WMVM

[pacifica]

Hi,

I am not an AM trying to meet a RW, but I am in a similar situation. I am trying to meet someone here, in US, and sometimes I correspond with guys in other cities. Obviously, it's much easier to hop on a plane and take a weekend trip to another state, than it is to go to Russia. But still, it involves spending time, money, and effort, and I was wondering if there was a way to make it more efficient. A few weeks ago I took a trip to Washington, DC to meet a guy that I've emailed with and talked on the phone for months, only to find out that there was no chemistry what so ever. Since it was WOVO, I was kind of stuck with him for the weekend.

So now I am thinking, it would have been nice to have a backup plan. But how exactly do you do it? If I develop what appears to be a special connection with someone over the emails and phone, and we are ready to meet, how can I say "oh, and by the way, I am going to meet a couple of other guys, while I am there"? How do you guys pull it off with WMVM?

[Gylden]

There are only two ways to go with the WMVM.

1. Be honest and take your chances.

2. Be creatively deceptive or lie.

naive people think that maybe no one will notice, but inevitably will be tripped up by a QUESTION.

[pacifica]

I don't lie, so #2 is not an option.

When I date in my own town, I write many and I go on many first dates, there is no problem there. Somehow, as soon as we talking about another location, it becomes a problem...

[Gylden]

Is it a problem for you or the one who you are dating?

You can allways be honest and if the question comes up say that it is really not their business, the results can vary, but maybe this is a good screening process any way.

Because of my values, I decided that I would just play out the VO, no matter how many visits it took and that if I was going to travel to meet someone, it was just part of the time/money it took.

[pacifica]

Interesting question. I don't see a problem in flying to another city and meeting more than one guy during the weekend, because it's just a first date. Nothing physical is involved, we are just talking, and it's ok to talk to several people in the same period of time.

But. If he comes over for the weekend, I would probably not like the idea that I am not the only one he is visiting Double standards?

[Jooky]

Pacifica, as long you have a laptop and net connection on this trip, in the case that there's no chemistry, why not simply get on the net and line up some dates after you're already there?

[Gylden]

Not a double standard, because coming for the weekend is different than a first date.

[Shadow]

There are two ways to tackle this.
First is to have someone from the same city on the waiting list (or meeting). Problem is, will you actually find two men from the same city you are interested in ?
Second is to view the trip as a break and if no chemistry just enjoy the surroundings. If you really can not stand the guy, just say so and choose your own way.

The difference between you and a guy going to Russia is that you are surrounded by people who speak your language.

[SANDRO43]

Pacifica, I assume from your nickname that you are located on the West Coast, and would be curious to know why your local dating pool is not providing possible candidates for your attention, since you have to hop on planes to meet them . 

[Faux Pas]

Interesting question. I don't see a problem in flying to another city and meeting more than one guy during the weekend, because it's just a first date. Nothing physical is involved, we are just talking, and it's ok to talk to several people in the same period of time.

But. If he comes over for the weekend, I would probably not like the idea that I am not the only one he is visiting Double standards?

I do not agree with some of the others, it is most certainly is a double standard. You only want them interested in you yet you wish to remain free to meet others. That likely will not work out so well, that is if the AM has a shred of dignity.

I would suggest to go meet the "one" guy. Be sure to remain independent of him in transportation and lodgings. If that doesn't work out then cut it off immediately. Have other phone numbers as well as your laptop to try to salvage the weekend.

Of course this is advice coming from a WOVO AM so take it for what it's worth 

[RussianWind]

Let them visit you in your city and it will be not your headache  


P.S. My back up plan would be exploring the city or around.

[GQBlues]

But how exactly do you do it? If I develop what appears to be a special connection with someone over the emails and phone, and we are ready to meet, how can I say "oh, and by the way, I am going to meet a couple of other guys, while I am there"? How do you guys pull it off with WMVM?

Sometimes the answer is so plain to see, it's difficult to focus on it.

'Write Many Visit Many'

Reverse your approach. Why emotionally invest on someone you have not met. If you're the adventurer type and would not mind hopping on a plane and spend a long weekend anywhere, USA; pool a few 'interesting' men in a specific area and drop them a line - "Hi, I'll be in town....., I'm interested in an opportunity to meet you in person. Let me know if the feeling is mutual."

...then spend the ensuing time to get a bit of info on each one just enough to keep the interest level warm, never hot so there won't be too much expectation on both sides. If someone peaked your interest after meeting, proceed accordingly. If not: lather, rinse, repeat...

If they ask if you're meeting other men on the trip, don't hesitate to state so matter of factly. Life is meant to be simple.

