Almost-total newbie here ...

[possum]

Thanks for the support there, possum ... I see YOU'RE up early, TOO (USA) ...

I meant to include you in the list of those who've befriended me on here ...

Kevin

Just remember, the advice of some women on here is to taken with a grain of salt.. There's plenty of useful information they can give you, but it's not as black and white as some would have you believe..

[veritas]

Folks, do me a favor here, don't go and pull a djgothman on the new guy.

I'm gonna go look up "djgothman" RIGHT NOW ...

But I'm guessing that my treatment thus far has been relatively "mild" in comparison ...

BTW, looks like it's NOT early for you, after all ... It says above that you're a FSU resident?

Kevin

[possum]

BTW, looks like it's NOT early for you, after all ... It says above that you're a FSU resident?

Kevin

That's correct.. It's going to be getting dark in a few hours.

P.S. djgothman had mood issues, among other things..

[Gator]

GQBlues,

You dare to lecture Kevin about being a strong man, and you have cats!  Please tell me that you got your cats only after you married the Siberian Princess.

When scanning profiles, I automatically rejected any woman who had a cat.

Kevin,

There are many RW who have cats.  Write them.

[veritas]

P.S. djgothman had mood issues, among other things..

I'm three pages into his intro thread right now ... This is what he said to BluesFairy:

You really dont understand anything that I HAVE SAID  and demonstrated the nature of those that scorn the likes of poor pathetic loser rejects like myself. You are the reason I hate people... you are the epitome of all I detest about society.

...the Goth-basher

Wow ... I've got a chip on my shoulder against my FATHER and MYSELF, but no one ELSE ...

I feel for this dude -- so far ... (Sez he only posted 15 times, but the thread goes on for 13 PAGES) ...

I'm no stranger to depression myself -- and I may or may not elaborate on that -- but I blame MYSELF
and my FATHER only, not anyone ELSE, much less the WORLD ... And I'm certain that I have to deal
with the fact that my father was very mentally ILL -- not "evil" -- and to come to grips with that ...

Still reading ...

When scanning profiles, I automatically rejected any woman who had a cat.

Kevin,

There are many RW who have cats.  Write them.

What, Gator, ya don't like CATS??  Max was a real sweetheart, and he died before his time ...

How can I post a pic of him??  You'll see what I mean, Gator ...

Kevin

[possum]

Wow ... I've got a chip on my shoulder against my FATHER and MYSELF, but no one ELSE ...

So you don't have a grudge against the entire society? That's good to know..

[Faux Pas]

I'm three pages into his intro thread right now ... This is what he said to BluesFairy:

You really dont understand anything that I HAVE SAID  and demonstrated the nature of those that scorn the likes of poor pathetic loser rejects like myself. You are the reason I hate people... you are the epitome of all I detest about society.

...the Goth-basher

Wow ... I've got a chip on my shoulder against my FATHER and MYSELF, but no one ELSE ...

I feel for this dude -- so far ... (Sez he only posted 15 times, but the thread goes on for 13 PAGES) ...

I'm no stranger to depression myself -- and I may or may not elaborate on that -- but I blame MYSELF
and my FATHER only, not anyone ELSE, much less the WORLD ... And I'm certain that I have to deal
with the fact that my father was very mentally ILL -- not "evil" -- and to come to grips with that ...

Although you may feel a kinship with djgothman, nothing you've have posted would lead me to believe that you and he are even remotely similar. Many people suffer depression and some deal with it better than others. Depression comes from all walks of life.

I don't know if this particular pursuit is for you Kevin. I wouldn't make that judgement call. You would have to make it. Although I know there's a few here that don't mind making that suggestion.  

I will give you this, you're certainly a far cry from the "run of the mill" newbie. Thats actually a good thing. You see your short-comings in the real dating world where many refuse to even consider problems exist (with them).

You strike me as a very intelligent guy. Your honor code is admirable but, happiness doesn't have to exclusive from it. IME, women do respond to the confidence of the man in choosing the direction a relationship may take. When you fail to choose a romantic or physical, all that remains is friendship or none at all.

However, with that said, I do truly believe "There is a butt for every bucket". Whether yours is in the FSU remains to be seen but I do wish you good luck in finding her.  

[veritas]

Although you may feel a kinship with djgothman, nothing you've have posted would lead me to believe that you and he are even remotely similar.

True, Faux Pas, true ... We really aren't ... I just sympathize with his depression, NOT his bitterness ...

