Vincenzo's thread and Mamba debate

[Patagonie]

I think Vincenzo tries to fix love of the woman BEFORE any meeting.
read carefully :

FIX : secure his own insecurity, avoid competition
LOVE : a modern concept of distant relation wich is exactly what a FSU woman will not want pursue for a long time. Love = this love allows him to avoid the whole courtship, considering he had done it by internet.
MEETING : ignore purposefully the physical attraction rule, ignore purposefully the financials and materials prerequistes. Ignore the sexual compatibility.

[Muzh]

Having been there (where Vincenzo is) I need to point some things.
 
No one here has been in contact with her except Vin. All your portents to his and her relationship has been nothing more than bursting his bubble. I hate to say this but, I find that mean-spirited. Dispense me the "I'm just pointing out potential disappointment" talk. No one here knows her at all and we barely know this guy.
 
IF there is no chemistry between them, let them figure it out themselves. No NEED to warn him it may (is going to) happen. All I've read from him is he FEELS he found a good woman. Please, don't tell him how he should feel.
 

[Daveman]

Having been there (where Vincenzo is) I need to point some things.
 
No one here has been in contact with her except Vin. All your portents to his and her relationship has been nothing more than bursting his bubble. I hate to say this but, I find that mean-spirited. Dispense me the "I'm just pointing out potential disappointment" talk. No one here knows her at all and we barely know this guy.
 
IF there is no chemistry between them, let them figure it out themselves. No NEED to warn him it may (is going to) happen. All I've read from him is he FEELS he found a good woman. Please, don't tell him how he should feel.

Muzh, I don't see any of this as mean spirited.  It's definitely much more tame than it would have been a few years back with some of the assertions he's made.  They may very well be perfect for each other which they'll discover together.  Raining on his parade isn't the purpose.  It's more about going into this firmly grounded with eyes as well as heart open. 

[Misha]

Muzh, I don't see any of this as mean spirited.

I agree and let us not forget how this whole thread started: Alex shared his news as to how he is now married and met his wife through mamba and Vincenzo responds by writing: "Mamba is a complete waste of time."

[Vincenzo]

• it's okay - no real fireworks, but you've invested so much time into it that you feel you must continue - same end result.

So even if it does go rock-ass well -- there's a reason most who have gone before you suggest at LEAST a second visit and preferably an extended visit if you can work it out -- even if everything seems perfect.  The second visit is when you start to see what is really between you sans the euphoria tinted glasses.  That's my point there. 

Well, I invest time and she invests her time. We're equally devoted.
Certainly, many men write for years and always have excuses why they don't visit. Not me.
While I entertain and court her, she has no time and desire to write to other foreigners. Fewer competitors. It certainly works only with fresh in the dating market women.

A second visit isn't a problem. But why would I waste time during my first visit? It's already an extended visit. I lose a lot of money when I don't work. I prefer to spend this money preparing the red carpet for my visit. A few bouquets don't cost much but express my affection. Letters take time but replies are very enjoyable.

I think I'll be more "sexually compatible" with a perfect girl than with an easy-to-approach ugly lady.

[Vincenzo]

I agree and let us not forget how this whole thread started: Alex shared his news as to how he is now married and met his wife through mamba and Vincenzo responds by writing: "Mamba is a complete waste of time."

Yesterday, I skyped with a lady whose friend contacted me on mamba when they both were in my city a few years ago. I drove them around, helped them to buy phone cards, which they immediately used to call their Sashas to say, "I love you".

I remember how we went to a mall to buy new pants for them and we had a big problem: the smallest pants were twice the size of their waists. Then we went to the kids' section, suitable pants were short there.

Yes, for a fling mamba is Ok.

[Misha]

Yes, for a fling mamba is Ok.

That is your experience, fine. However, it is not the absolute truth as a number of men have successfully used mamba to find their wives  All I have concluded is that your approach to dating is not suited for mamba or other such sites.

[Faux Pas]

I think I'll be more "sexually compatible" with a perfect girl than with an easy-to-approach ugly lady.

That all depends on the time and when the bar closes 

[Misha]

I think I'll be more "sexually compatible" with a perfect girl than with an easy-to-approach ugly lady.

Yes, but will she think that you are attractive enough to be "sexually compatible" with her?

[Patagonie]

That all depends on the time and when the bar closes 

[Daveman]

Well, I invest time and she invests her time. We're equally devoted.

And that is an excellent sign/situation

Certainly, many men write for years and always have excuses why they don't visit. Not me.
While I entertain and court her, she has no time and desire to write to other foreigners. Fewer competitors. It certainly works only with fresh in the dating market women.

That's cool, I still think that you are overstating the possibility of competition being detrimental to your chance of success.  Personally I believe that detriment to be only in your mind, i.e., that woman who is into YOU would be into YOU no matter who else wrote her letters.  It is does seem that the longer and more letters women receive the more, uh, seriously jaded they appear to become.  That may very well be true.

A second visit isn't a problem. But why would I waste time during my first visit? It's already an extended visit. I lose a lot of money when I don't work. I prefer to spend this money preparing the red carpet for my visit. A few bouquets don't cost much but express my affection. Letters take time but replies are very enjoyable.

I think I'll be more "sexually compatible" with a perfect girl than with an easy-to-approach ugly lady.

Waste the first one?  Not at all.  Have a blast and enjoy it to the fullest.  My point is that the euphoria of infatuation may not be your (or her) most beneficial state of mind when making serious life altering decisions (her life as well as yours).  IMO, and take it for what it's worth, is that the only decision one should make during the first visit is whether to schedule a second.   You may be perfect for each other. Let time and life experience together grow that 'perfection' to maturity - transforming Lens of Limerence into a solid foundation of Love. 


