Not Russian Custom

[Bruno]

JB's Way (sure route to sucess)

Ok, jb,  4 trips per year.  11.5 days of face to face time per visit, two years of trips.   11.5 x 8 = 92 days face to face and there were no doubts in your mind. 

One week wonder way (Bound for disaster)

Now, One week wonders.  One 7 day trip less 2 days of travel time = 5 days face to face.   1 K-1 visa  90 days, less 3 days to arrange a quick trip to Reno or Vegas of a marriage,    5+87 = 92 days but of course they are not going to know each other enough to have no doubts in their mind.

So if you can't get tons of time off just forget the whole thing cause you can't possibly know each other well enough doing it the one week wonder way.  Humm

Are you sure that you are a business owner... it seem that you cannot count... The guy who make more trip have like the other 90 day for the K1....

The one week wonder is like buy a unknow product in a closed box... of course, if you are not happy, you can send back the product... but never forget that you pay the expense for the sending and return...

the bold cot of your word is something very dangerous... Imagine some feminist politic people who read this... Hop, new law, the K1 is now only 3 day... Why ? Because guy say themself that 3 days are enough for marry...

And do you think that your futur bride will like the fastfood marriage... number 125, hurry, we have only 45 secondes by marriage... yep, very romantic and best prove that you really love your futur wife...

Money is problem ? ... make fewer trip but more long term... not enough vacation... make like me, work some overhours and use them back for your trip

[Turboguy]

Yes, but my point was that at the same time a one week wonder has, jb said there were no doubts in his mind.  jb seems to think that people deciding with that little face to face time do not have enough time to reach the "no doubt in their mind" stage

I agree that the K-1 is not meant to "decide"  if people want to marry but rather to plan for the wedding.  I think most one week wonders have already decided, they just don't know each other very well at that point.  I think in one week you can know about 80% of what you will know in 90 days.

jb, I was not refering to your exact case rather your suggestion that the proper way is 8 trips with 11.5 days per trip of face to face time which you were touting as the way it should be done and in your post you said you were able to reach the point of absoulute certainty.  Now after the fact you are posting all the other things that gave you time to make your decision.  I just based my post on what you said.   Sorry I was not able to read your mind and know there was more there.   Besides that I just enjoy disagreeing with you and agrivating you a bit.

Successful marriage, yours, photoguys or mine?  Humm,  jb, I have no idea if you have a successful marriage.   I know you have been married for a while.   I was married for 18 years.  Was that a successful marriage.  My ex-wife always thought she had one, I never felt that a bit in my marriage.  All our friends thought we had a successful marriage.   As far as photoguy, so far to the best of my knowlege he does not have a marriage.  If he does it is very possible it will be even more successful than yours.  As far as me, I haven't even got  a good cantidate right now so I am not trying to hold myself up as an example for anyone.  You are.

Success is something that has a different meaning for anyone and can change quickly.   Look at some of the business executives at places like Enron and Adelphia.  A few years ago they would have been featured in Forbes as outstanding successes and great leaders, now where are they.  How about Martha Steward.   3 years ago she would have been consdered a great success.   A year and a half ago she would have been consdiered a failure.   Now she would ge considered a great success.   Success is too fickly to really put much stock in.   How many guys at the end of  Septemer 1929 were great successess and were jumping out of windows by the end of October.

[David1963]

Maybe I should have mentioned that I actually knew the woman before I decided to start dating her, I didn't pick her out of a catalog.  Maybe I should have mentioned there is not a 20+ year age difference.  Maybe I should have mentioned we have similar educational backgrounds.  Perhaps I should have mentioned she was already fluent in English so we never had a language barrier to overcome.  Perhaps I should have mentioned that our telephone conversations were meaningful, direct communication without the need for 3rd party translation.   Perhaps I should have mentioned I had already been through a 6 months intensive Russian language training program, Maybe I should have mentioned I had already spent three summers working for the Russian oil cooperative plus field trips to Siberia during the winter months.  Maybe I should have elaborated on how much of the Russian culture and psyche I already understood,,, perhaps,,, maybe,,, perhaps.

Yes JB, you should have mentioned those things, they are much more important than how much time you spend together.

