Unrealistic Expectations - Women - Entitlement Mentality

[happyandstable]

Yes, but if that person was not in love with you, you would not have received any of it either    Again, there are not guarantees in life. Just because you want something, does not mean you will necessarily get it.

One could also postulate that the reverse is true as well. Just because you get it does not necessarily mean you in the end you want it.

[Vasilisa]

Yes, but if that person was not in love with you, you would not have received any of it either    Again, there are not guarantees in life. Just because you want something, does not mean you will necessarily get it.

I agree.
But I meant that I didn't do anything at all. Didn't put a single effort. And my life before was great also, I didn't suffer, didn't raise a lot of kids, etc. I don't think I deserved everything i received. Honestly.

Speaking about this particular woman if you think it's easy to raise 2 teenage kids by yourself in FSU try to do it yourself, she might have gone through a lot of difficulties, she has obviously worked a lot but it didn't make her dream true.
I wouldn't say that she isn't doing anything at all trying to achieve her dream, she is learning English, she made a profile trying to "fish" in the place with a larger mount of successful single man.

If she had been sitting in her office the whole day crying why her prince isn't coming  and her only interest would be to come home and eat pelmeny while watching TV I'd say that is doing nothing.

And now she has a dream and is doing something in order to make it true.

[Misha]

I don't think I deserved everything i received. Honestly.

Some things are out of our control. We do not have a choice as to whether we will be young and attractive or more precisely will be seen as attractive by a large number of individuals we hope to attract 

Speaking about this particular woman if you think it's easy to raise 2 teenage kids by yourself in FSU try to do it yourself

Has nothing to do with it being easy or hard to raise children in Ukraine or elsewhere, rather the probability that she will find the type of partner she is seeking. Clearly, a woman in her late 30s with two children will be at a disadvantage. This is clearly seen in the fact that she contacted a man close to 70 years old. Were she finding it easy to find wealthy men in their late 30s and early 40s, methinks she would have skipped over a retiree in his late sixties 

[size=78%]And now she has a dream and is doing something in order to make it true.[/size]

Sure, why not. But the dream won't be proven realistic until it is fulfilled.

[Vasilisa]

I've already written I have a profile on a local website, divorced men with 2 kids living from them from time to time are not ready to date women who live more than 15 miles away from them because they consider that being too far. And still they are sure that they deserve a better life and a new family. They just don't want to change anything in their life, not even drive an additional mile, but they are sure they are ready for a new start.

[Vasilisa]

Has nothing to do with it being easy or hard to raise children in Ukraine or elsewhere, rather the probability that she will find the type of partner she is seeking. Clearly, a woman in her late 30s with two children will be at a disadvantage. This is clearly seen in the fact that she contacted a man close to 70 years old. Were she finding it easy to find wealthy men in their late 30s and early 40s, methinks she would have skipped over a retiree in his late sixties 

Well, in my opinion everything is clear, I've already explained that before, she contacted a 70 yo, who is  old enough to be her grandfather because she was sure that by that age he had earned enough money when she would not have to work.

I bet you she could find men in their 40-ies, but she realized she would have to work and have a realtionship that would be more equal.

If a 70 yo is sending her to work what is his advantage over 40 yo ones?!

[Misha]

If a 70 yo is sending her to work what is his advantage over 40 yo ones?!

The 40-year-old ones will be looking for women in their early 30s in most cases 

[Vasilisa]

So far it's clearly seen to me that many Russian men being nothing and nobody love to persuade Russian women that they are too old, that nobody wants them after they turn 30, that if they want to have a traditional family it's an unrealistic expectation.
I've heard that from RW living in the US having a good life with their American husbands, they told how their RM left them with kids being sure those women would wait for them and be always happy to take them back , but those women just packed their bags and moved abroad, ex husbands were dissapointed as they hadn't expected that to happen.


But it looks like some American men love learning this model of behavior, too

[Vasilisa]

The 40-year-old ones will be looking for women in their early 30s in most cases 

In most cases, I personally know several Russian-American couples with 3-6 years  differeence and they are happy, ...at least if the men  mention that they look for a lot younger women you can save your time by skipping the old goats having a quick look at their profile.

Dating in the US I've been contacted by men who are younger than me.

My second American date was with the local man in his 40-ies but it looked like he was ready to offer what that woman is looking for. I didn't have a spark though and there were also several more things that stopped me. Also, I'd like to have a relationship that is more or less equal, not "truly equal" how is has been mentioned before , so I'd like to work  and I'd like to have a job I love, not where I have to go because of the money.

[Misha]

But it looks like some American men love learning this model of behavior, too

Human nature. Most people who will put the time and effort to go overseas will generally do so with the expectation of finding someone they could not marry at home. Invariably, that translates into younger and/or more attractive 

[Vasilisa]

Human nature. Most people who will put the time and effort to go overseas will generally do so with the expectation of finding someone they could not marry at home. Invariably, that translates into younger and/or more attractive 

The same about RW: if they can't find well-off and reliable men in Russia they look overseas.

