Did you help to her financially?

[viking]

Ohhh, I love a good argument!!

My 2.6 cents.

If I like a woman, and it makes ME feel good to buy her something because it makes HER feel good, then that is my call. Girl friend, wife, whatever.

If I am 'courting' (I know I am dating myself here) a woman, FSU or otherwise and I get the feeling she would benefit from my hard work a/k/a income, I offer my assistance. It is her call to refuse. It is called being a GENTLEMAN.

The amount is under my control, so I will not put myself in any kind of financial hardship, but I will do what I can, when I can and how I can.

This is not a case where she might need $200 shoes and only has $100, but where (true example this past winter) where her flat was so cold I sent money for an additional heater and then some for the extra electrical expense. All she said was that she was freezing. Nuff said as far as I was concerned.

I doubt if there is one man on this site who would not give his bride everything she needs and sometimes the things she wants. The same may hold true for a ligitimate fiancee. (income permitting)

A GF is a bit different since she may not be the one and who wants to go overboard on a maybe. But reread my first sentence.

Just listen to her words, read between the lines, do what your heart says, and your brain will rationalize it all later. And, in the worst case, if you do lose some bucks, I seriously doubt it was the first time and it will not be the last.

IMHO.

[Zhena]

Thank you very much-so pleasant to read the health-minded post

[viking]

fiancee.

NP

[Muj]

We have a saying in the US.  If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, its a duck.

Dak,

So you wear a "wife beater" shirt for your avatar?

[aikorob]

Viking,
You pretty well summed it up.
I like your example--she said she was freezing, so you stepped up and took care of it---without her asking directly.
I did the same for N. this past winter--Odessa had record cold.
I have no problem sending her money for documents and other visa related expenses--after all they are ALL because of me. I am not supporting her so that she can quit her job and lay on the beach at Arkadia until the interview; but I do send a little money unanounced--mad money for her to have.
I thought I would be slick and get around the WesternUnion fees by giving her an ATM card, but Odessa bankomats don't like my card  :noidea:

[Muj]

Viking,

Describes the scenario well.

Aikrob,

I'm trying Ikobo
http://www.ikobo.com/
to avoid the WU charges.  Still in the process but should realize the functionality soon.

[Daknack]

Dak,

So you wear a "wife beater" shirt for your avatar?

Actually its a grey "muscle shirt" for working out in the gym.  Wife beaters are white undershirts.  You need to watch more episodes of "cops"

[Wild Orchid*]

If the dollars mean more for you than your women,how will she believe that u truly love her? She may not really need,but you have to show your readiness to open your purse for her. Any of us can loose all what he has. If your woman loves you,she wont leave you because of that and will support you. And if she needs a help today,you have to show to her that you are ready to give it.
This is a womans opinion. And dont tell me your wife is different.

Why does he HAVE to, if she DOESN'T need it? Could you explain a bit more on this one?
What sort of money are you expecting and for what needs if I may ask?

[Daknack]

Why does he HAVE to, if she DOESN'T need it? Could you explain a bit more on this one?
What sort of money are you expecting and for what needs if I may ask?

Oh you silly little woman!  Her articulate arguement was so clear, logical and profound!  He HAS to because if he doesnt hes not a man!  And what sort of $?  Why as much of it as possible of course!  And what needs?  Why all of them!  He shouldnt even dare expect her to ask for things... just hand over his wallet like the walking bank account that he is!  Damn it Orchid.  These arguments have swayed me.  I think I should just post my credit card number and people can take what they need.  No need to tell me all... because that would be like asking... and I wouldnt want to humiliate anyone...

[Wild Orchid*]

Oh you silly little woman!  Her articulate arguement was so clear, logical and profound!  He HAS to because if he doesnt hes not a man! 

I understood that much and everything seemed to be very clear but than all of sudden she’s got defensive and “no comment”, and finally came to conclusion, that she is bred better than others… May be we misunderstood something here? May be she is all white and fluffy? 

[wiz]

Viking

Hear Hear Hear. Spot on excellent post.

You have to be a gentleman, even if she is just a friend and not your wife.

Without going to details I was happy to help a woman, who I met during my travels, to have an operation and probably saved her life. We did not match or click but we remained friends and speak often to each other. She never asked me for anything and when we last met and discovered she was sick I had forcibly to take her to hospital and she had the operation in a few days. Finally after the operation she admitted that she knew about her problem but had no money to pay for the operation. She would rather die than ask me for help. No I am not a fool as I was there all the time and the total costs peanuts in our money! I am sure everybody would have done the same in my position.


Daknak

Credit cards are to be used…..ha ha ha

[catzenmouse]

These arguments have swayed me.  I think I should just post my credit card number and people can take what they need.  No need to tell me all... because that would be like asking... and I wouldnt want to humiliate anyone...

Daknack,

  ... me love you long time if you give me your CC numbers and line of credit.... 

[BC]

catz... I dunno if I would bend over that far... 

[mischief]

If fiancee’s English was a little better, she would be much better at explaining and proving her point… would be much nicer and more informative if you, guys, just ask her to explain what she meant instead of picking at her …

[mischief]

Daknack,

  ... me love you long time if you give me your CC numbers and line of credit.... 

LOL

[catzenmouse]

catz... I dunno if I would bend over that far... 

Hey now BC,

 Remember now,  I'm a scammer and have no intention of ever meeting Daknack who I will whisper sweet nothings to via e-mail until I get the money in my grubby little paws. Then a terrible accident will befall my mother/sister/grandmother and I will have to say good bye to my prince and dissappear into the void...

Ken

[Wayne]

If you are sending money to any other country, check out Moneygram.  The fees for Western Union can be very much higher than Moneygram.  Like several times as much, depending upon the amount you are sending.

