Unrealistic Expectations - Women - Entitlement Mentality

[mies]

Or at least not one large enough.  Of course reading tone is difficult enough in English, but it seems that the baby is more of a means to an end --  (paraphrasing)

No, she really wants to have a baby. She writes about it in several different entries, not just in this one. She writes that she is even considering to have baby "only for herself", without a father, but she still have some time for it and she can do it in late thirties.
She writes how she loves her married "boyfriend" and cares about him, and that this love leads nowhere while other people are getting married and have children, and that she should dump him, and maybe if she will be lucky she will find someone single and she can give her love and care to him. Or maybe, he will take care of her.
I really don't think she is too self-centered nor too egoistic. Just sad and lonely. 

So yes, she does have entitlement mentality. She feels that she is entitled for financial support and she receives it, her expectations aren't unrealistic. She doesn't seem to be showing "entitlement mentality" for "true love and family" but she really wants both. But she cannot find them, and all men who responded here answered that they would not want to marry this woman. And I cannot understand why. What is the biggest turn-off? Let's forget the photos I posted, and assume she is a perfect 10. Would it change responses?

[mies]

"...Три года назад это была моя мечта, но тогда мне очень хотелось верить в то, что как минимум вместе с ребенком я буду жить в "лишней" трехкомнатной квартире в центре города...

she means that her dream was to have a child from her lover, and the apartment. Now she has the apartment, although not as big and not in downtown, but no child and no prospects of a child.

[happyandstable]

Miles you just can not be serious about this right?
You want reasons I’ll give you reasons why I would not marry this vacuous girl.

• She thinks she is more beautiful then she really is.
• She thinks her beauty entitles her to not have to put any effort into her own life and wellbeing.
• Her superficial attitude to the feelings of others reeks of an underlying phsycopathy
• She values only material things and puts no value in the person or personal relationships

  And most important of all if she is committing adultery with a married man! She has no respect for the family that she is pilfering resources from, for her own care and maintenance.  If she is cheating now what makes you thinks she would stop cheating when she finds a man to commit to her fully. The real question here is would any man marry a prostitute? I believe you know the answer.


   I vote with daveman here. I would just say we need a double shooting here!

[OlgaH]

she means that her dream was to have a child from her lover, and the apartment. Now she has the apartment, although not as big and not in downtown, but no child and no prospects of a child.

and she also means " Хуюшки, квартира для "блядей"-это неотъемлемая вещь любого гуляющего мужика..Это как жена... - само собой разумеющаяся вещь.. Никто с ними не расстается.." 

She has an apartment and a car but now she complains she can not spend as much on herself as she could before

"Где справедливость и баланс в этой жизни? Когда у меня не было ни квартиры, ни машины, ни хорошего спортклуба  у меня было до фигища брендовой одежды , постоянно новые телефоны, ноутбуки, коллекция духов, несколько шуб и даже голову мне было лень мыть самой-я ходила в парихмахерскую, но мечтала о квартире, машине, спортклубе... Теперь я смотрю на свою обувь и мне хочется убиться головой об стенку, потому что выйти в таком на улицу стыдно...я безумно хочу новую шубку...и даже долбанного айпеда у меня по моему у единственной в этом мире нет до сих пор... Шо там айпеда...крема для лица и того нет..."

[Anotherkiwi]

...Let's forget the photos I posted, and assume she is a perfect 10. Would it change responses?

Even if I didn't know her story, she's way too young for me.  Being a 10 wouldn't change that - I'm realistic enough to know that, as an "Average Joe" in most senses, nobody of that age would stay with me any length of time, no matter how wonderful they felt I was as a person.  Knowing her story, or at least as much as you've provided, I wouldn't touch her with the proverbial barge pole, even if she were an 11 or 12.
 
