She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...

[fathertime]

Ms. Doll...you ought to REREAD my initial post.  My girlfriend WANTS to sell her Ukraine condo.  She WANTS to invest in US real estate. 

Whether she is gold digger or not has not been determined by me just yet.  I DID see a few issues early on:
1) When I flew her to New York, she insisted on my bringing her daughter to New York from Miami.  I did so because I wanted her to make her happy.
2) When I was in New York, she asked me to buy her an unlocked iPhone at a cost of $800.  I said no because I felt it was out of line for her to ask, especially that she has her own money. 
3) In December I flew her to meet in Los Angeles.  Before I did, she asked me to bring her a small xmas tree for Russian Xmas.   I found one, ONLY ONE because the xmas holiday was practically over.  She gave me a difficult time with it because she wanted something better.
4) On a trip to a mall, she walked into a store, picked up a piece of costume jewelry and said "buy me this" without even asking the word please OR 'would you buy this for me?' 
5) On another occasion in Los Angeles, she wanted to go to breakfast and after three attempts to find a place suitable to her, I gave up.   
6) I ALSO flew her daughter to Los Angeles - this trip I was unhappy about because each time we were together, Miami, New York AND THEN Los Angeles, her daughter was present.  What we needed was ALONE time.  But I felt for her because she does not see her daughter often. 

So Doll, understand that I am "bending over backwards" to make this girl happy.  I will not give and give until there is nothing left of me.  More to follow.

Best,

Paul

Paulie,  Without a doubt If it were me I'd dump this gal, based on the things you have said.  If you don't mind living with a pain in the rear end, then you may consider keeping her, but without compensation via the 100k deal.  She has a funny way of showing respect and that would bother me, again this is based on what you have said thus far.


Fathertime! 

[BillyB]

I am in Istanbul and this trip will tell me if I am going back with or without a future with her.

With the latest revelations, everybody who visions themselves in your shoes have already dumped the lady. Of course you know more about the lady than what you have written here.


What is so special about this woman that you'd want to spend your life with? What makes you love her? I'm sure she's beautiful but beauty alone can't sustain a healthy long term marriage. You've made a list of her bad behavior. Can you make a list of good behavior? Has she shown humility, kindness, good manners, etc.... at any time? Did she ever take care of a sick grandmother? Did she make a point not to eat out all the time and cook meals for you during your visits or when she visited you? Is she concerned about your happiness? How you're feeling, where you'd like to go, what you want to do, or if you're hungry? Does she show kindness to strangers and to food servers?


Writing a list of good behavior is important to us for understanding and more importantly for you on why you think she's marriage material and worth spending your life with.


keep in mind even with a list of good behavior, the bad behavior list you posted is enough for most guys not to go forward with marriage with a woman like that. Most guys know there's better women out there for you, a woman so well behaved that you will have a difficult time talking bad about her.

[Vasilisa]

Ms. Doll...you ought to REREAD my initial post.  My girlfriend WANTS to sell her Ukraine condo.  She WANTS to invest in US real estate. 

Whether she is gold digger or not has not been determined by me just yet.  I DID see a few issues early on:
1) When I flew her to New York, she insisted on my bringing her daughter to New York from Miami.  I did so because I wanted her to make her happy.
2) When I was in New York, she asked me to buy her an unlocked iPhone at a cost of $800.  I said no because I felt it was out of line for her to ask, especially that she has her own money. 
3) In December I flew her to meet in Los Angeles.  Before I did, she asked me to bring her a small xmas tree for Russian Xmas.   I found one, ONLY ONE because the xmas holiday was practically over.  She gave me a difficult time with it because she wanted something better.
4) On a trip to a mall, she walked into a store, picked up a piece of costume jewelry and said "buy me this" without even asking the word please OR 'would you buy this for me?' 
5) On another occasion in Los Angeles, she wanted to go to breakfast and after three attempts to find a place suitable to her, I gave up.   
6) I ALSO flew her daughter to Los Angeles - this trip I was unhappy about because each time we were together, Miami, New York AND THEN Los Angeles, her daughter was present.  What we needed was ALONE time.  But I felt for her because she does not see her daughter often. 

