Wife split!

[vwrw]

Thanks VWRW for the first part.

With the second part I try to find out if she is a GCG first. Then if there is no doubt that she is I advocate that the husband secretly consult with a immigration attorney and an divorce attorney that knows the immigration issues. This is what I did. Then I advise never to mention the word 'divorce' with the wife. To make the plans to exit without the wife knowing it is coming. If a wife seems on the verge of doing a DVC and the husband for whatever reason cannot leave the home at that time I advise to chill the situation by taking her shopping. Perhaps new car or new house shopping (I did this) but not to buy of course. This will usually keep the wife from filing a DV charge as she sees she has a payday coming. Then pack up personal valuables with the help of a female relative/friend (as a witness) leave the house while the wife is visiting with friends or shopping. Then have a process server waiting for her when she returns home. Then the husband is to stay hidden with a changed phone as divorce/annulment details are worked out. If she wants to contact him she can do so through her attorney to his attorney.

Maxx, I admit that given a woman is GCG with evil intention to hurt her soon- to -be- ex- husband , them the strategy you developed is excellent way to fight against her. However, employing the strategy as a method of protection against  a woman who does not want to hurt her soon- to -be- ex- husband  is NOT good thing to do.

I asked him "what are the chance she will file a DV charge on me?". He told me "100% she will." and then went on and explained that the INS will ask her "Were you ever abused? If you were you can fill out these documents and you will get your green card" So it's a 100% certainty she will.

Maxx, I read somewhere that less than a half of women (approximately 30% if I remember correctly ) officially make domestic abuse’s complaint if they want to stay in America and to get divorce before obtaining the 10-years GC. ( I will try to find the article later when I come from college.) Therefore, it is not reasonable to postulate the 100% certainty that woman in given situation will make domestic abuse’s complaint. However, treating woman as a brutal foe will definitely  provoke her to respond by  harsh actions.  

[Misha]

Misha, I think you are right and what you say was the true albeit latent intention for offering to relocate.
In my opinion your idea regarding her intention is rather a proof  that seeking a sponsor is main incentive of the woman, not GC.  

Well, odds are what she is doing: I would guess that she is out for both a green card and a richer sponsor now that she is in the United States. Can you say wanting your cake and eating it at the same time  

[Wayne]

I see a lot of posts and some new people.  Went back to the house with two other people and asked her if she wanted to talk.  She said to talk to her attorney.  We went into the house and spent a couple hours cleaning.  What a mess! 

She had the nerve to ask me if I would give her the owner's manual for the computer she had taken.

Did not see daughter.  She did not bring back the 25 or 30 coats she had, nor the many pairs of shoes and boots.  By the way, home much does  a chinchilla coat cost?  Perhaps a Russian woman would know, as they are not popular here.

[OlgaH]

This woman wanted out of the marriage and filed DV charges on him. He took it very hard.
Words can kill.

Maxx

Yes, Maxx, words can kill and very fast, especially from a person who you trust and love... I really feel sorry for that guy and his mother Bella.


Reading through Wayne's  posts I can see that he took care of Oxana well. He prepared his home for her, he planned to fix her bad teeth, most likely he  paid for her International driving license that she obtained  in Russia...

As he wrote the problems in their relationship started after her interview at the embassy in Moscow...

Oksana and I had a wonderful relationship before the problem at the embassy. 

Oksana had a really terrible experience in Moscow.

So she brought her "terrible experience in Moscow" into their relationship...

There was also a fact to think about. When she went to visit her mother in Uzbekistan Wayne did not know her mother's address, phone number... she did not provide him with such information. Did she contact him while she was in Uzbekistan with her mother?...

She is going to Uzbekistan to visit with her Mother, who  is going to have an operation--but I do now know exactly what is wrong with her.  I know the medical treatment available to her Mom is not good.  The family is very poor.


I would like to go to Oksana when she is in Uzbekisatan--but I do not even have the address nor phone number of her Mother. 

Oksana will probably not go to the internet cafe to check her email when visiting her Mother in Uzbekistan.  No one seems to know the phone number there.  Oksana said she would stay there perhaps a few weeks. 

Here in America she was waiting till her GC interview and only after she left Wayne (just 6 months after their wedding)  ... and she did in a sneaky way...  Even if they had big problems in their relationship  she was very quick to find a lover-consoler of her grief and announce she will stay with her boyfriend... and she also was very quick to find an immigration attorney who advised her to stay with Wayne ...   after all she "gives orders" who can stay and who can not stay in Wayne's house...