I would agree than paying for the expenses for getting the visa would probably be necessay, unless the woman has a high paying job.  You might also be justified to pay for English lessons--just make the arrangements with the teacher yourself and be sure she is getting the lessons.

[Jumper]

BC and
viking -
exactly what i was trying to convey,, although  poorly.
Thanks for presenting the far more USUAL case so well.

 it's also what i thought *afiancee* was trying to say!!


NOT the extrapulated scenerios being presented as her point of view by others,
you guys seem great at taking words out of context ,
and assuming her attitude and thoughts,
 then even PMing her crappy messages,, i thought we are all adults here, that could debate ideas by the actual content of someones complete post,  and thoughts, without assumptions,,
or taking snipets of a post , tearing it apart to legitimize your own preconsceptions.

With a reasonable level of english , misunderstanding of the INTENT of the words is still common, and happens very often in these relationships,
this thread seems to be useful in showing THAT VERY THING ,
more than any other value..
so guys looking into this endeavor should go backand read each word very carefully.

It isentirely possible you guys took her wrong, -
or i may have!!

 but to crucify a point of view, she may not even have, seems bizarre.



danack -
Glad someone pointed out the obvious LOL
You would have to admit that your avatars work out muscle T-  *could* be taken by the general public  to mean just as many incorrect assumptions , as afiancees avatar.Funny stuff man.
 

[viking]

I think fiancee can hold her own. Too bad she is spoken for as I think she has her head screwed on pretty good. Not 100%, but then who is? (fiancee, if you not heard this expression before it is a good thing. Means you are thinking clearly).

[Zhena]

I understood that much and everything seemed to be very clear but than all of sudden she’s got defensive and “no comment”, and finally came to conclusion, that she is bred better than others… May be we misunderstood something here? May be she is all white and fluffy? 

Wild Orchid Yes I am white and fluffy-literally. In russian,I would explain you much more,if you,an ex-fsu woman,dont understand what I mean. And yes-I am better than more,believe me But I have doubts you ill agree this Anyway,this is your own problem,not mine.
I just want be sure,if something will happen to me,that he will help me-is that clear for you?
Or you always was an independent woman who will never accept any help from a man? I am sorry then.

[Zhena]

catzenmouse-LOL
AJ-my sincere and deep respect!
viking-well,I understand ...

[Daknack]

danack -
Glad someone pointed out the obvious LOL
You would have to admit that your avatars work out muscle T-  *could* be taken by the general public  to mean just as many incorrect assumptions , as afiancees avatar.Funny stuff man.

Yes, But I am not extolling the virtues of slapping a woman around and claiming that she should be greatful to feel like a real woman.

Someone here though has such an avatar while putting forth the concept that men are wallets, should be greatful for the honor, and that it makes them real men.

[Daknack]

I understood that much and everything seemed to be very clear but than all of sudden she’s got defensive and “no comment”, and finally came to conclusion, that she is bred better than others… May be we misunderstood something here? May be she is all white and fluffy? 

My experiances with "No comment" is that it is a comment.  A true no comment would be an absence of posting.  Clearly, she continues to post.  That rather leads to the conclusion that she has nothing to say on the issue rather than that she is above it. 

But I might stop posting because I have so many offers of love and tenderness from my credit card proposal.  I think I better go rent that tux!  Hey she might be right!  I opened my wallet and everyone is opening their hearts!  Ah l'amor!

[Jumper]

Someone here though has such an avatar while putting forth the concept that men are wallets, should be greatful for the honor, and that it makes them real men

Thats how you took it..and your perception of her as a person....
are you positive that's what she is conveying?
as i see no complete post that states this in anyway.

everyone got all wacked about the statement "she shouldnt have to ask"
 
but in what context is it given?

my wife was in a situation exactly like viking describes..
So she should have to ask for help with the heat bill?
 she would rather die first! and would have!
She got by without my help before ,and would ciontinue to do so..
but as a engaged man , i should be able to pick up on that situation, and offer some assistance.
and YES my wife would have found it strange if her husband to be was so insensitive to her situation to not notice ,
or if noticing ,
failed to at least offer, and give her the chance of declining..

So no,¦nbsp; she shouldn't have to ask, i should be intelligent enough to notice.
and kind enough to offer to do something about it, or she can find a muvh more attentave and intelligent husband.LOL

in the FSU it's considered the mans job afterall,
 to know such things and be able to do something about them.
That IS a very common mentality there.
get used to it.

if you find that offensive ,
or take it as a woman expecting a man to be a walking ATM,,
then ok,,you have every right to do so!

but that is how MANY RW will feel,
and they are raised in a culture that they expect a man to be-
 intelligent enough to recognize situations and act upon them in a gentlemanly manner.
you are looking in the wrong part of the world if mere mention of this mindset offends you.


anyway i obviously got from *afiancees* posts something entirely differrent,
more along the lines of BC and viking..
maybe because i have been in a different situation.

 That just shows how the exact same words can convey something entirely different to different people?
Throw in the mix of different base languages and different cultures....
and you have the basis for all those fundamental and crazy misunderstandings that many couples face..

something to think about,
(wether it is the case here or not)

[catzenmouse]

AJ,

 That was how I took afiance's posts as well. I didn't see any issues until she got some attitude thrown at her. I've always enjoyed her posts here as it is from the mindset of the FSUW (as is Mischief's, Rose's, Elen's, MoscowFlower's, etc). The different ladies all have different opinions but they also have some similarities in how they view their situations and how they view the role of the man in their lives.

 If a man is looking for a wallflower then he better run screaming away from FSUW as they are very strong individuals!

Ken