So Doll, understand that I am "bending over backwards" to make this girl happy.  I will not give and give until there is nothing left of me.  More to follow.

Best,

Paul

Paul, what made you wait that long if you felt uncomfortable?

[Patagonie]

I disagree that men have spoiled these women since their twenties.  It is just a personality type.

If you speak about women.
Yes can be a type of personality, but not also. The trend is a down in men ego and an up in women ego in the west. Two american psychologists have observed last 10 years a continuous ballooning in ego from their female patients.
It can be many factors, but for sure the demeanor of the men is one of them. They are more wussy than ever.
if i read this post of ML : "DO NOT EXCUSE BAD BEHAVIOR AS BEING A CULTURAL DIFFERENCE", i would say that too many western men are already used to excuse bad behavior from their western women. So when they arrive in FSU, they are eaten alive. Add also that many have never travelled, a lot think that everybody is well intentioned and also the american predisposition to read things binary....

When i read your post : "Once in Moscow, I saw a couple in their thirties stopped in front of a restaurant, a nice, fairly normal looking restaurant, certainly not a dive.  "I don't want to eat in that cheap restaurant."  the woman stated.  The guy told her if she wanted a f***, she could get it from the crutches of one of the nearby beggars.   He then turned around, hailed a cab and left her standing on the street.  I am fairly certain she regretted opening her mouth." this is unthinkable in our coutries. For 100 women who do such a thing very few men would act in this manner in the west. Intead there are many guys who are ready to rush in an other restaurant to please.
But now in case of this type of bad behavior, if each guy ditch her like this. I bet that after the third she will adapt. It is BECAUSE there are so many permissive people that a lot of women can play guys like fools.
This is not the only one, i am pretty sure that the favourable terms of divorce have generally  given women a financial reward INDEPENDENTLY the behavior they can have. 

[Paulie]

at first, i kinda felt sorry for paulie.
 
but the more i read his story, he doesn't come across to me as a sympathetic character.
 
at this point, i'm actually amused by what i hope will become a cautionary tale of how *not* to date.
 
he led with his wallet *inappropriately* -- throwing all kinds of money around for things that he should not be paying for: computers, plane tickets for her (not his) daughter, *cash*, etc...
 
completely lacking in self confidence, he took the lazy road: playing the role of the bigshot with the fat wallet, throwing chum off the back of the boat.  and now he has 'jaws' climbing into his lap, and he's looking for advice!  should i give her a monthly $5k stipend and buy her a personal condo?  btw... paulie mentioned $100k for the condo.  what kind of crappy condo can you buy in cali for $100k?  And since i'm assuming that this woman is actually going to live with paulie, i'm guessing the condo is for her daughter!
 
anyway -- i think she's called big-spender's bluff!!
 
does anyone here think he has the kind of coin that he was projecting to hook her in the first place?  judging by her demand for a reverse-dowry, she evidently has her doubts.
 
i can't wait to read where this one ends up...
 
ps:  apologies to anyone with a $100k condo in cali!

Hi,

Thanks for your post.  Actually, you made me laugh...some funny comments.  :-)

First off, I am not a pushover or a fool for anyone.  I grew up on the streets of Brooklyn, New York.  I DID learn to be generous...a family trait.

I gave to this woman because I wanted to.  I shared with her early on, yes, but I knew what I was doing.  I actually enjoyed it. 

Instead of thinking I was a 'big shot' with a 'fat wallet' there are other ways to look at it.  Maybe "I" was having a good time with it...which I did. 

What DID get out of hand was the requests for more than I was willing to give, especially in light of the early stage of the relationship.  I was also taken aback by her brazen requests for things.  So, I am here to tell you that has stopped. 

The bigger issue: if she REALLY wants a good guy, she will have to be more humble in her needs and requests.  Otherwise she CAN go ahead and find someone with a 'fat wallet' and who will treat her in a vacuous manner.

Lastly, it is not a 'big spender's' bluff.  She has her ideas about money and I have mine.  Did you know that 90% of divorces result from money disagreements?  How we earn it, invest it, spend it, etc.  I am trying to understand this person's needs as I sit here in Istanbul. 