She has her sick mother in Uzbekistan and even a place in Russia to live in... but as we can see she doesn't want to return...

The reason I ask about how the electric usage is charged, is because Oksana wants to keep her apartment in Russia

Actually, Yana's Grandfather owns the apartment where they live; and he leaves it to Yana.  I think that is the reason why Oksana wants to keep this apartment.

So, they will probably need to keep up the utility payments.  We would need to find a way to do that from USA.

I base my observation on Wayne's posts... and in such case I'm with Maxx and William. I think when somebody asks for help and the most effective advice he will not distort the information about his situation.

[felix8787]

Wayne,
Don't give her anything, she took the computer, she needs to figure it out herself. Why did you clean up after her? If she wants to act and live like a pig, then let her be a pig.

I see a lot of posts and some new people.  Went back to the house with two other people and asked her if she wanted to talk.  She said to talk to her attorney.  We went into the house and spent a couple hours cleaning.  What a mess! 

She had the nerve to ask me if I would give her the owner's manual for the computer she had taken.

Did not see daughter.  She did not bring back the 25 or 30 coats she had, nor the many pairs of shoes and boots.  By the way, home much does  a chinchilla coat cost?  Perhaps a Russian woman would know, as they are not popular here.

Why bother trying to even talk to a wall? She made up her mind long ago Wayne........She didn't bring that many cloth back probably because she needs your place for a physical address to prove that you and her are cohabit in the house.
I hope you are documenting that you don't live there Wayne.
Good luck to you.

felix8787

[Wayne]

Well, I paid for a lot more than her braces, trips to her mother and so on.  She told me she likes a sauna, so I spent thousands of dollars building a large sauna, sixed for 6 people.  All out of the most expensive clear, California Redwood.  Ceramic tile on the floor.  And, also, an additional bathroom with tiled shower, everything done first rate.  By the way, I built the entire home myself starting with falling the 100 foot tall trees.

She was never satified with anything I did.

She wore glasses when I saw her in Russia.  Now her eyesight is fixed!

I supported them for four years and there is no thanks.

[felix8787]

Wow Wayne......I am sorry to hear that. Basicly she just used you to get what she wants and now that she is here she is trying to keep it that way no matter what.

[Gator]

Went back to the house with two other people and asked her if she wanted to talk.  She said to talk to her attorney. 

Does her attorney specialize in family law or immigration?  

Because she has an attorney, you would be a fool if you do not have one.  Her attorney is working to protect her within the broad limits of the law - he/she could care less about truth.  I assume that you indeed have an attorney and are working carefully and secretly to prepare a game plan.

I supported them for four years and there is no thanks.

This is typical for a GCG.  Why should they express gratitude?  They earned all of this by being clever and beautiful.  

A GCG will rip you apart and not feel any guilt.  Instead of guilt, they think the man was destined to his sorry fate because he was so gullible.

Wayne, it now seems that you are getting angry about this mess.  First, you went through the "denial" phase as she was separating herself from you.  Next, you went through the "feeling sorry for yourself" stage when the truth became evident.  Not you are getting angry.  So do something about it - get this woman out of your life.

Wayne, it is apparent that you are a nice man.  However, because of a difficult life requiring survivor skills, many of these RW are not nice and probably have a cold heart.  Contrary to agency hype, simply being a nice man is not enough for these women.  

[SANDRO43]

Well, I paid for a lot more than her braces, trips to her mother and so on.  She told me she likes a sauna, so I spent thousands of dollars building a large sauna, sixed for 6 people.  All out of the most expensive clear, California Redwood.  Ceramic tile on the floor.  And, also, an additional bathroom with tiled shower, everything done first rate.  By the way, I built the entire home myself starting with falling the 100 foot tall trees.
She was never satified with anything I did.
She wore glasses when I saw her in Russia.  Now her eyesight is fixed!
I supported them for four years and there is no thanks.

Wayne, why on earth did you open this thread ?
- To seek advice: you've been given plenty and of all flavours, but you say nothing about taking any of it.
- To vent your frustration and/or have a public shoulder to cry on: in this case, other members may as well stop volunteering unheeded advice.

[OlgaH]

Wife knows about this forum, so I need to be careful not to say something to be used against me. 

I think it is better for Wayne to make his steps, but not to publish it. He can use PMs.   

[WmGO]

I think it is better for Wayne to make his steps, but not to publish it. He can use PMs.   

Agree with this 100%.

Wayne, time to stop posting what is going on and take
some action to protect your interests, your life and your
dignity. You can tell us what happens later....

