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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 238066 times)

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Online msmob

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2675 on: August 25, 2017, 01:28:27 AM »
Also REALLY funny ..Question is ..is this Beel's joke or yours ? ;)
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Online 2tallbill

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2676 on: August 25, 2017, 08:54:46 AM »
Also REALLY funny ..Question is ..is this Beel's joke or yours ? ;)

He told it first.
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online msmob

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2677 on: August 25, 2017, 10:14:07 PM »
I read your posting it - elsewhere - first ....))

I roared with laughter so much, that SC wanted me to explain the joke - that took 20 mins and kinda took the edge of the humour ....

So, thanks to ML and ( Beel) for the ( literally) sore sides.
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Offline calmissile

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Re: Canadian Farm Crops
« Reply #2678 on: August 26, 2017, 02:29:00 AM »
A Canadian farmer was sitting on his porch one day when a young man drove in and came up to the porch.
"Sir, I was driving by and noticed you had a lot of milk weed in your pasture. Would you mind if I went out and got some milk?"
"You don't get milk from milk weed!" the farmer replied.
"Oh yes," said the young man. "I have a degree in Agriculture from the University of Saskatchewan so I know all about it."
"Well, help yourself," said the farmer. He soon saw the young man coming back to his car with two buckets full of milk.
The next day the farmer was again sitting on his porch when the same young man drove up. "Sir, yesterday when I was getting milk, I noticed you had some honeysuckle in the fence row. I wondered if you would mind if I got some honey?"
"You don't get honey from honeysuckle!" said the farmer.
Again the young man explained about his degree so the farmer agreed to let him collect some honey. Soon the young man came back to his car with two buckets full of honey.
The next day the same young man drove up to the farmer's house. "Sir, yesterday when I was getting the honey, I noticed you had some pussy willow down by the creek."
The farmer said, "Let me get my shoes and I'll go with you…"

Now that was a good joke.  :)
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2679 on: September 29, 2017, 09:27:01 AM »
The future is certain...it's the past that's unpredictable.

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2680 on: September 29, 2017, 10:22:59 AM »
Asparagus is one of my most favorite foods; and we have a lot of it in our own garden.  Takes 3 years from planting crowns to get full crops going, but man it is delicious and can be prepared with several different recipes.
I still like Ike.

Online msmob

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2681 on: September 29, 2017, 10:39:34 AM »
Asparagus is one of my most favorite foods; and we have a lot of it in our own garden.  Takes 3 years from planting crowns to get full crops going, but man it is delicious and can be prepared with several different recipes.

'Spill' ......fancy trying something different this weekend ;)
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Online msmob

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2682 on: September 30, 2017, 06:32:25 PM »
THE IRISH PROSTITUTE

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'
The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'

'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!
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Offline ML

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For Gator
« Reply #2683 on: October 24, 2017, 09:40:53 PM »
For Gator
I still like Ike.

Offline ML

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2684 on: October 24, 2017, 09:41:53 PM »
Got all I need
I still like Ike.

Offline ML

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Blonde effect
« Reply #2685 on: October 28, 2017, 02:02:05 PM »
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
 
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.
See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
 
"Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G.
See?   A, B, C, D, E, F, G!
"Very good, Jenny," said her mother.
 
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
 
The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
"Mommy,Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today,
and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
 
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.       
 
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy​?​"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24!"
I still like Ike.

Offline treadmilldude

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2686 on: October 29, 2017, 12:43:40 AM »
Cowboys Legend Drew Pearson Trolls Philadelphia Eagles Fans | 2017 NFL Draft




This was, and still is, the funniest thing I have ever seen. My Dad and I were laughing so hard during the 2017 NFL Draft when we watched this that we had trouble breathing. Pretty funny to watch an old man (My Dad) laugh himself silly! Pretty funny to see an old Cowboys' legend (Drew Pearson) troll the living shit out of Philadelphia fans!!

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2687 on: November 05, 2017, 12:55:47 PM »
Cowboys Legend Drew Pearson Trolls Philadelphia Eagles Fans | 2017 NFL Draft




This was, and still is, the funniest thing I have ever seen. My Dad and I were laughing so hard during the 2017 NFL Draft when we watched this that we had trouble breathing. Pretty funny to watch an old man (My Dad) laugh himself silly! Pretty funny to see an old Cowboys' legend (Drew Pearson) troll the living shit out of Philadelphia fans!!

Sorry, but I didn't get the humor at all from his talk.
I still like Ike.

Offline ML

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Geography Lesson
« Reply #2688 on: November 12, 2017, 08:54:27 PM »
A Rack and Iraq.
I still like Ike.

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2689 on: November 13, 2017, 08:07:33 AM »
Sorry, but I didn't get the humor at all from his talk.

This was for last years draft, which they held in (first joke)
the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia home of the Eagles.

He is a famous Dallas Cowboys receiver and they play in the
same division as the Eagles. The two teams are fierce rivals.
The Eagles fans are pretty famous for booing and making jibes
at the Cowboys.

So the famous receiver rubbed in the fact that the Cowboys
have been significantly more successful than the Eagles
in the Superbowl era, Cowboys winning 5 superbowl rings
and the Eagles have won far less.


FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline wallm

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2690 on: November 13, 2017, 01:23:47 PM »
This was for last years draft, which they held in (first joke)
the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia home of the Eagles.