Now, why would I do that?  Because she DOES have some redeeming qualities.  The ugly side of it is that she wants to be spoiled.  It is a dream for her because from my vantage point and where I sit, she does not have much.  She is making it...paycheck to paycheck. 

I understand her plight because I was there once.  I will not however, give in to someone's whimsical demands because they think they DESERVE it.  I will however seek to understand, then be understood.  If the two shall meet, then we have a chance at...partnership.  If not, then we part ways. 

Lastly, who said anything about buying a condo in California for $100K?  Maybe it will be in another state or maybe it will be more.  But one thing is for sure - I haven't made up my mind as to how things will turn out.  I have seen maybe wonderful comments and many snide comments. 

What caused me to reach out is to get the perspective of others who have had similar experiences.  Thankfully there are some respectable and intelligent people on this site. 

Best wishes,

Paul

PS: Yes, I have the 'coin' as you put it.  I would not be on here wasting my time or anyone else's time.  Life is too short. 

[Paulie]

Given what we know and especially what we don't know, I suggest that Paulie and his girlfriend keep dating to determine how far their relationship will progress.   Maybe they both will become fully committed to their relationship.  If so, demands and concerns will subside.

Your point is well taken and this is the best solution given all that I've shared. 

[Paulie]

Not exactly
my post 17
"This is generosity bad rewarded --> now she is asking and appartment on her name.  With such income (her), knowing that she paid 0 $ being with you she SHOULD have helped you financially.  Fellow tell me if she has open her wallet ONE time ?

You have been TOO generous and you have also showed her how deep is your wallet that now she is scheduling an ROI (return on investment).
You are of  course GUILTY  for a large part, of this situation. If you show to a lady that money is not a concern for you guess what...."
and "You need to understand that the money you have displayed is not something which has worked positively for your relationship, it has just helped you to dig your own grave, remember this for the next time.

Now the point is that you don't know if she is interested in you for you or for your money, you get it ?"

Yes, you are correct.  And as Gator suggested the best thing I can do it just date her for now.  There are too many open issues regarding her demands and her sense of wanting sacrifice and wanting to be spoiled.  I will have none of this.  I may as well find someone right here in the US for that matter. 

Honestly, I am looking for simple and the first try out of the gate, I found complex. 

On a scale of 1-10 (10 being a yes), I am at a 5. 

Thanks for your honest thoughts.

Paul

[Paulie]

You're right and we should all go back and read the first post. After many pages funny how a story gets twisted.
 
She rents a decent apartment. She wants Paulie to buy her an apartment in her name only. Most people get married for various benefits and better life. Nothing wrong with that but moving up to be an owner from a renter is a big jump and Paulie should be more concerned with what kind of person is making the demands more than the demands themselves.
 
Paulie already told her "NO" on the apartment. If he wants to volunteer her reaction to his rejection, that would help us understand better. Did she accept it well? Did she throw a tantrum or get colder to Paulie?
 
We have incorrectly assumed she's giving up everything for this marriage. She has a business in Turkey and in Paulie's first post he said she may open a business in California.

BillyB...thanks for your continued posts.  I am in Istanbul as I write this.  In response to this post, she did not throw a tantrum, loves me the same and we decided to take a break from this conversation for now while we get better acquainted. 

She wants to come to the US because she says Turkey is over for her.  Opening a business here is a definite yes for her.  It will take her time.  I would support that. 

She wants to sell her Ukrainian apartment and buy something here.  I have some ideas about how to help, but I can guarantee this:  It won't be in her name only.  Jointly, yes. 

The bigger issue has to do with how she reacts to things based on her idea of what a man should be doing for her.  She likes being waited on 'hand and foot.'  She uses words phrases like 'making a sacrifice,'  'being spoiled' and I am not that kind of person.  I have other good characteristics.   

As many have suggested, I have slowed this down and closed my wallet for now.  She wants to create a life with me.  I am interested but must know she is sincere and willing to forgo being spoiled and that I am not the sacrificial lamb. 

More to follow.

[Paulie]

My take on it:

Your "inner alarm" is telling you exactly what the situation is.

This is a train wreck in the making.

Yes, I know what you are saying.  I am not into train wrecks. 

