women with adult children

[Donna_Pedro]

 

 Sounds like you at least don't know the whole story.

Thats what I thought. There are some gaps in this story.

[LAman]

Guys,
I recently returned a few weeks ago from Ukraine and had a great time with a woman I met there. I hit a road block with her. She is 42 and lives with her adult daughter, granddaughter, and daughter's husband. The husband has a professional job that doesn't pay well. I plan on visiting her again in a few months.
   You would think that a woman with an adult daughter would be a good situation for a guy as far as not having to worry about younger children to raise or bring here since the daughter is grown and married. However, this woman says that if she comes to America, we have to send $300 a month to help support her daughter. This woman wants to work if she comes here but her skills are limited so she will basically be a low wage worker. I have a good job but I feel it is unrealistic to send money home to her daughter every month. Has anyone else encountered this situation?

 This is from the OP"s trip report in October:
........
12. Be honest about your financial situation, particularly what it means for the
relationship if you have a mortgage, car payment, child support, etc. Many of
the women still think that their financial life will dramatically improve with
no worries about shopping. Think, they just don't want a roof over their head
but money for clothes, cosmetics, sending money home to family, yearly trips
back home, etc.
 
I am just wondering what happened in a months time where the OP started questioning sending money home, he certainly knew it was/is possible. Was the financial resources spread too thinly??? I think a K-1 visa was considered, so apparently marriage was discussed???
I don't begin to know what was talked about between OP and the girl, only they know......I probably side more with many of the posts of the women here....if I had such strong feelings for a women to discuss marriage, then her family would be considered my family and I would do everything I can to
to help support, spiritually as well as financially. As Gator stated....this is open for discussion what is possible.....
To the OP, sorry it didn't work out.......my best to you!!!

[acctBill]

Ranetka,

I don't know what got this bug up your ass but such is not good for a happy spirit.      Some RM spend money as an investment, hoping it will return something, accepting that sometimes it will not.   




I agree with you that accepting gifts does encourage men, and I do not condone it.  I  brought it up initially to illustrate some cultural differences in men.  Ranetka saw it in another way. 

In this one example, she never responded physically or with words indicating he had a chance. In fact, she said she was direct in explaining "friends only."  She is studying business and enjoyed talking to him about business.  And she likes the attention (better than staying home and pulling weeds).  That was it. 

He obviously wanted more and she warned him that it was "friends only" yet he insisted.   That is why she brought her friend in case he did not live up to his agreement of "friends only."  The stupidity of the man is mind boggling.

Anyway,  I have been selling the gifts through my contacts.   So far we are doing well (I keep 10%).  Not only has she paid for this year's tuition, she has a good amount  for graduate school.   I couldn't sell the roses.  Do you have any ideas in case another idiot sends flowers?  Her plan is to step up the pace and get a sporty BMW convertible by spring. 

I would like to import a few more young RW students for this business venture.  Perhaps franchise it.  Any ideas for names? 

   

Sounds like an episode of CSI: Miami. 

[Ade]

To my opinion, this attitude is always an indication of a  woman with a low self-esteem, even if she has been married for 30 years.

The Ukrainian in question is a man.

And, TBH, I would have thought that women whose goal in life is to be kept are the ones with the self-esteem issues.

Believe me ALL women would like to be kept by their husbands and boyfriends if they could, even those who profess to have "little regard" for it. 

Actually, I would have agreed with you if you'd said that "all women like you would like to be kept". But thankfully, some of us are  fortunate not to have to spend 10 years with a woman like that.

Damn, you must be aiming to be poster woman for the stereotypical прилипало MOB. 

[Ade]

I think your daughter has a gift of making men do nice things for her. And I am not being sarcastic. I beleiv e she is a nice person. Still I do not understand why she accept these gifts, she must understand these gifts are too expensive for friendly exchange and that she gives the men hope.
 
Sorry I forgot she is naive. #And he mother ex model had not explained it to her.

She'd have to be dumber than a bag of hammers if she doesn't realize that men will take her acceptance of their gifts as a sign that there's a possibility of something happening. And if she does realize, which is undoubtedly the case, she is incredibly disingenious and no different that the pro-daters back home in Cossack land.

[GoodOlBoy]

GOB, it has been a long time and if my memory is correct Donna's husband is an ex-marine (either that or looked like a DI in his photo).

Gator, I hope he isn't really an "ex", but then again you never know. 
 
http://usmc.tribe.net/thread/ced5fab3-d3b0-4291-ae53-7019382f6f50
 
GOB will also be waiting with "bated breath" for further hourly updates on how that generous $4000. WU Moneygram is coming along D_P. 

Or is it "checks in the mail" time?
 
