Time for some Humor!!

[2tallbill]

It's a little hard to pull one over on Fred..........

[2tallbill]

The child wasn't planned he was an accident...........

[2tallbill]

It's all a matter of how you look at it.

[2tallbill]

trisexual..........

[2tallbill]

Curtains..........

[2tallbill]

Quickie

[2tallbill]

Not a cookbook?

[2tallbill]

Beware of Dog.............

[2tallbill]

Another joke about the Frogs.........

[2tallbill]

Veggies...........

[2tallbill]

Jokes / cartoons on Posts 535, 537-559 are the property of Cartoon Stock
They were not designed, written and certainly not owned by me.

[SANDRO43]

A useful aid for the upcoming festivities .

ALCOHOL TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM	PROBLEM	CORRECTION
Feet cold and wet.	Glass held at incorrect angle.	Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Feet warm and wet.	Faulty bladder control.	Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
Drink unusually pale.	Glass empty.	Get someone to buy you another drink.
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.	You have fallen over backwards.	Have yourself lashed to bar.
Mouth contains cigarette butts.	You have fallen forward.	See above.
Alcohol tasteless,front of your shirt is wet.	Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.	Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
Floor blurred.	You are looking through bottom of empty glass.	Get someone to buy you another drink.
Your singing sounds distorted.	The drink is too weak.	Have more alcohol until your voice improves.
Don't remember the words to the song.	The drink is just right.	Play air guitar.
Everyone looks up to you and smiles.	You are dancing on the table.	Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
Drink is crystal-clear.	It's water, somebody is trying to sober you up.	Punch him.
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.	You have been in a fight.	Apologize to everyone you see, in case it was them.
Room seems unusually dark.	Bar has closed.	Confirm home address with bartender.
Floor moving.	You are being carried out.	Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.	You've wandered into the wrong party.	See if they have free alcohol.

[2tallbill]

Bottle of wine

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers. The woman says, "So, you're a man. That's interesting. I am a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive."

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women can be clever, evil bitches.

[2tallbill]

Small package???

[2tallbill]

Died Laughing..........

[2tallbill]

Big Feet.........

[2tallbill]

Dill ???

[2tallbill]

Holiday Tips.........

[2tallbill]

Ho Ho Ho ...........

[2tallbill]

Fruit Cake.........

[2tallbill]

They are fakes!!

[2tallbill]

Well Hung..........

[2tallbill]

stick up

[2tallbill]

Stick up Dva........

[2tallbill]

Not a good sign...........