Unrealistic Expectations - Women - Entitlement Mentality

[happyandstable]

She *should* be thankful... that she found a man who cares about her, hopefully her life partner, to be blessed with family and love... and he should be too... the Attitude of Gratitude is quite attractive, IMO.

   Now this is truth

[happyandstable]

Anyway,  let's all lighten up a bit here.  OR you'll be dragged out and shot!     Man, I can't wait until I'm Emperor of the Earth... I'll solve this overpopulation problem in a hurry...

   Not if I shoot first then I'll be Emperor of the Earth

[OlgaH]

 I would guess this is one of the main reasons the relationships fail more often than they succeed. 

Ah, here is a Russian joke 

- Dear, please, don't bawl...
- Oh, you say I bawl, you mean I bark like a dog! Mom, he just called me a b!tch!!!

[LAman]

I only did that to show what it would cost Me! Sense i do not live in Cal I have to look at where I live and what it would cost me. Did not meen to imply anything but that.

Happy......the OP's residence IS in California.....so those costs do apply to discussion.....also in California, there is JC 's( community colleges) where first two years ( GE'S) costs are between $500-$700 per semester.

[LAman]

In most cases, I personally know several Russian-American couples with 3-6 years  differeence and they are happy, ...at least if the men  mention that they look for a lot younger women you can save your time by skipping the old goats having a quick look at their profile.

Dating in the US I've been contacted by men who are younger than me.

My second American date was with the local man in his 40-ies but it looked like he was ready to offer what that woman is looking for. I didn't have a spark though and there were also several more things that stopped me. Also, I'd like to have a relationship that is more or less equal, not "truly equal" how is has been mentioned before , so I'd like to work  and I'd like to have a job I love, not where I have to go because of the money.

Dear, this is called the 'cougar' effect!!!!

[mies]

Where is the exception? Dating local women in Western Europe is likely no easier than North America and the men certainly married the best women possible given their location and options.

No, in second case the European man got together with a foreign woman from FSU, 7 years younger than him, she is 35, with 2 teenage children.

[LAman]

Vasilisa,

I have to agree.  I think you have a sick mind.  I hope you  are not the postergirl of most Ukraine women.  If so, a lot of WM could save a lot of money by staying home!

All of your complaints about the US and US men in particular, makes me wonder.  Why don't you go back home and enjoy the men and culture of your own country?  Perhaps we can take a collection for your ticket.  I would hate to see a damsel trapped in a foreign country she does not like and not be able to return to her homeland.

If WM were resident in your country of origin, and made all the insulting remarks you do, do you think we would be well received by the locals?

Just a thought!

Opinions, opinions.....agree, disagree.....I don't mind reading comments and ideas...in particular the ones from women here.....it all about learning , experiences.....just to get you to think out of the box.....

[Misha]

No, in second case the European man got together with a foreign woman from FSU, 7 years younger than him, she is 35, with 2 teenage children.

Didn't you say from the Baltics? Did he meet her in his country?

[calmissile]

LaMan,

The costs of college is really not relevant to the original post.  Had the chat evolved into a relationship, then of course the details of education costs would be important.  At this point in the correspondence, I was more interested in how the lady would propose having a marriage develop out of the existing circumstances.... two non-English speaking teenagers in the middle of their college education, not graduating for two years, and she is ready for marrige now!  It was nothing more than exploring how she deemed this could work.

When she changed he mind about working after telling me how tired of working she is and wants a man to support both her and her kids, that's when my curiosity ended since that alone was not acceptable to me.

She is a very nice lady and I believe that Mies assured us that she can find the man of her dreams.  I hope so.

[LAman]

LaMan,

The costs of college is really not relevant to the original post.  Had the chat evolved into a relationship, then of course the details of education costs would be important.  At this point in the correspondence, I was more interested in how the lady would propose having a marriage develop out of the existing circumstances.... two non-English speaking teenagers in the middle of their college education, not graduating for two years, and she is ready for marrige now!  It was nothing more than exploring how she deemed this could work.

When she changed he mind about working after telling me how tired of working she is and wants a man to support both her and her kids, that's when my curiosity ended since that alone was not acceptable to me.

She is a very nice lady and I believe that Mies assured us that she can find the man of her dreams.  I hope so.

Doug..i was answering to happy's post...i understand it had little to do with your initial post.
I do have a question though( maybe someone can clarify)....when I have spoken to ladies in ukraine and we speak of 'college', they correct me and say it is 'university'....and speak of college as being what we call here in the US 'high school'. Since the women's children are of 'high school' age...maybe it is 2 years left in 'high school' or 'college' in ukraine?

[calmissile]

LA Man,

You could be correct. That is why I asked about "High School" and she replied "College".  In other correspondence with UA women they have undersood High School, but you could be correct.  In this case it would not have mattered because College would still have been on the horizon.

Just as a side note.... my profile states that I would find it acceptable to raise one minor child which persumably would include college.  Many men would consider that not accpetable to them for whatever reasons.  As long as the wife is willing to work outside the home to contribute financially to the family, I am pretty flexible.  It is how most current families live in the US.  For those wealthy enough to not require it, more power to them.  I think most men of retirement age are not willing to help raise anyone elses kids.

[Daveman]

As I understand it, "College" would be what we would consider like a trade school.  A standard higher education is University.

[Krassie]

Now they have colleges in Ukraine where teenagers graduate from high school and get a working profession.  It's new in Ukrainian education, they started it several years ago.

[OlgaH]

The Educational System of Ukraine

http://norric.org/files/education-systems/Ukraine2009

[mies]

Didn't you say from the Baltics? Did he meet her in his country?

