What are Russian women thinking? Perhaps I am stupid in my thinking!!

[vwrw]

That a letter has been read but not replied to suggests to me that there is an "invisible agency" in between. Does not have to mean the woman is fake, just someone is picking up the letters, printing and translating them, then wiritng the asnwer back.
Explains the delay between reading and answering.

I think if your scenario was reality and she cared about Brian’s feelings at least a bit , she would have told him from the beginning that because of all the steps she has to overcome to respond  to him, there would be delays in the  correspondence between them.   

[tfcrew]

She is in her early 40s, never married, and very attractive.

That's rare.   

[Shadow]

I think if your scenario was reality and she cared about Brian’s feelings at least a bit , she would have told him from the beginning that because of all the steps she has to overcome to respond  to him, there would be delays in the  correspondence between them.   

Why should she care about the feelings of a stranger ? 

[Aliya]

You know...a woman in love would not only send you a reply in 24 hours, she'd also make sure to something nice to you (something extra). Women are romantic. Of course i cant say that she is a 100% fake but i certainly wouldnt suggest you to plan your trip according to her and coming over just to meet up with her. What if she disappears the day you come, or the other day? If you're really making a plan of comming over, make sure that she isnt going to leave you there by your own.
Why wouldnt she reply the same day? Was she always like that? If so, probably she doesnt have the internet access all the time. Maybe she was trying to explane this somehow? Did you ever ask her? If you feel unappreciated, tell her about this, ask her whats going on. I easily can believe that she's shy because of her language and thats why she doesnt want a phone conversation. Maybe she is shy to tell you she's involved with somebody else, maybe there is some other reason, but you should ask her first. In this case we may only guess.
I wish you luck!

[TheTraveler]

Several days have gone by.  My email requesting her phone number has been read.  She says she is happy about my coming to visit her in Russia.  I sent her another letter a few days ago but she has not even read it yet.   Does she really want to meet with me?  I am living in la-la land? Are slow responses normal?

She is in her early 40s, never married, and very attractive...

Hi Brian,

If she's very attractive but couldn't land a russian or foreign guy in over 20 years, there's a good chance there's something seriously wrong with her (in addition to being slow to respond to you, which implies that she's disinterested in you).

Are you willing to bet $thousands in travel expenses, your valuable time, and even your future happiness on the idea that she's totally normal when it appears she isn't?

Frankly, I'd dump her and move on.

There's only about a few hundred thousand other available russian women who are looking to get married.  Why not start with one (or more) who demonstrates that she's genuinely interested in you and excited to communicate with you?

[Brianinaz]

Brian

If you're real interested write and tell her you understand her concern about her English skills and tell her you will call with a translator so she can speak in Russian. Ask for her number again. If you get it then set up the call and take it from there. If not well then you have your answer and move on. Also, the advise on not putting all your eggs in one basket at this stage is very good advise. As, for what a RW will do if she's "in love" really isn't applicable here as you have written for 5 weeks and have never met. She dosen't know you from a hole in the wall.

Brian

[Brian]

It turns out that she can only access a computer at work, and only 2 - 3 times a week.

Then she needs to translate the letters.  Some RW say they speak English fair or good.  My experience is not really or perhaps might know 100 words.

It seems that internet is everywhere in North America --  Russia way different.

At least she says she is very interested in meeting me.   

She seems sincere. 

This is like fishing in the ocean.  You drop your hook not knowing what will bite (or in my situation, hoping someone will).

[CanadaMan]

You know...a woman in love would not only send you a reply in 24 hours, she'd also make sure to something nice to you (something extra). Women are romantic. Of course i cant say that she is a 100% fake but i certainly wouldnt suggest you to plan your trip according to her and coming over just to meet up with her. What if she disappears the day you come, or the other day? ...

Aliya who said anything about love?
Brian's woman certainly didn't.

[Leelou]

I'm facing a bit of the same problem.... though I think this perception of time is also reinforced by the number of contacts that you created... I am very difficult and kinda picky concerning choosing ladies, and in 4 months of EM I just got to have contacts with one. The others I just figured out after a couple of words that they weren't my type, had a few obvious scammers, others we stopped the conversation because we quickly realized we didn't want the same thing though the contacts were nice.

The one I write to is nice and very interesting. The thing is that she is older than me. She's from Moscow, degree of medecine, works for a pharmaceutical company... Speaks english really well, she practices in her job, and is a cutie I think.