How many AM/AW couples who dated for months or years only to end up divorced in a short time.

 

[Voyageur]

Certainly, each relationship has a different dynamic. I am sure each of us married couples have a different story to tell.

And although IMHO any success in a relationship can depend a great deal upon luck, I am sure that most can agree that this part should be minimized as much as possible.  This can only be accomplished by being with and living with someone long enough to understand them, even after the initial infatuation phase has ended.  Sometimes, through life circumstances this is not possible however. 

I can only say for certain what worked for me so far. I cannot claim to be married for many years yet, but I did my level best to spend the biggest amount of time with my future wife as possible, including sacrificing and saving for my trips to Russia.  There was nothing more important to me than to find someone whom I could start my new family with.  I can include my experience with Jack's tour as a learning tool, even though this was before I met her.  But sometimes, a year-long courtship is just not possible. 

In fact, I did as Bruno had suggested to go on Jack's tour.  I worked overtime and saved the hours. But I met my wife after the tour, after I expended many vacation hours already and had limited options unless I left my job. I guess I could have told myself that I had not enough vacation time and money left to look in the FSU. However, I am very happy that I did not!:)

Realistically, the 6 month (Russian) K-1 visa process is so long and difficult that you do find out alot about each other during this time also, even though it is a pain in the arse when you are in the middle of it.

[Admin]

[user=681]David1963[/user] wrote:

Yes JB, you should have mentioned those things, they are much more important than how much time you spend together.

How many AM/AW couples who dated for months or years only to end up divorced in a short time.

Yes, as I recall reading some stats on the topic recently, the amount of time a couple had spent together prior to marriage did not seem to be statistically significant as a predictor of a divorce-free marriage.

To add another, admittedly controversial, perspective - I would point people to consider the rates or marital 'success' (measured in divorce rate) in the country of India.

I recall being rather surprised when I worked in Delhi and discovered that arranged marriages, mostly between common caste members, is still alive and well in India.

I was even more surprised to learn how accepting of the practice are the young people.

You can even review some of the advertisments parents place for their single children at Hindustan Times, here -- http://www.hindustantimes.com/classifieds/searchad/cda/HTCDisplayMatriSearch?rand=1&lang=en&operationMode=4

At least SOME of these arranged marriages are between people who have VERY little 'face-time' between them prior to marriage. In spite of this, divorce rates in India are infinitesimal compared to western countries.

Soooo.... if arranged marriages seem to have a high success rate - as measured in lack of divorce - what does THAT say about the OWW's chances of success?

Some will say this is an apples to oranges comparison. Perhaps it is.

My point is, however, that there are many many dynamics which make a marriage a 'success' (whatever that term means, in this context).

Of course, the shrewd person will spend time and energy to minimize the odds of failure through quick divorce or cheating wives. The more romantic, however, is more likely to take risks in this regard.

Our society often rewards those risk-takers who manage to successfully navigate the morass without being derailed. We seem to ascribe some measure of intelligence or perspicacity to those who may simply be the fortunate recipients of more than their fair share of good luck (or Providence).

In any case, the patterns and 'style' of what works for one person - should NOT be mandated for another. We are all different. We all process information differently. We all make decisions differently, and based in part, on the cumulative set of life experiences.

We need to learn to tolerate differences - to provide sound advice based on our individual set of experiences - and to not feel personally offended if someone elects to ignore our advice. It is, after all, their life and they have the right (at least, in this country) to live it the way they wish.

Offered FWIW.

- Dan

[KenC]

Dan,

I see a lot of fault in your conclusion:

Soooo.... if arranged marriages seem to have a high success rate - as measured in lack of divorce - what does THAT say about the OWW's chances of success?

First of all, what is the stance of Indians on the concept of divorce in general?  Divorce may be taboo in their culture.  If so, then there could be many an unhappy marriage that doesn't end in divorce, just two people living a life of misery.  I wouldn't call a life of misery a success.

Secondly, in an arranged marriage there is still someone doing the due diligence, just not the prospective bride or groom.  The parents are doing the screening.  In many ways this is far superior to a OWW.  The parents of both the bride and groom share the same culture and language.  There will be a lot of logic behind the decision and a lot less hormones.  The OWW scenario is frought with emotions and desperation.

