Almost-total newbie here ...

[Gator]

I will not divert this thread to discuss why I abhor cats.  I just hope that cat owners do not allow them to roam free.  If you do, shame!

Scientific studies actually show that each year, cats kill hundreds of millions of migratory songbirds.....University of Wisconsin ornithologist, Dr. Santley Temple estimates that 20-150 million songbirds are killed each year by rural cats in Wisconsin alone.

Feline predation is not "natural." Cats were domesticated by the ancient Egyptians and taken throughout the world by the Romans. Cats were brought to North America in the 1800's to control rats. The "tabby" that sits curled up on your couch is not a natural predator and has never been in the natural food chain in the Western Hemisphere.

[SANDRO43]

I have sometimes thought it would be cool to organize a newbie trip for shy guys and get a couple old farts to go along and keep them out of too much trouble.. not a profit making venture.. just a guided trip..

Such as what Taz did with Myriddin & Swisskid (Triple Trip Report in the RWDpedia)?

[Sculpto]

Such as what Taz did with Myriddin & Swisskid (Triple Trip Report in the RWDpedia)?

yup.. along those lines..

as it turns out.. an opportunity developed today.. still isn't matured.. but I may be able to do some work in Samara with a buddy.. way too hard to explain the details and its still in the exploratory phase.. but we have a potential client.. should this evolve into an actual project.. a little tour could easily be hitched onto the back or front of it.. anyway.. more later.

[veritas]

BTW, after a couple hours of med-induced sleep, I'm BACK and feeling better now ...

You shouldn't have any trouble finding a long term relationship after you:

1. Get Well.

2. Find work.

3. Understand the way this process works and get the appropriate [for you] strategies, filters and radar settings in place.

Well, all RIGHTY then!!!  I guess I should "book my trip" for next WEEK!!! 

Seriously, though, I get what you're saying ... Thanks, ECOCKS ...

CATS?!? Boo-hoo to Gator for shunning the wonderful feelings cats give you unconditionally. 

Yeah, REALLY!!!

A lot of good folks are here and willing to help you on your journey. You should be fully aware of that fact by now. I, personally, will do what I can and answer any question you may have whenever you find the need.

That's really good of ya, GQBlues ... I do appreciate it ...   And the same goes for the rest of y'all, too ...

When the time is right and you're better prepared for the journey, I believe FSU will be a great experience for you. The one thing I like about you, compared to the very many, is you seem true about yourself. For one, you haven't yet laid the blame on AWs as a reason why you're looking in FSU. But instead you're honest and ready to own up to what ails your current situation.

That is so, so cool in my book, thus you're pretty darn cool, too! 

So it's NOT just the "cat thing", HUH?? 

Thanks muchly, GQBlues ... You -- and everyone else who's helped me on here -- are "pretty darn cool" in MY book, TOO ...

What does your therapist say about Russian women?

I was married for 25-years to a clinically depressed spouse, the mother of my sons.  If you are anything like her, I would say stay away from the FSU.

Few RW understand clinical depression and other psychological disorders.  I caution you:  DO NOT explain your condition to a RW until you feel really comfortable and connected with a particular woman.

My therapist only knows about D-M, so far ... In fact, HE'S the one who told me to Google for D-M and scams ...

Wow ... 25 YEARS with someone THAT depressed??  You must be a SAINT, Gator ...
I'm not sure whether I'm "anything like her" or not ...

As for explaining my depression to RW -- well, THAT'S something I did NOT put in my profile ... Fully agree there ...

Kevin

[OlgaH]

Kevin,

according to MIMN statistics for 2005 an estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older — about one in four adults — suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder. I guess during the crises the percentage did not fall but went up. Be glad that you are not among 2.2 million people in USA who suffer from schizophrenia   (btw the overall U.S. 2002 cost of schizophrenia was estimated to be $62.7 billion, with $22.7 billion excess direct health care cost ($7.0 billion outpatient, $5.0 billion drugs, $2.8 billion inpatient, $8.0 billion long-term care)

Depression... every time when we get the bills I get a depression thinking that the time flies by to fast, it seams I paid all the bills yesterday.    Every month bills are new but I'm getting older    

I think I need a therapy. Dave, what do ya think?

