Once Upon A Time...

[SANDRO43]

i wouldn't want to  manage two!   much less a harem..!!

You could always engage the services of an, er, 'impairedartial overseer' .

[diverboy70]

Fantic report myrddin!

I just wish I could even get close to your level of writing 

Good luck in the future with these ladies!

[ScottinCrimea]

Not to distract from a great TR, but my Mormon heritage compels me to correct some inaccuracies being presented here.  Although the Mormon church had poligamy as one of its early doctrines, it abandoned the practice over 100 years ago.  Any member practicing it in any form is excommunicated from the church.  This means that if you are foolish enough to desire the joys of more than one wife, you'll have to go the Muslim route.

[SANDRO43]

Not to distract from a great TR, but my Mormon heritage compels me to correct some inaccuracies being presented here.  Although the Mormon church had poligamy as one of its early doctrines, it abandoned the practice over 100 years ago.

Anyway, Mormons could always auction off surplus wives, as one did in this musical/movie with great music by Andre Previn and Frederick Loewe .

Clint Eastwood sings in a surprisingly-good tenor voice, while its possibly most-famous song (I was born under a wand'rin star) must have been re-recorded by Lee Marvin a hundred times, and he's still occasionally off-key .

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPUQ9JGD1qw&feature=related[/youtube]

[myrddin]

Thanks again, guys.

And newbies take note!  Either AJ and Gator are psychic, or they just know exactly what they're talking about!

try and relax about the whole situation, as taz advised

 one will stand out  as either a better match, or more involved and in tune with you, and all this fretting will be over a moot point.

Thanks for taking the extra time to write your report.  Usually the task of writing a report crystallizes one's thinking.  In your case, you are still undecided.  So both of these women have something special.  Eventually your emotional feelings will synthesize all the information and make a decision for you.  One woman will become compelling.  I hope so, or this could become crazy.

This whole endeavor is crazy, but wonderful

So now I have been back for *ahem* a few weeks.  The T/R might have been done sooner if I wasn’t so busy working to finance my next trip, studying Russian, and of course talking to ladies. 

[myrddin]

UPDATE

It’s been said the secret to a happy ending is *knowing when to stop*.  Although there’s some truth to this, I think my story has a very happy ending.  Nothing that happened later or will happen from now can change that.  As amazing as the ladies I met are, this story was really about me and my experiences.  It’s about how I changed, and how I needed to change, and about what might happen when opening up to possibilities.  It’s better to do something than nothing.

There may be sequels.  Life always goes on, and you can never predict what might happen.


Since getting back to the States, I have texted, e-mailed, and spoken to Lady E, Lady A and Lady C.

[myrddin]

The biggest surprise to me was what happened with Lady E. 

Anyone familiar with the nature of Story might guess where this goes.  If something starts off “perfect”, where can it go from there?  Quite frankly, I was shocked at how different it was communicating with her from the US versus living the poetry of being with her in person.  There was such a drastic turn from our time together to our correspondence and phone conversations that I wondered at one point if I completely misinterpreted the entire experience. 

She was not unfriendly, but from the start, her communications were brief and lacking in content (factual or emotional).  She reverted towards a decidely less informal tone.  She implied we were more penpals, and when she told me she lost her phone and would not replace it, she said we could communicate through the agency. 

I wondered if she had endured more tragedy, or found someone else.  I’ll never be able to reconcile the contrast between the woman I met in person and the woman I communicated with from home – they simply are not the same.  It’s taking me weeks to get over it.  I made excuses for her and I thought I should pursue her anyway (“this ain’t easy”), but it started to seem like a chase on a treadmill.  I don’t understand it, I don’t want it, I wish I knew why, but I am on the verge of accepting it.

In retrospect, there may have even have been some minor signs of immaturity in my time with her that I could never have spotted without some perspective.  For a time, I was thinking that maybe it was not really over, but at this point I have heard nothing from her in a while (and she could e-mail from work).  I actually considered sending one letter through the agency....

[myrddin]

For some time after getting back, I was pretty sure my biggest mistake was not seeing Lady A again and that was the end of it.  C’est la vie.   Maybe if I had met her again, it would have confirmed that she was not quite the right lady for me.  But I could not forget her.  I let the “first meeting” doubts go too far.