I'm lucky to be able to contrast her with a girl I met in Russia who I rated as a real 12/10, and who I would have dated in a heartbeat if I were 20 or 25 years younger because she was simply the nicest person that I've ever met in the FSU (and, from the way she talked, I think she would actually have agreed to go out with me!).  Maybe I should have asked her out, but I was just too chicken - a 20 year difference I might possibly tolerate (although unlikely), but this little darling was 30 years my junior.  Again, as with the subject of these last few posts, it might would have been fun while it lasted, but it wouldn't have lasted very long.

[Daveman]

Mies, I understand where you are coming from and why. It's also an interesting new twist to the topic. 

Tossing out all of the moral questions surrounding fidelity, integrity, etc... the reason I would have no interest in a woman like this is simply that she loves "things" more than anything else.  I could never trust a woman who would put material things above her partner. I want to *be* the treasure - not merely be a supplier of it. Trust is the real issue I would have with this woman.  If her man had some financial difficulty in life, he could basically count on her to bitch like a bitch about what she's not getting rather than pull together, take a step back, live small and focus on rebuilding the empire. 

That's the nutshell for me... trust.. her physical appearance would change nothing because the vibe she gives off (or that I perceive) is rather hideous.

No, she really wants to have a baby. She writes about it in several different entries, not just in this one. She writes that she is even considering to have baby "only for herself", without a father, but she still have some time for it and she can do it in late thirties.
She writes how she loves her married "boyfriend" and cares about him, and that this love leads nowhere while other people are getting married and have children, and that she should dump him, and maybe if she will be lucky she will find someone single and she can give her love and care to him. Or maybe, he will take care of her.
I really don't think she is too self-centered nor too egoistic. Just sad and lonely. 

So yes, she does have entitlement mentality. She feels that she is entitled for financial support and she receives it, her expectations aren't unrealistic. She doesn't seem to be showing "entitlement mentality" for "true love and family" but she really wants both. But she cannot find them, and all men who responded here answered that they would not want to marry this woman. And I cannot understand why. What is the biggest turn-off? Let's forget the photos I posted, and assume she is a perfect 10. Would it change responses?

[mies]

Miles you just can not be serious about this right?
You want reasons I’ll give you reasons why I would not marry this vacuous girl.

• She thinks she is more beautiful then she really is. >>> isn't this what vast majority of men who come to FSU to look for wife think about themselves? Sounds like a good match.
• She thinks her beauty entitles her to not have to put any effort into her own life and wellbeing. - where did you get THAT from? She works full-time, she has college degree. Only she earns less than she wants to have.
• Her superficial attitude to the feelings of others reeks of an underlying phsycopathy -- please explain. where did you read about her attitude to the feelings of others?
• She values only material things and puts no value in the person or personal relationships -- how do you know?

  And most important of all if she is committing adultery with a married man! She has no respect for the family that she is pilfering resources from, for her own care and maintenance.  If she is cheating now - no, she isn't cheating now. The guy is cheating on his wife, the girl is dating him exclusively. what makes you thinks she would stop cheating when she finds a man to commit to her fully. The real question here is would any man marry a prostitute? - she isn't a prostitute. I believe you know the answer.


   I vote with daveman here. I would just say we need a double shooting here!

[Misha]

Reading some of the snippets that she wrote, she frankly comes across as a not very happy person. She writes: "я смотрю на свою обувь и мне хочется убиться головой об стенку, потому что выйти в таком на улицу стыдно" which indicates to me that she is solely interested in status, and is quite preoccupied solely with appearances as opposed to substance. In other words, it appears to me that she is looking to fill an emptiness with material goods. Breast size will not be sufficiently compensatory...

[Muzh]

Not sure where I read that interview. IIRC, she said that GFE charges was $400.00/day, $2,500.00/wk or that $3,000.00/10 days with one sex session (each time) as an independent. It wasn't until she jazzed up with an agency that her rates went up...

Still too much money if you asked me when sex with pretty women are free anywhere.

If anyone here had a chance to see Silda Spitzer in person, you'd be scratching you head why he did that. Ashley could not hold a candle on her.
 