[JohnDearGreen]

When I date in my own town, I write many and I go on many first dates, there is no problem there. Somehow, as soon as we talking about another location, it becomes a problem...

In the USA, most do not want or look for a long distance relationship.  It is the exception, not the rule.
So I cannot give any rules or guidelines. 

My only suggestion would be to search internet to find the large singles groups in the city you plan to visit.  They frequently have parties, happy hours, and dances, some of which are very large in atttendance.  If you list your age range, and some cities you visit,  someone might be able to list some of the groups.

I traveled as a contractor across Kentucky, Penn, Ohio, Indiana, and Michigan and know some places there.
But my success rate with ladies over 70 miles from me, was fairly low.  Most ladies weren't interested in someone residing in Best Western room #117.

[pacifica]

Pacifica, as long you have a laptop and net connection on this trip, in the case that there's no chemistry, why not simply get on the net and line up some dates after you're already there?

Not sure how it would work. I wouldn't go out with someone who happens to be in my town and tries to find a date from today to tomorrow. First of all I am busy and need to plan ahead of time, and second, I like to exchange a few emails before going on a date. Doesn't it work the same for guys?

[pacifica]

There are two ways to tackle this.
First is to have someone from the same city on the waiting list (or meeting). Problem is, will you actually find two men from the same city you are interested in ?

I don't think there is problem finding more than one guy from the same town. The problem is how to tell them.

Second is to view the trip as a break and if no chemistry just enjoy the surroundings. If you really can not stand the guy, just say so and choose your own way.

Yes, I guess my plan B could be sightseeing. It's no fun doing it alone, but maybe better than having to be in a company I don't like.

[pacifica]

Pacifica, I assume from your nickname that you are located on the West Coast, and would be curious to know why your local dating pool is not providing possible candidates for your attention, since you have to hop on planes to meet them . 

No, I am not on the West Coast, I am in the Midwest It's not a problem to find a local date, but it's not that easy to find a real match. Besides, I am tall, so that eliminates probably 80% of the candidates And who said my true love has to live in the same city? I just want to expand my options.

[pacifica]

Sometimes the answer is so plain to see, it's difficult to focus on it.

'Write Many Visit Many'

Reverse your approach. Why emotionally invest on someone you have not met. If you're the adventurer type and would not mind hopping on a plane and spend a long weekend anywhere, USA; pool a few 'interesting' men in a specific area and drop them a line - "Hi, I'll be in town....., I'm interested in an opportunity to meet you in person. Let me know if the feeling is mutual."

...then spend the ensuing time to get a bit of info on each one just enough to keep the interest level warm, never hot so there won't be too much expectation on both sides. If someone peaked your interest after meeting, proceed accordingly. If not: lather, rinse, repeat...

If they ask if you're meeting other men on the trip, don't hesitate to state so matter of factly. Life is meant to be simple.

I see, this is how you pull it off with WMVM Yes, this is a totally different approach, I will need to think about that. So this is either WMVM or WOVO, and it's not a good idea to combine them.

[pacifica]

In the USA, most do not want or look for a long distance relationship.  It is the exception, not the rule.
...
Most ladies weren't interested in someone residing in Best Western room #117.

Well, if you are looking to just date someone, there is no point in troubling yourself with a long-distance relationship, but if you are looking for marriage, then it may be worth the extra effort.

[Jooky]

Not sure how it would work. I wouldn't go out with someone who happens to be in my town and tries to find a date from today to tomorrow. First of all I am busy and need to plan ahead of time, and second, I like to exchange a few emails before going on a date. Doesn't it work the same for guys?

I don't know about other guys, but if I didn't have set plans I'd be up for a same day date. I've been on plenty of same day dates after an email and a brief phone call or chat.

If a girl told me before hand that she was coming to town to meet a guy, but wanted to meet me if things didn't work out, I wouldn't set aside time for her anyways 'just in case', so it'd be the same as if she just showed up. If I don't have plans and she's interesting, sure, I'd go on a date. Or if I do have plans, but she's super hot... plans can always be changed. 

[CanadaMan]

I would suggest to go meet the "one" guy. Be sure to remain independent of him in transportation and lodgings. If that doesn't work out then cut it off immediately. Have other phone numbers as well as your laptop to try to salvage the weekend.

Going to meet "one" guy (WOVO) and having other phone numbers and laptop?
Sounds like a WMVM to me.
Having other phone numbers means that contact has already been made with others or an agency. Whatever it is, it's not a pure WOVO.
If the 'One' has feelers, he may be able to detect that. 