KenC[/b][/color]

[Daknack]

Its not that divorce is taboo, because even many indians here practice it.  What it IS however is there are huge family pressures from both sides that we dont get here in the US.  If people divorce here no ones family pays much attention other then to gossip.  If and indian family wants to divorce both bride and grooms family are kicking them in the A$$ to straighten it out and make it work.

[jb]

Well, Ken, you managed to beat me to the punch again.

Dan's post strikes me as a whole lot of cheerleading of the OWW.  I wonder what sad effect that will have on the unsuspecting newbie reader, who is as yet, unable to tell the difference between a decent woman and a GC Whore.  I just don't believe any man can sort all that out in one week.  Given that the GCG genera is probably a better actress than the average AM could possible deal with, or be able to detect the motive behind or the agenda ahead, maybe we should suggest everybody go back and read Maxx's story again.

Sorry, Dan, but comparing a OWW's ill formed decisions to make a proposal of marriage in less than 5.5 days of face time with a stranger, with arranged by family members marriage in India is a big stretch.

[BC]

The absolute best way in my experience is not to even look for a wife, much less look for a wife in the mob scene.

The folks I have known personally and on the boards that really seem to have solid marriages did not go the mob route.

Have to agree with Ken's thoughts about Indian marriages.. sorta like marriage back in the 50's or earlier.. the women really had little alternative.  In some places in the world it's still a 'do or die' situation.. seriously.

That's equality for you.. and guess what -  it's deserved..  don't expect any less from a RW... in fact expect more.

Have to chuckle every time I hear that Zappa Bobby Brown song..

[Admin]

Well, Ken, you managed to beat me to the punch again.

Dan's post strikes me as a whole lot of cheerleading of the OWW. I wonder what sad effect that will have on the unsuspecting newbie reader, who is as yet, unable to tell the difference between a decent woman and a GC Whore. I just don't believe any man can sort all that out in one week. Given that the GCG genera is probably a better actress than the average AM could possible deal with, or be able to detect the motive behind or the agenda ahead, maybe we should suggest everybody go back and read Maxx's story again.

Sorry, Dan, but comparing a OWW's ill formed decisions to make a proposal of marriage in less than 5.5 days of face time with a stranger, with arranged by family members marriage in India is a big stretch.

John,

You should know by now that if I were "cheerleading" it would be obvious. As it is, I am raising counterpoint to the 'feeding frenzy' we occasionally inspire - all aimed at beating someone into one way of thinking.

The facts are that my way was to spend loads of time in Ukraine - on business - but also with my future wife. I met other women - many of them - and I continue to meet women (and men) in Ukraine - and I try to learn from all of them in one way or another.

But I also recognize that my way is not for everyone. Some consider that "tolerant" - others consider it "wimpy" - I just consider it who I am - and I can still appreciate others, like yourself, who are more dogmatic.

Re: Maxx's horror story. Sure, it makes sense for guys to read of such things, and learn from them. Just as we were forced to watch atrocious movies of death and dismemberment in driver's education courses, so too should we ALL be aware of that end of the spectrum. But that end of the spectrum is just that - ONE end of an entire spectrum. Too much focus on that one end, and it leads to wrong decisions for some, just as assuredly as the agency hype of female nirvana found in the FSU leads to bad decisions for others.

Re: Comparison. Well, elsewhere you took someone to task for having little first-hand experience in-country in the FSU. Let me ask - have you ANY first-hand experience with the process of arranged marriage in India?? If not, how can you make the claim that a comparison is such a "stretch"?

- Dan

[jb]

Let me ask - have you ANY first-hand experience with the process of arranged marriage in India?? If not, how can you make the claim that a comparison is such a "stretch"?

If by first-hand experience you mean; do I know anyone who was married under such conditions?  The answer is yes, over the years I have associated with a number of other engineers from both India and Pakistan where such practice is still fairly common.

[Turboguy]

I think we are dealing with a lot of different people, a lot of different motivations a lot of different modus operandi.  