I will give you this, you're certainly a far cry from the "run of the mill" newbie. Thats actually a good thing. You see your short-comings in the real dating world where many refuse to even consider problems exist (with them).

I'd go so far as to say that I'm a far cry from the "run of the mill" ANYTHING -- for better or for worse ...

You strike me as a very intelligent guy. Your honor code is admirable but, happiness doesn't have to exclusive from it. IME, women do respond to the confidence of the man in choosing the direction a relationship may take. When you fail to choose a romantic or physical, all that remains is friendship or none at all.

However, with that said, I do truly believe "There is a butt for every bucket". Whether yours is in the FSU remains to be seen but I do wish you good luck in finding her.

Thanks, Faux Pas ... Yes, I'm certainly "admirable", all right -- an "exceptionally good guy" ... 

My mom -- not ME -- once said that I had a "world-class mind" ... I'd revise that to say
that I MIGHT -- or might NOT -- have a "world-class" INTELLECT, but my MOM has the
"world-class" MIND ... My "intellect" has been largely squandered because of my MIND --
as was my father's ... 

Kevin

[Sculpto]

HI Kevin..
Despite Gators unreasonable and provocative attack on cats.                      <--- indicates sarcasm

Cats are really loved in the FSU.  I remember walking around Odessa and encountering numerous street cats.. people.. and especially girls.. would stop to give love to these urchins.. those cats were the BEST beggars I have ever seen.. they could beg a pet and rub from the hottest girls on the planet!  And none of those street cats looked to be unhealthy or feral.. someone was taking care for them and feeding them.. they just liked to live on the street.. usually right in the middle of the sidewalk.. more clever than a Gypsy I tell ya!

The cat angle could work very well for you.

There are also lots of pocket dogs.. now that is an animal I try to avoid.  As far as I am concerned pocket dogs are nothing more than little nervous poop machines.. HOWEVER... FSUWs seem to love them and there are HUGE numbers of them around.. although.. I do understand people live in small apartments and normal dogs are not very practical. 

On the other hand.. I found it incredibly disturbing the large number of monkeys, macaws and even baby bears that are reduced to being street performers and beggars.. there was even one rather cute spotted dog seen wandering St P with a beggars bucket in his mouth and a scruffy looking owner a few steps behind.. but especially the monkeys.. those monkeys are slaves!  If I lived in Russia I would actually start a free the monkeys campaign!  Such a campaign would include macaws and baby bears!  But the main thing would be those poor slave monkeys.

[OlgaH]

You psychobbabber! 

Nah, regarding playing or having games like "frame controls, I ignored her message to... and other bla bla" I'm a psychocutter (let's cut the crap    ) Regarding pottering about dark corners of someone's psyche... better to leave it for board certified professionals 

[OlgaH]

Just remember, the advice of some women on here is to taken with a grain of salt..

I would rather say "Just remember, the advice of members on here is to taken with a grain of salt.."   

(why I have Lily's metaphorical phrase "fidgeting" in my mind? Probably because I wear high heels  )

[possum]

I would rather say "Just remember, the advice of members on here is to taken with a grain of salt.."   

(why I have Lily's metaphorical phrase "fidgeting" in my mind? Probably because I wear high heels  )

I've always wondered how women can walk on icy sidewalks in their high heels and not fall.. What's your secret? And don't me it's 'cause you live in Florida and you have no ice there.

[veritas]

I've always wondered how women can walk on icy sidewalks in their high heels and not fall.. What's your secret? And don't me it's 'cause you live in Florida and you have no ice there.

OK, so THAT'S why you wished me a "good Florida night"?  You live in Florida, too, OlgaH?

And that's why Orlando is accessible to you?  What part of Florida?  What city?

Kevin

[Daveman]

Nah, regarding playing or having games like "frame controls, I ignored her message to... and other bla bla" I'm a psychocutter (let's cut the crap    ) Regarding pottering about dark corners of someone's psyche... better to leave it for board certified professionals 

I agree with that last statement.  Specific issues are better dealt with in a therapeutic environment.  There are, however, some universals. For example, people read emotional content. All people do it, but women have a more refined emotional radar and will match or mismatch words/actions with the perceived emotional state.  

GQ pretty much summed it up... men generally have little problem with 3, are pretty good at 1, but the second can be a problem for many (whether romantic, or in dealing with life in general).

Kevin, I would highly suggest NOT airing your laundry on any forum.  It's always possible that a lady in whom you have an interest will find her way here. Or others can air your words on the ladies' forums which could cause all kinds of problems for you down the road if your lady of interest were to make the connection there.  It's just better not to get too personal with with posting information publicly.