If I had only met Lady A, this would have been a successful trip and I’d have pursued her.  And when someone said to me, “if you’re even remotely interested in her, you should not let that connection die.”  So, after returning, I wrote to her (through the agency at first, since I had no contact information.  A few letters, with translation and photos, cost about $100 but there was no other way.). 

My opinion of her has not changed, she is an amazing lady with much to offer.  Every time I look at her picture, I remember seeing those eyes for the first time.  Communication is just communication, but she is definitely getting past some of that shyness.  I want to get to know her better, but there may be some guilt and I am not exactly certain how to proceed ... because of Lady C.

[myrddin]

Lady C continues to impress every day.  She is warm and friendly in all our communications, and her efforts stand out, especially among some of the disappointment with Lady E.  She writes me at her own expense.  She offered to make an effort to e-mail every day, though it would be quite difficult for her.

Though I am not going to rush anything, it is going very well.  Taz has helped with translations and she’s even wowed him.  We are not yet a couple, but she has me walking the high wire between dreams and reality checks, and it’s harder and harder to avoid spending too much time in my imagination.   I am definitely going back, and I am defnitely going to see her. 

In fact, the plane tickets are booked for August.    I am certain we will learn a lot on this trip.

I really do not know where it all goes from here, and I really still am okay with it. 

The theme remains the same whatever happens: I am going to enjoy this ride.

[steviej]

Lady C continues to impress every day.  She is warm and friendly in all our communications, and her efforts stand out, especially among some of the disappointment with Lady E.  She writes me at her own expense.  She offered to make an effort to e-mail every day, though it would be quite difficult for her.

For what its worth I say, "Dig the woman that digs you". I've seen guys walk away from a great woman that wants him, to chase a woman that does not. Then, when they fail, they cry in their beer saying, "there's no good women in this world!".

In fact, the plane tickets are booked for August.    I am certain we will learn a lot on this trip.
I really do not know where it all goes from here, and I really still am okay with it. 
The theme remains the same whatever happens: I am going to enjoy this ride.

August? Good man, right on !!

[Gator]

My first thought was that Lady E was just having a bad couple of days.  Then I realize how long it has taken you to write this report, so the time span is weeks and months.  Yep, Lady E is history.  

Stevie and I are total agreement about this one as we usually are.  Revisit the woman who is enthusiastic about wanting to be with you - this is a sign of commitment which both of you will need to make your relationship work if and when it progresses to the next level.

What is this crap about Lady A?   Are you falling in love with a photo?  I have dated several RW.  My personality tends to be optimistic, and so I had built up each of these women in my mind before the meeting.  In reality they were good but few as good as I had hoped.    More than likely Lady A is not as "amazing" as you think she is.  

I suggest that you concentrate on Lady C  and not let thoughts of another confuse you and jeopardize the next meeting, unless you have years and unlimited budget to do this.

Whatever you do, do not mention anything to "C" about another woman.  NEVER.

Glad to know that you are returning soon.  Congratulations.

[myrddin]

What is this crap about Lady A?  

It's not all as neat as a story should be sometimes, the interactions overlap.  But your suggestion is the plan:

I suggest that you concentrate on Lady C

Glad to know that you are returning soon.  Congratulations.

[sillyboy]

Thank you, Myrddin for posting your trip report. I found it wonderfully written and very interesting to read.
It is not often that something I read captures and holds my attention in a way that makes the world disappear around me.
It was a nice surprise that you have included some follow up status reports on the ladies.   
I am happy to hear that you will be visiting Ukraine again so soon. Will you be part of an entourage again, or will you be flying solo this time?

I wish you luck in your endeavors. Hopefully you will keep us informed as your saga continues.

[bjoer751]

Thank you for a great report Myrddin, it's been a pleasure to follow your thoughts and endeavours so far - and I'm sure looking forward to follow-ups.

