Women with Children - more strongly worded advice

[BillyB]

FWIW, here's a surprise for you jmana.

If it was me, I would've taken it on my own expense to make sure the tires in her car were new. If not only for her, but for the safety of my son as well.

Did this thought even occurred to you?

Southpaw has a good husband now to take care of her tires. I don't know if I can trust a kid to judge the quality of tires but if Southpaw doesn't drive responsibly, newer tires isn't going to solve the problem. Both jmana and Southpaw need to stay out of each other's business during visitation. People tend to over exaggerate the dangers the ex spouse is to the kids. If all what was said about each other was true in this thread, neither is qualified to be taking care of a child.

[GQBlues]

Southpaw has a good husband now to take care of her tires. I don't know if I can trust a kid to judge the quality of tires but if Southpaw doesn't drive responsibly, newer tires isn't going to solve the problem. Both jmana and Southpaw need to stay out of each other's business during visitation. People tend to over exaggerate the dangers the ex spouse is to the kids. If all what was said about each other was true in this thread, neither is qualified to be taking care of a child.

If a child of mine, or someone dear to me, expresses things that concerns them, I take it very seriously. If I can't trust these people's judgment, then I haven't been a responsible parent/partner. What jmana expressed specifically is the state of the car's tires and NOT SouthPaw's driving habit.

The business concerning a common child is a parent's business TOGETHER. Period. It matters very little to none whether or not we have our own current relationships.

I will happily be different in this mentality with you, BillyB. On any given Sunday.

[LAman]

Muzh,

Sounds like Pink Flamingos is tamer than Salo.  Neither film seems worthy of watching twice, much less showing to an 18-yo newlywed wife form a different culture.

Both films are tame compared with Going Down on the Farm.  That's a sick joke as  such a film does not exist (at least I hope not).

Where else on the internet can you get a Movie Review ( ie.  'At The Movies' ) in the middle of a heated slingings of ex's !!!!! 

[fathertime]

Absolutely not the case.  This story is months long, involves more than Southpaw and jmana,  and partly corroborated by independent sources.   Besides, you can't make this stuff up such as feces consumption.

hi gator...I realize the story is months old..I read the earlier posts when they were new. They appeared suspicious to me at the time.

Can u tell me the corroborated sources because I'm still not buying into the story being real? Thanks

Fathertime!

[BillyB]

What jmana expressed specifically is the state of the car's tires and NOT SouthPaw's driving habit.

What makes you believe jmana now when you didn't believe anything he said before? Since you believe Southpaw is driving dangerously on bald tires, how about criticizing her instead of jmana? Also, jmana didn't express his views but simply relaying what his son's views are on the tires and jmana's possibly over exaggerating the story.

If a child of mine, or someone dear to me, expresses things that concerns them, I take it very seriously.

If a child's life is really in danger without a doubt due to the recklessness of a parent, the other parent should call CPS instead of taking matters in their own hand. Agree? I'm not convinced Southpaws tires are ready to explode and a child is not qualified to judge the condition of tires. I do believe jmana is overly emotional during the fight here and trying to portray Southpaw as a bad parent. That has been going on the past week. Nothing new.

[GQBlues]

What makes you believe jmana now when you didn't believe anything he said before? Since you believe Southpaw is driving dangerously on bald tires, how about criticizing her instead of jmana? Also, jmana didn't express his views but simply relaying what his son's views are on the tires and jmana's possibly over exaggerating the story....

Go and argue with a wall because your recent response is nothing more than show you haven't got a clue with what you just debated with.

...If a child's life is really in danger without a doubt due to the recklessness of a parent, the other parent should call CPS instead of taking matters in their own hand. Agree? I'm not convinced Southpaws tires are ready to explode and a child is not qualified to judge the condition of tires. I do believe jmana is overly emotional during the fight here and trying to portray Southpaw as a bad parent. That has been going on the past week. Nothing new.

See above response.

Initial response to jmana prior to the empty-headed banter remains the same.

[LiveFromUkraine]

What makes you believe jmana now when you didn't believe anything he said before? Since you believe Southpaw is driving dangerously on bald tires, how about criticizing her instead of jmana? Also, jmana didn't express his views but simply relaying what his son's views are on the tires and jmana's possibly over exaggerating the story.

