WMVM

[cppd508]

These forums definitely run the gambit of relationships.  Pacifica, I think if your plans are to travel to meet someone for the first time, I think it would be acceptable to follow the WMVM plan.  If a guy expects a woman to make some kind of commitment prior to a first meeting, there are issues with that guy.  I would recommend that you line up two or three guys to visit, that live in the same area for a first meeting.  I wouldn't outright tell the guys about the other men, but if asked, be honest and simply say, "You are keeping your options open for your first visit, but if things go well, on your next visit it will just be the one guy." 

[CanadaMan]

... I wouldn't outright tell the guys about the other men, but if asked, be honest and simply say, "You are keeping your options open for your first visit, but if things go well, on your next visit it will just be the one guy." 

 Or..."You are currently number one on my list!"

[Gylden]

But what if he is #2 on the list?
 

[myrddin]

But what if he is #2 on the list?
 

Simple: Make multiples lists

[Jumper]

I don't lie, so #2 is not an option.

When I date in my own town, I write many and I go on many first dates, there is no problem there. Somehow, as soon as we talking about another location, it becomes a problem...

Pacifica!!
Exactly what many having been saying ,or rather asking here forever..
and I've often asked the question of the members-

Why does the distance of travel change the dating etiquette rules?
(if its just a meeting ,and not coming over for the weekend, i do think the *seriousness* of the planned stay is the real crux.. which is understandable)

but if its just a meeting to see if things might go past coffee and cake..
if its 10 miles, if its 100 ,or if its a 1000.. peoples opinions often change dramatically for what seens no real logical reason.

"what if"
what if it was a RW who was traveling to meet men,
wouldn't WMVM be considered "ok"?
(Particularly if she was using a dating or paying some matchmaking service..it would be expected.)

Noone in 10 years ever actually answered.
So i'm glad a RW finally asked the question!




I think it is fine for you to do, and I would be open at the onset of communication,
 that if things progessed to meet. It is just like dating in your home city,
where if a guy asks you out for friday night ,its really none of *his* busness if you had a date thursday night, or one saturday.

if you tavel to his city ,i'm not sure why tha twould be any different.
if he asked are you seeihg anyone else.

The truthful answer
"That's too personal a question for our current situation "
  
Should be acceptable.It would be to me
(then again i wouldn't ask at that point , i wouldn't feel it an appropriate question in the first place)

It might not be acceptable to some men,and you'd have to recognize
that for what it is.
it may eliminate some good guys, and it may not.
Depending on your own views of why the man felt it wasn't an  acceptable
answer.






 

[Jumper]

Besides, I am tall, so that eliminates probably 80% of the candidates

     
 well now I'm heartbroken!!!  


 
but I do agree with GQBlues..(and Glyden)
That is the style of approach I think would be best for you if you wanted to travel and meet several men in one city..or area
 

[Jumper]

But what if he is #2 on the list?
 

While there are better answers to him asking that question..
If  she answered he was number 2 at the time...

He either has to sack up and be confident enough to know he
will become number one.

or bow out ,
if he doesnt want to be in the competiton or feel he has enough other women interested.

but if he is interested in her specifically,
he needs to face that *dating* is competition plain , and simple.

Some cases he may simply be very confident and it wouldn't bother him ,
 other cases he may be a wuss or desperate and put up with anything for a date with her.

She could certainly determine that easily...?

To hide behind some illusion that a sharp woman isn't dating other people, isn't displaying self esteem ..it's simply self delusion.

If some guy  pushes the issue that she only see him when in town,for a first meeting, does he *really* think some woman he has never met
 may or may not have dated in her home city the week before or after?
(As she should ,if someone is interesting?, and as he should be as well!right?)

Self delusion is ramptant in dating..mostly to massage ones "pride"
Personally i've never fully  understood it.

[myrddin]

He either has to sack up and be confident enough to know he
will become number one.

or bow out ,
if he doesnt want to be in the competiton or feel he has enough other women interested.

but if he is interested in her specifically,
he needs to face that *dating* is competition plain , and simple.

When I first met my AW, she told me very early on that she was dating 2 other guys. 

I told her,  "That's fine.  You won't be for long."

Though I'm honestly not sure how much was bluster and how much was real confidence at the time, I did know one thing for sure: I wasn't giving up.

[GQBlues]

...He either has to sack up and be confident enough to know he
will become number one.

or bow out ,
if he doesnt want to be in the competiton or feel he has enough other women interested.

but if he is interested in her specifically,
he needs to face that *dating* is competition plain , and simple.

Exactly.

The same IMV, applies to FSUW too that FSU-bound AMs need to remember. These are chance meetings. Meetings. What happens, or what develops after that meeting is dealt with accordingly after the initial meeting, but not before.

The caveat however is, if your personality is not built to do a WMVM, stay with being a WOVO. You're only asking for trouble and it will hit you sooner or later.