He is a famous Dallas Cowboys receiver and they play in the
same division as the Eagles. The two teams are fierce rivals.
The Eagles fans are pretty famous for booing and making jibes
at the Cowboys.

So the famous receiver rubbed in the fact that the Cowboys
have been significantly more successful than the Eagles
in the Superbowl era, Cowboys winning 5 superbowl rings
and the Eagles have won far less.

As an avid Eagles fan and Cowgirls hater, I couldn't care less about this fool.

Focus on beating us next weekend. Good luck with that. If we play our usual game, we will stuff your girls asses despite all our injuries.  :D :P

Online 2tallbill

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2691 on: November 13, 2017, 04:23:37 PM »
As an avid Eagles fan and Cowgirls hater, I couldn't care less about this fool.

Focus on beating us next weekend. Good luck with that. If we play our usual
game, we will stuff your girls asses despite all our injuries.  :D :P

Our All Pro left tackle Tyron Smith is injured, our All Pro Running back
who lead the NFL in Rushing last year is suspended, our All Pro linebacker
Sean Lee is injured. Our pro bowl kicker Dan Bailey who is only the most
accurate kicker in NFL history is injured. Dez Bryant our number one wide
receiver is injured, Malik Collins our DT is injured.

I would really be surprised if my Cowboys don't get killed. If Tyron Smith
is out, I wouldn't even start QB Dak Prescott. ONE Atlanta defensive player
got 6 sacks on Sunday. That's more than Reggie White on his best day.

« Last Edit: November 13, 2017, 05:28:29 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline wallm

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2692 on: November 13, 2017, 05:46:25 PM »
Our All Pro left tackle Tyron Smith is injured, our All Pro Running back
who lead the NFL in Rushing last year is suspended, our All Pro linebacker
Sean Lee is injured. Our pro bowl kicker Dan Bailey who is only the most
accurate kicker in NFL history is injured. Dez Bryant our number one wide
receiver is injured, Malik Collins our DT is injured.

I would really be surprised if my Cowboys don't get killed. If Tyron Smith
is out, I wouldn't even start QB Dak Prescott. ONE Atlanta defensive player
got 6 sacks on Sunday. That's more than Reggie White on his best day.

Come on Bill....wait till the game is over before trotting out the excuses. Anything can happen on Sunday.

We lost our first ballot HOF LT Jason Peters for the season.
We lost our starting MLB, Jordan Hicks, who is just as good as Sean Lee and just as often injured for the season. BTW, Cowgirls can thank Hicks for hastening the end of Romo era with broken clavicle.  :P
We lost our #1 corner in the first game and he is returning this weekend.

We haven't missed the beat yet. Injuries happen to every team.

Not starting Prescott is the ultimate slap in the face to the rest of the team. I just wonder why the coaching staff didn't give that stiff tackle more help. I am hoping they play him again and we can switch Fletcher Cox over to LDE for the game. It will be fun.  ;D


Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2693 on: November 14, 2017, 05:50:30 PM »
Come on Bill....wait till the game is over before trotting out the excuses. Anything can happen on Sunday.

We lost our first ballot HOF LT Jason Peters for the season.
We lost our starting MLB, Jordan Hicks, who is just as good as Sean Lee and just as often injured for the season. BTW, Cowgirls can thank Hicks for hastening the end of Romo era with broken clavicle.  :P
We lost our #1 corner in the first game and he is returning this weekend.

We haven't missed the beat yet. Injuries happen to every team.

Not starting Prescott is the ultimate slap in the face to the rest of the team. I just wonder why the coaching staff didn't give that stiff tackle more help. I am hoping they play him again and we can switch Fletcher Cox over to LDE for the game. It will be fun.  ;D

This is probably the wrong thread for a football debate, but there are two
outside linebackers and inside linebackers that are all pro each year and
Jordan Hicks was never selected. Hicks is a good player for sure but Sean
Lee has been a better player by any measurable standard. For Sundays
game however, they are the same.

The Cowboys will start Prescott, they don't check with me for my
recommendations on who to start and who to sit. I do like our
back up Cooper Rush.

Udachi!

Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online 2tallbill

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2694 on: December 11, 2017, 01:59:36 PM »
Actual footage of me getting through life before I
found Angel Eyes



FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Steamer

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2695 on: December 31, 2017, 11:48:37 AM »

This is the funniest routine I've seen in quite a while.


http://youtu.be/paG1-lPtIXA
« Last Edit: December 31, 2017, 11:51:49 AM by Steamer »
Life ain't nothing but a poker game
And no two hands are quite the same
But I never saw a winner that didn't bet

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2696 on: December 31, 2017, 12:35:35 PM »
This is the funniest routine I've seen in quite a while.


http://youtu.be/paG1-lPtIXA


Can't agree, as he relies too much on the F word.
I still like Ike.

Offline Steamer

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2697 on: December 31, 2017, 12:56:53 PM »
Can't agree, as he relies too much on the F word.




True but the picture he paints is a stitch.
Life ain't nothing but a poker game
And no two hands are quite the same
But I never saw a winner that didn't bet

Online 2tallbill

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2698 on: December 31, 2017, 02:12:07 PM »
Claustrophobia
claus·tro·pho·bi·a: Fear of close places.

I must have this because I am making a trip to the
liquor store, and I am afraid it might be closed.

« Last Edit: December 31, 2017, 03:44:35 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline ML

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OSHA violations
« Reply #2699 on: January 03, 2018, 10:16:07 PM »
OSHA violations
I still like Ike.

 

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