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Author Topic: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW  (Read 2279 times)

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Online Gator

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Iolanik,

Splendid to see you at RWD.  I joined RWG in 2002 after my first RW trip, and recall your participation.

I feel your pain of broken dreams, yet I feel your sense of relief from not having to face the daily stress of living with someone so unlike yourself.  Been there, have the declarative T-shirt.   

I also see your blessings.  The marriage blessed you with two precious gifts.  Your daughter is a show stopper, and your son is going to be a NFL lineman.  Enjoy these years.  They fly away sooner than you expect.  My time with family has always been my greatest source of joy. 

Confession time - I did not follow your advice, and am better for it.  I married a RW, divorced her in one year, then soon married another RW whom had known me for years and twice rejected me.   

The wife is a true blessing and I feel the love.  We have been married nine years.  In fact, she has now been with me longer than any other man. Based on these two wife experiences I can definitely say RW are not the same.


There are two key background differences between my wife and ex-wife.

1.  Family, something you mentioned as very, very important (I agree).  My ex-wife came from a broken home, neglectful father and mother.  My wife came from a happy, functioning home, attentive parents.  I knew the parents well before marriage.  One evening, her father and I shared a bottle of vodka one evening, revealing all even though we had no common language.  Much love in the family.

2.  Desire to leave Russia.    My wife had lived well in Russia with high-income jobs, wealthy husbands, and abundance of friends.  Her objective was not to leave Russia so she has been a challenge.  First in convincing her to leave, and second in her adjustment after she left ("Amerika is not my country"). 

We have our disagreements and differences.   You stressed materialism and that also affects us.  Odd that I say such because she abhors materialistic RW, those who brag about their Mercedes or diamond jewelry (i. e., the conspicuous consumers).  My wife prefers the luxury of 5-star hotels and I consider a hotel as just a place to sleep.  She prefers cognac over a fine wine.   She prefers modern expensive furniture, while I prefer well crafted antiques having soul.   I love golf; she was a professional athlete and does not consider golf a sport.  As with any other person, accommodation and compromise are necessary.   

Iolanik, in our universe, from time to time special women will cross our paths.  Do not let some lingering bitterness interfere in getting to know them. 

Good luck.  You already are a lucky man with a beautiful daughter and son.   

Offline iolanik

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Iolanik,

Splendid to see you at RWD.  I joined RWG in 2002 after my first RW trip, and recall your participation.

I feel your pain of broken dreams, yet I feel your sense of relief from not having to face the daily stress of living with someone so unlike yourself.  Been there, have the declarative T-shirt.   

I also see your blessings.  The marriage blessed you with two precious gifts.  Your daughter is a show stopper, and your son is going to be a NFL lineman.  Enjoy these years.  They fly away sooner than you expect.  My time with family has always been my greatest source of joy. 

Confession time - I did not follow your advice, and am better for it.  I married a RW, divorced her in one year, then soon married another RW whom had known me for years and twice rejected me.   

The wife is a true blessing and I feel the love.  We have been married nine years.  In fact, she has now been with me longer than any other man. Based on these two wife experiences I can definitely say RW are not the same.


There are two key background differences between my wife and ex-wife.

1.  Family, something you mentioned as very, very important (I agree).  My ex-wife came from a broken home, neglectful father and mother.  My wife came from a happy, functioning home, attentive parents.  I knew the parents well before marriage.  One evening, her father and I shared a bottle of vodka one evening, revealing all even though we had no common language.  Much love in the family.

2.  Desire to leave Russia.    My wife had lived well in Russia with high-income jobs, wealthy husbands, and abundance of friends.  Her objective was not to leave Russia so she has been a challenge.  First in convincing her to leave, and second in her adjustment after she left ("Amerika is not my country"). 

