She came here on our first meeting

[Aloe]

Ahh.. now here is a cultural issue in the other direction Aloe.. I can't say about Europe.. but a lot of men in the states are going to be "gun shy" after some of the crap we have put up with.  after a few broken hearts its not so simple as just jumping "her" bones anymore.. there are consequences to such actions and a wise man won't act purely on lust.

If I had been in James shoes.. even if I was hot for her the first minute I saw her.. I would have held back too..

my husband gave me a french kiss on sight right at the airport on our first meeting . i think i already wrote that somewhere. that was totally unexpected and i wouldnt recommend it, but a hug would be nice.

[Sculpto]

my husband gave me a french kiss on sight right at the airport on our first meeting . i think i already wrote that somewhere. that was totally unexpected and i wouldnt recommend it, but a hug would be nice.

how long were you in communication before meeting for the first time?

[gemini]

Gemini, was it not a couple of threads ago you complained about Russian women saying what you thought were bad things about Russian women?

The fact that I said  that most Russian women are good mothers etc. and I don't trust this one  is proving that she is suspicious. I am repeating again: there are bad women in any country. My husband is AM but he has the same bad feeling about her, so it is not about being RW in this case. I am very caring personality and I am saying like if James was my brother or close friend.

You have 2 choice. You can go and meet some others RW and I am almost sure you will meet one, look at her eyes and you will know right away you want to kiss her and  be mother of your children. She may not speak good English or have an American visa but you will notice the difference.
Second way, you will continue with this one. Who knows, may be she is tired from her "shopping business" and is ready for commitment.  I would strongly advice go to her city next time, make sure she doesn't have a husband, let her introduce you to her parents, friends and relatives. Some people like to play Russian roulette and still alive.

[Aloe]

how long were you in communication before meeting for the first time?

3 years but we werent doing it in a romantical way most of the 3 years, cuz we met in an online game that we played together every day, altho at some point we did send each other virtual hugs and kisses that was his explanation, he was like.. but but.. you sent me virtual kisses!

[Sculpto]

3 years but we werent doing it in a romantical way most of the 3 years, cuz we met in an online game that we played together every day, altho at some point we did send each other virtual hugs and kisses that was his explanation, he was like.. but but.. you sent me virtual kisses!

you guys are ADORABLE.    But anyway.. thats the difference.. James and his lady friend knew each other a week or two before they met in real life.  Its different..they really were strangers. 

[Gator]

I think there are so many red flags in this story, almost like on May 1 parade.

Whether right or wrong, this is a classic way of phrasing it and evokes a vivid image.  I love it.  Gemini, your Soviet days are showing.

James,

I would compare your situation with investing in a private placement offering, hoping for an IPO.  When they hit, the payoff is huge.  However, most fold before the IPO.

Everyone is telling you to advance slowly.  That does not mean to dump her.  It means to spend a lot of time with her and don't think about marriage until you have had several meetings.  You have the luxury of abundant free time to meet her, so there is no need to rush into this.

You are taken more with her personality, intellect and compatible style, when many men focus only on a RW's beauty.  That is good as such are the qualities needed for a life partner.   You are there and know how special you feel.  

This is your first RW.  If you ever have some doubts about her or your feelings, I would suggest exploring others while keeping her on the front burner.  Two timing, yes, but now is better than later.  This can be done by contacting a select few RW with a reputable agency.

[GoodOlBoy]

my husband gave me a french kiss on sight right at the airport on our first meeting ........that was totally unexpected and i wouldnt recommend it,.......

I agree with Aloe, don't french kiss your FSU lady at first sight.

I am kind of embarrassed to tell this story, BUT...What the heck.

When I met Marina for the first time in the Athens Airport, she made our first meeting "easy".

I was standing at the baggage area waiting for her with 3 red roses.

She came out, more beautiful than her pictures, walked right up to me and extended her hand!!

Of course I shook her "soft" hand right away!

Trust me, after spending 2 beautiful weeks together in Greece.....we did NOT shake hands when we departed at Athens Airport!! 


