What are Russian women thinking? Perhaps I am stupid in my thinking!!

[GoodOlBoy]

I told my future husband the same thing: "Call me if you're interested, I'm not interested in writing long letters".

Hello Fiona and welcome to RWD.
My wife said the same exact thing to me.
Later, I found out why.
She received almost 2000 eoi's, e-mails, winks, etc. etc. when she first posted her profile on the internet over 8 years ago.
She showed me some of them.
Many of them were absolutely disgusting (asking for naked pictures, explicit sex talk, money for sex, etc.)
Sadly, there are a lot of "keyboard" creeps in this world.

GOB

[Faux Pas]

I've read the thread and I'd like to comment that I don't believe pauses of even a week or two between letters are necessarily indicative of disinterest, insincerity, or in the worst case a scam.

There's several schools of thought on that particular subject and probably, none of them wrong. For certain though, when one doesn't hear from a prospective match in a week or so, the relationship certainly isn't on the fast track. When such is the case the correspondence tends to lose it's luster and go limp pretty quick. IMO, it is always and in all cases, adventageous to move to phone and Skype as soon as possible.

 

even some who speak relatively good English aren't too confident about their accents, or their command over your 1st language and even fear that they might be rejected for it.

Probably the exception and not the rule.










 


[/quote]

[Ger]

I agree with you in general, but I am merely pointing out that it is not sufficient reason to jump to conclusions about sincerity/interest. I myself can become too busy or unavailable due to travel at times and then put communication on hold until the weekend, for instance. However, for good communication, to avoid misunderstandings, and for the sake of being polite, it makes sense to let the other party know what is happening. Since this is part of my own belief system, I looked for someone who behaves hence believes the same as I do. For example, if she is late - does she brush it off or does she let me know in advance/apologize/provide a reasonable explanation...?

I think in general one has to separate the circumstantial evidence (i.e. long pauses) from behavior and character. One also has to decide what you are willing to put up with and what you can't. If long pauses causes you to be unhappy, anxious or something, and a reasonable solution can't be found, then it's probably better to just end it.

As far as confidence regarding language and accent, my lady speaks good English, but expressed several times before we actually talked that she is afraid I might not like her accent and that I should know her english is not good. The truth is I love the accents from FSU region and we turned out to be able to talk non-stop no problem.

On a side note -  I read a post somewhere by Lily commenting that someone had told her she might have done better career-wise (I think) had her accent been better. (Forgive me Lily if I am paraphrasing, but that was the gist of how I understood your comment). It is sad that someone gave her this kind of feedback, for it is completely false and I don't know why anyone would want to plant this idea in her head. People with strong foreign accents and less-than-perfect command over the local language are hardly ever at a disadvantage because of it, unless they're trying to be a radio host or an actress or something where a local accent is actually part of the job. My own job requires public speaking and I've addressed crowds of 60,000+ with my very strong accent and imperfect English at times.

 

[Faux Pas]

Ger

My experience with the Russians that I have met personally in Russia is they are very anxious to try out and use their english and accent be dammed. Usually regardless of how much they actually know. On several instances I have been sought out, spoken to and asked to "judge" the level of someone's english. I only suppose it's because they don't particularly trust english speaking Russians opinion on their proficiency. Honestly, some of it was horrendous and much I couldn't even understand but I tried. Most all appreciated and were thankful to try. There were some that spoke very proficiently and others that tried and while they had a few words, their Russian accent was just too thick to be understood, by me anyway.

edit to add: Most all were supremely confident that they have excellent skills

[groovlstk]

People with strong foreign accents and less-than-perfect command over the local language are hardly ever at a disadvantage because of it, unless they're trying to be a radio host or an actress or something where a local accent is actually part of the job. My own job requires public speaking and I've addressed crowds of 60,000+ with my very strong accent and imperfect English at times.

Ger, I'm on the same page w/most of what you wrote, but I think the line above is a little idealistic. My wife had very good English when we married but it took her years to learn the colloquialisms of her profession and communicate well with clients. Particularly difficult for her at first was understanding non-native English speakers over the phone. (Since we live just outside NYC, this applies to a good portion of her clients.)