And lastly, there is nothing wrong with therapy. I have participated in both group and private therapy many times, both as an intern as well as personally... if you are open minded, accept that there is a challenge and that you can win it, then truly amazing things can happen.  The only "normal" people are the ones we don't know well.

It's not that there's something "wrong" with you but rather about growth into the man you were born to be.  You can plow through like most with trial an error, or you can focus in and explore it. Think about that.

Dave

[OlgaH]

I've always wondered how women can walk on icy sidewalks in their high heels and not fall.. What's your secret? And don't me it's 'cause you live in Florida and you have no ice there.

Secret? To carry some grains of salt 

It is better to avoid dangerous icy spots though it will take some more time to go round. But the most dangerous can be fresh layer of snow... so fluffy and sparkling with its purity of whiteness but hiding the ice, like a trap  That's why you should pay more attention making your steps and keeping the balance. I also prefer to have the metal tips on stiletto heels and winter-resistant non slip soles 

And don't me it's 'cause you live in Florida and you have no ice there.

I don't even  have winter boots here 

newkt,

we live two hours from Orlando. I will send you PM. 

and Dave gave a good advice on "laundry"

[Misha]

"Getting sexy", "being sexy", and "feeling sexy" are TOTALLY alien concepts to me -- and always have been ...

I'm really getting the feeling that I don't even BELONG in this game ...
Being an exceptionally good guy just isn't good ENOUGH in this life ...

I have been reading this thread, and can only conclude that you truly underestimate yourself. You don't appear overweight, you seem to attractive enough, you are educated, and you seem like a nice guy. There is no reason why you should not hit it off with women in their 30s in Russia or the FSU. Just convince yourself that you are the prize and simply go out and meet women. If you meet enough, eventually you will find one that you will want to pursue and who will willingly be pursued  I personally don't see any reason as to why you don't belong in the game and why you can't succeed at it 

[Sculpto]

I think if Kevin had a little taste of success with the ladies he would come right out of that fortress he has constructed. 

FSUW can break those walls down.. no doubt about it.. he needs to get on a plane.. IMNSHO

That said.. I do not think he should go alone. 

I have sometimes thought it would be cool to organize a newbie trip for shy guys and get a couple old farts to go along and keep them out of too much trouble.. not a profit making venture.. just a guided trip..

[veritas]

we live two hours from Orlando. I will send you PM.  

and Dave gave a good advice on "laundry"

Thanks, Dave and OlgaH ... Today, though, I'm just too sick to even care ...

Got to bed after 2:00 AM, posting on here, but woke up at 4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep ...
Since then, I've been in and out of bed, on the computer and off, hot, sweaty (ain't Orlando!),
shaky, dizzy, etc. ... So I don't think you'll be seeing a whole lot of me on here today, although
I'll pop back in and out between stints in bed ... But look for me to be back in full force pretty
soon here ...

BTW, FWIW, Sculpto did warn me yesterday about the dangers of "revealing too much" ...
Also, I'm in therapy -- and have been for a while -- and have been taking psych meds
since 2000 ... (Oops, there I go again! )

I'm off to bed again, but I'll check in with y'all later ... Lookin' forward to that PM, OlgaH ...

I have been reading this thread, and can only conclude that you truly underestimate yourself. You don't appear overweight, you seem to attractive enough, you are educated, and you seem like a nice guy. There is no reason why you should not hit it off with women in their 30s in Russia or the FSU. Just convince yourself that you are the prize and simply go out and meet women. If you meet enough, eventually you will find one that you will want to pursue and who will willingly be pursued   I personally don't see any reason as to why you don't belong in the game and why you can't succeed at it  

Thanks, Misha ...  I'm definitely a nice guy, and I reckon that I do underestimate myself ...  

I think if Kevin had a little taste of success with the ladies he would come right out of that fortress he has constructed. 

FSUW can break those walls down.. no doubt about it.. he needs to get on a plane.. IMNSHO

That said.. I do not think he should go alone. 

Thanks again for the "buddy up" advice, Sculpto ... Yes -- "that fortress" indeed ...

Wish me "well", y'all, 'cuz this really SUX ...

Kevin

[ECOCKS]

You shouldn't have any trouble finding a long term relationship after you:

1. Get Well.

2. Find work.

3. Understand the way this process works and get the appropriate [for you] strategies, filters and radar settings in place.

[OlgaH]

And lastly, there is nothing wrong with therapy.