Of course I could be mistaken, but you're coming across, at least to me, as being in a little bit of a hurry. 

[Muzh]

Waste the first one?  Not at all.  Have a blast and enjoy it to the fullest.  My point is that the euphoria of infatuation may not be your (or her) most beneficial state of mind when making serious life altering decisions (her life as well as yours).  IMO, and take it for what it's worth, is that the only decision one should make during the first visit is whether to schedule a second.   You may be perfect for each other. Let time and life experience together grow that 'perfection' to maturity - transforming Lens of Limerence into a solid foundation of Love. 


Of course I could be mistaken, but you're coming across, at least to me, as being in a little bit of a hurry.

Vin, I strongly suggest you heed to this advice. Good one Daveman.

[Vincenzo]

No hurry - that's good advice but not very practical.

My next visit is possible only in a few months, in the fall or even winter.
Last year, it was -40°C in December in Siberia. While you can still get fun when it's cold, most people just stay home. It's not the best time for an extended visit.

[Vincenzo]

Yes, but will she think that you are attractive enough to be "sexually compatible" with her?

Well, it's more complicated that it seems.
A woman doesn't get aroused by just seeing a man's body. She need talks.
And I understand her - it's so dreadful to have sex with a dumb girl.

[Muzh]

A woman doesn't get aroused by just seeing a man's body. She need talks.

Hey, you are onto something there mister.

[Daveman]

No hurry - that's good advice but not very practical.

What do you see as being practical?  Serious question.  What's the most practical way to go about this?

My next visit is possible only in a few months, in the fall or even winter.
Last year, it was -40°C in December in Siberia. While you can still get fun when it's cold, most people just stay home. It's not the best time for an extended visit.

Well, I did exactly that - extended visits in winter  Staying mostly at home gives you a much more realistic picture of "living together".  The situation exposes conflict, challenges communication patience, defines resolution techniques, clarify feelings, etc, as well as allows you to be in a more "true to life" rather than "vacation" scenario.  Information quite useful in relationship growth toward marriage.


Yeah, it was cold.   

[Boethius]

A woman doesn't get aroused by just seeing a man's body.

It depends on the body.

[wicheese]

No hurry - that's good advice but not very practical.

My next visit is possible only in a few months, in the fall or even winter.
Last year, it was -40°C in December in Siberia. While you can still get fun when it's cold, most people just stay home. It's not the best time for an extended visit.

If you enjoy snow skiing, then it's a good diversion as the resorts I have seen in Russia/Urkaine (Bukovel, Krasnaya Polyana, and Volen) are not up to par with what we have in the west, but snow is snow and I never pass up an opportunity.  So why not mix a little skiing with the visit to your lady (granted you might not want to read about the skiers who where killed by terrorists  on Mt. Elbus earlier this year as it was all very hush-hush).  Plus, skiing is one activity RW take to easily as most of them already have some cross-country experience.

[Misha]

Well, it's more complicated that it seems.
A woman doesn't get aroused by just seeing a man's body. She need talks.
And I understand her - it's so dreadful to have sex with a dumb girl.

IMHO, this is something that men like to tell themselves. All things being equal, most women will prefer the handsome, young, and fit man who is  a sweet talker   

[Misha]

Well, I did exactly that - extended visits in winter  Staying mostly at home gives you a much more realistic picture of "living together".

Well said Dave. Eventually, the vacation must end and that is when you will know if you are truly compatible when dealing with the tedium of daily life 

[Vincenzo]

If you enjoy snow skiing, then it's a good diversion as the resorts I have seen in Russia/Urkaine (Bukovel, Krasnaya Polyana, and Volen)

The Ukraine is like The Sahara compared to most of Russia in winter.
I was told that it hardly ever snows in Odessa.

[Vincenzo]

It depends on the body.

You can try to show your super body to her via a webcam.
The next day you'll be in the ignore list.
If you show your sex organ, it'll happen the next second.

Though, beach photos showing the bulge are acceptable.

[Boethius]

IMHO, this is something that men like to tell themselves. All things being equal, most women will prefer the handsome, young, and fit man who is  a sweet talker 

He doesn't even have to be a sweet talker.

Central Ukraine does have winter.  It is damp and cold.  Kyiv can get a lot of snow, though some winters there is no snow.  It has had some brutal winters recently.

Western Ukraine gets snow too, particularly in the mountains.

[Vincenzo]

Well, I did exactly that - extended visits in winter  Staying mostly at home gives you a much more realistic picture of "living together". 

I think the second visit is unnecessary. It's time for her to visit or we can travel somewhere.
Certainly, I must travel to her location first. If it goes well, we can plan our future together.

Also, I think it's not a good idea to show all your deficiencies by living at her place so early. It's better to iron your clothes, clean your shoes, shave, etc and come to a date in the tip-top condition.

[Boethius]

You can try to show your super body to her via a webcam.
The next day you'll be in the ignore list.
If you show your sex organ, it'll happen the next second.

Though, beach photos showing the bulge are acceptable.

You missed my point.  Women enjoy looking at handsome men.  But women want to be in control of that situation.  Of course you'd be on ignore if you displayed your penis.  Probably also if you decided to disrobe.   It would indicate a man who is predatory. 

Unless you look like this -



Then, you can disrobe whenever you wish.  Or contact me to chat via webcam, www.boethius.com