We have our disagreements and differences.   You stressed materialism and that also affects us.  Odd that I say such because she abhors materialistic RW, those who brag about their Mercedes or diamond jewelry (i. e., the conspicuous consumers).  My wife prefers the luxury of 5-star hotels and I consider a hotel as just a place to sleep.  She prefers cognac over a fine wine.   She prefers modern expensive furniture, while I prefer well crafted antiques having soul.   I love golf; she was a professional athlete and does not consider golf a sport.  As with any other person, accommodation and compromise are necessary.   

Iolanik, in our universe, from time to time special women will cross our paths.  Do not let some lingering bitterness interfere in getting to know them. 

Good luck.  You already are a lucky man with a beautiful daughter and son.

THE GATOR MAN!!!!  Hey braddah I am very happy to hear you found a loving wife and a happy marriage even with another RW. I can say that perhaps most if not all of the RWs I have come across in my area (San FranSICKO) all seem to be the same. I think the family situation is the single BIGGEST factor in making a determination to spend the rest of your life with ANY WOMAN. I think you have an excpetion bc #1 Your current wife is also divorced and has some experience (in herself and her partner) Also, your wife was in no way trying to leave Russia. This can have some issues to with being homesick and not adapting to life in  the U.S. Personally for me brah, I'm not bitter at all despite my writings and the way it may come across. Hawaiians are not bitter people (even though there are some outliers Ive met whom I dont understand) but as a whole, we just happy with life. I will be moving back to the Big Island after my son graduates HS so I highly doubt a RW can live and adjust to island life but then again, most people cant either, especially mainlanders..which is why they leave the islands after only a few yrs.
Yeah the kids are big and I have no regrets bc I love those kids to pieces and have done everything I could for them to raise them with manners, respect and compassion. Hopefully they dont throw me in the dumpster when my diaper needs to be changed! LMFAO!

Offline iolanik

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I love golf; she was a professional athlete and does not consider golf a sport.

What sport was she in Gator? I love that she doesnt consider golf a sport. BTW.. Im a big cigar aficionado so golf goes well with a good stick!!! LOL

Online Gator

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I will be moving back to the Big Island after my son graduates HS.....


I love Hawaii - been four times, first time 1966 on R&R from Vietnam.  Yes I am a fossil.  As soon as I get off the plane, my heart rate slows.  I live in Florida, and we have tropical breezes making the palm trees slow dance, yet Hawaii is different.



Quote
  ....so I highly doubt a RW can live and adjust to island life but then again, most people cant either, especially mainlanders..which is why they leave the islands after only a few yrs.       
 


I mentioned to my wife about relocating to Hawaii.   I showed her some youtube guides.  My two sons went there with me for two weeks some time ago, and both told her how wonderful it is.  She discussed the concept, and without much deliberation she said "Nyet."  She predicted, and perhaps wisely predicted,   not enough action and island fever. 


 


Quote
Yeah the kids are big and I have no regrets bc I love those kids to pieces and have done everything I could for them to raise them with manners, respect and compassion. Hopefully they dont throw me in the dumpster when my diaper needs to be changed! LMFAO!

You have a long time before that.  If it bothers when the time comes, there are some beautiful places to do a Thelma and Louise.   

Online Gator

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What sport was she in Gator? I love that she doesnt consider golf a sport.

She was a gymnast, a tall one.  For two years she worked in a Soviet circus doing high wire Cirque Soleil acts before there was a Cirque Soleil.  At 18-yo, the circus paid her 3x the salary of a graduate engineer.  Not bad.  Then she became a well paid runway model for 13 years.   Good life, travel, fine hotels in European cities, attention from men.   Yes, she's spoiled in a way, yet not entitled, and will do hard work.  She knows how to milk a goat.   

One other thing about her character.  I met her 13+  years ago when she was 40.   She was stunning (still is).  Men gave her big flirtatious smiles everyday when we traveled.   I recall one proud Italian man, striking, gave her the "look" as she walked past him to board a tour boat.  She stuck up her nose and sneered, without looking at him.  I was behind her, and he instantly frowned, uttering what must have been the word "bitch" in Italian.  ;)

We still laugh at that and our first meeting.  I had a driver-interpreter to help meet her at the Moscow airport.   For the one-hour to the airport, he warned me about bad Russian women, telling me story after story of other AM and their RW.  For example, one RW got off the plane in winter, not wearing a coat, so they drove first to the coat store.   Anyway, I find her and walk her to the driver and car.  They start talking and in a matter of a couple of minutes he turns to me and says "You are a lucky man.  This is a genuine Russian flower."  On the way back he and she spoke and spoke  while translating ever word for me. 

