It appears you have not registered with our community. To register please click here ...

!!

Welcome to Russian Women Discussion - the most informative site for all things related to serious long-term relationships and marriage to a partner from the Former Soviet Union countries!

Please register (it's free!) to gain full access to the many features and benefits of the site. Welcome!

+-

Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 318548 times)

0 Members and 4 Guests are viewing this topic.

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10091
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2900 on: January 01, 2020, 01:30:26 PM »


I haven't met a single parrot owner who taught his bird to say
"Help they turned me into a parrot!" How could that not be the
first thing they taught it to say?
« Last Edit: January 05, 2020, 07:07:10 AM by SANDRO43 »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline SANDRO43

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10687
  • Country: it
  • Gender: Male
    • Sandro's Website
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2901 on: January 05, 2020, 07:11:48 AM »
Anagram of where I worked for 30 years ;)

Milan's "Duomo"

Offline tfcrew

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4689
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • North Texas
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2902 on: January 25, 2020, 10:50:34 AM »
Uhhhh...you write the line.
What is she doing/saying?


How about---- "Blasted slot machine!"
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Offline ML

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9906
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2903 on: January 25, 2020, 11:20:30 AM »
Isn't that red ball thingy supposed to be between her legs ?
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline MatroskinFM

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2904 on: January 28, 2020, 04:03:59 AM »
funny madam  :clapping:


Online msmob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10041
  • Country: ie
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2905 on: January 28, 2020, 04:23:57 AM »
Only someone with a sense of humour would be using / paying Adate, right ? 
We'll be back, EU ..and as a certain 'gentleman' couldn't accept my offer to 'bury the hatchet' .. Don't trust a clueless Californian 'business owner' who cannot even quote me, honestly ..

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10091
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2906 on: January 28, 2020, 11:51:40 AM »



FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online GQBlues

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10379
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2907 on: January 28, 2020, 12:23:36 PM »


Invisible, LMAO. I am always reminded of the skit in the movie 'Mystery Men' when the main group of superheroes were auditioning for new superheroes to add in the group. One of the applicant was the *Invisible Boy*, and the audition went this way...


...another funny line in this particular skit was : "Dad, I'm going into my room with 3 strange men"
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline tfcrew

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4689
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • North Texas
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2908 on: February 08, 2020, 02:54:16 PM »
Talk about ----down under--- heh heh
 
 

"This bush has seen a Cockatoo "

"It's enough to make your dango go drier that a dead dingo's dongo in a desert.
 Keep the devil out of your tazzie.."
...And the jelly out of your box."
« Last Edit: February 08, 2020, 03:01:16 PM by tfcrew »
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Online Gator

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 16272
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!! - Some girls are hard to impress
« Reply #2909 on: February 15, 2020, 02:51:45 PM »
Speaking of a "cock or two,"


 

Online jone

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7280
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Committed > 1 year
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2910 on: February 15, 2020, 05:06:52 PM »
That is  too damn funny.  I know exactly that feeling of being pushed away like that.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Offline calmissile

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3213
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2911 on: February 15, 2020, 05:23:35 PM »
Agree, one of the funniest video clips.  Had to show it to Larissa and Lisa.  They cracked up too.
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline ML

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9906
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Cleared out check-out line
« Reply #2912 on: February 16, 2020, 12:52:06 PM »
Encountered a long check-out lane today.

So I coughed once and said . . .

It has been getting worse since I got back from China.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline tfcrew

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4689
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • North Texas
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2913 on: February 18, 2020, 05:08:22 AM »


I haven't met a single parrot owner who taught his bird to say
"Help they turned me into a parrot!" How could that not be the
first thing they taught it to say?
This has actually happened...
http://nypost.com/video/woman-crying-bloody-murder-turns-out-to-be-a-parrot/
Also...

~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Online msmob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10041
  • Country: ie
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!! - Some girls are hard to impress
« Reply #2914 on: February 22, 2020, 11:12:35 AM »
Speaking of a "cock or two,"




Passing on - utterly brilliant, Gator !
We'll be back, EU ..and as a certain 'gentleman' couldn't accept my offer to 'bury the hatchet' .. Don't trust a clueless Californian 'business owner' who cannot even quote me, honestly ..

Offline tfcrew

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4689
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • North Texas
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2915 on: February 27, 2020, 07:27:29 PM »
 Psychic wanted  ..............
 
  $200,000 per year including company car.
 Please send your resume to the address appearing in your crystal ball.
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Offline ML

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9906
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Dress in butt
« Reply #2916 on: March 05, 2020, 04:22:16 PM »
Friend of mine showed up with a black eye.
I asked how it happened.
He said he was standing in checkout line and noticed that the large woman ahead of him had her loose flowing dress stuck in her butt.
So he reached in and pulled it out.
That's how he got the black eye, when he thought he was just doing a favor.
I told him she probably didn't want him to pull the dress out of her butt.

