Kiev drink white tequila and chase it with sprite. 

The pot these guys had in Crimea came from Montreal. 

[mies]

She knows what I have told her and what she has researched on her own.  You are right that she doesn't really understand the reality and she can't until she gets here.  ... I didn't understand that when I brought hte Frenchie over and when I finally understood that she had been living on the "dole" and was never going to be able to adapt to life here becuase she was completely unmotivated and lacked talent the relationship soured and eventually ceased to exist.

I have chosen a girl who is talented and motivated.  Someone who is respected by her peers for her talent and intelligence.  I am sure it isn't going to be easy for her, but, I have gone way beyond what I did the last time to make sure she will land on her feet when she gets here.  I am not going to take any chances that my efforts are not sufficient for her to achieve success.  The rest is up to her and i can not control that.

Sculpto, you seem to be very nice and adequate man. I have a question for you - you do not necessarily need to answer it here - just think about the answer.

If (and I really mean IF) your student from Tomsk once in USA will not be able to find job fast enough, if she will not be adapting as fast as you are planning, if she will not be able to earn money for two trips home/year to finish her college there, if things go wrong - are you going to blame her same way as you are blaming now your French ex? Are you going to be telling everyone how you were fooled and in reality this girl was not motivated enough and was not really talented?