[Shadow]

I don't think there is problem finding more than one guy from the same town. The problem is how to tell them.

If there is no problem in finding more than one guy from one town, then you either invest too much in one guy, or not enough. Have you ever thought of finding a guy who will hop on a plane to meet you instead of the other way around ?

[pacifica]

If there is no problem in finding more than one guy from one town, then you either invest too much in one guy, or not enough.

Well, I meant finding guys to go on a date with, as a backup.

Have you ever thought of finding a guy who will hop on a plane to meet you instead of the other way around ?

As JohnDearGreen said, most people are not looking for a long-distance relationship. If I am the one who contacts them first, then I should be willing to hop on a plane.

Have you ever thought of finding a girl who will hop on a plane to meet you? You are the one who is actively searching, so you are going to visit.

[Brianinaz]

I think there is a bit of difference between dating nationally and internationally. Most people who use the internet to locate partners within the US are looking for someone local whereas if you have posted your profile on a international site you know one of you is moving. For most people here in the US that is just not an option. So, unless you are free to pick up and move I don't know that you are increasing your potential pool by looking outside your area. You may find a few men that are willing to quit their job, sell the house, leave the kids with the ex and see them for a couple of weeks in the summer but you won't be able to find a bunch of "quality" candidates in a given city that will be in that category. Dates sure but relocatable mates; not many.

Some of us here myself included found our way to this for that very reason. It's not that we (I) don't like AW because of some series of bad experiences (I've been fortunate to have known some really wonderful women here in the US) but rather we (I) found that with a limited local dating pool trying to expand our (my) opportunities by looking elsewhere in the US was nonproductive. I met some really cool people outside of my local area and had some fun but in terms of long term relationships the number of people who could/would pick up and move was really small. Given that I wasn't in a position to move myself, the number of realistic "quality" potential partners was much greater across the ocean than across the country.

Since you're on a board that discusses FSU women I will take the liberty of assuming you're from the FSU.
You're in the midwest so, unless you're in Chicago or St Louis then you're in a city of less than 1 million people which is small town by FSU standards. SO, if you want to expand your options and you're free to move then pick a coast and move and then look locally. If you're not free to move then try to figure out a way to improve your search locally. If that isn't working for you then join us in spending a bunch of cash traveling and spending a lot of time writhing and talking to someone who you haven't met in person all to find in a couple of minutes of face time that there's nothing there.

Having said that I wish you all the best. In another thread I read recently someone suggested a "meeting place of sorts" here. You might post some more info on yourself and maybe someone here or someone they know might be the person for you.

[Misha]

For most people here in the US that is just not an option. So, unless you are free to pick up and move I don't know that you are increasing your potential pool by looking outside your area.

Some of us here myself included found our way to this for that very reason. It's not that we (I) don't like AW because of some series of bad experiences (I've been fortunate to have known some really wonderful women here in the US) but rather we (I) found that with a limited local dating pool trying to expand our (my) opportunities by looking elsewhere in the US was nonproductive.

Exactly! In reality I found that it was close to impossible to find a woman willing to even think about relocating in Canada. If a woman is older than 21, has a job that is in her chosen career, is well-adjusted with friends and family, she won't pack up and move to another city 100km away, let alone another province in Canada thousands of kilometers from her home. I imagine that it would be the same thing in the US. When I was looking, I tried expanding my search, and the women that did reply simply told me that they were not interested in a long-distance relationship. They had other options in their cities, and would not consider anybody farther away.

I am guessing that the men that Pacifica would want to date (presumably attractive with very good jobs) would be in the same boat: sure, they will go out on a date if a very attractive woman asks them out. It would be quite the ego boost if such a woman flies to them for a date. However, as you rightfully state, if they have jobs and settled lives, they are not going to move and will expect that Pacifica be the one who relocates.   

[SANDRO43]

If I am the one who contacts them first, then I should be willing to hop on a plane.

I can't speak for AM, but if I had been contacted by and over time got friendly with a good-looking woman such as you - but preferably shorter - from another place in Italy, I'd be more than willing to hop on a car/plane and go visiting her myself , or arrange to meet her in a mutually interesting place midway. Do you hint that you'd welcome a visit, before volunteering to do so yourself?

Brianinaz and Misha make a major point: if your date is promising, then relocating for either of you is unavoidably on a future agenda - bar a few exceptions, here it always meant the woman doing so. Can you/will you do that? The current economic situation does not appear to encourage relocations.

In other words, "expanding your dating pool" now may only produce dates, not much further realistically .