[veritas]

according to MIMN statistics for 2005 an estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older — about one in four adults — suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder. I guess during the crises the percentage did not fall but went up. Be glad that you are not among 2.2 million people in USA who suffer from schizophrenia  

Thanks, Olga ... Yes, I AM glad that I'm not schizophrenic -- or manic-depressive (bipolar), either ...

Kevin

[OlgaH]

I'm not either, thanks God, but you know... nobody can be so sure...    at least concerning Alzheimer    And maybe when I will be old like Earth:

"Darling, do you remember a name of that German man who was bothering me for so long time? - Alzheimer, granny, his name was Alois Alzheimer..."

[Daveman]

Depression... every time when we get the bills I get a depression thinking that the time flies by to fast, it seams I paid all the bills yesterday.    Every month bills are new but I'm getting older    

I think I need a therapy. Dave, what do ya think?

yes indeed, Olga.. you would greatly benefit from Do-It-Yourself-At-Home Gestalt therapy.. throw the bills in a chair and scream at them for 15 minutes each month.. 

I think it's time for kev's first test.. 

Kevin.. I don't like you, man!   :evil:  (everyone watch the news tomorrow. let's see if he snaps!)

[veritas]

Kevin.. I don't like you, man!   :evil:

Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!   I wake up, get some coffee, and find THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How COULD you, Dave??  And to think that I counted you as a TRUE FRIEND!!!

Well, I don't like YOU *OR* your cat!!!  :evil:

And now I'm afraid that I'm gonna hafta pull a "djgothman" on y'all and just DEPART this travail of tears!!!

Kevin 

P.S.  If "djgothman" really DID do that -- I'm only on page 3 of 13 -- then my bad for saying that ... 

[Sculpto]

I think Kevin needs a girl like this to get his chakras aligned..

[possum]

I think Kevin needs a girl like this to get his chakras aligned..

Nah, she's more djgothman's type..

[veritas]

I think Kevin needs a girl like this to get his chakras aligned..

WOW!!!  The HELL with "chakras" -- just give me MORE!!! 

Nah, she's more djgothman's type..

NO, NO, NO!!!  Sculpto's right -- she's EXACTLY what I need!!!  DOMINATE me, PLEASE!!! 

Kevin 

[veritas]

BTW, is she a RUSSIAN woman??  If so, that's even BETTER!!! 

Kevin

P.S.  OK, Sculpto, I FINALLY "get" your new avatar ...    She's an incarnation of FASCISM ...

[veritas]

Whew!!!  I'm STILL all hot and bothered about that "chakra chick" ...

DAMN YOU, Sculpto!!!   :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip:

(Yes, I just now found those whips ...  )

[pitbull]

Newkt,

First, keep in mind that this comment is from an FSUW who was looking on EM for a very intelligent and nice guy (and found and married one). So here it goes.

You seem to be bringing a lot of baggage into the relationship - primary psychological in nature. Please keep in mind that an FSUW is not a cure for your problems, you should work on them first. Full disclosure is necessary if your possible future relationship gets any where near serious.

That said, regarding your profile - seems like you are "marketing" your very high intelligence as one thing you bring to the table. For women who value this trait, Bachelors degree simply doesn't do it (4.0 GPA or not). Personally, I didn't even look at those men with only BA. So, I would recommend that you remove the mention of both BA and the GPA.


Also, I think you should delete the whole "ratraining to enter the job market" blurb - it reeks of a "loser". The situation is temporary and you won't be able to bring an FSUW into the states or visit to develop a relationship with no steady income. You can mention it in further correspondence when both of you talk about your respective occupations.

Will add more later. 

[veritas]

You seem to be bringing a lot of baggage into the relationship - primary psychological in nature. Please keep in mind that an FSUW is not a cure for your problems, you should work on them first. Full disclosure is necessary if your possible future relationship gets any where near serious.

I've already AGREED with all that -- multiple times ... Please read this thread again ...

In fact, I even said that perhaps I shouldn't be dating at ALL right now ...