I haven't been very active here since I registered - merely lurking around, reading all I can, trying to fit some of the thoughts into my own life. But, I will be married with my own precious Sasha in august - after a total of 3 years since we met (not through any agency or me going to Russia - she actually was in Sweden, studying for one term), a bit more than a year as engaged, and only beeing able to meet 1 time during the last 7 months. But I can definitely agree with KenC and many others on this board - it's worth it.

Good luck with your next trip, and I hope you can enjoy it even more this time - since you won't have to be anxious about different meetings.

[Faux Pas]

The biggest surprise to me was what happened with Lady E. 

Anyone familiar with the nature of Story might guess where this goes.  If something starts off “perfect”, where can it go from there?  Quite frankly, I was shocked at how different it was communicating with her from the US versus living the poetry of being with her in person.  There was such a drastic turn from our time together to our correspondence and phone conversations that I wondered at one point if I completely misinterpreted the entire experience. 

Yes this is a problem with women anywhere. Of course "perfect" is only a temporary perception with most anything and women included. When you start at the top you have no where to go but down. Starting at the bottom presents challenges of it's own, with women you most likely wouldn't stay around to witness improvement. Many on the board state and rightfully so, do not fall in love with a picture. I would extend that to, do not fall in love with a lady on first meeting as well. All women we meet in these relationships should be allowed enough "wiggle room" to start out in the middle. It is only fair. If you are willing to meet them, then giving them opportunity to start in the middle is only right. They deserve opportunity to prove perfection or absolute failure. Just as we men do. Whatever one's eventual outcome, in time it will be proven and perception be dammed.

myrrdin, Do you suppose that meeting a series of women in this fashion clouded your initial judgement of Lady E? Perhaps smitten with great looks and initial great personality of Lady E you overlooked the excellent qualities of Ladies C&A. If you answer that yes, is it most likely you didn't give some of the other ladies  you had shorter meetings with a fair shake?

I ask these questions not from a position of innocence but quite the opposite. It seems I have carried on in relationships in this manner most of my life. Not that any of these questions require an answer just some food for thought. BTW, I have really enjoyed your TW. Thanks for posting it.

[Taz]

OK, I just relived a TR. I was a bit behind in my reading thanks to working on my next trip back. I have to say myrddin has come a LONG ways from when I first met him. This one trip healed him from so much crap foisted upon him (an internalized) by AW that he is like a totally different person. If he could have only started from the emotional place of where he is now I'd shudder to think where he might be now!

I know the situation was extremely tense and intense for him at times. I tried to be there whenever he needed a hand or sympathetic ear. He truly is a great guy with wonderful intentions. Some gal is going to be really luck to get this guy. He is a diamond in the rough that only needs a little polishing to show his true brilliance.

Lady C picked up on it right away. She is as consistent about things as I am. I believe myrddin will agree that I am incredibly consistent. From day 1 Lady C rose to the challenge. I've translated many phone calls between myrddin and the ladies and Lady C is easily the top of the heap. Her enthusiasm even surpasses Lana's who I've known for quite a while now. Not to say Lana isn't enthusiastic, she is but she doesn't show it externally as much. Lady C is just a very outgoing, sweet woman.

Quite honestly I was sort of sad when myrddin and Lady C hit it off. I always thought of Lady C has a great backup plan.    She is a great woman and one JD passed up repeatedly even despite my most insistent urging that he should at least meet her. I saw her around the agency while I was waiting on him. She impressed the heck out of me.

Two months ago I would have said she was too almost far out of his league. Now he has grown so much during and after his trip that he is truly up to the challenge. I don't mean in the physical sense as for attractiveness (myrddin cleans up well!) but his emotional state of mind. He is now ready to kick @$$ and take names. He has even made incredible progress in learning Russian. I am amazed at how much he has grown in almost every area (except weight) since we first met. Whatever RW finally bags him will be one lucky RW. I think Lady C already has that figured out. I am glad that I've been able to play a part in helping him grow and to further his relationships. It definitely hasn't been a thankless task but I am definitely a richer person for it.

I didn't envy him with all the wonderful women he met. It was definitely a challenge to sort them in any meaningful way. It is like looking at a group of super models and trying to decide which one you liked best. They were all attractive except 1 and the top 5 were amazing. The differences slight but Lady C won the personality contest hands down.