Personally, Silda is and extremely attractive woman and she becomes extremely fascinating when she speaks. Ashley is just a skank from NJ. Or was it Staten Island (Egad, worse.)

[Muzh]

she wrote: "three years ago it was my dream, that time I wanted to believe so bad that as minimum I would live with my child in a "spare" three room apartment in the city center. Fu-k no, the apartment is for whores, it is an integral part of any cheating man. It is like a wife, it goes without saying. No one will part with it." She also wrote: "mistress with a child is not a mistress any more but a burden."

I think they teach this at mistress school.
 
I heard the exact same quote from one of my wife's friends in Ukraine. She would come with her lover to the house everytime we visited UA and had a blast. The man was very charming, always well dressed, could play the guitar and sing, and chug it with the best. He looked like a slim Robin Williams.
 
Last time we were there, she came by herself wth her baby son and said the exact same words.

[happyandstable]

no, she isn't cheating now. The guy is cheating on his wife, the girl is dating him exclusively.

She is knowingly sleeping with a married man this makes her a cheat as well is him. Birds of a feather flock together. Any women with good morals would not be sleeping with married men period. 

she isn't a prostitute.

Sex for financial gain = Prostitution.

So miles let me ask you if the shoe was on the other foot, would you marry a guy you knew was getting by the past decade and a half having sex with married rich women,and who was also 20 or 30 years your junior? And whom you would not consider a cheat if he was doing this? If yes why??

[GQBlues]

...
So yes, she does have entitlement mentality. She feels that she is entitled for financial support and she receives it, her expectations aren't unrealistic. She doesn't seem to be showing "entitlement mentality" for "true love and family" but she really wants both. But she cannot find them, and all men who responded here answered that they would not want to marry this woman. And I cannot understand why. What is the biggest turn-off? Let's forget the photos I posted, and assume she is a perfect 10. Would it change responses?

mies-

Strictly based on your questions, I think her 'looks' have a greater impact on why 'she isn't getting what she wants right now'. So, on your supposition if she is a '10', would she get the same responses - likely 'no'.

Minka Kelly isn't a '10' but I won't be surprised if hordes of men line up to be her sponsor, and even father her child. Heck, they may even leave their wives, sell their dogs, and hock their children just to be her 'lover'.

[Shadow]

Being a mistress or a prostitue is a career choice whwere you have to keep in mind that you will retire at realtaively young age.
This means that when you retire you either have to have gathered enough to support yourself further through life, or find an alternative career.
The same goes for football players, athletes and other careers that rarely last past the 40's.

[OlgaH]

No, she really wants to have a baby. She writes about it in several different entries, not just in this one.

In that entry she actually stated she wants a three room apartment... baby? only if it comes with an apartment.

I think she was more honest with herself when she wrote she is not ready to have a child, because it is too much responsibility, and only creature she is ready to take care of is her cat.

http://otryvki-zhizni.livejournal.com/12810.html

Reading through her posts I see a self-centered young woman who cares mostly about herself and  her cat somewhere between. She needs a man just to have her fairy tale of money, traveling, good sex...  I don't remember such words as "I would love to have a family/love" in her posts. Mostly she mentions she wants new shoes and some other things. That's probably why a man's marital status is not a big problem for her, if a man is married it is not a minus, the most important fact would be amount of money in his pockets. She is also lamenting that young cheap girls are ready to jump in a man's bed because he has an expensive car, takes the girls to a restaurant and gives 200-300 bucks, and these cheap girls spoiled the men around. But she with her life philosophy and tearfully-snivelling lyrical digression spiced with foul language is actually in the same bed with all these cheating men and cheap girls.

http://otryvki-zhizni.livejournal.com/8124.html

[mies]

I don't remember such words as "I would love to have a family/love" in her posts.

that's because you don't see all of her posts. She does mention in several posts "don't I deserve to find love?" or "why can't I find someone to love who would love me too and would be single." Same thing goes for "baby" discussion - she talks about baby in several different posts. Maybe you do not see all of them.