I'd also say that one of the barriers that surprised me (and I see this in many new Russian immigrants) was simply confidence.

[Ger]

Yep. It must also have a lot to do with exactly where an immigrant ends up. In USA there can be a big difference between a cosmopolitan town/city and a small rural place with hardly any internationals living there.  

Now I don't live in a big city - in a rather small town actually. However, it is very cosmopolitan and I work with many internationals who move here. I myself was one with poor English about a decade and a half ago. It takes a couple of years to overcome just the language barrier completely, but less than a year is sufficient to get past the major obstacles. It is amazing to see progress and how well people adapt.

I will say this: I myself still have trouble understanding people from the deep south, american children and when using a cell phone (poor sound quality and having an accent definitely makes it worse).  

This is far off-topic now but it's an interesting discussion.

[Ger]

One more thing: All the FSU women I know who have lived in USA for some time have shared one thing in common: They tend to swallow their words. On a cell phone this can be a nightmare unless they train themselves to pronounce words more slowly and clearly.

[ML]

And after all, you are most probable to establish "compatibility" with the interpreter who's writing those letter and you never know if your woman speaks English at all unless you talk to her on the phone.

In general you have a good point.

In my specific case, I never write to those who use an interpreter.  I push to get an answer about English skills in the first couple of messages; and I press the issue again after 4-5 emails.  Most who are faking their English skills will drop out at that point.

And yes, phone calls come at some point . . . after the woman has shown her interest by sending 6-8 emails that answer a lot of basic questions.

[Sia]

I would like to say the personal opinion.
In a situation of the author of a theme it is possible to draw following conclusions:

1-not the most pleasant,ask to forgive  me before,,,, The woman isn't interested for all hundred percent in the man. Otherwise it would be more active in correspondence and would write a large quantity of letters as she speaks in English

2- it there could be not a successful period in life and elementary not a grasp of time on long deep on a content of the letter to the opponent. Such happens. All of us people. Nobody is insured from banal not free time grasps. Especially in Russia when you should work, watch yourself help children-parents-kittens-grandfathers-grandmothers-girlfriends-blah blah somebody else... I try to joke. Forgive me.

3- It not yours. So too happens in life. The destiny meaningly plants people in the parties because it not your person intended to you God. It is the difficult concept for man's understanding. But so happens.
There is an interest, chemistry, and then something such occurs also communication is broken off. In your case, both of you have ceased to be actively interested to each other.
 Love not probably to keep one hand, there should be a participation of the partner-it the law!.Game in one collar never happens eternal.

I can tell by the experience. When I liked the man from other country, I found free time in the sated vital schedule to send it the short sms on phone to give to know IM HERE with you in your thoughts..You in my heartn in my soul ,Im with you, I think of you.... I haven't forgotten.... I didn't sleep only to see at night it and to tell - Hello My Man How are u?

Unfortunately, often our good relation both our love and tenderness don't estimate. But there are pluses, that who will estimate-is fast will be a near))) It is necessary only not to despond and continue to search for the one correct person and not to surrender

[Forever Optimistic]

Are slow responses normal?  Is the Russian woman just doing this because she is not really interested in me?  I am 57; divorced; average looking or less; stable work; faithful; non-smoking; and non-drinking.  She is in her early 40s, never married, and very attractive.

I believed that I received a lot of attention from different ladies (several 24 to 32 years of age which surprised me).  I figure that an attractive woman like her must have received many letters.  She said she liked me the best.

The slow response is because of something you have likely heard a dozen times already: the majority of men writing to RW are keyboard Romeos. This woman knows it from her age and experience. Her response is slow not only because of the language barrier but also because she knows most contacts go nowhere.

Young women having an eagerness to meet is not as unusual as you might think. Despite all the stuff you read about large age differences, young people are risk takers. Young women are thrilled by the possibility of international travel. They know that they have little to lose at their age.