[Gylden]

"The caveat however is, if your personality is not built to do a WMVM, stay with being a WOVO. You're only asking for trouble and it will hit you sooner or later."

This hits the spot IMO, it is not so important what the guy thinks in this situation, he can take it or leave it as said. What is important is how Pacifica feels about it, if it makes her feel funny, then it is probably good to avoid it, as these feeling usually have something to do with our core values.
 

[spectris]

ok Pacifica - since none of the Hero guys here will do it (they are still suckers for a pretty face maybe?) I will call BS on you!  Really, seriously - an attractive 35 year old woman can't find any acceptable 40+ yr old man to date w/o having to go to another city?  And "backup plan" for a pretty woman?  Umm - let's see; "hair flip", "re-apply makeup", "brush hand against shoulder", "loosen top button" - yes you should definitely have a Back Up Plan!     

Maybe travelling for relationships is so common here that it doesn't seem out of the ordinary but...

C'mon - seriously.

[Gylden]

Spectris,
You must have missed the posts where she said she isn't just looking for a date and that she has no problems getting one.

[Jumper]

ok spectis -

I'm calling BS as well!  why not after all?

As a reasonably successful and handsome guy .Why are you here  looking into FSU women at all?
Or why arn't you already involved with someone locally?

To imply any attractive woman ,has it so easy that she can truly hope to meet a marriage material guy ,a real match to her personality,, (and height heh      ) thru flipping her hair in a public place ??


To get *hit on*? absolutely.
and she's been hit on all her life , like any other attractive woman.

If it was that simple, she wouldn't be single now,
neither would you.

So you strongly imply somethings wrong with her , and you!!! (and me) 
 
or else maybe the truth is its not as nearly as easy as you'd like to pontificate..

You seem to have all the answers ,for men and women both,  yet not be happily married ..
yet expect no one to call BS?

 

I suggest you go in a public place and  just wink at  a few women that are attractive to you ..
oh yeah! loosen to the top button to show a little chest or gold chain..
that should work out just fine.

We just realized there's no need for the forum,or for there to be hundreds of single people in the world !
if everyone would just loosen up their tops.. 

nothing but
:heartafire:

[pacifica]

"The caveat however is, if your personality is not built to do a WMVM, stay with being a WOVO. You're only asking for trouble and it will hit you sooner or later."

This hits the spot IMO, it is not so important what the guy thinks in this situation, he can take it or leave it as said. What is important is how Pacifica feels about it, if it makes her feel funny, then it is probably good to avoid it, as these feeling usually have something to do with our core values.

I think both approaches are fine.

If I plan a trip to another city, and contact a few guys saying I'd be in town and would like to meet them, I would have no problem telling them that I am planning to meet other people too.

If I develop a special connection with someone over emails and phone, and we decide to meet, it should be WOVO.

My question in the OP, as I see it now, appeared because I didn't really think about it, and thought that these two approaches can be combined - go meet one guy, and if it doesn't work out, meet others. But thanks to you, guys, I now realize where I was wrong

[pacifica]

ok Pacifica - since none of the Hero guys here will do it (they are still suckers for a pretty face maybe?) I will call BS on you!  Really, seriously - an attractive 35 year old woman can't find any acceptable 40+ yr old man to date w/o having to go to another city?  And "backup plan" for a pretty woman?  Umm - let's see; "hair flip", "re-apply makeup", "brush hand against shoulder", "loosen top button" - yes you should definitely have a Back Up Plan!     

Maybe travelling for relationships is so common here that it doesn't seem out of the ordinary but...

C'mon - seriously.

Funny  Have I ever said I can't find a date?

[pacifica]

ok spectis -
I'm calling BS as well! 

Thank you, AJ 

[Mars]

Thank you, AJ 

And I thank you as well, AJ.

These boards are plagued with people who do not have elementary reading skills.  They just merely start typing away, misreading what was stated, answering questions that were not asked,  etc.

Even worse are the few intellectually dishonest people here who deliberately misread someone's typed words and use them in a way to try to bring ridicule to the OP.  Misquoting and using only parts of a quote to come up with an entirely different meaning than was intended by the OP is another tactic.

An effective way to limit such persons is for 3rd parties to step up and call the offending person on it, as AJ just did.  This 3rd party approach is more effective than the two parties becoming involved in a mud throw.

[acrzybear]

HHmmmm I see some double standards here. So it's ok for a man to actively travel in search of a woman, but a woman has to stay in her city and wait for a man to show up and sweep her off her feet?  Yeah, I don't think so.

  Pacifica,  As I said earlier just visit a city and if things work out with a person-great, if not then you owe no explanation to anyone it's your life and you should live it as you damn well please.

But I'm just a lowly public servant, what do I know 

[Jumper]

But I'm just a lowly public servant, what do I know 

How to get out of speeding tickets..
it's priceless!

[Gylden]

You see here guys, Pacifica has solve the mystery of the WOVO / WMVM debate.
I hope we remember this for the next time the debate surfaces!

