I'm new here

[JR]

 He IS miserable and he revels in his misery, dude's feeble emotional state, poor and downtrodden, kid's brittle psyche...  now knee jerk reaction. How much a person can take?

If we are causing him more of what he revels in then perhaps, if we persist long and strenuously enough he'll be happy

[OlgaH]

If he wanted to relate information regarding his/her condition all he had to say was "We're both involved with the goth life-style which can have depression as one of it's elements and we find comfort in each other in this matter." Instead he weaves elaborate tales to garner pity.

It was pathetic then and it's pathetic now.

I have sympathy for his condition, not is method of delivery.

Have you ever read his posts?

I'm goth. Alina is also a goth and that was a unique and lucky thing to find. We have so much in common in the way we see the world.

Goth people are generally outcasts... overly talented in some aspects, tragically deficient in other's.

p.s. her t-shirt says Paradise Lost... a goth band

Were both very depressive people who have brought a little sunshine on each other's rainy day. I've watched her go from sad to happy on camera when she notices me message her... in fact it's something I watch every single time we chat. She smiles and I melt when we chat and we both feel stronger inside.

[Taz]

Active discourse is good but insults are not. Not everyone will benefit from the "tough love" approach. If his issues are so extreme, then he needs to get all the help he needs before becoming seriously involved with any woman. However they may be two peas in a pod and are meant for each other. RW are more complicated than most for Western men. I can only imagine how complicated a RW Goth would be. I did see a few of them around though never dated one.

[OlgaH]

If we are causing him more of what he revels in then perhaps, if we persist long and strenuously enough he'll be happy

I guess the insults is your way to express your sympathy...

[Blues Fairy]

Olga, what insults?  We could have called him a f***ing moron, but we didn't, did we? 
All the rest is within the limits of normal literary eloquence (please look up "downtrodden" in a dictionary); and enough already of this self-righteous crusade - it's becoming rather boring.

[JR]

Have you ever read his posts?

Yes, that is what quailfies me to render my opinion upon his delivery.

[JR]

I guess the insults is your way to express your sympathy...

It is called a joke Olga

PS. I would have included my usual disclaimer regarding it being just a joke but I recieved some advice in a PM to drop it. I was told those without a sense of humor could just go find one

And yes I think it's ok to make a joke about the situation because he stated he was never coming back so I probably wouldn't hurt his feelings and well...I just wanted to.

[OlgaH]

Olga, what insults?  We could have called him a f***ing moron, but we didn't, did we?  
All the rest is within the limits of normal literary eloquence (please look up "downtrodden" in a dictionary); and enough already of this self-righteous crusade - it's becoming rather boring.

Blues Fairy,

you took the phrase "clouded by ignorance" as insult and you asked a member who said it to you  to refrain from further such insults ...you even used the word please. But you did'not hesitate to use "miserable persona" towards other member.

[Blues Fairy]

you took the phrase "clouded by ignorance" as insult and even with your please your asked a member who said it to you to refrain from further such insults...

Because that whole argument (not the particular phrase) was an insult to my intelligence, as was our downtrodden OP.

Did I threaten suicide, remind me?.. 

[OlgaH]

Because that whole argument (not the particular phrase) was an insult to my intelligence, as was our downtrodden OP.

You forget to add other your epithets that  you used towards Mark. I guess deliberately.

Did I threaten suicide, remind me?..  

If even djgothman said something about suicide have you ever thought what a cause was for his words?

[ECOCKS]

All the drama aside and on the off chance that Mark returns:

I have really mixed reads on what you tell us Mark.

My first thought in this is that if you go over there you should be careful. Ukraine, and the FSU in general, is not a place you necessarily want to standout as being part of a sub-culture. While the FSU isn't exactly the Borg, they are still thrown off by those who are glaringly outside the mainstream of their existence. While most recorded incidents of violent attacks and baiting usually involve ethnic minorities, it doesn't seem too smart to attract a lot of attention when you cannot understand the language and you're not going to find any sympathy from the militsia if it gets rough. So, you should consider compromising your appearance and being low-key in your demeanor and dress.

The second thought I had concerned being "Goth" in Ukraine. Of the Goth-like students I knew and watched I would guess a third were somewhat into it as a functional lifestyle/philosophy. The rest seemed to be mostly those who viewed it as an occasional fashion statement and a serious group who regarded it as a statement of active, "in-your-face" defiance as they professed to pursue anarchistic political and social alternatives. They seemed to regard being Gothic as somewhat interchangeable with neo-Nazi and more active reactionary attitudes.

Then there was the gal. From what you say, she at first seemed to be realistic. This is especially true if she is really a Goth. I can see someone like her waiting a couple of years as she moves through her university years and, now that graduation is looming, begins to get a bit impatient with the thought of whether you are "Real" or not. The problem was her picture and profile comments. It just didn't ring true. Especially if you were correct that she is really into the true goth sub-culture. The pictures don't seem to match and her participation on that website doesn't fill me with confidence for your future.

Finally, there was this incredibly wild development of you disclosing your insecurities and medical issues. As you can tell from the ensuing discusion, you need to get yourself straight before you enter into a longterm relationship with someone on the other side of the planet.For that matter, you need to have yourself together before you get involved with someone down the street. Particularly, starting this when you are not financially able to carry through seems shortsighted on your part.

[Gator]

  I thought it was ya'll.  She also hasn't used "you'uns." 