Billy, you are contradicting yourself.  First you tell jmana he needed to be a man and take care of his family and now you think he should let her or her husband take care of something that could affect his son's well being.   Southpaw is vital to his son's well being just as much as he is.  He should just fix something and have peace of mind instead of bitching about it.

[jmana]

Billy, you are contradicting yourself.  First you tell jmana he needed to be a man and take care of his family and now you think he should let her or her husband take care of something that could affect his son's well being.   Southpaw is vital to his son's well being just as much as he is.  He should just fix something and have peace of mind instead of bitching about it.

My son told me this after he came home, so putting new tires on her car now doesn't do a bit of good.  I do know one thing, the next time she drives up here to get him for the weekend I will damn well be sure to look her vehicle over, and she will not be stuffing him between 2 car seats like she did the last time. 

[BillyB]

Billy, you are contradicting yourself.  First you tell jmana he needed to be a man and take care of his family and now you think he should let her or her husband take care of something that could affect his son's well being.   

The court has trust in Southpaw to take care of her son and allowed her visitation. What you and GQ want jmana to do is replace her tires and take matters into his own hands. That still doesn't solve the problem of a parent who is driving reckless. What's next, should jmana take Southpaws car keys too and stalk her to make sure her life and job is at acceptable levels? Who gets to say what is and isn't acceptable? Jmana?


Do you have a child from a previous relationship? Do you pay child support? Does your ex refuse to feed, clothe, protect, and enroll your child in school? Do you take matters into your own hands and buy the child clothes, food, and new tires for the ex's car and hand them over to the ex with the child support check? If your ex can't be trusted to take care of the child with child support money you're already paying, Hello!, you can't trust her at all. She may pawn off the clothes and new tires and eat the food herself. What you should do is call CPS(Child Protective Services) to rule on if your ex is an unfit parent. The solution is, you remove the problem(the parent), not encourage the parent into more bad parenting by giving them freebies that won't guarantee your child gets benefits from.


I've never contradicted myself. jmana should be a MAN and take care of his family/child which includes enlisting the help of CPS when necessary. His claim is not valid since he never seen the tires for himself. He has no right to bother Southpaw when she has visitation with their son. If there's danger for his son when he's with Southpaw, it's a job for CPS to act, not jmana. There are already too many nosy and vindictive parents out there who want to cause trouble for their ex's to be trusting any of them. Right now jmana is in vindictive mode.

My son told me this after he came home, so putting new tires on her car now doesn't do a bit of good.  I do know one thing, the next time she drives up here to get him for the weekend I will damn well be sure to look her vehicle over, and she will not be stuffing him between 2 car seats like she did the last time. 

When she comes knocking on the door, you're going to march outside and look at her tires? If you look at her tires, educate and make suggestions, don't criticize. Most women may not be qualified in judging to condition of tires and I doubt Southpaw is hoping she and her son will die resulting from a tire failure. If her tires are bald, then ask permission if you can talk to Southpaws husband to let him know with sound reasoning that the safety of his wife is in jeopardy. Are you an expert on tires? Don't rely on your opinion on what she needs. Here is a guide below based on law.


http://www.tirerack.com/tires/tiretech/techpage.jsp?techid=51


Why are you upset she's stuffing your son between two cars seats? Are you talking two child/booster car seats? Your son is 12, yes? In most states, if not all, he doesn't have to be in a child booster seat and as long as he's sitting in the car where a seat belt is located, Southpaw didn't do anything wrong. Click on your state below for car seat laws for children.


http://www.edgarsnyder.com/car-accident/car-seat-laws/

[jmana]

The court has trust in Southpaw to take care of her son and allowed her visitation. What you and GQ want jmana to do is replace her tires and take matters into his own hands. That still doesn't solve the problem of a parent who is driving reckless. What's next, should jmana take Southpaws car keys too and stalk her to make sure her life and job is at acceptable levels? Who gets to say what is and isn't acceptable? Jmana?