Pacifica:  "If I plan a trip to another city, and contact a few guys saying I'd be in town and would like to meet them, I would have no problem telling them that I am planning to meet other people too.

If I develop a special connection with someone over emails and phone, and we decide to meet, it should be WOVO."

I agree 100%

[acrzybear]

How to get out of speeding tickets..
it's priceless!

AJ

 don't forget envy is a sin  

[Jumper]

You see here guys, Pacifica has solve the mystery of the WOVO / WMVM debate.
I hope we remember this for the next time the debate surfaces!

Pacifica:  "If I plan a trip to another city, and contact a few guys saying I'd be in town and would like to meet them, I would have no problem telling them that I am planning to meet other people too.

If I develop a special connection with someone over emails and phone, and we decide to meet, it should be WOVO."

I agree 100%

Glyden - i agree!!
 and that generally has been what i've posted about his tired old topic for way too many years..lol
That the person(s) involved know if the relationship is simply at an *lets meet and get introduced stage*
 ,or something a bit more involved ,that would dictate a different approach.

Similar if  you are using the introduction agency "its just Lunch" in Chicago..
its just lunch!!!!
wether you travel far or not should NOT matter.

if you have time invested in a relationship thru correspondence.. etc.
it can be different for sure!

If you have to ask yourself which it is ,then it has certainly slipped into a relationship with more investment


 

[Mars]

Pacifica:  "If I plan a trip to another city, and contact a few guys saying I'd be in town and would like to meet them, I would have no problem telling them that I am planning to meet other people too.

If I develop a special connection with someone over emails and phone, and we decide to meet, it should be WOVO."

- - - - - - - - -

Gylden: You see here guys, Pacifica has solve the mystery of the WOVO / WMVM debate. I hope we remember this for the next time the debate surfaces! I agree 100%

- - - - - - - - -

No unfortunately, the mystery has not been solved, for the general case and especially the general case for men doing the traveling.

1. For men doing the traveling: In the 'general case' where they tell each woman that they will be meeting other women . . . they will in actuality meet zero women.

2. For women doing the traveling:  I am not sure as there has not been enough experience reported. I suspect (but no strong proof) that women could  pull it off much more frequently than men could.  i.e. Get several men to agree up front to knowingly 'stand in line and wait their turn.'  Reason being that men would probably feel honored to be chosen for a trip.  Women are used to being chosen, so not so exciting for them.

AJ, what you talk about is something  entirely different.  Where both parties enter into some group understanding the procedures involved as with 'Its just lunch' then it will  work fine.  The analogy would be with 'speed dating' and even with the 'tours' to FSU where the men and women are just thrown together in the same room.

But where the man and woman first are introduced singularly via a marriage agency website or a dating website . . . all rational and logical thought goes entirely out the window . . . for most people; particularly the females.  Once this contact is made; from the woman's viewpoint, she 'owns' you to the exclusion of all others.  We have heard the words of women posted here many times: "You want to meet others: Fine, just count me out."

AJ, it would be a great world and much more in the  way of good matchups would occur if things could proceed as you portray.  Unfortunately, mindsets (particularly of the females) will  not change quickly enough to help those of us who are middle aged and up in the present time.

But for future generations; it will happen.

(Note to AJ: After re-reading your post, I see that you also cover a situation where the relationship may have evolved to a different stage.)

[Faux Pas]

I think both approaches are fine.

If I plan a trip to another city, and contact a few guys saying I'd be in town and would like to meet them, I would have no problem telling them that I am planning to meet other people too.

If I develop a special connection with someone over emails and phone, and we decide to meet, it should be WOVO.

My question in the OP, as I see it now, appeared because I didn't really think about it, and thought that these two approaches can be combined - go meet one guy, and if it doesn't work out, meet others. But thanks to you, guys, I now realize where I was wrong

So you meet and develop a rapport with some guy online from where ever. Several phone calls later you find the guy interesting, find yourself a little giddy and would like to meet him then, he announces he is coming to your town and would like to meet and take you to dinner. A day or so later he mentions he has also been talking and communicating with 2 other women in your city and he wants to meet them while he's there also. He says if all goes well, he'll come back the next week and meet only you. How do you feel about this guy then?

[pacifica]

So you meet and develop a rapport with some guy online from where ever. Several phone calls later you find the guy interesting, find yourself a little giddy and would like to meet him then, he announces he is coming to your town and would like to meet and take you to dinner. A day or so later he mentions he has also been talking and communicating with 2 other women in your city and he wants to meet them while he's there also. He says if all goes well, he'll come back the next week and meet only you. How do you feel about this guy then?

I guess it would depend on the depth of the connection. If we just exchanged a few casual emails, and he happens to travel to my town, then it's fine if he meets other people.

If we have been corresponding for weeks/months, talking about personal things, feelings, goals, etc. and he comes to my town because we are ready to meet, then I would expect to be the only one for that weekend.

Which is the same as I said before, it doesn't matter if it's the man or the woman that does the traveling.