When we spend time with these RW, they give clues.  My wife's clues were starkly different from the ex-wife's.   I am not claiming to be a great detective of RW clues, as I knew my first RW wife for years and I still made the big mistake.

YOUR CASE

You met your wife when she was young and had not fully developed, in particular not knowing what she wanted.  Here clues would be subtle and varied.  She was still evolving and 18 years later she had changed into something intolerable, at least intolerable to you.  It happens.  Women  typically metamorphose as they become empty-nesters, not when kids are in their hormonally impaired teens.  At least that was the case  with my AW wife of 25 years (moving out as our younger son was a senior in high school).   

You were 34.  To be honest, did you fully know yourself? The world?  I started looking at RW when 59.  Even at 59, there was much for me to discover and learn.           

BTW.  Yes,  many golfers smoke a cigar or two while playing.  Not me.   I would not ask you to refrain.  Instead, I'd say enjoy life! 

Online Maxx2

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Maxx, youíll forgive me I hope, but I see a distinction between your response and my own
yours is more of ďstanding your groundĒ in opposition to your partnerís rages
which if it were done to my wife would have lead to an escalation
mine is to completely ignore it and over time transform my wifeís life
into a new better world, where folks donít have PTSD rages
it takes awhile to do this so you have to have great patience
bottom line, it REALLY does take two people to engage in a fight/argument
and if one of the people simply refuses to engage, then the result is thereís no fighting...
and because I ignore it, I donít have any resentful feelings about being treated unfairly, etc...
with this process, she went from weekly rages to monthly to now maybe once per year
and theyíre over with very quickly

money, I have to be realistic...
when I first met my wife, she didnít know what a checkbook was
so I had to teach her financial management 101
with her own bank account and CC
over time, once I was confident of her ability I gave her control of our personal finances
we're full partners in almost everything we do together


That thread from 14 years ago was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek and with a liberally dosing of troll humor. But it was meant to get people to think. Take for example Rose's reaction to the "don't complicate it" in regard to sex. Of course sex should be fun full of smiles, teasing and humor and the carnal pleasure too.


You are right about how to deal with rants and rages. Having a bemused smile and looking at your watch and leaving would likely cause you getting hit in the back of the head with an iron frying pan.    :cluebat:   Controlling the money, much too hard core as I stated it. I wrote that in response to all they guys that bankrupted themselves hoping to hold on to a marriage that should have been quickly jettisoned. Or if it could be saved, doing it without bankrupting themselves like poor Dean (He was rich at one time) did. 

Offline iolanik

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She was a gymnast, a tall one.  For two years she worked in a Soviet circus doing high wire Cirque Soleil acts before there was a Cirque Soleil.  At 18-yo, the circus paid her 3x the salary of a graduate engineer.  Not bad.  Then she became a well paid runway model for 13 years.   Good life, travel, fine hotels in European cities, attention from men.   Yes, she's spoiled in a way, yet not entitled, and will do hard work.  She knows how to milk a goat.   

One other thing about her character.  I met her 13+  years ago when she was 40.   She was stunning (still is).  Men gave her big flirtatious smiles everyday when we traveled.   I recall one proud Italian man, striking, gave her the "look" as she walked past him to board a tour boat.  She stuck up her nose and sneered, without looking at him.  I was behind her, and he instantly frowned, uttering what must have been the word "bitch" in Italian.  ;)

We still laugh at that and our first meeting.  I had a driver-interpreter to help meet her at the Moscow airport.   For the one-hour to the airport, he warned me about bad Russian women, telling me story after story of other AM and their RW.  For example, one RW got off the plane in winter, not wearing a coat, so they drove first to the coat store.   Anyway, I find her and walk her to the driver and car.  They start talking and in a matter of a couple of minutes he turns to me and says "You are a lucky man.  This is a genuine Russian flower."  On the way back he and she spoke and spoke  while translating ever word for me. 

