Some very interesting posts here. I would just like to put in my 2 bits worth. Since most of the RW/AM relationships are begun by a man sending an email, then it is up to the man to know what he is looking for and who he is. The big thing to remember, especially as we get older, is that it becomes harder and harder to change your personality.
This means that if he is an Alan Alda type then he should make damn sure that his future wife is accepting of that, cause its doubtful this guy will change. So it is very important to make sure your future wife is psychologically compatible with you.
If that means the 10 out of 10 hotty you thought you fell in love with is not mentally compatible but the 6 out of 10 is, then the 6 out of 10 lady would probably make a better life partner. The 10 out of 10 would make a great mistress though

Of course the big question is HOW do you determine compatibility. Well, first know yourself, second know what you want and third be brutally honest in your correspondence. When you finally meet, be yourself and watch how she reacts. If you try and act in a way you think she likes, well it may work for the first couple of weeks but eventually the real you will come through. Just as if she tries to put on an act it to will eventually fall apart as well.
This is only my opinion but it has worked for me.