But I understand and in many ways share your viewpoint.I agree that she is focused too much on material, and that it is not much difference: 300 or 3000. 10x more, but same essence.

[mies]

She is knowingly sleeping with a married man this makes her a cheat as well is him. ...Any women with good morals would not be sleeping with married men period

 1) I am not miles, i am mies
 2) I do not even hypothetically think of situations when I am not together with my husband. When I was single - I had 2 male acquaintances who were "sugar babes" for rich women, and 1 boy who was a "sugar babe" for a men. Whether I would consider dating/marrying them is really an extremely hypothetical question because at that point in time none of them were even remotely interested in dating me - I had no money and could not buy them cars nor apartments (which two of them did receive from women as a "gift") nor could I help them in career advancement. Also, they were not very pleasant/nice, that is they had to be so "sugar" with their older lovers, that with younger girls they were bitching (or should I say jerking?) all the time. Probably needed to compensate for psychological trauma. Right now I am married to the man I love, who loves me, and I do not plan neither divorce nor cheat on my husband, and hopefully neither of those will ever happen.
 
 3) i still do not understand on whom this young woman is cheating. On another woman whom she never saw and who happens to be married to her lover? Immoral? yes. Cheating? No. This young woman never promised anything to any other woman, only man did - he did promise many things to his wife when he was getting married. He is the only cheater. Although both of them show low morale.

Try look at this from a different perspective. Let's say you can afford to spend $500/mo on your new wife. It goes without saying that she would not be able to cover her relocation expenses, so you will be paying for all of those (entitlement attitude?). Then she won't be able to work in the early months/years, so you will have to finance your wife's life in every possible way. And she knows that you will do this, she expects that you will. So the bottom line :  most of random FSU women you can meet in the internet will expect you will pay the relocation/visa cost and will cover their daily expenses at least at a bare minimum (hopefully you can afford it). This particular woman from my "case study" is different in the only way that she wants more money than the bare minimum you are offering to your future wife (and your future wife whoever she might be - expects it). Now, as I see it, the only constraint is how much money you have. If you had more money - would you really care about the difference $500/mo to bring woman A, or $5000 to bring woman B to live with you, given that you can indeed afford any one of these two women.
Or, let's say, you meet really nice woman in Ukraine, and she is so genuine and sincere, and in love with you. But she does not have money for visa, passport, flight tickets and so on. And you do not have enough money to pay for this all either. So you ask her: "would you marry me regardless?" And she replies "but how? you cannot afford me."
I see no fundamental difference in reasoning, only the difference in the amount of "investment"/spending discussed.

[mies]

Being a mistress or a prostitue is a career choice whwere you have to keep in mind that you will retire at realtaively young age.
This means that when you retire you either have to have gathered enough to support yourself further through life, or find an alternative career.
The same goes for football players, athletes and other careers that rarely last past the 40's.

so true. I agree with you fully.

[LiveFromUkraine]

It is an interesting question.

I don't think there is any right or wrong answer, it all depends on the individual.

If she can get what she wants then I would answer no to being unrealistic.  It doesn't matter if I would be interested in her or not.

If she isn't getting what she wants, and I strongly believe she isn't, then I would say she is unrealistic.   I would imagine she will start prioritizing what she wants and settle on the less important things.

Lot's of guys who are old and fat go to FSU for younger women that are in great shape.  Many people would think they are unrealistic as well. 

I will let the moral police chat up whether she is a bad person for messing with married men or not. 

[mies]

mies-

Strictly based on your questions, I think her 'looks' have a greater impact on why 'she isn't getting what she wants right now'. So, on your supposition if she is a '10', would she get the same responses - likely 'no'.

Minka Kelly isn't a '10' but I won't be surprised if hordes of men line up to be her sponsor, and even father her child. Heck, they may even leave their wives, sell their dogs, and hock their children just to be her 'lover'.