[Paulie]

This is so true.  I once stayed in a relationship longer than I should have because I hoped the girl's behavior would improve, to get back to how nice it had been in the beginning.  Not only did it not improve, but it became worse over time as I accommodated her.  It was fortunate for me that she finally carried her bad behavior too far, causing me to stop putting up with it.

One thing that helped me pull the plug on the relationship was reading trip reports.  That showed me how a nice girl with genuine feelings treats her boyfriend.  Perhaps that would help to give you some perspective as well.  These will also teach the lesson that there are lots of good FSUW who would add to your life rather than cause frequent turmoil.

It seems like you kinda have been.  You don't give in to every one of the demands on her list, but from your posts here it seems that you give in to the vast majority of them.

Drop her like a hot rock.

Thank you Larry, point well taken.  I am here in Istanbul and I am giving this one last try.  She does have redeeming qualities and that has kept me coming back.  But unless she sees what she is doing, I am done.   More to follow.  Again, thank you.

[Paulie]

Take your time Paulie and be relax with her, you don't need to take a decision now. Probably when you are back in USA you will have time to filter your feelings and be more unbiased. It is painful when we have feelings and are attracted however.

Again, you hit the nail on the head.  I am just trying to relax into it while I am here.  I am making the best of it and talking through the issues.  I need to separate feelings from facts and will do that upon my return when I can think it through. 

[Paulie]

Unfortunately, it looks like Paulie has fallen into the same trap Larry1, myself, and many others have.  It's difficult to give up on someone you have invested time (and maybe money) into. Especially after a relationship has developed.  THIS IS TRUE AND CORRECT.  I MUST SEPARATE MY FEELINGS FROM THE FACTS. 

One of the best lines I have read on the forum (too late) comes from ML:
"DO NOT EXCUSE BAD BEHAVIOR AS BEING A CULTURAL DIFFERENCE." 
YES, THIS IS ALSO VERY TRUE.

Thank you.

[Paulie]

Paulie,
 
Your back must really hurt from her walking all over it.
 
She is not a gold digger.  A gold digger waits until the divorce to get the gold, yet before the divorce she treats you like a king.  In contrast, your woman  is demanding the gold now and all the time treating you like dirt.
 
Do not try to pass her behavior off as cultural differences.    Decent, sincere RW do not behave this way  towards men they are fond of.  This is the behavior of a woman who does not respect you.  She is demanding, she is difficult to satisfy,  she shows little gratitude, and she spends more time with her daughter than with you.    I can see you now following behind the woman and her daughter, paying their bills as if you were their accountant, except you are paying with your money.

RM would not accept such behavior even if he were married and just having a dalliance with her.  She knows better.  She does it with you because you allow it.   Surely she has behaved the same with Turkish men who pursue her, and you notice that such has not helped a Turkish man create a lasting relationship with her.

Perish the thought that you can break her.   She already considers you a weak man, her American patsy.   
 
I hope you do not give up on RW.  Stick around and the RWD members will help you search for a proper wife.  She may not be a national champion, yet she will have endearing personal qualities.

This has been an exhausting time for me.  I am in Istanbul this week and I know what I must do.  As of now I am just going with the flow.  My wallet is closed and I am not doing anything more than paying for gas and food while I stay at her home.  She did buy me some things, made me dinner and has been very sweet and kind to me.  Perhaps she senses I am pulling away. 

[Paulie]

With the latest revelations, everybody who visions themselves in your shoes have already dumped the lady. Of course you know more about the lady than what you have written here.

What is so special about this woman that you'd want to spend your life with? What makes you love her? I'm sure she's beautiful but beauty alone can't sustain a healthy long term marriage. You've made a list of her bad behavior. Can you make a list of good behavior? Has she shown humility, kindness, good manners, etc.... at any time? Did she ever take care of a sick grandmother? Did she make a point not to eat out all the time and cook meals for you during your visits or when she visited you? Is she concerned about your happiness? How you're feeling, where you'd like to go, what you want to do, or if you're hungry? Does she show kindness to strangers and to food servers?

Writing a list of good behavior is important to us for understanding and more importantly for you on why you think she's marriage material and worth spending your life with.

keep in mind even with a list of good behavior, the bad behavior list you posted is enough for most guys not to go forward with marriage with a woman like that. Most guys know there's better women out there for you, a woman so well behaved that you will have a difficult time talking bad about her.