GOB

[ghost of moon goddess]

IMHO, this thread has been the great lesson RW and WM have to learn from each other.

Speaking quite frankly, something about this "lesson" leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It is one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it is another to think that yours is the only path"  Paulo Coelho

Happy New Year!

[Donna_Pedro]

She'd have to be dumber than a bag of hammers if she doesn't realize that men will take her acceptance of their gifts as a sign that there's a possibility of something happening.

Obviously she does not give a sht what a man takes her acceptance of gifts for, which is the way it ought to be at this level of courtship.  The main thing is what SHE takes it for. And she takes it.... for a gift. With no consequences. If a man's opinion happens to differ? Too bad, its his mistake. He probably needs to claim his gifts back.  If men are giving her expensive gifts without her direct request or  even a hint before they have a chance to consummate, its their free will. Somehow I doubt that this is the case - either gifts are not that expensive or there is a lot of consummation going on.  To the other hand, we dont know - some very rich people  might think next to nothing of a $3-5K mink coat. It might be what a man makes in 10 minutes. So a mink coat is merely a symbolic gift, a token, like flowers or dinner.So why all the fuss?

[Donna_Pedro]

But thankfully, some of us are  fortunate not to have to spend 10 years with a woman like that.

Some of you are only fortunate to spend what? 0 to 2 years with a woman. Come and talk to me when you spend 10. Then I might give a shit about your opinion. Right now you are just a "sad little king of a sad little hill, with delusions of standing. (c)

[GoodOlBoy]

Sorry for the  OP.
 
I just came back from my morning jog on the beach D_P and something struck me (you know us cerebrally challenged have a difficult time running and thinking at the same time.  )
 
Us "generous" folks here in the GoodOl' USA have a bad habit sometimes of going all in at Christmas time.
 
I am sure it is the same way in your household. 
 
Maybe this is why you are so reluctant to step up to the plate and help out dear old Mom? 
 
Anyway, I heard a shocking story about Ivy League schools this morning (well maybe not quite so shocking  ).
 
It caught my ear because of what you posted earlier in this thread:
 

As a mother who has just finished helping  her child through one university and fixing to help him through a highly expensive ivy-league law school,.....

I present exhibit A to you for your inspection:
 
http://newstalk870.am/university-to-offer-credit-for-occupy-wall-street/
 
College credits for OWS??
What will the Ivy League liberal college think tanks dream up next?? (Sorry Gator)
 
College credits for smoking pot, drinking booze, having sex with (whoever), destroying property?
Almost sounds like a frat party, doesn't it? 
 
Anyway D_P, my RW likes to refer to me as the "problem solver" (among other names.  )
 
So I thought I would turn my skills toward helping you to come up with that extra $4000. needed right now!
 
You and hubby might want to take a long hard look at the "U" (University of Miami).
 
My Daughter graduated from there and it is almost half the price of your liberal think tank schools up North. A real bargain!!
 
And as an extra added bonus, your child will probably find great comfort in the large Russian community that we have here (maybe even a mate!)
 
Along with the fact that it is so warm here that he can go swimming New Years day in the Ocean! 
 
Don't you see D_P, this is a win-win for everybody!
 
Your child gets a well rounded education (instead of a liberal brainwashing) and Granny gets the chemo!
 
As my RW says: "Problem solved!" 
 
GOB

[Patagonie]

Perhaps your ex decided not to bother you with unplesanties. You made your positioin clear in this thread.
 
As a Russian person and especially since I lost both of my parents to cancer fairly recenly I am amazed and actually insulted that you think we somehow more accepting of death of people dear to us.

You might not feel insulted, it is a clear compliment about russian culture and the superiority of east culture to handle this sort of things. It doesn't mean that you are less sensitive, it means that your society handles better this difficult time in life. I have also find the same in mueslim countries. And please because i speak about mueslims don't imagine i'm putting beside those two societies. Thank.

[Gator]

You might not feel insulted, it is a clear compliment about russian culture and the superiority of east culture to handle this sort of things. It doesn't mean that you are less sensitive, it means that your society handles better this difficult time in life. I have also find the same in mueslim countries. And please because i speak about mueslims don't imagine i'm putting beside those two societies. Thank.

Thanks Patagonie for a sophisticated explanation.


The day before writing my opinion, I had just visited again the Siege of Leningrad museum.  That episode was a testament to the ability of Russian people to endure death all around and survive somehow .