We used to have a good rythm for letters, 3 per weeks, until some time ago when she started to reply more and more slowly. She told me she is very busy with her work, thing that I can believe seen the position she has, but still sometimes it is anoying... But she always reopen the conversation, asks questions...
I also will go to Russia in the beginning of the year and she knows it, so no mystery from me. I might even have to stay permanently in Moscow for a while because of my job.

Of course it would be different if I had others ladies on the list.... But I am young, only uses this service as an experience and not as an exclusive, which makes me surely more demanding... Don't know 

[AnastasiaL]

Leelou
there might be many reasons of her late replies.....

I just have a question  - do  you exchange only e-mails? Hve you been using skype or other similar proggrammes like MSN, ICQ?
Have you ever called her or videochat?

[Leelou]

Leelou
there might be many reasons of her late replies.....

I just have a question  - do  you exchange only e-mails? Hve you been using skype or other similar proggrammes like MSN, ICQ?
Have you ever called her or videochat?

Hi 

Right now we only write emails yes, though we exchanged our Skype adresses, but I still haven't got the occasion to speak with her there... She just wrote me a long letter a few days ago, she went to Vietnam for holidays as she told me in another letter, she sent pictures too... I don't know if now she will start writing more as before, but I will surely insist to have a phone conversation soon.
Now I am also writing with another lady, very interesting too... but it just started 2 days ago so we'll see.

[mrs.Shadow]

Hello, Brian

I have more scheme vision to this things.

1. If woman is not responding immediately, pay attention to her as a possible interesting person to meet/continue relations. As that are only scammers and prodaters have a ready letters on all situations.
She is not in a perfect English though even with the really good English Russians will not always write immediately.
As the e-mail is still considered as MAIL and not a CHAT. And for Russian woman it means she HAS A TIME to think it over, to understand correct, find out what to answer, how to write (not native language) and etc.
Besides it woman will waste her time on E-MAILS after all other things she will do.
2. But if she is not answering a long time, start searching for another person. As this is a sign that she is not interested in you any more. As Russian women have that habit - better do not answer at all then to say negative things to the corresponding man.

[tfcrew]

Hello, Brian

I have more scheme vision to this things.

  better do not answer at all then to say negative things to the corresponding man.

I believe that Brian has been inactive since his post started last year.

However, this nuance of internet relationships has hardly/seldom been discussed. 
We all are aware that the guy usually initiates the communication.
I did with an Indonesian lady.
Any number of circumstances can squelch the email responses from either party.
When I stopped writing to that lady she started up with this head trip.
Cyber-stalking in effect.
'Was I angry?...did I find a prettier girl?' etc
Ultimately, I found a solid, stable lady to marry.

What happened w/Brian?
He could not possibly find another more wonderful forum than we!

  .....Karl

[AnastasiaL]

Leelou
Thats really strange you havent have skype calls or video yet.
in my IMHO - she is not that interested in correspondence with you. Or maybe she wants more action from you. I know  its a bit difficult when living so far away form each other, but still.
But good of her - she continues e-mailing you.

P.S. once i stopped writing with one man when there were no talks about meeting and so on. He was living not so far from me.

Time passing very quick and not many people have lot of time for long communication. Sometimes you feel that all that letters are unreal and people too 

Now I am also writing with another lady, very interesting too... but it just started 2 days ago so we'll see.

Thats great!

[mies]

You know...a woman in love would not only send you a reply in 24 hours, she'd also make sure to something nice to you...

Aliya,

1. this woman is 20 years older than you, she could be your mom
2. you don't know where she is, where she works and how many jobs she has, and whether she has computer with internet at home.

I think it's a bit of a stretch to imply that completely different person will have same reactions and options as you do.

on Brian's question - imho, for him or any other man in similar circumstances, it's not worth it paying too much attention to 20-something girls. The smaller age gap would be much more realistic.

there is a soviet-time joke. A foreigner comes to Moscow, at the time of deficit of goods, and tries to buy few things. So first he wants to buy some apparel. He asks in a store, and the salesclerk tells him: "no, you cannot find it in Moscow." So the foreigner inquires further "but is it possible?" And the salesclerk answers: "In Principle - it is possible"
The days go by, and the foreigner cannot find in the stores the items that he needs, or cannot get tickets to the performances that he wants to attend. And every time he receives the same answer: "you cannot buy it here and now, but in Principle, it is possible to get it."
So on the final day of the trip, the hosts ask him if there is anything else he would like to see. And he says: "sure, i really want to go to the store called "Principle" to see where russian people get goods."