Do you have a child from a previous relationship? Do you pay child support? Does your ex refuse to feed, clothe, protect, and enroll your child in school? Do you take matters into your own hands and buy the child clothes, food, and new tires for the ex's car and hand them over to the ex with the child support check? If your ex can't be trusted to take care of the child with child support money you're already paying, Hello!, you can't trust her at all. She may pawn off the clothes and new tires and eat the food herself. What you should do is call CPS(Child Protective Services) to rule on if your ex is an unfit parent. The solution is, you remove the problem(the parent), not encourage the parent into more bad parenting by giving them freebies that won't guarantee your child gets benefits from.


I've never contradicted myself. jmana should be a MAN and take care of his family/child which includes enlisting the help of CPS when necessary. His claim is not valid since he never seen the tires for himself. He has no right to bother Southpaw when she has visitation with their son. If there's danger for his son when he's with Southpaw, it's a job for CPS to act, not jmana. There are already too many nosy and vindictive parents out there who want to cause trouble for their ex's to be trusting any of them. Right now jmana is in vindictive mode.



When she comes knocking on the door, you're going to march outside and look at her tires? If you look at her tires, educate and make suggestions, don't criticize. Most women may not be qualified in judging to condition of tires and I doubt Southpaw is hoping she and her son will die resulting from a tire failure. If her tires are bald, then ask permission if you can talk to Southpaws husband to let him know with sound reasoning that the safety of his wife is in jeopardy. Are you an expert on tires? Don't rely on your opinion on what she needs. Here is a guide below based on law.


http://www.tirerack.com/tires/tiretech/techpage.jsp?techid=51


Why are you upset she's stuffing your son between two cars seats? Are you talking two child/booster car seats? Your son is 12, yes? In most states, if not all, he doesn't have to be in a child booster seat and as long as he's sitting in the car where a seat belt is located, Southpaw didn't do anything wrong. Click on your state below for car seat laws for children.


http://www.edgarsnyder.com/car-accident/car-seat-laws/

I'll address the last thing first, because it seems you misunderstood me.  Her hubby has two little girls from a previous marriage (one that Southpaw broke up), and these 2 girls were in child car seats in the back of a honda civic.  You know how much room is in the back of a honda civic, and you know how much room one car seat takes up, let alone two.  My son said he had to sit with his butt cheeks sideways in the middle because there was no room for him.  They were more concerned about the safety of these 2 girls (probably because the dad was there), but couldn't care less about the safety of my son.

As for visitation, the way NC has their laws set up, it's really screwy.  I had talked to a lawyer the last time she had a big blow up (when she called CPS), and the lawyer told me I could prevent her from seeing him at all, how much she sees him is completely up to me.  The courts don't really assign primary custody here, but since he has lived with me all this time and she barely sees him (and I have proof of this), it's basically the same thing as me having sole custody.  Anyway, so the lawyer had recommended visitation where I was present, and I tried that to an extent, and had her meet me at a mall and we all stayed at the mall, but as time went on I slowly began to trust her more and gave her more time with him.  If I find out that she even mentions porn or brings up anything else from the past to my son, I will be going back to that original arrangement.  I won't put up with it. 

[BillyB]

Her hubby has two little girls from a previous marriage (one that Southpaw broke up), and these 2 girls were in child car seats in the back of a honda civic.  You know how much room is in the back of a honda civic, and you know how much room one car seat takes up, let alone two.  My son said he had to sit with his butt cheeks sideways in the middle because there was no room for him. 

There is room for 5 people in the Honda Civic. Your son sitting in the middle should have a seat belt available and the car should not be moving until your son has his seatbelt on. You need to tell your son when his mother has him for visitation, she's in charge. He needs to address his concerns about comfort and safety to her. Why is he telling these things to you? Are you prodding him for answers to use as ammunition later? Don't do that.


Southpaws says she loves her son and wants to take care of him to the best of her abilities. If she fails to do that, her son will grow up and recognize her failure. Some people think you need to take a more active role in your son's safety during your Southpaws visitation. You won't be much a MAN if you're sitting in jail and being Bubba's mistress. Don't interfere with your ex wife's visitation with the son.