GOB


BTW.....We had only known each other 3 months (internet and telephone calls.) I wish they had "Skype" back then.

[Ooooops]

This is your first RW.

That doesn't sound good at all.   It's not a puppy or a car, you know... 

[I/O]

Bullsh*i*t.   

I shall blush if I should continue to hear such effing vulgarity.

I don't remember us getting into pissing match like you, guys, do

Men are better "equiped" for such a passtime. 

its national pastime

So I've noticed, doesn't make it any more impressive.

I would strongly advice go to her city next time

I agree as mentioned several pages ago.

You wouldn't want to hear comments about "rolling eyes"

Not really impressive going back adding to posts later to spice them up a touch and no more impressive than an attack on yet another Russian woman whom you know nothing about would be.

however a few of the russian WOMEN only forums are very nice and friendly

LOL, a few? Yes I'd agree with that. The funniest one I saw was a serious cat fight between Russian women on a Russian women's forum about which was the most friendly Russian women's forum. 

That doesn't sound good at all.   It's not a puppy or a car, you know...

Gator: Watch this go the full circle. This "Rude, Scamming, Using Shopper" will rival Mother Mary Maria by the time they're done.

James has been sufficiently warned, he is a big kid, can afford to fire a shot or two in the dark and will ultimately make up his own mind. Isn't it worth just sitting back for a while and enjoying the show as it unfolds?

I/O

[Daveman]

my husband gave me a french kiss on sight right at the airport on our first meeting . i think i already wrote that somewhere. that was totally unexpected and i wouldnt recommend it, but a hug would be nice.

Haha! Well, however you slice it, the recipe worked! Your husband is indeed married!    Okay, new approach... next time I'm gonna serious plant one on her at the airport and use the "virtual kisses" excuse. Can't argue with success! 

[Ooooops]

 Men are better "equiped" for such a passtime. 

Some men are better equipped and some not.   And those, who are not so fortunate, are getting in fights with women, just because they think it's easier to win.    Wrong!   

[Sculpto]

women can compete.. here is proof.. 

[youtube=425,350]<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/RfL8-AgWBf0&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/RfL8-AgWBf0&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>[/youtube]

laugh people. 

[Gator]

James has been sufficiently warned, he is a big kid, can afford to fire a shot or two in the dark and will ultimately make up his own mind. Isn't it worth just sitting back for a while and enjoying the show as it unfolds?

Exactly!   

Whatever the outcome, I believe James will enjoy his time.  He is a good writer not afraid of expressing his thoughts.  So if we don't drive him away, he will give us a good show.

[Daveman]

women can compete.. here is proof.. 

I've always contended that women have no problem writing their names in the snow. They just have to walk a little farther. 

[JamesDH]

Just woke up.

My brain works at night while I'm asleep and this morning my feelings are:

If I had felt that she was "the one" I would have been aggressive. Something held me back.
Something kept me from taking her hand when it was appropriate, something kept me from kissing her when the air was thick with the tension.

I have to respect the inner voice that held me back. He's pretty smart on these matters.

Another thing that's on my mind is I still don't think of her in a sexual way. I don't lust for her. That worries me.
I know relationships based on sex seldom last but there has to be some "animal" attraction for it to work. I'm not feeling it.

I think my attraction to her stems from the fact that she filled a spot that I need filled. She was here, she was a woman and she did womanly things.
Honestly I think anyone that could fill those spots would have had the same effect on me.

My feelings are to cool it and keep my eyes open, explore more options.

Added: Before I posted this I went to take a shower and mull over what I've written. I'm going to go ahead and post it because it is the way I feel.

[GoodOlBoy]

If I had felt that she was "the one" I would have been aggressive. Something held me back.
Something kept me from taking her hand when it was appropriate, something kept me from kissing her when the air was thick with the tension.

I personally applaud and respect your decision JamesDH.

Please keep posting on RWD.

Your whole post was a very unique and honest experience.

Thanks again......GOB

[Daveman]

So what happened to the "love"?   