That said, regarding your profile - seems like you are "marketing" your very high intelligence as one thing you bring to the table. For women who value this trait, Bachelors degree simply doesn't do it (4.0 GPA or not). Personally, I didn't even look at those men with only BA. So, I would recommend that you remove the mention of both BA and the GPA.

I already DID that, several days ago ... Please read my PROFILE again ...

Also, I think you should delete the whole "ratraining to enter the job market" blurb - it reeks of a "loser". The situation is temporary and you won't be able to bring an FSUW into the states or visit to develop a relationship with no steady income. You can mention it in further correspondence when both of you talk about your respective occupations.

And I fully REALIZE that ... Originally, I had "Not working right now" ... So what would YOU suggest?

Will add more later.  

Thanks, pitbull ...

Kevin

P.S.  Sorry if I sound a bit "cranky", but right now, I AM sorta "cranky" ... And tired, and hungry, too ...

[pitbull]

In fact, I even said that perhaps I shouldn't be dating at ALL right now ...

Yeah....perhaps...

And I fully REALIZE that ... Originally, I had "Not working right now" ... So what would YOU suggest?

How about just put your IT speciality there? Like programmer? They don't ask for proof of employment at EM, do they?

[veritas]

How about just put your IT speciality there? Like programmer? They don't ask for proof of employment at EM, do they?

Nope, and now that you mention it -- ORIGINALLY, I had "Computer Programmer";
THEN, I had "Not working at this time"; and NOW, I have "Re-training at this time" ...

I decided that putting "Computer Programmer" there and just mentioning the "re-training" bit
down below wasn't HONEST enough, and then I decided that "Not working at this time" was
unnecessarily "bad-looking" because that REALLY made me look like a "loser" -- and it's OK
with me if you happen to agree with that tag ...

But do you really think that putting "Computer Programmer" there is honest ENOUGH?

Kevin

[pitbull]

Nope, and now that you mention it -- ORIGINALLY, I had "Computer Programmer";
THEN, I had "Not working at this time"; and NOW, I have "Re-training at this time" ...

I decided that putting "Computer Programmer" there and just mentioning the "re-training" bit
down below wasn't HONEST enough, and then I decided that "Not working at this time" was
unnecessarily "bad-looking" because that REALLY made me look like a "loser" -- and it's OK
with me if you happen to agree with that tag ...

But do you really think that putting "Computer Programmer" there is honest ENOUGH?

Kevin

Kevin,

Are you going to work with computers again? I assume yes, maybe a slightly different area, right? Then yes, I think it is honest enough and not hugely relevant for the "initial profile" situation. It is only a temporary situation, you are not a "professional unemployed".

Frankly, compared to the ongoing issues you have disclosed here (if I were you I would have deleted the TMI sections from this thread) and NOT disclosed in your EM profile, the "currently unemployed" thing is very minor. Just don't mention it.

[veritas]

Are you going to work with computers again? I assume yes, maybe a slightly different area, right? Then yes, I think it is honest enough and not hugely relevant for the "initial profile" situation. It is only a temporary situation, you are not a "professional unemployed".

Frankly, compared to the ongoing issues you have disclosed here (if I were you I would have deleted the TMI sections from this thread) and NOT disclosed in your EM profile, the "currently unemployed" thing is very minor. Just don't mention it.

Then it shall be done ...

And I'm not particularly worried about TMI -- never have been ... (Although it might be tedious to READ) ...
And with that, I realize that I've no doubt gone AGAINST the good advice of many members on here,
including some who have really "befriended" me -- or at least, *I* feel like they have ...

Sculpto, for example, (gently) called me "naive" for hardly giving a second thought to (hypothetically)
answering a RM's question about my rent -- a situation that HE was actually thrust into in the FSU ...

If that means I'd probably be "thrown to the wolves" in the FSU, then I guess I'd better not GO there ...

Kevin

[veritas]

And HEY -- I just discovered that ONE of you on here is actually "ignoring my posts"!!!

How DARE you!!!  As Maximus ROARED to the crowd, "Are you not ENTERTAINED?!?!?"

(Oops ... I guess this isn't gonna work, is it?)