How this joke applies to the question about 20+ russian girls? In Principle, it is possible that a young "eye-candy" girl will fall for the type of guy as Brian described himself. But it's either going to be a very random (and rare) luck, or there will be too many additional strings attached, and "underwater currents" going on. From a girl's point of view - in Principle, it is possible that she will find herself attracted to a much older and average-looking guy IF.... (he qualifies for X, Y, and Z), but in Reality and in most cases, this isn't going to happen, just as it wasn't possible to come to store and buy a specific item during the deficit times in USSR.

[Leelou]

Leelou
Thats really strange you havent have skype calls or video yet.
in my IMHO - she is not that interested in correspondence with you. Or maybe she wants more action from you. I know  its a bit difficult when living so far away form each other, but still.
But good of her - she continues e-mailing you.

P.S. once i stopped writing with one man when there were no talks about meeting and so on. He was living not so far from me.

Time passing very quick and not many people have lot of time for long communication. Sometimes you feel that all that letters are unreal and people too 
Thats great!

I was thinking the same, but I always made clear I'd be soon in Russia... In less than 2 months, I'm there for vacation and then I stay more time for my job... So from my part, there is always been talk about meeting, since I go visiting her city...
I guess she might get more into it when I will have bought my tickets... very soon
But I have to say I always got a certain type of approach... I won't go in a particular city for a Lady... I always saw this as going for visiting and sightseeing, and then if there is possibility to meet someone along the way, it's great. This is one of the reaons why I don't write to Ladies who live in smaller and isolated cities, it's not part of my philosophy about this. I guess it's a choice every person that uses that kind of services makes, depending on your priorities about traveling.

[mies]

I was thinking the same, but I always made clear I'd be soon in Russia... In less than 2 months, I'm there for vacation and then I stay more time for my job... So from my part, there is always been talk about meeting, since I go visiting her city...
I guess she might get more into it when I will have bought my tickets... very soon
But I have to say I always got a certain type of approach... I won't go in a particular city for a Lady... I always saw this as going for visiting and sightseeing, and then if there is possibility to meet someone along the way, it's great. This is one of the reaons why I don't write to Ladies who live in smaller and isolated cities, it's not part of my philosophy about this. I guess it's a choice every person that uses that kind of services makes, depending on your priorities about traveling.

1) so did you try to call her on skype and she refused  your call, or are you waiting until she will call you?
2) if you are seeing her as a "possibility" and a "sightseeing +", she probably feels it. One thing is enjoying conversations with a penpal/online friend, another thing is going out of way to spend more time/get closer with the person whom you love. If you treat her as an online friend, maybe a bit of flirt, I'm sure she understands what is this all about. And it is understandable why she does not want to fall for you, and why you aren't her "priority #1" in life. She is a "definitely maybe" for you, you are a "definitely maybe" for her. I think this is only fair. Wouldn't you agree?  
Plus, if you are young, as you said, you may be in your "exploring" mode for quite a few years. While she might be ready to get a family and is interested in someone who is also ready to commit. The fact that you are a Belgian citizen, and that you might be visiting Moscow, or even living there for job, would not help her reach her goal of getting married or having children (if she wants children). You may be perfectly good and fun for casual dating or maybe even living together while/if you come to Moscow, but not meet the eligibility criteria for "husband candidate".

[Leelou]

1) so did you try to call her on skype and she refused  your call, or are you waiting until she will call you?
2) if you are seeing her as a "possibility" and a "sightseeing +", she probably feels it. One thing is enjoying conversations with a penpal/online friend, another thing is going out of way to spend more time/get closer with the person whom you love. If you treat her as an online friend, maybe a bit of flirt, I'm sure she understands what is this all about. And it is understandable why she does not want to fall for you, and why you aren't her "priority #1" in life. She is a "definitely maybe" for you, you are a "definitely maybe" for her. I think this is only fair. Wouldn't you agree?  
Plus, if you are young, as you said, you may be in your "exploring" mode for quite a few years. While she might be ready to get a family and is interested in someone who is also ready to commit. The fact that you are a Belgian citizen, and that you might be visiting Moscow, or even living there for job, would not help her reach her goal of getting married or having children (if she wants children). You may be perfectly good and fun for casual dating or maybe even living together while/if you come to Moscow, but not meet the eligibility criteria for "husband candidate".