Besides, I am not talking about the men's expectations, I am talking about their attempts to persuade young women that they are old, losers, nobody wants them, etc, at the same time these men know that the same quality of women in the US would not even look at them.
 
Respectful men who are sure in themselves and wants truly equal relationships will never do that, only losers will.
They can't do anything to achieve something significant, so they bring a young woman from a poorer country and persuade her that she is so bad that nobody except for him would have married her, so she should be very thankful to him as he was her last chance or something.

As I said, I see a lot of men with unrealistic expectations on local American dating websites, but I am not starting a thread every time I see another weird profile.

Also if you read the conversation between the OP and the woman you can see that it was him who started saying how "very, very expensive" it is to go to college in the US as soon as she mentioned that her daughers go to college.  To me it sounded like :"hey, don't even think of bringing them here!!!" After reading his summary it also sounds like: don't even think of bringing them here unless one of them is my fiancee, then it changes everything and her expectations are reallistic.

[Daveman]

As for family roles, if there are enough money in family budget, I would not feel upset if my husband decides he wants to relax and stay at home and enjoy his hobbies. And it doesn't matter who earns the money: him or me. We earn to live, not live to earn. And we are family and partners, we care for well-being of each other.

That about sums it up for me as well.  Earn to live... care... family... live... I'm sure when we're on our deathbeds we'll all be thinking "damn, I shouldda worked more..."   

[OlgaH]

Well, in my opinion everything is clear, I've already explained that before, she contacted a 70 yo, who is  old enough to be her grandfather because she was sure that by that age he had earned enough money when she would not have to work.

I bet you she could find men in their 40-ies, but she realized she would have to work and have a realtionship that would be more equal.

If a 70 yo is sending her to work what is his advantage over 40 yo ones?!

Oh, yes, there are women who will agree for a 100 y.o. man and 100 years age gap  just to take a free ride if he offers. There are also women who will manipulate men's feelings, their love to get from the men what they want knowing that they, women, don't really deserve it.

[Daveman]

so she should be very thankful to him as he was her last chance or something.

She *should* be thankful... that she found a man who cares about her, hopefully her life partner, to be blessed with family and love... and he should be too... the Attitude of Gratitude is quite attractive, IMO.


Anyone who is *not* thankful should be dragged out and shot on the spot.   


I get your point though... anyone who belittles another, or whatever emotional abuse, should simply be dragged out and shot on the spot.

[OlgaH]

Also if you read the conversation between the OP and the woman you can see that it was him who started saying how "very, very expensive" it is to go to college in the US as soon as she mentioned that her daughers go to college.  To me it sounded like :"hey, don't even think of bringing them here!!!"

Don't you think the OP has been realistic about all the expenses. Plus he did not contact her, such big age gap was not in his plan and he actually had different expectations regarding his soulmate and life, he was honest with the woman and the woman knew it.

After reading his summary it also sounds like: don't even think of bringing them here unless one of them is my fiancee, then it changes everything and her expectations are reallistic.

Really? I don't see it in his posts and the chat he posted. But you have some kind wild and I would say sick imagination and you insulted the OP with you IMHO disgusting assumption.

[Misha]

Besides, I am not talking about the men's expectations, I am talking about their attempts to persuade young women that they are old, losers, nobody wants them, etc, at the same time these men know that the same quality of women in the US would not even look at them.
 
Respectful men who are sure in themselves and wants truly equal relationships will never do that, only losers will.

Do they really have to persuade? All they have to do is date. The fact of the matter is that a decent fellow going to Russia or elsewhere in the FSU can easily date attractive women 10-15 years younger than him. There is no need to convince them that he is a good catch...

[calmissile]

Vasilisa,

I have to agree.  I think you have a sick mind.  I hope you  are not the postergirl of most Ukraine women.  If so, a lot of WM could save a lot of money by staying home!

All of your complaints about the US and US men in particular, makes me wonder.  Why don't you go back home and enjoy the men and culture of your own country?  Perhaps we can take a collection for your ticket.  I would hate to see a damsel trapped in a foreign country she does not like and not be able to return to her homeland.

If WM were resident in your country of origin, and made all the insulting remarks you do, do you think we would be well received by the locals?

Just a thought!

[mies]

Good questions to address to the government 

Indeed 
или как говорят у нас в Украине: "Хто всрався? Невистка!"

[mies]

Sure, but if your "actively creating possibilities" does not generate enough cash to pay for all of the above, then you can feel entitled to all of it, yet still receive none of it.

and if that happens, there is the only person I can be dissatisfied with, the one i greet in the mirror every morning 
That's why I can't get it why anyone would dare to tell me what I deserve to want, and what I should not dare to desire, because I am no longer 20yo, my height is only 5'8" and not 6'0", and my bust size... oh well.. I should probably stop here 

Yes, but if that person was not in love with you, you would not have received any of it either    Again, there are no guarantees in life. Just because you want something, does not mean you will necessarily get it.

of course. And this is what makes life interesting. Having nothing to aspire for would make life (at least for me) unbearably and deadly boring.