Gator - what you suggest is fair and I will answer it...
1) She is very intelligent - we carry on conversations for hours on end and never run out of things to say.
2) She has a tremendous sense of humor.  For someone with English as a second language she gets it and understand the turn of a phrase.
3) She does have class.  She knows how to enjoy life when given the opportunity.  She is also elegant.
4) She does cook and does it well.  She made me many wonderful meals and tells me she does it for me.  I do believe that.
5) I've seen and felt the depth of her love.  She is very passionate and alluring.
6) She is concerned about my feelings and health.  I have heart disease and she is very worried about it all the time. 
7) I have seen her with her friends and they all treat her very, very kindly.  They are always doing things for her.  She has good friends.
I've seen her work with her students.  She is very caring and thoughtful. 

There are other redeeming aspects of the relationship.  This is why I have been willing to deal with the issues and am trying to get to a better place with her.  I am trying to seek a balance.  If I can't, I am done. 

[LiveFromUkraine]

She is making it...paycheck to paycheck. 

I understand her plight because I was there once.  I will not however, give in to someone's whimsical demands because they think they DESERVE it.  I will however seek to understand, then be understood.  If the two shall meet, then we have a chance at...partnership.  If not, then we part ways. 

 

Poor girl. I have no idea how she made it for so long only earning 5k to 7k a month in Turkey.   I can only imagine a person living on such income here in the states.  At least she has you to save her from a life of destitution.

[jone]

Paulie,

Having read your posts, it is apparent that you have found a lady who has extraordinary gifts and extraordinary demands.  Like all people in the world, she is attempting to find her way through it.  But truly, nothing we say on this site will be able to advise you how to interact with her.  That is for you to decide. 

The one thing that concerns me is not about the money.  I have not had to worry much about that part of my life, so consider such things as time and heartache to be of a higher order.  Instead, I look, for you, at the quality of life that she will give you if you move forward.

She talks about her relationship with her past husband as if he failed her, simply because he squandered money.  Not because he was not devoted.  At least those appear to be your words.  Should that be the case, if there was love there, and absent some fatal flaw in character, like alcoholism or drugs or gambling or chasing skirts, then the lady is ultimately to blame for the failure of the marriage.  We are supposed to be able to get through bad times.

It is, once again, impossible to be in her shoes.  But consider that she finds an arbitrary reason to off you, say, two years down the road.  The emotional impact of such a devastating blow is beyond consideration.  My concern is that her track record already points to someone who chooses not to continue trying in a relationship with obstacles.  And even though she was in this marriage, she still emerged with property and sufficient money to get her daughter to a university in the United States.

The emotional baggage that she brings with her has taught her to consider her own needs before the needs of a relationship between a husband and wife.  And she has previously proven that she will jettison any obstacles in the way of her own interests.  You have no established history with her, so you would be the first and most convenient point of blame.

It is my belief that these things must be weighed in any equation.  I would hate to see you two years from now, not destitute, but picking up the pieces of a relationship that you gave your heart to.

[Muzh]

Yes can be a type of personality, but not also. The trend is a down in men ego and an up in women ego in the west. Two american psychologists have observed last 10 years a continuous ballooning in ego from their female patients.

It can be many factors, but for sure the demeanor of the men is one of them. They are more wussy than ever.

LMAO

The main factor is that women entered the workforce enmass and have become independent from men. Plain and simple.

For example, some guy comes home from work and says: Woman get me a martini. And she replies: Get it yourself asshole, I just walked in the door from work.

When i read your post : "Once in Moscow, I saw a couple in their thirties stopped in front of a restaurant, a nice, fairly normal looking restaurant, certainly not a dive.  "I don't want to eat in that cheap restaurant."  the woman stated.  The guy told her if she wanted a f***, she could get it from the crutches of one of the nearby beggars.   He then turned around, hailed a cab and left her standing on the street.  I am fairly certain she regretted opening her mouth." this is unthinkable in our coutries. For 100 women who do such a thing very few men would act in this manner in the west. Intead there are many guys who are ready to rush in an other restaurant to please.