They were more concerned about the safety of these 2 girls (probably because the dad was there), but couldn't care less about the safety of my son.

That is speculation, not fact. That is also an accusation that can start another fight. Southpaws has stopped throwing mud on you in this thread. Return her the kindness and progress can be made.

(when she called CPS),

CPS has more important things to do that to waste their time in ex spouses personal disputes. I hope Southpaws stops calling CPS on you and that you'll never call CPS on Southpaws. If you two continue to use CPS in your personal fights, your son may be subject to numerous interviews by CPS. He may someday conclude he's in a dysfunctional family and his parents are F'd up.


You two have admitted mistakes. Fix them, leave each other alone, don't poison the kid's mind about each other, and move on. What's the best use of your energy? Pissing off the ex or helping your son grow? Time is running out but it's not too late. There's still a chance your son can grow up and be proud of both of you.
 

[jmana]

There is room for 5 people in the Honda Civic. Your son sitting in the middle should have a seat belt available and the car should not be moving until your son has his seatbelt on. You need to tell your son when his mother has him for visitation, she's in charge. He needs to address his concerns about comfort and safety to her. Why is he telling these things to you? Are you prodding him for answers to use as ammunition later? Don't do that.


Southpaws says she loves her son and wants to take care of him to the best of her abilities. If she fails to do that, her son will grow up and recognize her failure. Some people think you need to take a more active role in your son's safety during your Southpaws visitation. You won't be much a MAN if you're sitting in jail and being Bubba's mistress. Don't interfere with your ex wife's visitation with the son.



That is speculation, not fact. That is also an accusation that can start another fight. Southpaws has stopped throwing mud on you in this thread. Return her the kindness and progress can be made.



CPS has more important things to do that to waste their time in ex spouses personal disputes. I hope Southpaws stops calling CPS on you and that you'll never call CPS on Southpaws. If you two continue to use CPS in your personal fights, your son may be subject to numerous interviews by CPS. He may someday conclude he's in a dysfunctional family and his parents are F'd up.


You two have admitted mistakes. Fix them, leave each other alone, don't poison the kid's mind about each other, and move on. What's the best use of your energy? Pissing off the ex or helping your son grow? Time is running out but it's not too late. There's still a chance your son can grow up and be proud of both of you.

Yes, there MAY be room for 5 people in a civic, but not when there are 2 full size child car seats in the back.  I didn't prod him for anything, he complained to me because he said it was very uncomfortable to not even be able to sit flat in the seat, and to me that doesn't seem safe at all.  I don't think a lap belt is as safe as a shoulder belt either.  What's this about sitting in jail?  If I interfere with her visitations?  She doesn't have visitations, that's what I was saying in the first place.  According to NC law, I decide when and how much she sees him.  She's never had scheduled visits, and so I don't have to let her see him at all.  I've graciously allowed her to see him because I feel it's important for him to have some kind of relationship with his mother, even if she does constantly screw things up.  And I've never called CPS on her, despite having MANY reasons to do so.  For example the youtube vids of her going 90mph in the rain.  I've never wanted to stir up any crap with her, I've always tried to be the better person but she always brings up crap from the past and makes it seem like it has some kind of relevance to the present.

[Southpaw1982]

Yes, there MAY be room for 5 people in a civic, but not when there are 2 full size child car seats in the back.  I didn't prod him for anything, he complained to me because he said it was very uncomfortable to not even be able to sit flat in the seat, and to me that doesn't seem safe at all.  I don't think a lap belt is as safe as a shoulder belt either.  What's this about sitting in jail?  If I interfere with her visitations?  She doesn't have visitations, that's what I was saying in the first place.  According to NC law, I decide when and how much she sees him.  She's never had scheduled visits, and so I don't have to let her see him at all.  I've graciously allowed her to see him because I feel it's important for him to have some kind of relationship with his mother, even if she does constantly screw things up.  And I've never called CPS on her, despite having MANY reasons to do so.  For example the youtube vids of her going 90mph in the rain.  I've never wanted to stir up any crap with her, I've always tried to be the better person but she always brings up crap from the past and makes it seem like it has some kind of relevance to the present.