Baltic states: Lithuania, Latvia, are now EU, but formerly were members of USSR just like Ukraine or Russia.
They met in his country, I think she was there temporarily at that moment. But i don't know all the details, frankly speaking. Only know the result: the guy is in love and doesn't care about children or expenses. True, the visa situation is much easier for both of them because she has EU citizenship too, although from a different EU country.

[calmissile]

What a novel idea,  pepare the kids to WORK instead of spending their time learning how to participate in civil unrest, saving the whales and spotted owls, global warming, and how to get on the entitlement bandwagon.  Perhaps we should adopt it in the USA also!

Of course it will not work until we shoot all the lawyers since all the "shop" classes we used to have all have dissapeared because the schools don't want any lawsuits if a kid gets injured!

[Donna_Pedro]

Have others found many of the FSU women to fall into this category?

I am this woman, so to speak. Those who remember me from 5-7 years ago might tell you that this was exactly what I used to say -" I will never work. I have not worked most of my life in Russia and I am not about to start in US at age 35. My child will go to college. And, not just your regular university of south east Alabama, it would be Harvard, no less. "  I told it all to my husband upfront. Before coming here. I believe that marriage should be a transparent deal. No "hidden skeletons". He agreed.  An old hand here told me back then that life would change my priorities and it did. I hadnt worked for 5+ years out of ten here, but when my son went to college I felt out of place and decided to work. It was MY decision. I quickly realized how easy this place is to advance professionally. I have been working ever since.  By choice. As for my child's college - this priority has not changed. What has changed is my attitude to it.  I could apply pressure to my husband to pay for his education, but I rather decided to apply pressure to my child to study hard and get  a 100% merit scholarship.  It  was not that hard to do by russian school standards.  The University was a regular state school, which was a temporary compromise. He is now accepted to a ivy league law school also with a 100% merit scholarship. My husband does not mind helping with other school related expenses, but I do not even need him to contribute too much - I can now do it all myself.

[calmissile]

Donna_Pedro,

You are to be commended.  Not only did you have the will to do it, but you explain it without any insulting language.  Good girl!  Your husband is no doubt very proud of you for your accomplishments.

[onlyFSU4me]

Other living expenses would be about the same if students are living at home.  The point is, you are nowhere near that mythical $100,000.

 I dunno, Happyandstable's evidence seems to confirm my "mythical" number. You have a lot of "ifs" in your argument. Like I said before, if you are commiting to pay for these girls college education it would be foolish to expect to get away the cheapest way possible and not budget for the extra expenses.


 As for the ignore feature, I see no need. I'm use to seeing many Canadian women with attitudes and the fact that they can't admit when they are wrong... thats a big reason why I looked to FSU for a wife! Just dont expect me not to mention it when you start with the insults and are acting like an immature child!!!

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[GQBlues]

...I'm use to seeing many Canadian women with attitudes and the fact that they can't admit when they are wrong... thats a big reason why I looked to FSU for a wife!...

No dog in this fight but I thought to remark on the above...if that wasn't so ironic, it'd be hysterical.
 
 

[Daveman]

No dog in this fight but I thought to remark on the above...if that wasn't so ironic, it'd be hysterical.
 
 

Yeah... that one was just... perfect.   But, there *are* many Ukrainians in Canada... even a village!  Cheaper admission too!

[Donna_Pedro]

LaMan,

 how the lady would propose having a marriage develop out of the existing circumstances.... two non-English speaking teenagers in the middle of their college education, not graduating for two years, and she is ready for marrige now!  It was nothing more than exploring how she deemed this could work.

You should have asked her. Really, a man can pay for his wife's children education, but its the children, who would be doing the studying part - going to college, sitting in classes, taking tests. So it would be interesting to hear how her thoughts about it.  Actually in situation  such as this, it would be much better for the children to finish their undergrads in Russia and then come to  the US for Masters. My son had a few friends in college who did precisely this - finished colleges in russia, wrote letters to the university, received invitations with grants to do Masters and TA positions at the university.

[Misha]

They met in his country, I think she was there temporarily at that moment.

That changes the equation considerably. She was able to date much more easily men in Europe and this would make it easier for her to marry someone much younger and attractive...

[Donna_Pedro]

So far it's clearly seen to me that many Russian men being nothing and nobody love to persuade Russian women that they are too old, that nobody wants them after they turn 30, that if they want to have a traditional family it's an unrealistic expectation.
I've heard that from RW living in the US having a good life with their American husbands, they told how their RM left them with kids being sure those women would wait for them and be always happy to take them back , but those women just packed their bags and moved abroad, ex husbands were dissapointed as they hadn't expected that to happen.


But it looks like some American men love learning this model of behavior, too

how very true. I think western men should not try to bring a RW (UW) unless they can afford not to have her working. I am not saying that men are supposed to pay for whatever lifestyle a woman would desire. These things need to be discussed long before marriage. I have a friend whose husband has a very modest salary. But he is OK with her staying at home with a full understanding that she would not be asking for much. And she agrees. She says she would agree to live on even less as long as he does not make her work. She has worked all her life, raising her son with no help from anybody, and is "burnt out" exactly as a girl of the topic-starter. And besides, not everybody has a degree that is in demand and would pay a good salary. I wouldnt want to travel half a world away from home to work in Walmart for $10/hour. I mean, whats the point?

[onlyFSU4me]

No dog in this fight but I thought to remark on the above...if that wasn't so ironic, it'd be hysterical.
 
 

 Ahh, you caught that did you? Just my little way of saying she's been here a long time... and maybe picked up a few bad habits!!!