Someone reading Maxx's posts might get the idea that all FSU women are going to be real bitches and fake claims of domestic abuse.   They might think it is very typical behavior, yet actully I have only seen only a few others in the forums that have walked in his moccasins.

Someone reading Anono's posts might think All Americans are type A aggressive, overconfident ahh, jerks would be my word (nothing personal, I see a good side too).   Anono is his own person with a lot of good qualities and some I would not emulate by choice.

Personally I think jb has some good ideas and some sound logic.  I just don't think it is right for everyone and that he has all the answers.   I think people do what they can to try to have success and go about it in what they feel is the most effective and practical way for them.  Just because it is not the way jb thinks it should be done does not mean it can not work.  jb has good ideas, I think those that listen will come away a little wiser, if they choose to follow thier own path to their destiny after hearing his ideas, I think that does not mean they must fail or should be clubbed with the clue bat.

[Jay Patches]

Always, the same questions and the same answers pop up on these forums.  I recall a successful marriage where the couple knew each other only an hour prior to the k1.  In another, for the first year they did not even speak the same language, and needed to call friends to interpret their arguments for them!

It's not about how long you should wait.  That's not the question at all.  It is about risk.  You can take a risk and marry someone you don't know, relying on intuition, or you can spend a lot of time getting to know someone very well.  I spent almost 2 years getting to know an RW and I'm thankful every day I did not marry her.  I'd be cutting my wrists in a bathtub right about now....  I'm forever grateful I did not take that chance.

How much risk you are willing to take - with the understanding that no amount of time will ever make any endevour risk free?  I knew my first wife 3 years before we married.  Nevertheless, I want to avoid risk.  I want to know the person I'm going to marry, and then take my chances on a successful union - or pass and wait for someone better suited to me.

JP

 

[Maxx]

More than a few. About 38,000 as of a year ago...

Someone reading Maxx's posts might get the idea that all FSU women are going to be real bitches and fake claims of domestic abuse.   They might think it is very typical behavior, yet actully I have only seen only a few others in the forums that have walked in his moccasins

http://http://search.mywebsearch.com/mywebsearch/GGcached.jhtml?cid=84O1u4YLcVMJ&curl=http%3a%2f%2fhttp://www.tomesparza.com%2fdocuments%2fDHS%2520QA%2520-%25202005.DOC%3fdocid%3d18617&searchfor=I-360%2bfraud&st=bar&tpr=&pn=2&t=&isDirResults=false]http://search.mywebsearch.com/mywebsearch/GGcached.jhtml?cid=84O1u4YLcVMJ&curl=http%3a%2f%2fhttp://www.tomesparza.com%2fdocuments%2fDHS%2520QA%2520-%25202005.DOC%3fdocid%3d18617&searchfor=I-360%2bfraud&st=bar&tpr=&pn=2&t=&isDirResults=false]http://http://search.mywebsearch.com/mywebsearch/GGcached.jhtml?cid=84O1u4YLcVMJ&curl=http%3a%2f%2fhttp://www.tomesparza.com%2fdocuments%2fDHS%2520QA%2520-%25202005.DOC%3fdocid%3d18617&searchfor=I-360%2bfraud&st=bar&tpr=&pn=2&t=&isDirResults=false]http://www.tomesparza.com%2fdocuments%2fDHS%2520QA%2520-%25202005.DOC%3fdocid%3d18617&searchfor=I-360%2bfraud&st=bar&tpr=&pn=2&t=&isDirResults=false]http://http://search.mywebsearch.com/mywebsearch/GGcached.jhtml?cid=84O1u4YLcVMJ&curl=http%3a%2f%2fhttp://www.tomesparza.com%2fdocuments%2fDHS%2520QA%2520-%25202005.DOC%3fdocid%3d18617&searchfor=I-360%2bfraud&st=bar&tpr=&pn=2&t=&isDirResults=false]http://search.mywebsearch.com/mywebsearch/GGcached.jhtml?cid=84O1u4YLcVMJ&curl=http%3a%2f%2fhttp://www.tomesparza.com%2fdocuments%2fDHS%2520QA%2520-%25202005.DOC%3fdocid%3d18617&searchfor=I-360%2bfraud&st=bar&tpr=&pn=2&t=&isDirResults=false]http://http://search.mywebsearch.com/mywebsearch/GGcached.jhtml?cid=84O1u4YLcVMJ&curl=http%3a%2f%2fhttp://www.tomesparza.com%2fdocuments%2fDHS%2520QA%2520-%25202005.DOC%3fdocid%3d18617&searchfor=I-360%2bfraud&st=bar&tpr=&pn=2&t=&isDirResults=false[/url][/url]