I'm getting the impression this guy is your hero. Hmm. You and I see things a bit different.

But now in case of this type of bad behavior, if each guy ditch her like this. I bet that after the third she will adapt. It is BECAUSE there are so many permissive people that a lot of women can play guys like fools.
This is not the only one, i am pretty sure that the favourable terms of divorce have generally  given women a financial reward INDEPENDENTLY the behavior they can have.

I hate to burst your bubble there mister. After the third (guy) doing this, she'll get herself a vibrator and have dinner at a nice restaurant with her friends and tell the guys Fcuk you dear.

Some how you think that for women to understand you you have to punish them.

[Paulie]

Paulie,

Having read your posts, it is apparent that you have found a lady who has extraordinary gifts and extraordinary demands.  Like all people in the world, she is attempting to find her way through it.  But truly, nothing we say on this site will be able to advise you how to interact with her.  That is for you to decide. 

The one thing that concerns me is not about the money.  I have not had to worry much about that part of my life, so consider such things as time and heartache to be of a higher order.  Instead, I look, for you, at the quality of life that she will give you if you move forward.

She talks about her relationship with her past husband as if he failed her, simply because he squandered money.  Not because he was not devoted.  At least those appear to be your words.  Should that be the case, if there was love there, and absent some fatal flaw in character, like alcoholism or drugs or gambling or chasing skirts, then the lady is ultimately to blame for the failure of the marriage.  We are supposed to be able to get through bad times.

It is, once again, impossible to be in her shoes.  But consider that she finds an arbitrary reason to off you, say, two years down the road.  The emotional impact of such a devastating blow is beyond consideration.  My concern is that her track record already points to someone who chooses not to continue trying in a relationship with obstacles.  And even though she was in this marriage, she still emerged with property and sufficient money to get her daughter to a university in the United States.

The emotional baggage that she brings with her has taught her to consider her own needs before the needs of a relationship between a husband and wife.  And she has previously proven that she will jettison any obstacles in the way of her own interests.  You have no established history with her, so you would be the first and most convenient point of blame.

It is my belief that these things must be weighed in any equation.  I would hate to see you two years from now, not destitute, but picking up the pieces of a relationship that you gave your heart to.

Jone, what you and others say IS having an impact on my decision.  In fact, I wish such a site were available in my past (American) relationships.  I am surely not an expert on relationships, and this site has taught me a few lessons.   I truly appreciate everyone's input; it IS shaping my thinking.

And you have a prescient talent that summed up this lady quite clearly:  she is extraordinarily gifted, but has very high expectations.  I am trying to deal with it because I have never met such a woman like this.  You raise  a very good question as to whether or not such a woman can enable me to live a quality life with her.  This IS the question I am trying to answer AND know the answer is coming.  I can feel it. 

Again, regarding her ex - you are on point, he apparently does have drinking issues.  (I had a 4 year relationship with a woman who drank for 2 out of those 4 years.  It was horrible and she broke my heart.  So, I do know what alcohol does to a relationship.)  He was also bad at managing money and made some brainless decisions that ruined them financially.   She stayed with him for 15 years, the last four being most horrible.  He left her with nothing.  In fact because of his activities, her daughter was deported from England and my lady had to move back to Turkey with nothing in hand.  It took her several years to get her life back together.  He did nothing to help, only kept dreaming how good things would be again - likely the result of alcoholic 'stinking' thinking.   

I am a fiscal conservative and like you, I have not had to worry about money part of my life.  I attribute that to making some really solid decisions.  I am seriously weighing if this woman understands what it takes to be financially successful AND WITH a man in her life.  She is ardently independent and very feisty.  She lives for today, I live for both today and tomorrow.  As I said, I am not about to ruin what I built for the sake of a relationship; been there, done that. 

And lastly you are right - I do not have an established history with this woman.  What does exist are two people with their respective histories coming into a relationship with previous issues.  The question is whether or not we can build a bridge of trust between us that would allow this loving relationship to flourish financially.  Love can be blissful, but love without a financial plan can be sorrowful.   

Thanks again for taking the time to ponder my situation.