Dave

Agree, if it is not conducted by a "lumberjack"  

[FredC]

I'll give you a little "Dr.Philism" about the process that you have been using, "How's it working for you?"......If you don't break out of your comfort zone, you can't expect different results than what you have been getting........Fred

[Daveman]

Agree, if it is not conducted by a "lumberjack"  

Lumberjack Psychotherapy is the new technique.. Dr. Bubba will be on the commercial with Gunny soon so one can scream at him for being a cry baby, the other can threaten him with an ax!

My personal favorite was "Death Therapy" from that movie "What About Bob?"... strap 20lbs of explosives to the patient ... rapid catharsis time! 

[OlgaH]

Nice movie, Dave.  

- Death Therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.

- He's never gone!   - Is this some radical new therapy?

[GQBlues]

Anyway, Max was just a beautiful cat ...

CATS?!? Boo-hoo to Gator for shunning the wonderful feelings cats give you unconditionally.  

--------mushy moment-----------------

I've had 5 in my lifetime. The last 4 in the recent past. My wife first resented the oldest and the only 'boy', Elton, when she first arrived. He was the most incredible companion any person can ever have and I feel very fortunate he chose to spend his life and love with me. He was a full blooded Persian and got him on the last year before they outlawed feline pedigree sale in malls. For good reasons. In-breeding became so bad that many of the cats suffered genetically. Elton, beautiful creature that he was, was not spared that fate. He had 5 episodes of Urinary Tract Obstruction throughtout his 15 years with me and ultimately succumbed to kidney failure and left us for a better place and time one month after I got married.

My wife couldn't understand the relationship Elton and I had. He was my shadow, my companion. She struggled with the fact Elton can only sleep when he's pressed against me. Elton also had a companion in an American shorthair cat I rescued 6 hours before the Humane Society is scehduled to put her to sleep. Joni was only 6 weeks old and hadn't even seen life outside a cage when I first met her, yet she was already a dead cat meowing.

Joni shared 12 wonderful years with me. It was Joni who turned my wife's attitude around. After Elton passed away, my wife and Joni bonded. Intensely. So when Joni was struck with feline sarcoma two years ago, we were both devastated and I vowed never to have cats again. I threw everything out from toys, dish, everything...

It was my wife who insisted 8 months after Joni passed away to get another feline companion. That's where Sasha and Sidney came into out lives. They're with us today and my wife finds the same joys I always had sharing your life with these wonderful companions.

We presently are actively donating our time, and money, to those 2 wonderful no-kill centers. They are a wonderful 'option' for these lovely animals. We also donate to BestFriends.org in Utah.

-------end mushy moment----------

So back to Kevin.

A lot of good folks are here and willing to help you on your journey. You should be fully aware of that fact by now. I, personally, will do what I can and answer any question you may have whenever you find the need.

During my newbie days, one of the best aid I gathered in a forum environment like RWD was the trip reports. It gave me an in-depth look at what transpires during the moment when men embarked upon on their respective journeys. There's a recent T/R in the trip report section that I believe will be a great read for you, especially for you. It's by TwoBitBandit.

"Jooky" is a forum member. He has business setup in Russia and it allows him to spend a great deal of time there so he's definitely keyed to the many things that can help you in your journey. Great guy and I'm sure he'll gladly help you where he can.

When the time is right and you're better prepared for the journey, I believe FSU will be a great experience for you. The one thing I like about you, compared to the very many, is you seem true about yourself. For one, you haven't yet laid the blame on AWs as a reason why you're looking in FSU. But instead you're honest and ready to own up to what ails your current situation.

That is so, so cool in my book, thus you're pretty darn cool, too! 

[Gator]

Kevin,

What does your therapist say about Russian women?

I was married for 25-years to a clinically depressed spouse, the mother of my sons.  If you are anything like her, I would say stay away from the FSU.  Her condition is illustrated by the one time I took her to an NFL game we had to leave at halftime because of crowd noise. 

My ex-wife's struggles were akin to living in the deep end of the pool and not knowing how to swim.  She did not have a good therapist (as explained to me by those who know).  Her therapist did not teach her how to swim.  Instead he gave her a lifejacket (meds) and moved her to the shallow end (removed sources of stress, e. g., divorced me and moved three hours away where she would not have to deal with our problematic younger son).

Few RW understand clinical depression and other psychological disorders.  I caution you:  DO NOT explain your condition to a RW until you feel really comfortable and connected with a particular woman.

I know one bipolar RW here in America.  Treating her condition is difficult because she will skip taking her meds out of shame.  Her mother does not know about her daughter's condition, yet worries knowing something is amiss.