2. Do you have statistics from 2004 and 2005 on the number of I-360 self-petitions filed, granted, denied and found to be fraud cases?[/b][/font] 


   FY 2004 statistics: 6800 I-360s filed, 5076 approved, 1550 denied. 

  FY 2005 statistics: 8300 filed, 8300 approved (includes previously pending files), 2205 denied. 

Since VAWA passage (thru 3/05): 38,000 filed, 30,672 approved, 7200 denied. (Note from Maxx: I-360's came online with the INS/BCIS/USCIS in 1996. So 38,000 cases in 9 years)
[line]
 

Of course there are over a 100,000 I-130's pending every year for a spouse. So I figure it's about a 6-8% likelyhood unless RW/UW are more prone to do this. That is are they in comparison to other immigrant women more argumentive? demanding? prone to skirt around the rules? have in their past more violent relationships? (what's the DV rates in the FSU anyway?) and so on.

In my opinion any man who is married to a woman from the FSU and she has not gotten her Green Card yet and the marriage is in trouble he better watch his back. This is why I ask what is the best way to deal with a in your face RW.  

Also too bad the INS doesn't give us statistics on how many divorces there are during the year after they have gotten their Green Cards. I know of one who is planning a divorce as soon as she gets the card.

Maxx    

 



[/list]

[Turboguy]

I was not implying you were the only one Maxx but fraud cases do not neccessariy mean filing false DV charges against the husband.   I think those who are Green Card Girls will for the most part just wait out the time and file for a divorce.  They might make a guys life hell or may be the loving wife for that time.   Yes, there are some who want a quick out and will work the system but of the posts I have seen here and at other places like it makes me think it is not quite as common as you think it is.   Just based on the posts, as a percentage of K-1 and K-3's my guess is that it would be in the lower single digits of total visas approved.   Fraud and Green Card girls, yes, my ballpark uninformed guess might put that at oh, 15% maybe.  The rest would be consentual fraud.   My understanding is the going rate to fake a marriage for Green Card purposes is $ 20,000  I can drive down the main street of my town late and night and find gals willing to sell their body for $ 20.00  I am sure for $ 20,000 there is some of that going on.

At RWD you are the only one I can remember talking about it.  I have heard guys talk about nightmare situations but maybe they just didn't explain their situation well enough.  I am sure anyone who goes though what you did has to be really hurt and disillusioned by it.  Too bad the witch had to pick such a good guy.

 

[Admin]

I strongly suspect the reason you see so few guys posting horror stories is the humiliation and shame most feel. Maxx has done an enormous service to our community by persevering through the overwhelming emotions he certainly felt - just so that others could learn from his nightmare.

While the number of 'successful' (there we go with that word again) WM/RW couples I have met far exceed those which are failed or miserable, a few of those failures were real doozies.

Just FWIW

- Dan

[Turboguy]

I agree with that Dan.  I think everyone needs to be aware of the potential for serious damage.  I do think Maxx does a real service by telling his tales and making others aware of how bad it can go.  Yes, I am sure there are other guys who are too embarrased to tell their tale and others who are so turned off they would not come near RWD or Russian women.

I did have some first hand experiece with one that went bad.  Fortunately I was not the one it went bad on.   It was basically a gal I had written for a long time and she married a guy from NH.   A few years later I heard from her and her marriage had gone south.  She and I became friends for quite a while and dispite all the sob stories she told me it was obvious she had done a real number on the guy.  He lost about everything he had for a marriage that was only good for a few months and basically had to leave the country to get away from her.

 

[Maxx]

Thanks Dan and Turboguy.

I keep searching for the right combination of words, facts and data that will enlighten the guy reading these boards to understand the need to educate himself first before plunging into this endeavor.