Best wishes,

Paul

[Muzh]

She talks about her relationship with her past husband as if he failed her, simply because he squandered money.  Not because he was not devoted.  At least those appear to be your words.  Should that be the case, if there was love there, and absent some fatal flaw in character, like alcoholism or drugs or gambling or chasing skirts, then the lady is ultimately to blame for the failure of the marriage.  We are supposed to be able to get through bad times.

Let me get this straight. Everything being equal as in no drugs, alcoholism, etc, etc. and the marriage fails, it is the woman's fault?

[Boethius]

Something doesn't make sense here, though it may be that you have not disclosed all.




You posted yesterday that this lady has said Turkey is "done" for her.  So, why did she demand payments from you to equalize her to everything she had to give up in Turkey? 

[jone]

Let me get this straight. Everything being equal as in no drugs, alcoholism, etc, etc. and the marriage fails, it is the woman's fault?

Not gonna divert the thread, but if all things were copacetic in a relationship and one walks away, then you might have to take that into consideration and whether or not you should get in a relationship with such a future spouse, woman or man.  This tracks back to the Op's original post and the first page of the thread.  I believe the op has already answered, though, which I thought might be true, with his above post.

We are gleaning small details of the relationship by the posts we make. 

[Patagonie]

With the additional details you give us a slightly different landscape is emerging.
The concerns she can have, regarding what you have said now about her ex makes sense.
But is it true ? This is probably her version, and what else (if something has to be searched) ? You have now a favoured access to the informations, if i were you i will work on it, after you can have some regret.
In case of all is clear on this side, you will have to handle wit the high maintenance, spoiled  and high expectations girl. Now it has become a personality trait. Can you handle with this ? You are the only one who can answer, even if you cannot answer yet.

You can edit your adaptation in three ways :
* Each time she says "i need a special treatment" you can (a specialist can help you) to "shut  your ears". Your internal motto will be ?????? "i am not concerned, she talks to someone else."

* You have to give her a mensual fee including fixed topics without any derogatory rules, and according with her future income, you will reduce it (or not, this is your problem).
When you have special spoiled requests tell her  : "i gave you a comfortable amount of money, so you can buy it. I gave you like an average US salary but you have no tax, no rent, no X, no Y to pay."
This is something that a lot of people don't know : where they are in a society. And FSU women are generally not interested to know or get some informations about this. Problems of money are considered under men's responsability. When you have an exceptionnal income like you it is time to let them gently know that they are not getting the average service.
Believe me you can offer a lot to a woman with no expansive things. Just a question of creativity.

* You can  also have a frank discussion with her and tell her that is she a marvelous woman but each time she has such behavior you want to flee.


 

[TheTraveler]

Something doesn't make sense here, though it may be that you have not disclosed all.




You posted yesterday that this lady has said Turkey is "done" for her.  So, why did she demand payments from you to equalize her to everything she had to give up in Turkey?

exactly.

[TheTraveler]

She did buy me some things, made me dinner and has been very sweet and kind to me.  Perhaps she senses I am pulling away.

people can criticize (or ridicule) wm/rw relationships that are built initially upon a foundation of email and skype communications, but it cannot be denied that the #1 benefit for a man is that he can objectively evaluate certain elements of compatibility and the whether the potential for a future exists --- before sex takes over the brain.
 
when dating is done in-person only (aw or rw), without any type of extensive prior communication, the man is more likely to put up with a lot more crap and ignore things that he shouldn't.  why?  because when he gets sick of her crap and starts pulling away, the woman senses her imminent doom, cooks him a gourmet meal, gives him a good roll in the sack, and then he changes his mind and decides she's really an angel.  at least for a while until she reverts back to her true nature again.  and then the whole cycle repeats...
 
paulie came here with some very narrow questions about a specific rw.
 
i hope he realizes that he should be asking more 'big picture' questions about how to find and date women more effectively, which is truly the strength of this forum for a man in his shoes.

[Paulie]

Something doesn't make sense here, though it may be that you have not disclosed all.

You posted yesterday that this lady has said Turkey is "done" for her.  So, why did she demand payments from you to equalize her to everything she had to give up in Turkey?

She is ready to leave Turkey, but can't because she relies on her business for income.  I offered to help her transition to the US.  I did not offer to buy her an apartment though.