If it were me, I'd pick the one that was the most into me especially if I was into her as well. Ultimately the choice is his... If I had to go all in I know who I'd pick.

[SANDRO43]

Myrddin, could you just manage to relax a while ? I shall not suggest any specific techniques, but you do seem overwrought. Granted, it was an eye-opener for you, and possibly a life-changing experience (very well related if I may add, although sometimes I felt like kicking you for your up-and-down mood swings ).

What was consistently apparent was your nervousness. Sit down and have a whatever (tea, coffee, beer, vodka, you name it) of your liking. Think about what apparently was an extremely-positive experience (compare it to the train wrecks you may have read about here), and consider your next moves without undue hurry.

I shall not presume to offer any advice about the ladies you met, you are the best judge of that, but I should urge you to feel unusually-lucky with an almost uniquely-positive experience.

Selecting a life-time partner is a serious decision. Probe your remaining candidates gradually with what is of major importance to you, question and listen to their responses, answer truthfully to any of theirs (what they may ask is just as important).

Best of luck in what appears to be a promising quest .

[Taz]

Myrddin, could you just manage to relax a while ? I shall not suggest any specific techniques, but you do seem overwrought. Granted, it was an eye-opener for you, and possibly a life-changing experience (very well related if I may add, although sometimes I felt like kicking you for your up-and-down mood swings ).

I had to reach throught the phone and verbally bitch slap him a few times. You would have thought he won the powerball lottery the way he was acting.    I guess in a way he did have several winning tickets.

He does have an excuse for his nervousness! It is his mom. NO doubt he gets it from her. Hell, I think after a few months of living around her I'd end up like him too.    She's a great lady just a little high strung. He is remarkably calm compared to her.

I can truly appreciate what he was going through. He just had too many good choices and almost no sleep before being thrown in. He did remarkably well all considered. He didn't really commit any major faux pas. He had a great attitude the almost entire time and just keep moving the ball down the field every day. If JD had been half as flexible as myrddin was/is he would have already been able to bring home several women.

His TR wasn't half as emotional as he was sometimes on the phone. The excitement was palpable. I could also hear the intense tiredness in his voice too at times. He never once seemed down or ready to give up EXCEPT for the night I invited him to the night club. He wasn't ready to give up but was obviously out of energy.

Now that he has the feel for things, I'm sure his next trip will be even better.

[myrddin]

do not fall in love with a lady on first meeting as well. All women we meet in these relationships should be allowed enough "wiggle room" to start out in the middle. It is only fair. If you are willing to meet them, then giving them opportunity to start in the middle is only right. They deserve opportunity to prove perfection or absolute failure. Just as we men do. Whatever one's eventual outcome, in time it will be proven and perception be dammed.

Yes, time is an ally!  There’s a Golden Mean somewhere between unrealistic expectations and bailing too soon.

myrrdin, Do you suppose that meeting a series of women in this fashion clouded your initial judgement of Lady E? Perhaps smitten with great looks and initial great personality of Lady E you overlooked the excellent qualities of Ladies C&A. If you answer that yes, is it most likely you didn't give some of the other ladies  you had shorter meetings with a fair shake?

I don’t think meeting several women affected my judgment there.  I think it was right but her interest changed/disappeared for reasons I do not know.  Just the vagaries of human interaction.

I really didn’t overlook the qualities of Ladies C & A.  With Lady A, it was all firsts.  I’d been told beforehand that the first meeting never works out and I thought “maybe not ALL of my doubts are due to first-meeting nerves”.  With Lady C, I knew she was great but what I didn’t recognize at first was her interest in me.  The only “problem” by the time I left was that I was a bit more into Lady E. 

I ask these questions not from a position of innocence but quite the opposite. It seems I have carried on in relationships in this manner most of my life. Not that any of these questions require an answer just some food for thought. BTW, I have really enjoyed your TW. Thanks for posting it.

To quote Homer Simpson, “Do I know what ‘rhetorical’ means?!”