I am in contact with several guys who are under the DV guns right now. I'll make a list


[line]

Our Golden25 trial is coming up in 3 weeks. He just got his divorce and all she got was whatever she left with. It's final. The trial looks like it will be a cake walk for him. 


[line]

"James" age 33 from Ireland looks like his Ukrainian annulment is about to happen. This guy has suffered enormous emotional pain but keeps going after 6 months of battle. Won his DV trial. He wrote me some tips yesterday for dealing with the stress during these times.

Patience is something that we need and we all have different ways of releasing the frustration........walking in the woods with my dog kept me sane, instead of singing in the shower I used it as an opportunity to say all the bad words I wanted to say for the day.

• Talk to your friends and family[/*]
  

[line]

Ken, if he doesn't get cold feet, will have his Filippino wife process served this week. He seems to be typical of most in these circumstances in his mistakes and false impressions. His wife of 4 weeks has overturned furniture, threatened suicide and was going to drive off with his car but he wrestled the keys away from her first.  

[line]

"Lyle" has a DV trial in two weeks. He wrote:

I've been in touch with Elena Garrett of Russian-detective.com after seeing her web site. She suggested I write you. About a month ago, my Russian wife of 10 months staged a "spousal abuse" scenario, complete with 911 phone call and purported "injuries" that were bogus (an old bruise, a swollen knee that often swells because of earlier surgery, etc.). I'm to have a hearing this coming Thursday, and it's going to be largely her word against mine.

[line]

 
Jeff, is past the DV trial (which he won on appeal) but not the divorce. I put him in touch with Lyle. They are both from the same State and may both be dealing with a marriage fraud ring(s).  
 
A New Guy who is having a hard time facing the fact his new Russian bride may be a GCG. She's posted her photos and these words...on a dating site here in America
 

 Познакомлюсь:
с Мужчиной или с Женщиной в возрасте 31-40 лет

She claims she is only looking for new friends.

Bob, from Australia is constantly checking his Ukrainain wife's internet activities. And she him... He found a page torn out the Yellow Pages on escorts that she hid for safe keeping. I suspect she did that to keep him on his toes. Interesting marriage.

These are the current guys. Many others have moved on but occasionally drop me a line on how they are doing. Some from as long as 3 years ago. 

Maxx

   
[/size][/font]

[Voyageur]

Where you can really see the "other" side of AM/FSU women realtionships is on the "Our Forum" Russian Woman Abroad site.  I used the Alta Visa web page translation to look at this page and have had my wife tell me about some of the stories there.  Although you lose something in the Russian-English translation program, you can still understand what is going on there. It really opens your eyes, all the talk about Domestic Violence charges and all the handy divorce tips.   It makes you sort of  ill to read about it.  My wife tells me that there are  women there who give "sage" advice about preparing for divorce or DV or looking for a way out of a marriage. 

And you can understand after a few minutes of reading this site that everything that a woman wants to know about filing false DV claims or anything pertaining to divorce deals is information that is easily available. :huh:

Maybe a RW whom reads this forum will give us her impressions about this site. (Although I am aware that I have veered off-topic and I hope SoC will forgive me for this )

[Maxx]

That is scary Voyageur. Although I knew this 3 years ago when my then Russian wife wanted internet access at our home. I kept stalling and stalling it until I got the divorce papers ready. If she knew about all the false DV set-up techniques employed by RW I probably would have wound up like most guys with a night or two in jail.

I should get a RW to translate this information on RWA with links to this site. Women's Advocate Immigration attorneys claim that this does not go on to any degree. They dispute the INS study of 1985 that 30 to 40% of these marriages are fraudulent and have used the DV issue to make an end run around the INS's claim of a need to screen for marriage fraud.

I project at the current rate of growth from FY's '2003 through '2005 that in FY '2006 there will be 10,000 abuse petitions filed with the INS against American men.

 

Maxx 

[Turboguy]

I went and poked around in russianwomenabroad a bit with the help of my yahoo toolbar and have to say it was very interesting.   I am sure some things get lost in the translation and most of it was people trying to help other people as here.   The one comment that made me laugh a bit was one discussion that basically was that if you are going to get divorced you should first breed.  Yea, good advice.

