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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 331973 times)

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Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2950 on: April 21, 2020, 05:56:24 AM »
I DID see the mouse. 

But this was because I was looking for something out of place, because I had seen this or something like it before and knew I had to do a careful search.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online Gator

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2951 on: April 21, 2020, 12:57:11 PM »
...I had seen this or something like it before and knew I had to do a careful search.

Good memory.  Yes, it is a rerun.  I don't apologize because these days without sports, restaurants, the local outdoor music venue,  etc. a lot of people are spending more time on the computer than they want, and are recirculating material from the past.   

Online BillyB

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2952 on: April 21, 2020, 02:24:57 PM »
Good memory. 


Yes and ML had an advantage since he doesn't like big boobs. IIRC ML likes a B cup or smaller. He was probably disgusted by what he saw hanging over those donuts so he focused on the lower half of the picture.
Do your part to limit the spread of COVID-19

Online Faux Pas

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2953 on: April 21, 2020, 02:45:39 PM »
I didn't see the rat or the donuts

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2954 on: April 21, 2020, 03:35:25 PM »
Yes and ML had an advantage since he doesn't like big boobs. IIRC ML likes a B cup or smaller. He was probably disgusted by what he saw hanging over those donuts so he focused on the lower half of the picture.

Good recall Billy.  Yes, I think B cup are best.  But, I am not typically disgusted by large size . . . yeah maybe when they are really  gross looking.

As a side issue, I found that gals with very small breasts (like AA) had the most sensitive nipples of all, which was a lot of fun for both of us.

But it pains me to see gals with practically no breast, as I feel so bad for them.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2955 on: April 21, 2020, 04:38:30 PM »
 
  It came to the attention of the local United Way staff that they had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
 
 The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
 
 Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um... No."
 
 "Or," the lawyer continued, "that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
 
 The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "Leaving her pennyless with three children?"
 
 The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
 
 On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2956 on: April 29, 2020, 03:40:42 PM »
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"
 
 The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confesses. "Yes. Yes he did."
 
 The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
 
 Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, "You."---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2957 on: April 29, 2020, 04:08:31 PM »
I had heard a different version . . . but great in any version.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2958 on: May 03, 2020, 11:22:00 PM »
A couple of guys in a mental institution...one guys says 'I'm going break out of here tonight' the other guy says 'What?---are you crazy?'
-----------------------------------------------------
 She was kidnapped by a gang of mimes.
  They did unspeakable things to her.
------------------------------------------------------------------
 

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as beneficiary, and arranging to have her killed.
 
 A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure that went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.
 
 The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The man opened up his wallet, displaying a single dollar bill that rested inside.
 
 Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
 
 A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife into the local Safeway grocery store. There he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled onto the scene.
 
 Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings was captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.
 
 Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.
 
 Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why the next day in the newspaper, the headlines declared:
 
 "ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2959 on: May 04, 2020, 07:25:42 AM »
 "ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY"

I like it !!!
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2960 on: May 04, 2020, 06:02:03 PM »
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
 
 "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
 
 His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
 
 "Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2961 on: May 04, 2020, 06:16:33 PM »

  The National Transportation Safety Board -------
  Recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
 
 They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 48% of fatal crashes were: "Oh, Shit!"
 
 Only the state of Alabama was different, where 51% of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"
 
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Offline Steamer

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2962 on: May 06, 2020, 06:40:41 PM »

Rock Paper Scissors    Games to play when drunk!


http://www.facebook.com/JohnScaglione/videos/10157687110976501/
« Last Edit: May 06, 2020, 06:44:43 PM by Steamer »
Life ain't nothing but a poker game
And no two hands are quite the same
But I never saw a winner that didn't bet

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2963 on: May 07, 2020, 05:50:19 PM »
He said his wife might be starting to show signs of Alzheimer's... 
She told him she doesn't remember what she ever saw in him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tell a woman that she is beautiful and she forgets it the next day.
Tell her she is getting fat ...and she'll never---not ever forget it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Our economy is getting so bad that....
--- McDonald's employees are asking "Can you afford fries with that?"
--- California girls actually have to use the sun to get a tan.
--- Falling gas prices are actually allowing people to drive the cars they're sleeping in.
--- They're sending out pre-declined credit cards in the mail.
--- The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
--- A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
--- When Bill and Hillary Clinton travel together, they now have to share a room.
--- The Amish are learning the electrical trade.
--- Happy hour is starting earlier.
--- Kids are livin’ the dream. At one time smoking pot and skipping school led to trouble.
     Now weed’s legal and the schools are closed. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three symptoms of laziness...   
1.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Was the above list too long?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ontario has banned groups larger than 5.
If you’re a family of 6, you’re all about to find out who’s the least favorite eh?
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2964 on: June 17, 2020, 06:46:56 PM »
Russian President Putin called President Trump with an emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.

"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Trump.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. "Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.

"No problem," replied the President.

Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.

Trump hung up and called the President of a condom company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the president of the condom company.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "print 'Made in America, size small' on each one!"
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2965 on: June 18, 2020, 06:19:35 AM »
An old man goes to the wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”

The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2966 on: June 25, 2020, 04:43:43 PM »
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.-----------
His girlfriend was always stealing his t-shirts and sweaters... but she catches him trying on one of her dresses, and it was suddenly "we need to talk".---------
He said that he wants to die peacefully in his sleep like his grandpa... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.--------------

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Then things got a little tense.
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~

Offline Lily

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2967 on: June 26, 2020, 06:45:40 AM »
They say intrigue is good in dating. Here is how to go about job question ;)

Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Online Gator

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2968 on: June 26, 2020, 08:36:22 AM »
Lily, good one.  You humor is tilting from Russian more to Canadian.  Good to see you around. 

 

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2969 on: July 19, 2020, 12:46:11 PM »
Stalking: When two people go on a long romantic walk.
(but only one of them knows about it).


FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online Gator

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2970 on: July 26, 2020, 06:38:55 AM »

Offline BC

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2971 on: July 26, 2020, 06:58:46 AM »
LOL good one Gator!
 :D

Offline krimster2

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2972 on: July 26, 2020, 08:51:35 AM »
I have a COVID joke.
I think you’ll get it.

Offline Lily

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2973 on: July 29, 2020, 11:09:31 AM »
:)
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2974 on: July 29, 2020, 11:16:02 AM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

 

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