I did not know anything changed since separation agreement.

He is "allowing" me visitation lmao! 

[dogspot]

How's Alina? Y'all married yet?

[jmana]

How's Alina? Y'all married yet?

I'm not discussing my personal life here anymore, it was a mistake to do so in the first place.  There are a few people on here that can offer good advice, but they are washed out by all the idiots who just want to stir up crap, and the ones who have their minds made up before they even hear a side of a story based on the gender and nationality of the person posting the comments.

[Muzh]

FWIW, here's a surprise for you jmana.

If it was me, I would've taken it on my own expense to make sure the tires in her car were new. If not only for her, but for the safety of my son as well.

Did this thought even occurred to you?

Maybe his intellect was not intellectualizing.

[Muzh]

Southpaw has a good husband now to take care of her tires. I don't know if I can trust a kid to judge the quality of tires but if Southpaw doesn't drive responsibly, newer tires isn't going to solve the problem.

Right, because what woman drives responsibly?

[Muzh]

Where else on the internet can you get a Movie Review ( ie.  'At The Movies' ) in the middle of a heated slingings of ex's !!!!! 

The following public service was brought to you by Sling-a-mud^TM
 
Always rely on Sling-a-mud^TM when slandering your exes.
 
Now, to our regular programming.

[die_cast]

If I find out that she even mentions porn or brings up anything else from the past to my son, I will be going back to that original arrangement.  I won't put up with it.

Don't think about yourself, think about your child. If he wants to see his mother - you should allow him to do it, doesn't matter what you think about her or what she is saying about you - sooner or later, if she wants - she will tell him everything, if you forbid him to see her it will look only worse in the future when he will be adult and you'll not be able to tell him what to do.
While you think you are punishing your ex, you are actually punishing your child. Every child needs both parents, girls especially need to have a father and boys especially need to have a mother. Your ex is not crazy or insane, she is not violent, she is not alcoholic, she is not drug-addicted, she has a job and she is not homeless. Instead of trying to punish her, think how improve your relationship with her, you have a child together, you can't just strike out  her of your life and you definitely can not strike her out of your son's life, you don't have this right, only he has this right - she is his mother and always will be.

[Muzh]

What makes you believe jmana now when you didn't believe anything he said before? Since you believe Southpaw is driving dangerously on bald tires, how about criticizing her instead of jmana?

Right, because the wench is a maniac on the road.
 

If a child's life is really in danger without a doubt due to the recklessness of a parent, the other parent should call CPS instead of taking matters in their own hand. Agree?

Right, because the wench used to be a stripper.

[Muzh]

My son told me this after he came home, so putting new tires on her car now doesn't do a bit of good.  I do know one thing, the next time she drives up here to get him for the weekend I will damn well be sure to look her vehicle over, and she will not be stuffing him between 2 car seats like she did the last time.

Don't you have any extra rubber laying around your house?
 
Besides, how are you going to stop her from driving her son with her, according to the court mandate? Beat the shit out of her? Better yet, call the police. Heh, that will be a good one. Please, intellectualize that.

[Muzh]

The court has trust in Southpaw to take care of her son and allowed her visitation. What you and GQ want jmana to do is replace her tires and take matters into his own hands. That still doesn't solve the problem of a parent who is driving reckless.

Right, because all women drive recklessly.

[Muzh]

I'll address the last thing first, because it seems you misunderstood me.  Her hubby has two little girls from a previous marriage (one that Southpaw broke up), and these 2 girls were in child car seats in the back of a honda civic.  You know how much room is in the back of a honda civic, and you know how much room one car seat takes up, let alone two.  My son said he had to sit with his butt cheeks sideways in the middle because there was no room for him.  They were more concerned about the safety of these 2 girls (probably because the dad was there), but couldn't care less about the safety of my son.

Heh, it seems to me you still have the hots for her. You are such a peach.

[Muzh]

While you think you are punishing your ex, you are actually punishing your child. Every child needs both parents, girls especially need to have a father and boys especially need to have a mother.

I don't think he is capable of intellectualizing that.

[Muzh]

BTW Gator, notice the pattern?