I think in the past, me being smitten has led to ignoring red flags and negative qualities in that individual more than not noticing good qualities in others.  Maybe it helps to be smitten with more than one lady at a time.   

[myrddin]

Myrddin, could you just manage to relax a while ? I shall not suggest any specific techniques, but you do seem overwrought. Granted, it was an eye-opener for you, and possibly a life-changing experience (very well related if I may add, although sometimes I felt like kicking you for your up-and-down mood swings ).

You think it's tough reading it, imagine living it!   I'll kick myself for you a few times. 

What was consistently apparent was your nervousness. Sit down and have a whatever (tea, coffee, beer, vodka, you name it) of your liking. Think about what apparently was an extremely-positive experience (compare it to the train wrecks you may have read about here), and consider your next moves without undue hurry.

I shall not presume to offer any advice about the ladies you met, you are the best judge of that, but I should urge you to feel unusually-lucky with an almost uniquely-positive experience.

Selecting a life-time partner is a serious decision. Probe your remaining candidates gradually with what is of major importance to you, question and listen to their responses, answer truthfully to any of theirs (what they may ask is just as important).

For a guy who just said he wouldn't offer advice, you present some very good examples of it! 
I'll raise some Nemiroff vodka for you this weekend (to recover from the kicks, of course). 

Best of luck in what appears to be a promising quest .

To all! 

[steviej]

I really didn’t overlook the qualities of Ladies C & A. 

Myrddin - indeed a diamond. And Taz says you clean up well !! 

Question: Are you physically attracted to Lady C? I remember having the impression you were attracted to Ladies E & A, but I don't remember what thesituation with C was?

[SANDRO43]

For a guy who just said he wouldn't offer advice, you present some very good examples of it! 

I said I wouldn't offer advice about the ladies involved, anything else is 'no-holds-barred', since you're gracious enough not to mind a bystander's external opinion .

[Taz]

Myrddin - indeed a diamond. And Taz says you clean up well !! 

Question: Are you physically attracted to Lady C? I remember having the impression you were attracted to Ladies E & A, but I don't remember what thesituation with C was?

I really wish he would have used some name rather than ABC etc. I was there I have a damn hard time keeping track of who's on first...

I can say that it was OBVIOUS to me that Lady C was definitely in to him more than Lady A or E. OTOH, he seemed to be pretty attracted physically to almost all the women he met except maybe 1 of them. 

Of course he can better answer that but it was pretty obvious to me. While Lady C had the most enthusiasm I can't say it was to compensate for any deficiency in the physical attractiveness department. Let's just say she was on myrddin's, JD's, SK's AND my list of women we'd like to go out with. Four positive votes for the same woman definitely count for something!

I think I saw her in person before I ever saw her photo. When I finally actually saw her profile she looked nice in it but she definitely is better than her photos. In person her warmth definitely adds to her appeal and she wasn't lacking already in her photos. There is just this very sincere vibe you get from her. She is really a heck of a catch. Quite honestly when I see them together they make a nice couple and it even comes across even in their photos as well. He could do far worse than here and take a long time to do any better. Time will reveal all though.

[myrddin]

Myrddin - indeed a diamond. And Taz says you clean up well !! 

Question: Are you physically attracted to Lady C? I remember having the impression you were attracted to Ladies E & A, but I don't remember what thesituation with C was?

I thought it was back in the TR (lo, many pages ago), but if there is any doubt: she is gorgeous.  One of the risks you don't hear much about is that of running low on good metaphors to describe beauty.    I wouldn't pursue something further with someone I wasn't strongly attracted to!

he seemed to be pretty attracted physically to almost all the women he met except maybe 1 of them. 

Six of the eight were waaaay above average, one was merely attractive, one ... just wasn't my type. 

[myrddin]

I really wish he would have used some name rather than ABC etc. I was there I have a damn hard time keeping track of who's on first...

There are only a handful of common female names over there!  It would just feel wrong to use names without that Russian flavor.  Though we have no trouble with the real names, I would have had to re-use several names, once real and once just for the TR... too much potential for translation confusion between a real "Olga" and a TR "Olga". 

Faced with a choice between more confusion on my part and more confusion for Taz, I had to go easy on myself!