Kevin 

P.S.  And yes, THIS particular thread really IS "all about me" ... 

[ECOCKS]

People ignore others for a variety of reasons. Topics of interest, personality conflict, expressing dissatisfaction with their approach, whatever. Let it roll off your back.

Being Ignored on RWD is the least of your worries right now.

[veritas]

People ignore others for a variety of reasons. Topics of interest, personality conflict, expressing dissatisfaction with their approach, whatever. Let it roll off your back.

Being Ignored on RWD is the least of your worries right now.

No KIDDING ... (And *I* was just kidding) ...

Kevin

P.S.  And if anyone's reading this who could help out Lana with Elena's Models, could you please?

[Jumper]

warning psychobabble ahead:

because I was deathly afraid of sexual rejection

sorry to take this bit so far out of context,,but in that post you mentioned your very limited experience with women in general (romanticallly)
and it is likely rthe main  reason the interent and RW in general have this appeal to you.

this can be both good and bad..


I certainly believe a person should simply "be themselves" there is an awful lot to be said fior that.
and you will certainly (as in the past) meet someone that clicks with you.

Ther flip side of this is there is always roam for improvement, and WHY NOT improve a part of yourself that would encourage (rather than possibly discourage) more encounters with women, a situation you obviously want.
 
Kevin, the fear of rejection is normal enough, there are very few people in this world that enjoy it.

but many people are overly sensitive to it.. (deathly afraid) and let it cripple them in romatic possibilities or situations. You're old enough to be well past this, but are not.hey it happens.
If in your shoes i would certainly be working on this key issue ,by whatever means possible.
there is simply no rational reason to be deathly afraid of rejection.
and being this way limits your chances of finding a good match for you in ANY country.

It's easy to say,, perhaps hard to encorporate in your life at this stage , but you really need to get past that
crippling fear.

you like to over anaylize things, it's what you are good at ,so  use that!
to  adjust your mindset.

you ,nor I, will be the "cats meow" for every single woman in this world.
it is simple *probabilty* equations  right?

since you already KNOW that, then what possible diffrence should it make to you, if some random woman doesn't find you ,at that moment in time , interesting?
 put it into a ratiional context ..
and rejection is just no big deal ,certainly is not scary.. and nothing to be afraid of!

you equally would not accept the advances of every woman.

it's a natural process, it should not be overly scary,   *uncomfortable* at the worst.
with your very limited experience, as almost every women you've been involved with has approched you..
you have almost no experience with rejection anyway!
it just is not as big of deal ,as your mind is telling you. it certainly isn't fatal.. ))
(trust me!! )

the more you actively interact.... the more used to it you would get, to a point you'd hardly notice
 (and it would happen dramatically less...)

the first time you jump out of an airplane it's a bit scary, the hundreth time it is routine ..
it really is absolutely no different in the case of meeting people you are romantically interested in.
Humans are incredibly adaptable and can become comfortable by repetition to most anything.

I'd  politely hit on everything that walked by in my life, untill i got so that i could be entirely self assured and confident when meeting or speaking with:
 "insert whatever actress or super models name here"..


I'm not saying you have to completely overcome this rather silly (and normal) fear to be succesful in the FSU,
but i do feel it would be the biggest step you can take to increase your odds of finding someone locally or abroad.


I just honestly do not feel RW are  going to be some cure for a lifetime of avoiding some hypothetical situation you dread (the fear of possible rejection)

Interaction with more women, certainly is  great ,  and can lead to a confidence boost!!  so in this way the *RW scene* could help..  but you could equally get started this weekend locally.. (as GQblues suggested)
and would greatly help you if you travel to the FSU as well.

since you are comfortable mostly with internet,jump on mamba ru,, chat up some girls try to get phone numbers, the WORST case is the say no? ..      that is no  big deal

at least its a start ,
 consider it a baby step, or something, work out a plan to improve your confidence in these "uncomfortable situations"



and sorry I don't mean to come off as some expert.. lol

but i am confident !!

i'm confident not every woman will like me,!! lol!
 i'm equally confident that i've got a shot if i can get her attention , with something witty or interesting and see where it goes from there.