Thank you. it's a valuable opinion.

[vwrw]

What is the biggest turn-off?

The biggest turn off is that her man could not relay on her in the event he loses everything.

Many wealthy people admit that they were poor a few times in their life. They also know that going through the poor stages are much easier if you have a partner who loves you regardless of  what you have in monetary terms. Losing their fortune is hard on people. Losing their fortune and life partner simultaneously may crush a person into pieces.   Girls in love with money are like rats… they abandon sinking ship first without making effort to help rescue it.
 
If I were a wealthy man, I would be happy to have a toy like the girl.  I would not mind sponsoring her life as far as she can keep me intrigued.  Good sex is the most wonderful and natural thing that money can buy! LOL. BUT, I would make sure she does not get pregnant from me ( I would not like my child developing under her influence) and marriage between us would be certainly out of question. 

[mies]

The biggest turn off is that her man could not relay on her in the event he loses everything.

This is an excellent point! Thank you!

[OlgaH]

that's because you don't see all of her posts. She does mention in several posts "don't I deserve to find love?" or "why can't I find someone to love who would love me too and would be single." Same thing goes for "baby" discussion - she talks about baby in several different posts. Maybe you do not see all of them.

But I understand and in many ways share your viewpoint.I agree that she is focused too much on material, and that it is not much difference: 300 or 3000. 10x more, but same essence.

Did she give her answer in her posts if she deserves to find love or not, like she admitted she is not ready to have a child?

She focuses too much on her own ego not just on material aspect of life...  it is only her own choice to mess with married men for a particular amount of money or not... and the same regarding single men. But the "deep pockets" she is hunting for in the most cases also are able to see "who is what" and its worth and they will not take a disposable thing for something permanent.

[happyandstable]

I do not even hypothetically think of situations when I am not together with my husband.

Yet you are asking us to do just that. Hypothetical or not would you marry a man that was a “sugar babe” is you put it, yes or no?

i still do not understand on whom this young woman is cheating.

Let us hope that when you are on the receiving end you have the same caviler attitude towards your husband’s mistress as you do this young lady.

But the "deep pockets" she is hunting for in the most cases also are able to see "who is what" and its worth  and they will not take a disposable thing for something permanent.

  mies this says it all! She is not “worth” any amount of effort or money because of her character. Now I know it is just MHO. But you did ask.

[Daveman]

The biggest turn off is that her man could not relay on her in the event he loses everything.

Many wealthy people admit that they were poor a few times in their life. They also know that going through the poor stages are much easier if you have a partner who loves you regardless of  what you have in monetary terms. Losing their fortune is hard on people. Losing their fortune and life partner simultaneously may crush a person into pieces.  Girls in love with money are like rats… they abandon sinking ship first without making effort to help rescue it.
 ...

That about sums up what I find to be hideous about her...   

[mies]

Let us hope that when you are on the receiving end you have the same caviler attitude towards your husband’s mistress as you do this young lady.

I think what you are doing in this post are uncalled personal attacks on me and my family. Usually people use personal attacks when they do not have better arguments. That's all. I don't know what to make of your comment about "my husband's mistresses." Do you know anything about my husband that I am not aware of? I think you should be ashamed of yourself.
Since I am married, and you are not, at least according to your profile, I do not see the analogy you are trying to make. Furthermore, if you feel the question is not related to you and you have nothing to say about it - just pass on, nobody is pulling your tongue.
Overall, my opinion is that people involve in adultery voluntarily. If the man wants to cheat - it does not matter whether one woman will refuse to have an affair with him, - he will find plenty of others who will agree. On the other hand, if the man is not interested in affair - he will ignore the advances of immoral "homewrecker" females. There are many interested men around me, it doesn't make me cheat. It is dumb to shift own guilt/flaws/mistakes and blame another person "he/she did it, it's not my fault." Within the marriage, the behavior of a third/external person is really irrelevant.