When we spend time with these RW, they give clues.  My wife's clues were starkly different from the ex-wife's.   I am not claiming to be a great detective of RW clues, as I knew my first RW wife for years and I still made the big mistake.

YOUR CASE

You met your wife when she was young and had not fully developed, in particular not knowing what she wanted.  Here clues would be subtle and varied.  She was still evolving and 18 years later she had changed into something intolerable, at least intolerable to you.  It happens.  Women  typically metamorphose as they become empty-nesters, not when kids are in their hormonally impaired teens.  At least that was the case  with my AW wife of 25 years (moving out as our younger son was a senior in high school).   

You were 34.  To be honest, did you fully know yourself? The world?  I started looking at RW when 59.  Even at 59, there was much for me to discover and learn.           

BTW.  Yes,  many golfers smoke a cigar or two while playing.  Not me.   I would not ask you to refrain.  Instead, I'd say enjoy life!

Thanks Gator! I'm glad you found happiness. As for the wifey being a ex Cirque de Soleil performer..GOD DAMN! She MUST be smokin hot! LOL   I'm Older, Wiser, but thankfully, not "Poorer"  LMAO

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Iolani,


Hey Iolani......Capt B here. Joined RWG back in 1998. I went to Tver in 1999. Met my wife in 2003 in Stavropol......and we are still married. Another board member of RWG was my friend......JB. I attended his wedding in Moscow 1n 2002....as his best man. He is alive and still kicking with his wife "Etna" in Corpus Christi ,[size=78%]Texas. We visited them a few years ago. I made 8 trips to Russia.....and loved every one.[/size]
[/size]
[/size][size=78%]"A Yooper in Moscovia"[/size]
[/size]
[/size]Capt B[size=78%]
"A Yooper in Moscovia"

Online CaptB

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what is the scrambled eggs that showed up at bottom of my previous post ???????


Capt B




"A Yooper in Moscovia"
"A Yooper in Moscovia"

Online Maxx2

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what is the scrambled eggs that showed up at bottom of my previous post ???????


Capt B




"A Yooper in Moscovia"


If you cut, copy then paste that happens. You have to edit it right after and take out all the [size/] et cetera. This board is in bad need of an update.

Offline witchdoctor

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Iolani!
What's up bro!  Man this must be old timers week or month! I'm sorry to hear about the end result, but it sounds like you got a son and a daughter? And I hope they make you feel a bit better.
Your marriage lasted 7 years which believe it or not put you in the top 25% with regards to marriage length.  Mileage varies and I'm sure you have good reasons for saying never again, but, as we used to debate over and over again Russian women an American women are all first and foremost women. Doesn't matter the country.
Believe me I have experienced both as well as play Ukrainian girlfriend and a Belarusian girlfriend who is a circus performer!  (Alesya Gulevich) and two American women. who were worse.  I will let you guess!
Sh#t Happens.  Most want me back.  I even have a woman from 22 years ago, whose married, doing inappropriate things!  My boys are 17-18 and graduating with high honors.  So , what am I doing here?
Youtube... I was watching it recently and saw all the same stuff going on, but even worse with the ease of going to Ukraine and social media and technology.
So I felt the need to put my two cents in hand signed up for a site called Ukraine Fusion sponsored by a guy who's not doing too well named Stryker ( I'm with Cupid)
At first I went to RW guide dot-com but forgot that this form had stayed the same but changed names. I was going to prefer them over here to read the Archives rather than doing everything over.  There's a few of them who done some of the tours, wrong, but not one that has made the jump or even close.
I can't believe Iolani has reappeared at about the same time. It must be Karma, good or bad is the question!
 
Witchdoctor

 

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