I never saw her connected on Skype yet... Though she knows I added her, since it's herself who gave me her adress.

I am not treating anyone as an "online friend", I treat her as someone I never met in my life. I don't think anything in this can be perceived as a lack of interest, since I spend a lot of time writing her detailed letters about myself and how my life is. Yes, I don't see her as a number 1 priority, simply because I still haven't met her in person like I explained previously. And to answer to your question, it is fair that I am not No.1 for her right now, the opposite would be questionable.
Being young doesn't mean you can't commit with the right person if you find it. And it also doesn't mean you should throw yourself into the arms of the first person found.

I have no problem if I can't be perceived as an interesting "candidate"... but our correspondence just isn't going in that direction. When she had not replied me for a while, I just sent her my personal email saying that if she was interested in this, she could write me there. She did, even apologizing for not having written for a while because of job reasons.
She always continued the writing, always saying she would write me after her travels, ect,...
I have no element that would allow myself to question the truth of her writing. I think that yes, she might be a very busy person and just can't find time to write more often. But in the same time, if I was not interesting at all, why would she keep on writing to me since she could just stop and drop it with no harm. Same thing if I was just a fun activity.
My only question is about the fact we write now for a significant time, but we haven't had other kind of contacts and there is no way this could go further if we never have an occasion to talk.

[mies]

i see..
if i were you, i'd plainly ask her: "i would like to call you, when is the best time? i can call on skype or phone."

[Leelou]

i see..
if i were you, i'd plainly ask her: "i would like to call you, when is the best time? i can call on skype or phone."

Yes I agree with you. This is what I will ask next time I am in touch with her. 

[mies]

 

[Chicagoguy]

Hi Brian,

If she's very attractive but couldn't land a russian or foreign guy in over 20 years, there's a good chance there's something seriously wrong with her (in addition to being slow to respond to you, which implies that she's disinterested in you).

My wife was 53 when we met and is very cute and super sweet. She was very happy with her family and many friends PLUS she couldn't stand Russian men. Only when she got a computer and the Internet did she think about other possiblities.

[Ger]

I've read the thread and I'd like to comment that I don't believe pauses of even a week or two between letters are necessarily indicative of disinterest, insincerity, or in the worst case a scam. (And I had my run-ins with scammers as well.) During my initial correspondences with ladies, and before I fully understood the playing field, I exchanged letters with several ladies who also expressed great interest, yet didn't write often and refused any form of voice communication. They typically also requested that email correspondences last only a brief period before meeting in person. The reason behind this is that these women used someone to translate for them (not necessarily a translating service, but sometimes just a friend.) Of course, skype would then be useless unless an electronics translator is at hand. They were therefore also afraid to use a phone or skype voice, and let's face it - even some who speak relatively good English aren't too confident about their accents, or their command over your 1st language and even fear that they might be rejected for it.










 

[Fiona]

She said in her letters that many men write to her but the men never go to Ukraine for a visit.  I could sense her frustration in not being interested in a lot of letter writing.

- - - - - - -

This is a common misconception with FSU women.  Fact is, a lot of men do visit on WMVM trips.  However, such men prioritize the women they have been writing to.  Of course they do not always meet with all of the women they wrote to.

And guess who doesn't get a visit?  The women who wrote uninteresting letters, consistently replied late, complained in their letters about not liking to write letters, complained in their letters that men only wrote and didn't actually travel, etc., etc.

I had several who replied to my first intro letter with a short message saying:  "I don't like to write letters, here is my phone number, call me when you arrive in my city."

I never met with a single one of those ladies.  Didn't have any spare time after meeting with ladies who were willing to take the time and effort to communicate beforehand so we could learn more about each other and determine some minimum level of compatibility.

[Fiona]

You never met a single of those ladies?.... I told my future husband the same thing :"Call me if you're interested, I'm not interested in writing long letters". And may be he was smart enough to understand that ANY level of compatibility can be established only when you hear smb's voice, have a lot to share, laugh etc on the phone, not in emails. And after all, you are most probable to establish "compatibility" with the interpreter who's writing those letter and you never know if your woman speaks English at all unless you talk to her on the phone.