[Vasilisa]

Vasilisa,

I have to agree.  I think you have a sick mind.  I hope you  are not the postergirl of most Ukraine women.  If so, a lot of WM could save a lot of money by staying home!

All of your complaints about the US and US men in particular, makes me wonder.  Why don't you go back home and enjoy the men and culture of your own country?  Perhaps we can take a collection for your ticket.  I would hate to see a damsel trapped in a foreign country she does not like and not be able to return to her homeland.

If WM were resident in your country of origin, and made all the insulting remarks you do, do you think we would be well received by the locals?

Just a thought!

I didn't complain about AM I am dating here. What were my complaints about them, the complains were about your unrealistic expectations.
I am out of here. I am not going to be on the forum where you are trying to help people understand women better wasting yout time and being called sick instead.
People just want to hear what they want to hear, not the truth.
when they insult the RW or UW it's fine, the point is not to hurt the poor men's feelings.
 
bye-bye

[mies]

Some things are out of our control. We do not have a choice as to whether we will be young and attractive or more precisely will be seen as attractive by a large number of individuals we hope to attract 


Has nothing to do with it being easy or hard to raise children in Ukraine or elsewhere, rather the probability that she will find the type of partner she is seeking. Clearly, a woman in her late 30s with two children will be at a disadvantage. This is clearly seen in the fact that she contacted a man close to 70 years old. Were she finding it easy to find wealthy men in their late 30s and early 40s, methinks she would have skipped over a retiree in his late sixties 

Misha, I think there are exceptions. A male friend of mine married a woman 1 year older than himself, he is 37. She has a mildly disabled (can live almost normal life and go to regular school) 10yo kid from previous marriage. Another guy I know is 42, is head over heels in love with a 35yo woman with 2 teenage children. Both guys are making decent living, have their own homes, have great personalities, and look really hot. They would not have any problem dating a 20yo model chick without any children. Their women stopped working after they started living with those guys. Guys love them and do not mind to provide for the woman and for children from another man. Both guys are European. One woman is also European, another one is from Baltic states (recently a EU).

[OlgaH]

People just want to hear what they want to hear, not the truth.

Vasilisa, just don't confuse the truth with your own imagination 

[mies]

Vasilisa,

I have to agree.  I think you have a sick mind.  I hope you  are not the postergirl of most Ukraine women.  If so, a lot of WM could save a lot of money by staying home!

All of your complaints about the US and US men in particular, makes me wonder.  Why don't you go back home and enjoy the men and culture of your own country?  Perhaps we can take a collection for your ticket.  I would hate to see a damsel trapped in a foreign country she does not like and not be able to return to her homeland.

If WM were resident in your country of origin, and made all the insulting remarks you do, do you think we would be well received by the locals?

Just a thought!

Calmissile, no need to get aggravated and attack Vassilisa. WM can save much money if they stay at home in any case, no matter whether girls in Ukraine have sick or healthy minds. How do you think the posts of some men on this forum and in this particular thread are received by Ukrainian women? Just a thought.

[OlgaH]

That's why I can't get it why anyone would dare to tell me what I deserve to want, and what I should not dare to desire, because I am no longer 20yo, my height is only 5'8" and not 6'0", and my bust size... oh well.. I should probably stop here 

Mises, nobody actually doesn't tell anybody all this things     

[Misha]

Misha, I think there are exceptions. A male friend of mine married a woman 1 year older than himself, he is 37. She has a mildly disabled (can live almost normal life and go to regular school) 10yo kid from previous marriage. Another guy I know is 42, is head over heels in love with a 35yo woman with 2 teenage children. Both guys are making decent living, have their own homes, have great personalities, and look really hot. They would not have any problem dating a 20yo model chick without any children. Their women stopped working after they started living with those guys. Guys love them and do not mind to provide for the woman and for children from another man. Both guys are European. One woman is also European, another one is from Baltic states (recently a EU).

Where is the exception? Dating local women in Western Europe is likely no easier than North America and the men certainly married the best women possible given their location and options.

[Daveman]

Vasilisa,

I have to agree.  I think you have a sick mind.  I hope you  are not the postergirl of most Ukraine women.  If so, a lot of WM could save a lot of money by staying home!

All of your complaints about the US and US men in particular, makes me wonder.  Why don't you go back home and enjoy the men and culture of your own country?  Perhaps we can take a collection for your ticket.  I would hate to see a damsel trapped in a foreign country she does not like and not be able to return to her homeland.

If WM were resident in your country of origin, and made all the insulting remarks you do, do you think we would be well received by the locals?

Just a thought!

She has opinions...  have you not realized that RW are quite opinionated?  Have some very different unique ways of looking at the world?  I would guess this is one of the main reasons the relationships fail more often than they succeed.  I don't think there's anything wrong with Vasilisa at all. I don't agree with everything she says but she is a very typical, probably younger, RW. 


Anyway,  let's all lighten up a bit here.  OR you'll be dragged out and shot!     Man, I can't wait until I'm Emperor of the Earth... I'll solve this overpopulation problem in a hurry...