A few days later he showed up with another black eye.
Said he saw the same woman in line and remembered what I had told him, so . . .
He pushed her dress back into her butt.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline SANDRO43

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10687
  • Country: it
  • Gender: Male
    • Sandro's Website
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2917 on: March 15, 2020, 11:01:01 AM »
;D
Milan's "Duomo"

Offline tfcrew

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4689
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • North Texas
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2918 on: March 15, 2020, 07:33:58 PM »

 The madam opened the brothel door in New Orleans and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked...
 
 'I want to see Jenny,' the man replied.
 'Sir, Jenny is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Jenny,' he replied.
Just then, Jenny appeared and announced to the man she charged $3000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out three thousand dollars and gave it to her, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see her. She explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $3000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to her, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid her and they went upstairs.
After their session, she said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
 The man replied, ' Baton Rouge '. 'Really', she said. 'I have family in Baton Rouge.''
I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She left you $9,000 in her will.
The moral of the story is that 3 things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
 3. Getting screwed by a lawyer 
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Offline calmissile

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3213
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2919 on: March 15, 2020, 09:21:53 PM »
 :clapping:  Great one.    ;D
Doug (Calmissile)

Online BillyB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 14552
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
    • Good Story
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2920 on: March 17, 2020, 07:02:46 PM »

Man goes to the food market, finds an employee and asks "Where's all the nuts?"

Employee responds "They're in the toilet paper aisle."
Do your part to limit the spread of COVID-19

Offline krimster2

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4525
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: Resident
Krimster solves the impending toilette paper crisis for rednecks
« Reply #2921 on: March 17, 2020, 07:33:23 PM »
Krimster solves the impending toilette paper crisis for rednecks
who’ve never been to France...
and have at least one bathroom per person in their bunker

ok, after the TP is ALL GONE!!!!

when you have to go:

1. go into YOUR bathroom and close the door
2. take off all of of your clothes
3. sit naked on the toilette and “fire, when ready...”
4. flush
5. CAREFULLY, get up and “sneak over” to the shower or bath
6. wash your freakin Anus, give it a real “good scrubbin”
7. turn off bath or shower and be sure to not leave any “brown stain in the drain"
8. dry yourself off
9. get dressed and exit your bathroom

anyway, I’m here to help you rednecks survive...
cuz a world without rednecks would be boring
and not having anyone that an equally repulsive creature as myself can laugh at would REALLY REALLY suck...
cuz then, I’d have to start thinking about “STUFF” and feel sad...

am I not just as human as you?
if you cut me, do I not bleed the same color as you?




« Last Edit: March 17, 2020, 08:58:42 PM by krimster2 »

Online Gator

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 16272
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2922 on: March 17, 2020, 08:32:17 PM »
France?  They have bidets. 

I worked in remote areas of the. Middle East.  They have been without TP before camels evolved. 

ME toilets do not have showers.  Instead one uses a water container next to the starting blocks.  I can send you a DIY video if you like.   ;D

I tried to avoid touching the door knob when exiting.  I waited for someone to come in or used my elbows. 


Online jone

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7280
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Committed > 1 year
  • Trips: > 10
Top three pickup lines for Corona Virus fans
« Reply #2923 on: March 21, 2020, 09:05:58 PM »
#3:   If you run out of toilet paper, can I be your Prince Charmin?

#2:   You can't spell quarantine without the letters:   U R A Q T

And the number one pickup line associated with Corona Virus:   If the Corona Virus doesn't take you out, can I?
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10091
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Top three pickup lines for Corona Virus fans
« Reply #2924 on: March 22, 2020, 08:53:39 AM »

Corona Virus mask


FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

 

+-RWD Stats

Members
Total Members: 8781
Latest: Rckilka
New This Month: 0
New This Week: 5
New Today: 0
Stats
Total Posts: 514560
Total Topics: 19942
Most Online Today: 1793
Most Online Ever: 12701
(January 14, 2020, 07:04:55 AM)
Users Online
Members: 30
Guests: 1726
Total: 1756

+-Recent Posts

Re: Conversation ideas by Patagonie
Today at 09:27:51 AM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by Rosco
Today at 05:42:07 AM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by Rosco
Today at 05:26:00 AM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by msmob
Today at 04:25:41 AM

Re: Conversation ideas by msmob
Today at 04:10:06 AM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by msmob
Today at 04:05:30 AM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by Rosco
Today at 03:45:27 AM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by msmob
Today at 03:09:13 AM

Re: Brexit good, bad or indifferent? by Rosco
Today at 01:56:52 AM

Re: Conversation ideas by BC
Today at 12:22:37 AM

Powered by EzPortal