Not a jab at James here at all, but really, this scenario should show guys that positive thoughts, or positive emotions. or a tug on the heart while "looking deeply into her eyes" do not constitute love.  If he really loved her, he would move earth, heaven and hell to be with her (and she for him, in her womanly way), but it seems this could be one of the shortest loves in history. 

It's normal to do a bit of a retrospective.  And it's good if he decides to walk away after meeting, realizing within himself that this lady just wasn't for him.  However, as far the narrative goes, they have not spoken again since the departure. Perhaps the story will change again after such communication -- and that would also be normal.

Good luck with it James.  I'd say continue communication a little before making a final decision because according to your narrative,  much of your angst involved immigration and such, and not necessarily about this woman.  If she turns out to be the one for you, then you will not give a flying crapola about immigration... Let the emotions from the first meeting settle into stability - good, bad, weird, everything.   Get back to where you should be -- NOT thinking about choosing carpet together, living together, is she *the* one, or such as that.. but simply knowing and growing.  Relax a bit.. 

[gemini]

I think my attraction to her stems from the fact that she filled a spot that I need filled. She was here, she was a woman and she did womanly things.

It is funny, I was just walking down the street and thinking about my next post and now I see James wrote exactly the same words I was going to write.

[I/O]

a spot that I need filled.

Very risky position to place oneself in.

I/O

[ECOCKS]

Glad you deemed her visit a success James.

I hope it works out for the best as you write your own story.

The only advice I would offer is that from what you say, you went with your instincts and that is the surest way to present yourself honestly. While some may chide you for not having taken the more sound route of studying up on FSU cultural and traditional differences, remember we can only offer you possibilities and probabilities based upon what you relate. In the end, you will contribute your own outcomes. Maybe they will match those most probable chances, but just maybe you're going to be one of those who beat the "odds" in this process.

Anyway, hang in there and enjoy the journey.

Ed

[Misha]

Another thing that's on my mind is I still don't think of her in a sexual way. I don't lust for her. That worries me.
I know relationships based on sex seldom last but there has to be some "animal" attraction for it to work. I'm not feeling it.

It should worry you. From my experience, a good marriage should be based both on intellectual and physical attraction. You should not, IMHO, settle for a woman where there is no "animal" attraction. If you are feeling this way now, imagine how you will be feeling in 5, 10 or 15 years of marriage. 

[Daveman]

It should worry you. From my experience, a good marriage should be based both on intellectual and physical attraction. You should not, IMHO, settle for a woman where there is no "animal" attraction. If you are feeling this way now, imagine how you will be feeling in 5, 10 or 15 years of marriage. 

In almost every single situation I would emphatically agree with this without reservation (in fact, I can't think of a single one other than this one).  My hesitancy here is that James had so many extraneous thoughts going on that he never really just relaxed enough to see this Potential Russian Immigrant Woman From A Different Planet as simply a woman.  This woman popped up out of the blue, and bang, there was the visit without him having opportunity to really become comfortable with the situation.  Not giving an opinion here in the least, just a little food for thought, FWIW.

And, it could also be that he just flat wasn't attracted to her.

[Misha]

My hesitancy here is that James had so many extraneous thoughts going on that he never really just relaxed enough to see this Potential Russian Immigrant Woman From A Different Planet as simply a woman. 

I would agree with you, was it not for this statement in the first post:

I've never been attracted to skinny women and have preferred some meat on the bones, curvy so to speak.  So maybe that was it. Too skinny.

I can relate as I share this preference. Women that are too skinny are a big turnoff for me. They can have the most beautiful face, the nicest eyes, and whatever else, but I will not be physically attracted to such a woman. It has nothing to do with the woman, just the way that I am wired. Time and circumstance will never change this for me, and I suspect James might be similar to me in this respect.

[Daveman]

ahhhhhhhh, yep... point taken, Misha.

[I/O]

Women that are too skinny are a big turnoff

Y'all jess bin conditioned to them bigarse ol' mamas in toweling dresses and flipp flopps mowin' down everfing in their path through the Walmart isles.

I/O