Rest assured , one of the main qualities women like is confidence..
not cocky or arrogant ,of couyrse! but normal maybe even a quiet self- assuredness.
while some women like a shy or not outspoken guy, they still like a self confident one..
this is fairly universal in woman.
 
Good luck

 

[veritas]

All true, AJ, all true ... (So much so that I'm not gonna quote it) ...

I could say more about the whole "sexual rejection" thing -- and
I (and my therapist) have some ideas/theories about all of this --
but it would hurt (me) too much to write more about it, AND
I think it really WOULD be "TMI" for y'all ...

Suffice it to say (for now) that it's EXTREMELY deep-seated, and
I think it has a lot to do with growing up with the TYRANNY of my
father, instead of the NURTURANCE of my mother ... I missed out
on SOMETHING there that was EXTREMELY crucial to my emotional
well-being, and/or I EXPERIENCED something there that was extremely
DETRIMENTAL to my emotional well-being ...

Despite how viciously and cruelly (to my mother) that my father fought
to gain -- and then to RE-gain -- custody of me (at the age of 6, 7, ,
my father never really wanted a "child" ... What he fought so wretchedly
for was a "little adult version" of HIMSELF -- one that he could make just
as WARPED and TWISTED as HE was ... (And this isn't EVEN the "TMI" part) ...

It's a bloody, frickin' MIRACLE that I turned out to be a "counter-example" to him,
instead of being "just like he was" ...

What exactly did I miss out on, or did I experience?  Well, I have NO IDEA, because
I can't remember ANYTHING from before about age 6 ... NOTHING ... I used to think
this was "normal", but eventually I came to realize that it's NOT ...

Last week, I started crying in my therapist's office about something I don't even REMEMBER --
the "taking away" of my older sister, Kim, at an early age, to a state institution because of
her totally-disabling spastic cerebral palsy ... She was NEVER able to walk OR talk -- from
birth -- and she lived in a state institution for the rest of her LIFE until she died in 2008
at the age of 46 ... And we'll never even know what thoughts she might have had, what
abilities she might have had, what DREAMS she may have had -- because she could never
express them at all ...

I'm sorry -- it's hard for me to continue here, as it was in the therapists' office last week ...
And I don't even REMEMBER it ... (And this is STILL not the "TMI" for me, as I mentioned above) ...

Flat out -- my father should NEVER have had children -- EITHER of us ... I'll not make his mistake ....

My sister was an "accident" -- with my mom getting pregnant in her second year at MIT (age 17) --
and I found out later that -- according to something written in my father's own hand -- they tried
to "rectify that accident" by attempting to "manually abort" my sister Kim ... There's a REASON that
I don't remember ANYTHING before age 6 -- SOME reason, but I don't know what it is ...

Have I suffered "unspeakable traumas" like good old "djgothman"?  (Yeah, right) ... No, I don't THINK so --
although I have NO memory of that time -- and if I HAD suffered "unspeakable traumas", I probably NEVER
would have turned out to be the "exceptionally good guy" that I really AM!   Honest, loyal, faithful, dutiful,
honorable, gentlemanly, polite, helpful, compassionate, sympathetic, empathetic, generous, kind, caring, etc. ...
ALMOST the perfect "counterpoint" to my FATHER!

But SOMETHING runs deep, AJ -- VERY deep ... And I have no memories to tell me WHAT ...

In truth?  I just can't do what you're saying, AJ ... Very sound advice, but I just can't do it ...

And I don't even know (for sure) WHY I "just can't do it" ... (I have hypotheses, but -- "TMI") ...

Like I said, I don't even BELONG in this "game" -- here OR there ... I make an AWESOME friend --
especially to women, because I have many of their qualities -- but as "sex/relationship fodder"?
No way ...

I reckon that NOW, I'm just here to LEARN, and not to DO ...

Kevin -- who makes one HELLUVA great friend ...

P.S.  That "TMI" isn't anything that hurts OTHER people -- like "rape" or "pedophilia" (by ME, anyway) ...
        Just thought y'all should know THAT ... It only hurts myself ... I am indeed "my own worst enemy" ...