You got me!  And to think that I grew up in the South (TN, MS and NC).   I am becoming Russified, losing my native language    Or maybe my mind is still in a state of shock being that I have been married for only 18 months.

[Vaughn]

29 years a New York resident - I still cannot shake my "you guys" habit.

You guys should hear it spoken by my better half, just precious.

[groovlstk]

29 years a New York resident - I still cannot shake my "you guys" habit.

You guys should hear it spoken by my better half, just precious.

Vaughn, then you must know that "you guys" is very formal and proper, the everyday equivalent here to y'all or you-uns is "youse." 

[SANDRO43]

Fogedabadit .

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld7RHNKPNTI[/youtube]

[Vaughn]

Vaughn, then you must know that "you guys" is very formal and proper, the everyday equivalent here to y'all or you-uns is "youse."  

Long Islanders are usually considered country bumpkins by the inner city brethren. Have to admit,
it took a few Yankees-Red Sox games to get fully indoctrinated into urban courtesy and brotherhood.

[Admin]

Not too sure if DJ will return or not - BUT - I think this topic has demonstrated some of the best of what RWD is all about.

If one were to be entirely objective and dispassionate about reading through the 'advice' - the one overarching principle that comes screaming through is that our members sincerely want to help. Some are aligned to DJ and sympathetic with his challenges. Others are aligned more toward the object of DJ's interests - the RW he may meet and their ability/inability to cope. Some are more nurturing in their style of responses - while yet others adopt a more Marine Corps DI mentality and approach.

In the end, it is this wealth of diversity in opinion that allows members such as DJ to sort through that which applies to him - and reject/ignore that which does not.

I reject the notion that straight-forward - even blunt - commentary will send members reeling into the ranks of the lurkers or non-participants. While we all have the obligation to interact civilly, this is among the most civil topics - on a potentially explosive subject - I have seen in a long while.

If someone visits RWD and expects to be molly-coddled, they WILL be sorely disappointed. The facts are, and our history demonstrates it, that we typically accept even the most aberrant of individuals - occasionally, to our disbenefit and later regret. Still, RWD has a generous membership that offers their sincere commentary designed to be of assistance. It is entirely appropriate for some to lean towards benefiting a new member like DJ, and others to be concerned and express their concern for the RW whom DJ may meet - and there are other constituencies as well.

Some may disagree - but I see this topic as RWD at its best. Not perfect, perhaps, but giant leaps ahead of anything else available anywhere.

- Dan

[groovlstk]

Dan, thanks for putting this thread in proper perspective.

Slightly off-topic, but all this talk about bipolar disorder reminded me of one of my all-time favorite short stories by a writer named Thom Jones. The story is called Cold Snap, and the protagonist is bipolar. During his manic phase he composes "affirmations" on Post-It notes, which he thinks will help when he's feeling down, and sticks them to his refrigerator. Stuff like, "I am a good and loving person, and this Dostoevsky period will pass in no time. Try to relax!"

Later in the story, when he enters the depressive phase, he is passing through his kitchen and sees the affirmations he wrote a few days earlier. His reaction is to rip it into a thousand pieces while thinking, "only a f***ing idiot would write something so stupid!"

[GoodOlBoy]

VERY insightful and well thought out post Dan (as usual). 

However, there is one troubling aspect to this thread that has me deeply concerned.

Blues Fairy (BF) has been referred to in this thread by the OP as a "redneck" :evil: and now (if I interpreted your post correctly) she is also a "Marine Drill Instructor" :evil:.

This is very worrisome for me.

I truly hope that BF doesn't take any of this personally and decides to flee RWD!!


GOB
 

PS....Yes Mars, I am brown-nosing the RW again.

[acrzybear]

Blues Fairy (BF) has been referred to on this thread by the OP as a "redneck" :evil: and now (if I interpreted your post correctly) she is also a "Marine Drill Instructor" :evil:.

GOB

Could you imagine a RW as a Marine DI? I wouldn't know whether to be scared or excited!! 

[Blues Fairy]

Blues Fairy (BF) has been referred to on this thread by the OP as a "redneck" :evil: and now (if I interpreted your post correctly) she is also a "Marine Drill Instructor" :evil:.

I think the only characterization directed at me personally was "cheerleader/soccer mom" - which is absurd because I hate team sports and my 8-month-old daughter does not play soccer (yet).

[groovlstk]

I think the only characterization directed at me personally was "cheerleader/soccer mom" - which is absurd because I hate team sports and my 8-month-old daughter does not play soccer (yet).

"Soccer mom" is a direct insult to your intelligence, but don't expect anyone to come to your defense unless you threaten to mix a hemlock cocktail as a result 

[Sculpto]

Thought you all might be interested to know.. Alina has approved the permission for direct contact per RLM/HRB rules.  Mark has a lot of people watching his back so it will be interesting to see if she will step away from the agency or not.  That for the short term is the litmus test.  There is also a very credible and married AM who has volunteered to wing man for him and reliable terps are being recruited.

[SMS60]

I assume she knows about his "problems" ? Yes?? No sugar coating?

I would hate to meet a women for the first time and find out she threatened suicide every so often.

As cold as it might be I would not want to bring that into my life if I had a choice.

[Sculpto]

He claims she does.  But, we will make sure he is communicating that clearly.

Personally I don't trust that agency one bit.  But there is a small chance she is sincere so its worth going the next step.