You are doing well. Give the 40+ woman a bit more time, but do not make her a top priority in your search to find someone compatible.

[Sia]

Young women having an eagerness to meet is not as unusual as you might think. Despite all the stuff you read about large age differences, young people are risk takers. Young women are thrilled by the possibility of international travel. They know that they have little to lose at their age.

It is possible to disagree with you? Would like to ask you when young age begins with what figure and where comes to an end?
You believe that the youth is defect and absence of brain activity or level of a hen?
I do not wish to arrange fight in this point in question, you are possible is right. Some young Ladies from the former Union in a pursuit of beautiful dream are ready on brave acts and often play love with adult men believing that those will throw their brilliants and fur coats because they are young and attractive. Yes such it is possible. But if the man is wise and skilled similar divorce on money it will notice from the first letters or after first Skype chat.
It already a problem of perception of the man.
And still, why you put a dot in the end a category of girls which can be young beautiful and SMART? They also as well as many wish to be favourite and happy and they do not want to be "in marriage for the country", and wish to be with man who serious decent and focused on a family.
Such combination meets,really .
And such girls exist in the nature instead of utopian fiction :-)

[Muzh]

Sia, I love your perspective. Not to mention your avatar.

[Gator]

I can tell by the experience. When I liked the man from other country, I found free time in the sated vital schedule to send it the short sms on phone to give to know IM HERE with you in your thoughts..You in my heartn in my soul ,Im with you, I think of you.... I haven't forgotten.... I didn't sleep only to see at night it and to tell - Hello My Man How are u?

Unfortunately, often our good relation both our love and tenderness don't estimate. But there are pluses, that who will estimate-is fast will be a near))) It is necessary only not to despond and continue to search for the one correct person and not to surrender

As Muzh wrote, I also enjoy your way of expressing these positive thoughts.  Refreshing.

And still, why you put a dot in the end a category of girls which can be young beautiful and SMART? They also as well as many wish to be favourite and happy and they do not want to be "in marriage for the country", and wish to be with man who serious decent and focused on a family.
Such combination meets,really .
And such girls exist in the nature instead of utopian fiction :-)

My impression is that you are describing yourself. Admirable qualities.  Good luck with your search for the "correct one."

[Sia]

Sia, I love your perspective. Not to mention your avatar.

You to drive me to paint my face now the same color as the avatar on my profile :hipdude:
Absolute compliance with my photo shoot and this time when I'm home in my pajamas(pls its big big secret).
Or is it a fact that not all blondes are thinking only and silicone and Botox injections?)))
Anyway...
Our world its wonderful ball, even if it is strongly shaken but not too much

[Sia]

As Muzh wrote, I also enjoy your way of expressing these positive thoughts.  Refreshing.

My impression is that you are describing yourself. Admirable qualities.  Good luck with your search for the "correct one."

Hi! As an educated young woman(hope young aghrrr, the autor dindt answer on my question still) with some experience I can only answer for myself and sharing personal store of knowledge and life story about me.Thats why of course I'm talking about itself. I trying to protect the younger generation of females with brains and a head which not only eat or wear hair curlers
 

[Gator]

Absolute compliance with my photo shoot and this time when I'm home in my pajamas(pls its big big secret).

This should flutter the heart of available men.  Because you shared your secret, some men may want to give you a Secret  (Secret as something from Victoria's Secret).

[Muzh]

You to drive me to paint my face now the same color as the avatar on my profile :hipdude:

No fair!! Now you have to send me a picture.

Absolute compliance with my photo shoot and this time when I'm home in my pajamas(pls its big big secret).

Not of the pajamas, just the makeup.  

Or is it a fact that not all blondes are thinking only and silicone and Botox injections?)))

that's a big NET!

My wife is going to kill me if I keep on with this flirting.  

[Sia]

This should flutter the heart of available men.  Because you shared your secret, some men may want to give you a Secret  (Secret as something from Victoria's Secret).