[Makkin]

Wayne,

    Cut your losses and get the attorney to work as you may have already done. Take the needed measures to protect yourself.

    Let us know how it's going as your doing now. We care about you and your situation and we are here to aid and assist as you can already tell.

   "You can do it"

Makkin

[BC]

Ya know, I'd love to see so much effort put into prevention.

Here's a good start:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=8535.msg156414#msg156414

Some guys are gluttons for punishment..

Here's a 'hint':

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=4811.msg85135#msg85135

[Maxx2]

Maxx, I admit that given a woman is GCG with evil intention to hurt her soon- to -be- ex- husband , them the strategy you developed is excellent way to fight against her. However, employing the strategy as a method of protection against  a woman who does not want to hurt her soon- to -be- ex- husband  is NOT good thing to do.

Maxx, I read somewhere that less than a half of women (approximately 30% if I remember correctly ) officially make domestic abuse’s complaint if they want to stay in America and to get divorce before obtaining the 10-years GC. ( I will try to find the article later when I come from college.) Therefore, it is not reasonable to postulate the 100% certainty that woman in given situation will make domestic abuse’s complaint. However, treating woman as a brutal foe will definitely  provoke her to respond by  harsh actions.  

I agree with you. If there is hope then the couple should try and work things out.

I would be interested in seeing what you read. The attorney that advised me I thought was exaggerating and was doing so to scare me into using him, I did not. I used another attorney instead. However for my situation his advice was the best. I do not believe in harsh actions unless it is a certainty that the spouse is only out for a green card.

Maxx

[Doll]

  I believe Doll could not do this even though she could have taken that route when her husband sent her back to Russia with divorce papers in her hand.

Then you don't remember the situation    He never filed for divorce and never sent us back.
Too much credit to me- I could do it and was going to. Then we talked and tried to solve the problem. It worked.

[Misha]

I could do it and was going to.

So, what exactly were you planning on doing?

[Doll]

So, what exactly were you planning on doing?

File DVC that we were subjected to. Talked to the attorney and before I did something I talked to my husband.

[Misha]

File DVC that we were subjected to. Talked to the attorney and before I did something I talked to my husband.

If you were subjected to DVC, why would you stay?

[Doll]

If you were subjected to DVC, why would you stay?

Because I thought it was a misunderstanding that happens in almost every marriage. We talked, came to the agreement and went on.
I listened to him, he listened to me and we merged.

[OlgaH]

Because I thought it was a misunderstanding that happens in almost every marriage. We talked, came to the agreement and went on.
I listened to him, he listened to me and we merged.

Doll, how his "domestic violence" towards you displayed itself?  What he did that you thought it was DV and later you acknowledged it was a misunderstanding?

[Misha]

Because I thought it was a misunderstanding that happens in almost every marriage. We talked, came to the agreement and went on. I listened to him, he listened to me and we merged.

It depends on how you define domestic violence. I can't see domestic violence being simply a question of a misunderstanding.

[Doll]

Doll, how his "domestic violence" towards you displayed itself?  What he did that you thought it was DV and later you acknowledged it was a misunderstanding?

We were in Russia on a visit and my husband wanted to get the divorce.
That's why I know what change of locks can do  etc.
What he did or was going to do just served me right. Could serve. He followed his attorney's advises and the attorney made more than one mistake.

[Doll]

It depends on how you define domestic violence. I can't see domestic violence being simply a question of a misunderstanding.

It is a long story

[OlgaH]

We were in Russia on a visit and my husband wanted to get the divorce.
That's why I know what change of locks can do  etc.
What he did or was going to do just served me right. Could serve. He followed his attorney's advises and the attorney made more than one mistake.

Did he really want the divorce or it was misunderstanding?

[Maxx2]

We were in Russia on a visit and my husband wanted to get the divorce.
That's why I know what change of locks can do  etc.
What he did or was going to do just served me right. Could serve. He followed his attorney's advises and the attorney made more than one mistake.

I remember you were out of the country and were wondering if you should come back. The divorce was in the works. It seemed like a trick. I advised you in e-mail to come back and work it out legally (I have it in my old files). These tricks some of these guys use like getting their wife out of the country and then stealing their wive's passport and visa are something I think is idiotic and wrong ( I know he didn't do the later part to you ). I remember telling you that a judge would look very unfavorable on him for doing what he did (getting you out of the country). I remember another detail was that you had a son that would face the military draft someday and I mentioned that might be a good reason to come back to the US. I glad you worked things out.

Maxx