[Maxx]

I went and poked around in russianwomenabroad  The one comment that made me laugh a bit was one discussion that basically was that if you are going to get divorced you should first breed.  Yea, good advice

Three years ago I was paying the max amount of $1636 a month for child support to my first ex-wife. It was for our 18 year old not yet graduated from High School daughter. I can imagine that in the generous 'Peoples Republic of Minnesota' the amount is probably close to 2 K by now. I know in California there is no cap. A rich lawyer over at RWG I know is paying his British Actress wife about 5 K a month. For that kind of tax free money I might consider getting pregnant too...

Maxx 

 

[rose]

Three years ago I was paying the max amount of $1636 a month for child support to my first ex-wife. It was for our 18 year old not yet graduated from High School daughter. I can imagine that in the generous 'Peoples Republic of Minnesota' the amount is probably close to 2 K by now. I know in California there is no cap. A rich lawyer over at RWG I know is paying his British Actress wife about 5 K a month. For that kind of tax free money I might consider getting pregnant too...

Maxx 

 

Maxx, all what you've written here is true, yes, there are a lot of women who marry just for their green cards. It is very sad, but... why do you show only one side of the story? Do you know how many women come here for what they hope to be a happy marriage and finish being stuck in an abusive situation? I mean real physical and mental abuse?

Several years ago I met a woman, who came here with two children. Everything looked great at first, guy was not very rich and 4 of them had to live in 1 bedroom apartment, but they loved each other, and it was more important. Sometime 1,5 years later the guy was caught by stealing a TV from the hotel where he worked, and kicked out from his job with bad record. Something happen to him, he started to drink. Soon, they already didn't have enough money to afford the apartment and moved to the studio, where the boys had to live behind the curtain which they put through the middle of the room. This man used to come home around midnight or even later, angry and would start scream and bit his wife. It could go on all night long. I would spare you from some details which are so ugly, that I even cannot write it here. Boys could hear everything, and because of the noise couldn't sleep all night long, and often were late for school. He didn't give her any money for food, and fed them with viskas spread over the slice of bread. She couldn't go back to Russia because she sold her flat there and just simply didn't have place to come back.

I'm sure, you wouldn't call such person a scammer. And it is obvious, but there are a lot of other stories which I got to know here, in which just by looking from outside you would never tell that a husband might abuse a woman, but he does. And I know a lot of women, who not only not file for abuse, but keep living in such relations because they keep hoping that maybe something will work out sooner or later, or just don't have enough evidence to proof the abuse.

I don't want you, guys, get the feeling that I'm blindly take the side of women. I just want to show that there is another side, which you, it seems to me, somehow  tend to ignore. Life not always is as simple as it might look. One claims that he/she is abused, another claims back that he/she is a scammer.

Maxx, I respect that you are trying to help guys, but how can you always be sure that the guy was scammed? You never met either of people, you know the situation just from the words of a guy, and he can tell you all what he wants. I don't deny that a lot of women get married just for a GC, but there are also a lot of guys who don't know what they are doing, don't take responsibility for their actions, or just dumb, or control freaks, who will tell anything to save their money.

From all women I've met here during 7 years that I live here I've met only one girl who was, I wouldn't say a scammer, but I'd say a whore. Her husband was just a pitiful looser, who was paranoid. As soon as I've found out about the true nature of this girl, I never saw her again. She even wanted me to go to court and witness to prove her lies, what I refused to do.

All other women whom I know are not scammers, although each of them has her own, not always very happy story. It just proves again, that before marring somebody a person needs to get know the partner and think very carefully about this very important step.

[Daknack]

Rose with all due respect in regards to Maxx your talking out of your A$$.  I will grant you I dont think it is due to any type of feminist agenda or such nonsense but rather that you havent been here long enough to judge Maxx, his goals, and how he helps people.  Hes defended women as well here in abuse situations.  To quote him off one of his posts here (posted a week or two before you joined the board)

From Maxx in his words:

"I usually help the guys accused of false abuse charges by FSU women to get Green cards but I am against abuse of all kinds."

IMO it speaks for itself.

[Daknack]

Double post