Well ....heh
as usual I was late everywhere! Women's Day is over, today March 10: '(
I will listen to Kings of Leon Use somebody, always helps to cope with surging emotions.
Eh Russian inexplicable soul ..... do not need her elegant silk lingerie sex, passion and experience Give.

[hon_bun]

She usually takes 3 to 5 days to respond to my letters.  I respond to her letters within 24 hours.   She says she likes my letters and what I say.  She suggests about talking on the phone but is nervous because of her “bad” English.  I  My email requesting her phone number has been read.  She says she is happy about my coming to visit her in Russia.  I sent her another letter a few days ago but she has not even read it yet.   Does she really want to meet with me?  I am living in la-la land?

I'd say it could be scam. First of all, there is an agency in between. Secondly, the agency doesn't want you to call the lady because then you'll exchange e-mails and your payments to the agency will stop. Also... a very attractive 40-years old Russian woman who has never been married? Hm.... I'd doubt that. Sorry if I'm being too straightforward but I used to know someone who worked for an agency like that and that's exactly what they did (and are still doing?) to people. They BS them big time.

[Forever Optimistic]

It is possible to disagree with you? Would like to ask you when young age begins with what figure and where comes to an end?
You believe that the youth is defect and absence of brain activity or level of a hen?

Hold on there! I never said that youth is a defect. What in the world gave you such a ridiculous idea?

You are looking in the mirror instead of reading my words. Before you accuse me of believing youth is a defect you should examine the absence of your own brain activity. You acted on impulse instead of analysis.

What I wrote was based on literlly dozens of observations and contacts, including several relationships I have had with girls in their 20's -- not to mention the 4 such relationships I have had in the past 5 years.

[I/O]

F/O: Have you thought of taking a guided tour?

[Sia]

Hold on there! I never said that youth is a defect. What in the world gave you such a ridiculous idea?

You are looking in the mirror instead of reading my words. Before you accuse me of believing youth is a defect you should examine the absence of your own brain activity. You acted on impulse instead of analysis.

What I wrote was based on literlly dozens of observations and contacts, including several relationships I have had with girls in their 20's -- not to mention the 4 such relationships I have had in the past 5 years.

Hello! Everyone sees what they wants to see.or example maybe Somebody who "Optimistic (?really?)" saw the momentum  direct agressiion.I just asked about the criteria of age qualification. Do not confuse the eggs and God's Gift. In any case, I wish you good luck!

[Muzh]

Hold on there! I never said that youth is a defect. What in the world gave you such a ridiculous idea?

You are looking in the mirror instead of reading my words. Before you accuse me of believing youth is a defect you should examine the absence of your own brain activity. You acted on impulse instead of analysis.

Boy F/O, you hear what you want to hear and disregard the rest. Excellent formula for success. NOT.

The woman should know, don't you think?

And then you top the sundae with this cherry.

What I wrote was based on literlly dozens of observations and contacts, including several relationships I have had with girls in their 20's -- not to mention the 4 such relationships I have had in the past 5 years.

Four such relationships (with a bunch of girls) in 5 years. Wow. You're ready to substitute for Dr. Phil now.

[Faux Pas]

Boy F/O, you hear what you want to hear and disregard the rest. Excellent formula for success. NOT.

The woman should know, don't you think?

And then you top the sundae with this cherry.

Four such relationships (with a bunch of girls) in 5 years. Wow. You're ready to substitute for Dr. Phil now.

+1

[Gator]

What I wrote was based on literlly dozens of observations and contacts, including several relationships I have had with girls in their 20's -- not to mention the 4 such relationships I have had in the past 5 years.

If your definition of relationship is conventional, that is a HUGE number of failures.   Is there a common thread with the failure of so many relationships? 

Some example answers:

1.  Each woman realized that with you she would lose more than a little? [parallel with your statement that "...young people are risk takers.... They know that they have little to lose at their age."]


2.  Each went with you on a international trip and you then dumped them?  [parallel with your statement that  "Young women are thrilled by the possibility of international travel.]


3.  They dumped you after one trip?

4.  It was the woman's fault because each disagreed with your opinions?

5.  None met your definition of optimistic?