[Gator]

Gator, I hope he isn't really an "ex", but then again you never know. 
 
http://usmc.tribe.net/thread/ced5fab3-d3b0-4291-ae53-7019382f6f50
 

Thank you again GOB for enlightening me about the few, the proud, the brave.  I believe I told you before that I was in the Corps..............the US Army Corps of Engineers.  Definitely not the same, and I admit to not being the most Gung Ho soldier.  I did do 6 weeks at Ft. Bragg and the sergeants from the 82nd airborne had a good time running my ass into the ground. 

[Donna_Pedro]

You and hubby might want to take a long hard look at the "U" (University of Miami)

Could not find university of Miami in a rating list for 2011 at all, so I guess this is not going to fly. 

As far as Old mom goes, see, I have my own cancer-surviving Old mom living here, in the US with me, whom I am fully responsible for financially and otherwise. So you probably understand that to me  a one time $4000   "donation" sounds like a  good deal. And forgive me if your jokes (and attitude) on this topic do not sit right with me.

[Gator]

She'd have to be dumber than a bag of hammers if she doesn't realize that men will take her acceptance of their gifts as a sign that there's a possibility of something happening. And if she does realize, which is undoubtedly the case, she is incredibly disingenious and no different that the pro-daters back home in Cossack land.

You are becoming more and more like an old woman, so much that you probably retain water.


I have also noticed a pattern Ade.   You become even more derogatory in the winter.  It must be the long winter nights and no sun in combination with your cold personality.   

[Gator]

And to the RW who are critical of my future stepdaughter, it sounds like petty jealousy.

[Gator]

"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It is one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it is another to think that yours is the only path"  Paulo Coelho

That would be excellent guidance for us all.  Thank you.


счастливого нового года

[Ade]

Some of you are only fortunate to spend what? 0 to 2 years with a woman. Come and talk to me when you spend 10. Then I might give a shit about your opinion. Right now you are just a "sad little king of a sad little hill, with delusions of standing. (c)

lol

Well, I guess it's high time we had a "real" MOB here to show the new guys the very common, although usually very much hidden, attitudes among your type.

As for your 10 years. Yep, much easier to buy a ten year plus wife rather than having an actual long term relationship based on mutual love and respect. But it takes all sorts I guess. I just wonder how long your husband could keep you if the money dried up...?

[Ade]

You are becoming more and more like an old woman, so much that you probably retain water.


I have also noticed a pattern Ade.   You become even more derogatory in the winter.  It must be the long winter nights and no sun in combination with your cold personality.

lol Well, your bad judge of character seems to extend well beyond the women you marry. 

[GoodOlBoy]

.... one time $4000   "donation"

Given the OP's story, I wouldn't count to much on that. 
 
GOB

[Donna_Pedro]

And to the RW who are critical of my future stepdaughter, it sounds like petty jealousy.

Honestly? I am jealous. Why didnt I know about it in my times?   Reminds me a joke about a old teacher who cried bitterly reading her pupil's composition on "how I spent my summer" topic.  She learnt how to have a lot of real fun, but her young years had been already gone". 

[GoodOlBoy]

And forgive me if your jokes (and attitude) on this topic do not sit right with me.

Oh well, I guess this means I am off your Christmas card list? 
 
GOB

[Donna_Pedro]

I just wonder how long your husband could keep you if the money dried up...?

And it did actually, several times. First time 6 months after I came here. Yep. And also I have been working 5 years out of 10 as a matter of fact. So its you, not Gator, who is a bad judge of character. And I still insist that every woman would love to be kept. It is all about correct terms.

[Donna_Pedro]

lol

Well, I guess it's high time we had a "real" MOB here to show the new guys the very common, although usually very much hidden, attitudes among your type.

This is actually a very common trick on internet forums: a person puts down an opponent  to show others that he is better than him. In this case Ade wants to prove that compared to me HIS own wife is not a real MOB.   A petty trick actually, but then we are not on a rocket-scientist forum here..So.. ok, you have proved your point. You wife is not a real MOB, she is better. Signature  -" Donna Pedro". Stamp. Now you can go to bed knowing you have my approval. Please, guys, feel free to give your approvals as well. Mr. Ade  has demonstrated a need for them.

[Gator]

lol Well, your bad judge of character seems to extend well beyond the women you marry. 

Having a gloomy holiday?  I am having a great time, too bad that I let myself get distracted with RWD sourpusses just because I am having severe symptoms of New Year's football withdrawal.

Again you demonstrate that you have zero sense of humor, zero.  What a stuffy, arrogant, bore you are.  Yes, I can understand how the latest Dexter episode is the highlight of your tedious and gloomy life.   


BTW, I do try to leave women out of my insults, but if you are unable to think on a higher plane, I guess our repartee is done before it got started. 

Most of us make mistakes, and I have made some doozies.  But unlike a few snobs here, I do admit to mine.